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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 3
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 7:44 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so true @ SDMY.

mid-july 07, i have a feeling that shes having an affair. and i discovered it last oct07. and she leave the house after that to be with OM. months later she's been with a new bunch of guys.. yeah.. guys. not only one..

they (Other Men) all leave my xWW after they see the "true colors" of her. last week i've got a text message from her saying that she miss me and our daughter. what a crap!

my mind saying " you leave us and have your time of your life for months, and now that everybody leaves you, you try to come back? without admitting anything, or apologize to your mistake?
its all about selfishness. and it freaks me out really. i know for a fact that if she found another guy, she will completely forget me and her daughter. its a cycle for her. and i cant live with that.

well as a courtesy.. i simply reply:

dont comeback. we dont need you anymore. find another BF. you are good at that.


Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 11:14 PM, February 13th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep CC they will never get it. They will go full force for whatever rainbow is shiny at the moment. Because they never admit problems about themselves, they think its someone else causing the problems in their lives..

I get to here stories from my former nieghbors that were at one time mutual friends of both of ours. Now after all they saw, see, first hand, they no longer want to be friends with my XWW. Shes a user through and through, asks them to do favors, or even their kids. Watch the dog over the weekend, mowing her lawn, shoveling the driveway, etc. She just doesn't get that friends aren't just there to serve her. Even though the nieghbors know the whole story, my XW still trys to deny, shes the victom.

From what I have heard from the neighbors is my XW is still having different guys spend the night, and have noticed alot of different states licnsce plates on the vehicles. I really don't give a crap, but my son is there while she is doing this. Seems the traffic has been more since mr.new york didn't work out.

Even now, since I didn't agree to the passport, and filed a motion that she couldn't get one with his SS number. (She doesn't know about the last part, but with her, Im covering all bases.) Shes deciding to punishing me by saying she is going to be away during the time next week for visitation. So Im writing up an agreement that is she goes on these trips I have custody of my son, also she has to meet me half way during parenting time hand off. Im sick and tired of having to go to my old house, where she launchs into whatever about how Im not a father too having to meet what ever BF she has now.

But in other news, Im buying a house. Its a fixer upper for sure, needs work, been abandoned for a year. But the price is sooo right 2300sqft 4 bedroom/2 bath on a 1/2 acre lot. In my younger years I would buy a house with roomates fix it up and sell it, ya learn alot about what value in a house, and how to improve it. But I also learned what to look for, low price doesn't always mean value. My first one I bought when I was 18, Rock bottom price, course out there in some ancient development that was hopping in the late 1800's because of a train depot was once there. I soon learn this built in 1896 house was alot more work than I first thought. The chimney for the fireplace was cracked, the gravity feed heater was mainly for asbestos cosmetics because it simply would not work right. Even with 4 roomates helping to pay the bills, the maintance/repair/fixing up was too much. I sold that house just saving my arse. The next time around I found a fix-r-upper townhouse that had never been updated since the 70's. I fixed it up on the cheap. Lots of hard work but I made it a selling type house, updated kitchen and bathroom, paint/tile/woodfloors/cabinet refacing. Sold that one in 3 months making some good money.

This house Im looking at was made in the late 70's, thank gawd I kept all my tools, and knowledge. It a fixer upper for long term, not looking to sell it, just gain some value to get back to where I was. The school district its in is one of the best. 8 mile drive to work, in nice community. So at least a bright light in this hurricane.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 9:49 AM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SheDoneMeWrong,

Limboland sucks, how long do you plan to live like that?


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
SheDoneMeWrong
♂ New Member
Member # 15037
Default  Posted: 12:47 PM, February 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lonerider,

We have seperation papers nearly completed. One problem though: she wants me to pay full child support. I told her that if she does that, I'll go for full custody in court. No way am I going to pay for her freakin mistake without a battle.

We still live together. She wanted to sweep the affair under the rug...will admit NOTHING.

I have NO desire for her... I live with her amicably. If her OM would've asked her to move in...she'd be there. I told her that it makes me feel like chopped liver. OM got cold feet after I confronted the 2 infidels in his living room. So now, she doesn't have him or me...lil' miss hotpants ain't gettin none! She's looking though. Has a MySpace page that lists her under her maiden name as being single!! What a slimebag!


Love Stinks!


"Always tell the truth, that way you don't have to remember what you've said" ~ Mark Twain

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Western Michigan
SheDoneMeWrong
♂ New Member
Member # 15037
Default  Posted: 12:55 PM, February 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TwiceTorn,

I used to do the real estate thing too in my days of single freedom. I had one big house near a college that I rented to 9 students. I was bringing in about $2000 a month off that house alone. I was 24 and had it made!!

We don't know what we got til it's gone!

I wish you the best on your new endeavor. I'd love to get back into it again - maybe when I'm single again.


"Always tell the truth, that way you don't have to remember what you've said" ~ Mark Twain

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Western Michigan
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, February 15th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It sounds like a good plan then, SheDone.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
kxm00
♂ Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 4:35 PM, February 19th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those of you who have gone the divorce route, when does the anger go away?

Your anger and her anger.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
Ron7127
♂ Member
Member # 10145
Default  Posted: 1:05 AM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can I ask you guys a rather embarrassing question? Did anyone else lose confidence in themself as the result of this such that performing sexually was tough? Sometimes, I have no problem but other times, I am not ready to go. I'm getting older and Viagra helps. I think i am in good shape and this may be all in my head. I am still hard when i wake up. Shit, this is a bit scary.

Posts: 2273 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Minnesota
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 1:31 AM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hmmm.. well after my xWW leave m for another men. i havent try to have sex. (i chose not to be in any relationship as long as the divorce is final) so yeah on paper im still married.

but to answer your question about confidence, i think its all in the mind. try not to think negative things when performing and focus to your act. focus focus focus. also try to have a long forplay.


Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 7:40 AM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those of you who have gone the divorce route, when does the anger go away?

Your anger and her anger.

My anger is more or less gone. It comes back very briefly on very rare occasions, but it really plays no big part of my life any more.

We separated in Dec 2006 (d-day Aug 2006), I filed (as a wakeup call and starting fresh exercise - she began the A before our wedding) in April, but she didn't want to fight for the M and we ceased trying at her request in early August 07. I've had contact with her 3 times since then, and I'm much better place now. There is sadness, but very little anger.


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ron,

By performing sex, do you mean with another person? Me and my hand have been fine, the wife has had no libido for months.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 1:03 PM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just found out a couple of weeks ago that my wife is having an affair. Where do my self confidence go? Ist it ever coming back?


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

shyguy,

Welcome to the thread.

Your self confidence will come back when you realize that your wife's affair had very little to do with you, it's her own problems that led to it. It takes time, though.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 3:24 PM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you! I feel like I am at the bottom of the well looking up!


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
j0shua
♂ New Member
Member # 18259
Default  Posted: 5:30 PM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

my STBXW has been having an EA for around three months. my confidence was shattered in my looks, my mind, my soul. some days it is ok, but most days i am jealous that this guy managed to score her out from under me.

but you do have to realize, it was their choice. as rough as things might have been, i was doing everything i could and trying to make her happy.

they often are just unhappy with themselves and find that "new" connection to be just the cure, but it is temporary and destroys lives.


Me - BS (32)
Married 4 years
together 5 years
D Day #1 - 1.8.08
Daughter - 2yrs
Divorcing and in pain

Posts: 9 | Registered: Feb 2008
BobInBillings
♂ Member
Member # 18251
Default  Posted: 5:37 PM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

shyguy,

I'm 8 months in, and just got mine back.

I've been so afraid to lose her. I finally realized that I won't LOSE her. I love her to the ends of the Earth, and desperately want her to stay. But, I've come the realization that if she's goig to continue to hurt me, I haven't lost HER, she's lost ME.

Bob

[This message edited by BobInBillings at 5:39 PM, February 21st (Thursday)]


The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world he didn't exist.

Posts: 148 | Registered: Feb 2008
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 5:38 PM, February 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey guys, welcome. Just be prepared, it is truely a roller coaster. Enjoy the good times when they are with you, the bad times will come, just try to ride them out. Come here and vent, it does help.


Lonerider, is that why you picked your name


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 8:56 AM, February 22nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob,

That's a very powerful realization, you're taking your life back.


hurts,

Almost, though it's related to me not having many real life friends (I'm working on it) and loving to ride my bike, but never with anyone.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, February 22nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So here's a question. How many guys have told their good friends (male). If so do you regret it? And has it helped.

Like lonerider, I am alone out here and it sure is a lonely place.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
SheDoneMeWrong
♂ New Member
Member # 15037
Default  Posted: 1:16 PM, February 22nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurts,

When I share with my friends, they usually share back. I find out that a lot of them have serious problems in their relationships (not cheating though).


SDMW


"Always tell the truth, that way you don't have to remember what you've said" ~ Mark Twain

Posts: 15 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Western Michigan
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