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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 3
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 1:13 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hell dude, you escaped lucky! Ain't your kid, and you found out early in life. Think about it this way finding out 14 years down the road via a kidney transplant that you weren't DNA linked to who you raised as your own child. This happened to my former brother in law... You got lucky!


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
kxm00
♂ Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 8:24 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I got an anonymous phone call tonight and finally learned the truth. The woman told me when it all started. I don't feel like going into the details, but suffice to say that it started before my ex and I ever discussed separation. I always suspected that was the case, now I finally have the truth.

It made me very angry to find out and I sent off a few expletive filled text messages and e-mails to the ex.

A few hours later now and I'm calming down and going back to moving forward. It still felt good to tell her that I know the truth and that she is a whore. I don't think I will ever get tired of calling her that.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

kxm,
I'm glad you finally have the truth


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35354 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
Ron7127
♂ Member
Member # 10145
Default  Posted: 8:33 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sexual abuse triggers some bad shit, including personality disorders. If the WW has one, it's pretty bleak.

Posts: 2273 | Registered: Mar 2006 | From: Minnesota
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 8:58 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Anyway, we are here with you my brother. I have had a hard time finding other BH's also and this site does a lot of male bashing, last thing I need right now. Anyway, lets all communicatre. Any BH's please send me a message and maybe we can set up a good BH thread!


A misconception! Please do not take SI gals bashing the WH's as male bashing in general. They are very keen that us guys are here. Their rants are no worse than some of us calling our WW's whores (a word a refuse to use for my STBX). She was abused when she was little and I suspect that factor plays a huge role in our current situation. Unless she gets some help she has a long row to hoe in life. Regardless I will not call her a whore as in doing so I am calling the mom of my three wonderful DD's the same... and that I will not ever do.

kxm00... I will be going to my grave without the truth.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 1:53 AM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sexual abuse triggers some bad shit, including personality disorders. If the WW has one, it's pretty bleak.

Ya know, it seems so often that us all talk about this. But yep, why the hell didn't I understand the warning signs earlier.

My XW has 4 sisters, my XW is the youngest. All of them SAb and physical abused. of them 4 of them are D now.

The oldest is on her 3rd M, 7 kids, all different fathers. As a teenager she lashed out, drug use, even was a prostatute for awhile. Met her first husband, they had an open M. Wasn't till she was preg with her 1st D did she go to rehab. There she met husband #2 plenty of infidelity on both sides. That one ended 5 kids later. Then #3 came along, #7's father. She a very demanding, and much a control freak. I remeber one time I gave her 13 year old son a caffinated pop, he asked for one outta the cooler. How was I to know, but from that point on, it was keep a distance. Personally I don't like to be talked down too.

Sister #2 was pretty quite, Got pregnant in Highschool, got an abortion. Was married for 11 years, finally ended after H decided to live with a OW. One child, shes 18 now. Didn't see much of her to be honest, only at special family events and such. Very distant and not talkative.

#3 Sister 11 year M, 2 kids. Neat freak to a T. She had always made it clear to her H she wasn't happy for whatever reason. Her XH is a great guy, and still a close friend. Recently found out his second child isn't biologically his. He still will step up to the plate, and not care, he feels he raised um, their both equally his kids. My XW always said negitive about him, and I would always take his side, she hated that. I just didn't trust this sister, she took everything she got for granted, and just focused on negitive. This guy really put in the effort for his family. You just see it when he has his kids.

#4 Sister, This is the one that gave me the info, the 411, about the family. Shes the one still married, rocky one at that, but shes working through her own demons. The polarizing moment for her was when she was seperated from her H, and her daughter got SAb, at a campground. That was a wake up call, to the past. I think the big pull away from her family was when she told her mother what happened to her child. Her mother just said she said the same thing when she was that age. They moved after that 100 miles away. She still is in IC, trying to get a handle of it, admitting the past of what happened. Its crazy shit to be honest, their father beating them like that. Them stiching up each other with thread, after a beating. All of them raped, and abused by their cousins, Uncle, and Father.

To someone that never had BTDT in life I can't imagine.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
kxm00
♂ Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 8:29 AM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Let me guess. Sister #3 is my wife right? What did I win?

In all honesty, I always suspected my wife was a victim of sexual abuse. She never admitted to it, but all of the clues have always been there.

I frankly don't care anymore. The anger I feel right now trumps anything else. I'm actually embracing and accepting my anger at this point, instead of pushing it to the background.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ah yes, DW's three sisters.

The oldest was probably abused, maybe even by a priest (a priest was a close friend of FIL), she's pretty much confirmed that DW suffered abuse, but won't admit it in a family gathering. She was a wild teen, into drugs, eventually ran away, became a prostitute, is on her second marriage raising some messed up kids.

The middle sister, a little younger than DW, is fairly normal, though full of guilt and terrified her husband will leave her.

The youngest sister is an unwed mother and has never had a relationship last more than a year. She has severe anger issues and may be an alcoholic.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 12:51 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We still out there guys?


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35354 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
SoulSearcher
♂ Member
Member # 13016
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah WH5, still here. Just tyring to not let another one of my anger phases get the best of me right now. I can't seem to let go of the swallowing of my pride in this whole R process.


Me: BH (31)
Her: FWW (29)
Married 13 years
6 year old son
D-Day #1: 11/19/99 (6 Month EA/PA OM #1)
D-Day #2: 10/25/06 (2 Month EA/PA OM #2)

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." -Albert Einstein

"Think of a


Posts: 193 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Nevada
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SS,

You need an abondoned car and a sledge hammer


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35354 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
SoulSearcher
♂ Member
Member # 13016
Default  Posted: 5:50 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's not a bad idea. Does it have to be an abandoned car though? I've got a car in particular I wouldn't mind visiting.


Me: BH (31)
Her: FWW (29)
Married 13 years
6 year old son
D-Day #1: 11/19/99 (6 Month EA/PA OM #1)
D-Day #2: 10/25/06 (2 Month EA/PA OM #2)

"Learn from yesterday, live for today, hope for tomorrow." -Albert Einstein

"Think of a


Posts: 193 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Nevada
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 9:29 PM, April 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just make sure it's dark out, and the insurance premiums aren't paid up


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35354 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 11:39 AM, April 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can so hear the car idea.

Hey guys, I just wanted to get something out there, I don't have a lot of time today but I have had such a roller coaster weekend. I guess my W would fall into the emotionally unavailable catagory. I understand that and I accept that it is . But it is really dragging me down. And I am coming up on my DD bday and the anniv of her accident. It has me really spinning at times. And then the business with HB in general has set some of off and going again. I feel so for her and her family and I do not want to post this in General because I do not care to deminish what has happened in her life, and it has had such a great response from the entire community here on SI.

But I am really struggling. I find myself detaching myself forom my life here just to try and survive.

You know, I know my W has lots of issues and I know that she has not donew many of the things I need to heal, but at the same time I think she is operating at her limit. She doesn't have anythiong else to give most of the time. If I broach the subject, she almost immediately hits overload and shuts down. And she will not seek out help for it. But all in all she is trying. She has done nothing outwardly to cause concern. She has limited contact with her boss (EAOM). She is expressing her love for me. She is getting more physical. She is doing lots of what I need, except for the emotional stuff. I feel like half a person sometimes. And with all of this other crap, just feeling lost.

I just wanted to get this out there. Not looking for anything, just unloading without details.

Thanks


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 11:28 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hurts I always read your posts. But it really seems the same old repeating itself. I understand you feel your W won't face this demon head on, but she really needs too! You are being held in a limbo, thats just eating away at your life. Thats totally an unfair situation, you did nothing wrong. I think it gets to a point where ya just got save yourself. This held in a limbo crap is burning the candle at both ends, quickly. Its your life, but this yo-yo crap will wear ya down quicker than 2 grit sandpaper. You deserve so much better than this. Hoping for the best for ya dude!


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 11:44 PM, April 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TT- I can hear you.

[This message edited by hurts at 11:58 PM, April 10th (Thursday)]


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 12:16 AM, April 11th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dude ya shouldn't have to go throught this shit. But at the same time, you still staying there in that limbo is somewhat enabling her to stay the same. Its not fair for ya dude, it really isn't. You need to get yourself outta her spiral...


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi guys,

It's been a long time since I visited this thread, took a little moratorium of sorts for a while as I was uncomfortable of xW (who is a SI member, although a very infrequent poster) reading my posts.

Have gotten past that, in fact I wish that she did read some of the stuff I write now.

KXM: I am sorry to hear about essentially another d-day. At least now you can start processing from a proper foundation. I've found that about 8 months after finding out 90% (will never get the whole truth) the anger phase is gone. It has allowed me to look at everything much clearer, both my xW's actions, and my own, both pre and post d-day. I shudder when I read some of the stuff I wrote to her in chats a year ago. I always knew I was angry, but only reflecting back on what's written in black on white do I see really how raging I was inside. I'm glad I'm past that. Not so say that I don't get the odd flash, but most of the time that's about the xIL's or the OM, and they pass very quickly. Now there's mainly a feeling of sadness about losing what could have been a great life together if she's only spoken to me. Clearly I didn't help with the communication, and something I've been working hard at.

Hurts: Mate, it truly hurts to see you in your situation. Your W cannot be a happy person, can she? Does she want to live her life the way she does? Life is too short for long term misery. I hope you find the right path.


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
wiserinsocal
♂ Member
Member # 18487
Default  Posted: 6:49 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello gents,

I didn't know this thread existed. I would have been reading it a while back now.

Hope all you guys are holding up well.

Peace


"It's the intangibles that are fragile"- WiserinSoCal

"The Main things are the plain things, and the Plain things are the main things" - Alistair Begg

Every one needs to believe in something, or they will fall for anything...


Posts: 1799 | Registered: Mar 2008
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Default  Posted: 7:23 AM, April 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is good thread. I wish more guys would post.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
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