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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: The N.P.D. Thread Part IV
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for your advice LL -I know it makes sense to deal with the nightmare now rather than letting it haunt my future. But one thing really frightens me - if I truely look at what he has done to me I am afraid that I will have a nervous breakdown. I have to stay strong just to get through the present. I don't have the luxury of falling apart crying. I think my hurt is very deeply burried and I am not ready to deal with it. I have been in survival mode for so long...I am sure you will all understand what I am saying.
I know I should deal with the feelings he has left me with but I think I am too scared to. He has totally fucked me over. Sick Sick Sick.

I want your opinions on something he did today: he turned up and when I went into the kitchen to get something for the kids he almost ran to the back of the house to look at my new fence! Weirdo!!
I can cope with this because he is insane in the brain.
However, when he went out to the car (I stand at the step to wave goodbye to the kids) he made a stupid smirk at me. I thought "Prat". When he turned the car around I realised what the stupid grin was for: he had ow in the car with him. I just wonder who the grin was for: Me or her?
Was he enjoying the women who vied for his attention actually coming face to face? Who knows but it was very strange.
The only thing I thought when I looked at her was that she looked really old. I felt nothing towards her except pity.
It is all just a game for him. Nevertheless it left me unsettled.

I hope we can all have a restful couple of days. To those of us without the freaks in our lives lets just enjoy christmas without their presence. To those of you still sharing a home with a freak, best of luck over the next couple of days and try and find some time to enjoy yourselves.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((KT)) ((Its))

Remember this doesn't have to be done all at once. I don't think I could have handled it all at once. I slowly came out of limboland one statement, one moment, one feeling at a time. I know I still have so much more to deal with. I've chosen to not be involved with another man right now and probably not for a long time because I'm not ready to deal with those emotions yet. I'm still just getting comfortable functioning in society! I hid under my rock for a very, very long time. We all heal at our own pace. Never negative talk yourself into thinking you should be further along. Don't cross any bridges until you come to them.

My babies just left for their overnight with Dad about a 1/2 hour ago. But DD just called and said Dad let them open one present and now she needs to come get her DSLite! I wanted to give them one more hug and now I get to! Little prayers answered.

We baked cookies today. I can't begin to tell you what a huge step forward that is for me. I'm slowly reclaiming things.

BoB - thanks for digging up those articles. I can't believe I lost my library! It's gonna take forever to find them all again. But I'm sure the refreshing will do me good.

Many positive thoughts.


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
marymom
♀ Member
Member # 15948
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to all of you with NPD's. Mine just left with my best friend and never looked back. I am lucky in a way, but what he has done to his kids is horrific. He has seen his son (who has down syndrome) once this year, at Thanksgiving. (a total of 5 times in 3 1/2 years)

My question is, do these NPD's drop their kids when they start to talk back (my 2 oldest are 20 and 17, when he left they were 16 and 13)and if any body here has kids that don't understand, like mine mentally retarded, do they just up and don't care any more?


It's like when they could comprehend what he says and they don't agree he dropped them.


Husband walked out on me and the kids with my BF 6/04. NC with me and the kids. They broke up 9/07. Filed for D 9/04. Still not done. Back together with her 10/7. Living in her Dad's basement apt.

Posts: 156 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: NW PA
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:25 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

itsa~ jeeeez, you called it right about it all being a "GAME"! I fully expect this to happen with my N as well.
I just hope she's of legal drinking age...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 6:40 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((mary))

There are articles I believe in the first thread that relate to this. N's only love their children as long as the children mirror unconditional love. The moment they start speaking for themselves, the children become *people* and the thus the enemy just as the rest of the world is. As soon as the N's influence is not all powerful, there is an issue. I figure I have about two more years before that all hits.

[This message edited by downfall at 6:41 PM, December 23rd (Sunday)]


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
janedoe99
♀ Member
Member # 17083
Default  Posted: 7:11 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had a difficult day with N/WH today. N/WH has been gaslighting me about his involvement with OW, and today, I added another piece of proof that he plans to have a "future" life with OW.

I'm happy that I have more proof. I'm sure he will still try to gaslight me. But the proof just strengthens my resolve to not listen to the BS he keeps shoveling.

I was fine earlier seeing the "future" family together, but now it's getting a little more difficult to stay positive.

Ugh.


Me BW 36 Him WH/XH 32
DD - 4 y/o; DSS 11 y/o
M 4yrs/ Together 8
D-day#1/2 - Sept. 2007, Nov. 2007
Divorced 4/08

Posts: 156 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Florida
marymom
♀ Member
Member # 15948
Default  Posted: 7:26 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks DF

This is the most distressing of all, I think I read that B4.

He is an ass, just as all of these NPD's.

hugs to all of you, especially during the Holiday season.

It sucks that these people will put their OW or OM kids before their own...my STBX seems to put his OW grand children in front of his own kids. Thats because they are so much younger...


Husband walked out on me and the kids with my BF 6/04. NC with me and the kids. They broke up 9/07. Filed for D 9/04. Still not done. Back together with her 10/7. Living in her Dad's basement apt.

Posts: 156 | Registered: Aug 2007 | From: NW PA
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 9:08 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Grabbed a disk to listen tonight and it just happened to be Martina. Haven't listened to some of these in a year or so. They made me think of you all.

[ Martina McBride lyrics ]

8. Broken Wing, A

She loved him like he was
The last man on Earth
Gave him everything she ever had
He'd break her spirit down
Then come lovin' up on her
Give a little then take it back

She'd tell him about her dreams
He'd just shoot 'em down
Lord he loved to make her cry
You're crazy for believin'
You'll ever leave the ground
He said Only angels know how to fly

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

One Sunday morning
She didn't go to church
He wondered why she didn't leave
He went up to the bedroom
Found a note by the window
With the curtains blowin' in the breeze

And with a broken wing
She still sings
She keeps an eye on the sky
With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly

With a broken wing
She carries her dreams
Man you ought to see her fly


Martina McBride - Happy Girl Lyrics


I used to live in a darkened room
Had a face of stone
And a heart of gloom
Lost my hope, I was so far gone
Cryin' all my tears
With the curtains drawn
I didn't know until my soul broke free
I've got these angels watching over me

CHORUS
Oh watch me go
I'm a happy girl
Everybody knows
That the sweetest thing that you'll ever see
In the whole wide world
Is a happy girl

I used to hide in a party crowd
Bottled up inside
Feeling so left out
Standing in a corner wearing concrete shoes
With my frozen smile
And my lighted fuse
Now every time I start to feel like that
I roll my heart out like a welcome mat

REPEAT CHORUS

Laugh when I feel like it
Cry when i feel like it
That's just how my life is
That's how it goes

Oh watch me go
I'm a happy girl
And I've come to know
That the world won't change
Just 'cause I complain
Let the axis twirl
I'm a happy girl

REPEAT CHORUS

Oh, yeah Oh, yeah
I'm a happy girl

Martina McBride - I Don't Want To See You Again Lyrics


I don't want to see you
'Cause I don't want to feel you

Don't look so surprised
I told you that I'd say goodbye
If you couldn't just make up your mind
You keep saying love can wait
But I can't, and it's too late
This old heart has just run out of time

I don't want to see you
'Cause I don't want to feel you
I don't want a love that I can't win, baby
I don't want you to call
'Cause if I can't have it all
I don't want to see you again

When you're new life gets you down
Don't be tempted to come around
Just think of all the times I let you slide
And when your teardrops finally come
You'll realize that I'm the one
But I won't be there when it's your turn to cry

I don't want to see you
'Cause I don't want to feel you
I don't want a love that I can't win, baby
I don't want you to call
'Cause if I can't have it all
I don't want to see you
I don't want to see you

I don't want to feel you
I don't want a love that I can't win, baby
I don't want you to call
'Cause if I can't have it all
I don't want to see you again


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 9:38 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((DF))),
Those lyrics sound a lot like dealing with an N.

(((Itsa)))
He had her in the car? What a dork !!!

(((Mary)))
It's been stated as DF said that the Ns will eventually D&D their kids when the kids "catch" on to them and start voicing themselves. Check Sam Vak's sit as he has a few write ups on this. I'll check my stash for more info.

(((Jane))) He's a dick.

Wow, There have been so many rotten encounters with the Ns lately. I wonder if the Holidays get them all worked up or something. Maybe they are pissed or confused or something cause the Holidays mean something to Non-Ns and the Ns just don't get it. Hmmmmmmmmm...

Breath deep thru your nose into your belly. Sit comfortably with your back straight. Count your breathes. Focus on the breathes. As thoughts and feelings come and go, observe them and let them pass. When you find that you've been distracted from focusing on the breathe, return to focusing on the breathe. This is called "Mindfulness Meditation". It may very well calm, soothe and help you to reground/regroup especially after "Close Encounters of the N-Kind".
As LL mentioned earlier, take a walk. They help too. And don't forget to smile. Cause you are KEWL !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 11:27 PM, December 23rd (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IDeserveBetter You really need to make a plan and work on getting out.

Start with getting a job. what ever you do DON'T LET HIM KNOW YOU ARE LEAVING HIM. These NPD can be violent or worse and he is already doing drugs. He could turn violent or what have you.

You do deserve a better life and staying with him is not going to get you there. He is not going to change and on the path he is going he is going to bankrupt you both if he has no already.

Have you seen a lawyer to know what your rights are? The work thing sounds like he is using it as a cover to take whatever money he can from you. Maybe to prevent you from leaving.

I know how hard it is to leave with no job etc. I ended up getting mine to leave but wish that I had left sooner. I would have had more years to live.


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 3:01 AM, December 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dream - yes, it is all a game with him. It is a game I do not want to play but sometimes I am drawn into it no matter how hard I try. But I guess that is his intention isn't it!
They are all highly dysfunctional people or just barking mad??
It is a dfficult road we travel with these freaks in our lives but I am sure we will all find a way of dealing with it.

I wish you all a lovely christmas and I will think about my si friends tomorrow when I have my family around me. I could not have come this far without you all. Merry christmas my friends!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
s.squirrel
♀ Member
Member # 14742
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, December 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

There have been so many rotten encounters with the Ns lately. I wonder if the Holidays get them all worked up or something.

Here's what happened yesterday, we are coming home from his brother's house (big family party)and we are talking about Christmas eve. I am taking the kids with me to my mom and dad's: Christmas eve is a very traditional Ukranian dinner, we go to midnight Mass, he's not invited since once my parents learned what was really going on with me he is persona non grata with them.

Anyway he says something to the effect that he knows we aren't going to be back until later in the day on Christmas.

I'm like: what? We have always in the past come home after midnight Mass and the kids wake up on Christmas at home.

He says: no, we stay at you folks. I say: no, we have always come home as long as I can remember, except for maybe way way back before kids...

DD says: we always wake up at home, Dad, don't you want us to be at home?

Him: uh, yeah, of course.

WTF? I wonder if

a) he his losing touch with reality--I really never ever even hinted we would not come home Christmas eve. (I know he is upset about missing Holy Supper--if we were in R, it would be different but we aren't)or

b) this is a super-gaslight and he was planning on spending Christmas eve uh, "elsewhere" and spending the night.

Also, he says last night: did you have a talk with Aunt Rose? She was pretty surly with me, surprise, surprise (said with great sarcasm).

I said NOTHING to ANYONE at his family party about any issues that he and I have, at all. It was quite light-hearted all together. I wanted it to be, since next year this time we will probably be D.

This is so typical of him. Aunt Rose could have been worried about the snow, but she was "surly" and in his head it was probably because I said something about his shitty behavior, to her. Which I didn't!

I know this is probably him projecting his (rightfully) guilty conscience on a situation that didn't merit it, but it makes me so tired.

I can't even start to imagine how he twists what's happening to something that's completely different!
GAAA!


Me BS 44
Him WS 45
sons :17, 16
daughter: 13
dday1: 6/1996..separated 1.5yr, then reconciled 1/1998
dday2: 5/7/2007
Separated at last!~10/31/2008
heading -->divorce
But he lost his job in April..so pending, pending, pending.

Posts: 280 | Registered: May 2007 | From: ohio
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, December 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Holidays of the N-Kind. Interesting article from Sam Vak:
http://www.narcissistic-abuse.com/journal40.html

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 8:32 AM, December 24th (Monday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 12:46 PM, December 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dear tribe, I wish for all of you at least a moment of peace, comfort, and joy with your loved ones in this season of hope. Let's all make a point of remembering the things we've done right, the hands we've offered in kindness, the warmth extended to those who are cold. Even if the recipients were not always deserving, our kindness was kindness nevertheless. And the truth is, as it always was, that there are far more good people in the world than bad. Let's remember the good ones, including ourselves. I am so grateful for the good ones! I am so grateful for you!

I wish you joy!

Merry Christmas!!
Longlost


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, December 24th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe))) of Lightbulbs and Toasters,

Happy Holidays!!! May you have peace.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, December 25th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peace for the Tribe!

(((((huge hugs))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, December 25th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Way number 348 to make sure you get the kids back at a reasonable hour on Xmas day? Tell your N you are planning on catching an early evening movie.

I had no such plans, but said I did, and guess who brought the kids back in time for dinner?


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 729 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:01 AM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cool, landabear!

I just got so SICK of the canned e-mails, I blasted mine back.

He kept "fishing" to find out if I got the *nice* cards for me, & cat-son, & I only ack. cat's card.

I'm just never going to feel FREE of him till I MOVE out of state. Ahhh, such a bastard.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
landabear
♀ Member
Member # 15046
Default  Posted: 12:34 PM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just got so SICK of the canned e-mails, I blasted mine back.

He kept "fishing" to find out if I got the *nice* cards for me, & cat-son, & I only ack. cat's card.

Isn't that funny? He didn't give them to you to enjoy, he gave them to you for you to RECOGNIZE YOU HAD BEEN GIVEN SOMETHING.

Ugh, such ugly little beasts these N's are.


BS
Divorced: March 2006
Married to a wonderful, FAITHFUL man: October 2009

Posts: 729 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Midwest
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, December 26th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex tells the kids that he only gets 1 day off this holiday. Of course he doesn't plan to spend it with them.

We had a very peaceful Christmas eve and day. It is so much less stressful without him around. I am amazed how much better I like it. I think not having to deal with him makes a good bit of difference. Having my kids around is also great. I love not sharing them and since he doesn't seem to want them around it is more time for me.

Hope everyone else is having a great holiday and eating too much.

May 2008 be even better for us all.

Bob that link rings so true. They can't stand that some is happy and seem to feel the need to make things bad if someone is feeling good. I have seen it happen over and over and it just blows my mind.

Having lived with someone like that for years we almost have to relearn how to be happy. I know for the last few years I almost find myself expecting things to go wrong so I am not disappointed when they do blow up in my face. It is not a great way to live but seemed to be a solution than the constant hope that things would go well and then have my hope shattered time and time again. It is taking time for me to hope and dream again. I am making progress and I often still expect things to go wrong since it is just easier to deal with.

One day I hope that I can spend most of my days to go well and not live in expectation of bad coming my way. The further I get from my divorce the easier it is to see how much life I had sucked out of me.

(((((((EVERYONE)))))))))

[This message edited by lied2 at 6:50 PM, December 26th (Wednesday)]


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


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