mid-july 07, i have a feeling that shes having an affair. and i discovered it last oct07. and she leave the house after that to be with OM. months later she's been with a new bunch of guys.. yeah.. guys. not only one..
they (Other Men) all leave my xWW after they see the "true colors" of her. last week i've got a text message from her saying that she miss me and our daughter. what a crap!
my mind saying " you leave us and have your time of your life for months, and now that everybody leaves you, you try to come back? without admitting anything, or apologize to your mistake?
its all about selfishness. and it freaks me out really. i know for a fact that if she found another guy, she will completely forget me and her daughter. its a cycle for her. and i cant live with that.
well as a courtesy.. i simply reply:
dont comeback. we dont need you anymore. find another BF. you are good at that.
From what I have heard from the neighbors is my XW is still having different guys spend the night, and have noticed alot of different states licnsce plates on the vehicles. I really don't give a crap, but my son is there while she is doing this. Seems the traffic has been more since mr.new york didn't work out.
Even now, since I didn't agree to the passport, and filed a motion that she couldn't get one with his SS number. (She doesn't know about the last part, but with her, Im covering all bases.) Shes deciding to punishing me by saying she is going to be away during the time next week for visitation. So Im writing up an agreement that is she goes on these trips I have custody of my son, also she has to meet me half way during parenting time hand off. Im sick and tired of having to go to my old house, where she launchs into whatever about how Im not a father too having to meet what ever BF she has now.
But in other news, Im buying a house. Its a fixer upper for sure, needs work, been abandoned for a year. But the price is sooo right 2300sqft 4 bedroom/2 bath on a 1/2 acre lot. In my younger years I would buy a house with roomates fix it up and sell it, ya learn alot about what value in a house, and how to improve it. But I also learned what to look for, low price doesn't always mean value. My first one I bought when I was 18, Rock bottom price, course out there in some ancient development that was hopping in the late 1800's because of a train depot was once there. I soon learn this built in 1896 house was alot more work than I first thought. The chimney for the fireplace was cracked, the gravity feed heater was mainly for asbestos cosmetics because it simply would not work right. Even with 4 roomates helping to pay the bills, the maintance/repair/fixing up was too much. I sold that house just saving my arse. The next time around I found a fix-r-upper townhouse that had never been updated since the 70's. I fixed it up on the cheap. Lots of hard work but I made it a selling type house, updated kitchen and bathroom, paint/tile/woodfloors/cabinet refacing. Sold that one in 3 months making some good money.
This house Im looking at was made in the late 70's, thank gawd I kept all my tools, and knowledge. It a fixer upper for long term, not looking to sell it, just gain some value to get back to where I was. The school district its in is one of the best. 8 mile drive to work, in nice community. So at least a bright light in this hurricane.
Limboland sucks, how long do you plan to live like that?
We have seperation papers nearly completed. One problem though: she wants me to pay full child support. I told her that if she does that, I'll go for full custody in court. No way am I going to pay for her freakin mistake without a battle.
We still live together. She wanted to sweep the affair under the rug...will admit NOTHING.
I have NO desire for her... I live with her amicably. If her OM would've asked her to move in...she'd be there. I told her that it makes me feel like chopped liver. OM got cold feet after I confronted the 2 infidels in his living room. So now, she doesn't have him or me...lil' miss hotpants ain't gettin none! She's looking though. Has a MySpace page that lists her under her maiden name as being single!! What a slimebag!
I used to do the real estate thing too in my days of single freedom. I had one big house near a college that I rented to 9 students. I was bringing in about $2000 a month off that house alone. I was 24 and had it made!!
We don't know what we got til it's gone!
I wish you the best on your new endeavor. I'd love to get back into it again - maybe when I'm single again.
Your anger and her anger.
but to answer your question about confidence, i think its all in the mind. try not to think negative things when performing and focus to your act. focus focus focus. also try to have a long forplay.
For those of you who have gone the divorce route, when does the anger go away?
Your anger and her anger.
My anger is more or less gone. It comes back very briefly on very rare occasions, but it really plays no big part of my life any more.
We separated in Dec 2006 (d-day Aug 2006), I filed (as a wakeup call and starting fresh exercise - she began the A before our wedding) in April, but she didn't want to fight for the M and we ceased trying at her request in early August 07. I've had contact with her 3 times since then, and I'm much better place now. There is sadness, but very little anger.
"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper
By performing sex, do you mean with another person? Me and my hand have been fine, the wife has had no libido for months.
Welcome to the thread.
Your self confidence will come back when you realize that your wife's affair had very little to do with you, it's her own problems that led to it. It takes time, though.
but you do have to realize, it was their choice. as rough as things might have been, i was doing everything i could and trying to make her happy.
they often are just unhappy with themselves and find that "new" connection to be just the cure, but it is temporary and destroys lives.
I'm 8 months in, and just got mine back.
I've been so afraid to lose her. I finally realized that I won't LOSE her. I love her to the ends of the Earth, and desperately want her to stay. But, I've come the realization that if she's goig to continue to hurt me, I haven't lost HER, she's lost ME.
[This message edited by BobInBillings at 5:39 PM, February 21st (Thursday)]
Lonerider, is that why you picked your name
That's a very powerful realization, you're taking your life back.
Almost, though it's related to me not having many real life friends (I'm working on it) and loving to ride my bike, but never with anyone.
Like lonerider, I am alone out here and it sure is a lonely place.
When I share with my friends, they usually share back. I find out that a lot of them have serious problems in their relationships (not cheating though).