I feel awful for all of us.
Its still so raw to you, it takes time for this to go away. Do you stay or do ya go now? Thats the question sitting on the doorstep, make your decision. The longer your in the situation that causes ya hurt the longer it remains.
I so feel this one, with children it really makes ya want to live your life for them. But which way do ya feel like it is best for the children? What way could you be a better parent?
This is really hard, because when it comes to custody of the kids, the courts favor the Mom. It plain old sucks they get chose to be the custodial parent. If ya do end up spliting don't ask for anything less than joint custody.
I got that added onto after I decided D. Turned out my XW was pregnant with my son. Yep one day before DDay#2 she got pregnant. DNA proof positive mine, pretty much had to force my XW to get that done. Born on 11/27/07.
He looks like just like my to a T
Im working on being the best dad I can!
[This message edited by TwiceTorn at 10:23 PM, April 24th (Thursday)]
Do you stay or do ya go now? Thats the question sitting on the doorstep, make your decision.
Oh, I'm going. No doubt. I just need to wade through the irrational swamp that I find myself in at times and focus on the goal: getting her out of my life.
I'm actually in a pretty good place when it comes to the timing of all this. I've got a job at a good firm that will pay me more money than I will know what to do with (or have time to spend, probably). My one goal is to have an apartment/condo with an ocean view. I'llhave that in a year. God, I'm excited. Hey, I'm actually excited about something! Halle-fucking-lujah (apologies to the religious folk)
Forgot baseball. I would love to have season tickets, and a few of those nasty '80s throwback jerseys from the White Sox (Carlton Fisk), Astros (Nolan Ryan), and Padres (Ozzie). I love those.
[This message edited by popolop at 12:37 AM, April 25th (Friday)]
The reason I mention apartment is that I am going to have little to no cash after the D goes through so I will have zero for a down payment. My credit will also suffer after the D so I would also get a crappy loan rate
Get a good credit rating, do what ever possible to have this D will not automatically at all effect this unless you have debt from the D, or pre D. Save up and pay for it cash as much as you can. Trust me, way before I was married, had a great job, lots of money, new spendy ass vehicle, and was buying and selling house flips I did. I built up a nice little nest egg before I met my wife. House flips are all about one thing selling it over what ya spent. My biggest was buying a lot for dirt cheap, outta town, kinda rural, but potental. I found a house that was built in the early 1900's going for cheap I would have to move it. I put it on the lot, paying the transportation cost, and the foundation building cost on the lot. I rented it out to a few friends for a while before an offer went on the table. I sold it an bought atgood chunk of the house I lived in when the XW first met me. She gained a large intrest being married to me on that one, I ended up just giving it to her minus my original contributions. Same with the cabin house. I don't even want to think about how much money it cost me. But I kept my great credit rating, and the ablity to make/save money again. And yes hobbies I still spend money on. I love photography, and most that part, I have been payed for through selling photography pictures for events. Not something I can make a living at, but it pays for the tools...
Wine is a good investment vehicle for me. I know a lot about it and know how to liquidate it legally (in more ways than one ).
I'm in the same boat. WW and I split the beginning of March 2008. I had had enough of her BS and lying. After DDay 10.2007, she tried to cut it off with OM but couldn't. She kept going back especially because they work together NC never was maintained. She was totally unremorseful.
She wanted her autonomy to F OM and I was standing in her way like a controlling father, her words. Anyway, I couldn't take her shit anymore so I found a nice townhouse I bought and left her. She's with OM just about everyday now. No remorse, doesn't seem to show any feelings of wrong doing especially now that I'm out of the picture. She figures everything is fine for her to see OM. Anyway, two boys, 18 & 20 at home, left to their own devises. There her kids, my step kids. They are really pissed at their mother and OM. Call him a home wrecker. They don't like him and they show it all the time when he comes around.
WW is so in the fog it isn't even funny. I can't take it anymore so I saw a lawyer this past Monday. Need WW to agree to asset split and settlement then D. Will probably be done in 1-2 months.
I'm moving on, can't continue to live in limbo while she screws OM and has all the fun she can handle.
That's all for now.
Thanks again for sharing.
D Final 8/31/2009
My FWW is very remorseful and has been willing to do whatever she can to help me heal.
My question is kind of hard to describe but now if I feel a little jealous of maybe a short skirt she is wearing or a top that may show too much cleavage I feel kind of dumb. It's like why should I worry now that another man has already seen and done it all with her. It's like there's nothing left that is only for my eyes or touch. I know it's kind of stupid, but I felt that was a certain part of my wife that was sacred and now I have trouble knowing how it will ever feel the same.
The people you do your life with shape the life you live
if I feel a little jealous of maybe a short skirt she is wearing or a top that may show too much cleavage I feel kind of dumb. It's like why should I worry now that another man has already seen and done it all with her. It's like there's nothing left that is only for my eyes or touch. I know it's kind of stupid, but I felt that was a certain part of my wife that was sacred and now I have trouble knowing how it will ever feel the same.
Was she a virgin when you met her? If not, look at it the same way. It is in the past so it does not matter. This is your only option if the matter is an obstacle in your relationship. If you D your FWW and seek a new thatgirl you can rest assured she will have been seen or touched by another man... just as you will have been seen or touched by another woman. Life.
Don't worry about the past.
The other wrinkle is that we met young and in my eyes while she had sex with a boy or two before she has not shared that as an adult....as a woman. Also she never received or gave oral to anyone but me before this affair.
I plan on asking my MC for some suggestions on how to get past this hang up. I want it to feel a little sacred again.
I want it to feel a little sacred again.
If she has recommitted to only you then your love for one another is indeed sacred again. If only available to you she is a being/soul you can hold in high esteem.
[This message edited by caretoomuch at 6:27 PM, May 1st (Thursday)]
I feel like I'm approaching the end of my patience with my WW. We have been married for 10+ years and she has been having a LT EA/PA for nearly half of that time. She will not go NC with the OM. She left the morning after DDay and is staying with a friend to "clear her head" and decide if she wants to remain married.
While I loved her dearly, I can now see how emotionally abusive she has been to me over the years, although to hear her story, you would think I was a pretty terrible husband.
I am doing the 180 for myself and have told WW that as long as she continues her affair, even is she claims its now only an EA, that I have no interest in talking to her about anything other than financial emergencies. Her fog is deep and thick and I have no intention to further enable her to cake eat and remain on the fence.
I've met once already with a D attorney and plan to give her the go ahead on Monday to start the process of filing for dissolution.
[This message edited by GotToHaveHope at 8:36 AM, May 4th (Sunday)]