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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 3
popolop
♂ Member
Member # 19068
Default  Posted: 9:42 AM, May 5th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((GTHH))) You are doing the right thing. Be proud of yourself and your strength.


Me: 28
NPDSTBXWW: 28
D-Day: 4/1/08 (April Fool's! hahaha...*cough*)
WW asked for divorce: 4/11/08

Posts: 54 | Registered: Apr 2008
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome to the Betrayed mens thread GTHH.

While I loved her dearly, I can now see how emotionally abusive she has been to me over the years, although to hear her story, you would think I was a pretty terrible husband.

I bet ya any WW would say the same thing in the fog. Yours had been living a double life for quite sometime. So the fog she is in won't be going away any time soon. She had to make you the bad guy, to justify her own actions and behavior. If she had taken the effort it took to continue on the A, and put that into your Marriage. Like Married people are supposed to do. But in the end it was always just about her, and her own selfishness.

Get that D going forward, its a tough road. It sounds like you have already made some great progress on the personal side of it.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
GotToHaveHope
♂ Member
Member # 19188
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, May 5th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I got all the paperwork to formally retain the D attorney today. I'm going to print it out, sign it, and fax it back tomorrow night when I visit my parents (I don't have a fax machine or a printer at home but they do).

Ugh. I feel really hollow right now. Part of me feels like I'm sleep walking right now. I just can't believe this is all happening.


D-Day: 4/17/08
Status: Divorced

Posts: 185 | Registered: Apr 2008
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Angry  Posted: 7:36 AM, May 8th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

knowing my Wife had an A with her boss feels like getting kicked in the balls every morning. I was so trusting of my W that last year(before I found out) I fixed up our empty garage apt for him to live in while he was seperated from his wife cause she was cheating on him! I am so pissed at being so stupid. He is a short little piece of shit!


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
acreswild
♂ Member
Member # 19371
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought that wy wife was callous inviting him over for one weekend.. but fixing up the garage.. wow.. what nerve!!


BS-Me-59
WW- Her-59
Married 36 years
PA/EA/?A...depends on definition....
She finally admitted an old 3-4 year affair ( over 25 years ago) followed by a very sporadic on-again off-again 8 year PA followed by lengthy EA that would likely still be

Posts: 409 | Registered: May 2008 | From: Chicago
shyguy
♂ Member
Member # 18281
Revenge  Posted: 1:40 PM, May 8th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The worst part injured my back muscle its still sore sometimes. This occured memorial day 07. I felt so sorry for the @ss7ole.


Love stinks yeah yeah(J. Geils)

Posts: 5866 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: tulsa
LoveSyck
♂ New Member
Member # 19467
Default  Posted: 9:14 AM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I need to find some sort of support for husbands who've been cheated on. I am having a difficult time with this! I am having a hard time "being" with my wife because I get graphic visuals of her and this man. I feel like I need to know every graphic detail so that I don't come up with my own scenarios! It has consumed me! It's killing me and to think that this other man is living happy with his oblivious wife after he took something precious from me! Sex with my wife, my trust for my wife, my sanity. Will I ever recover???? Do other men feel this way???


Married 10 years
Together 13 years
3 Kids- 9B, 5B, 3G
D-Day May 5, 2008

LoveSyck


Posts: 16 | Registered: May 2008
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LoveSyck,

Welcome to the thread.

What's your wife doing to help you with this? Is she answering all your questions, giving you a timeline about what happened, sent a No Contact letter to the other man?

With time and a remorseful wife, things will get better.

Have you considered telling the other man's wife?


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
LoveSyck
♂ New Member
Member # 19467
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Lonerider,

She is answering my questions for the most part but doesn't want to get into the graphic ones. I do understand but this part of it is eating me inside. I have gotten a timeline and am satisfied with it as I am the one who kept diggin until I got all of the answers, cell phone records,etc. I'll have to ask her about giving him a NO contact message. I don't know his home phone #. We live in the U.S and he lives in Canada where my wife is from. This happened in Feb. '08 whem my wife took our 2 soms to visit there grandpa. I do wish I could tell his wife so that he could feel like the piece of S. I don't know if that word is legal here or not. Thank you Lonerider!


Married 10 years
Together 13 years
3 Kids- 9B, 5B, 3G
D-Day May 5, 2008

LoveSyck


Posts: 16 | Registered: May 2008
HaiHaus
♂ Member
Member # 18118
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, shyguy, I think your WW's OM is as big of an SOB as my our OM.


"How poor are they that have not patience!
What wound did ever heal but by degrees" Will S.

Posts: 503 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Houston
LoveSyck
♂ New Member
Member # 19467
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You know I always believed that if my wife ever cheated the OM wasn't responsible. He didn't owe me anything, my wife is the one married to me so she would be the one who made the choice and was solely responsible.

Now that it's happened to me I have a very different opinion! VERY different opinion!!!


Married 10 years
Together 13 years
3 Kids- 9B, 5B, 3G
D-Day May 5, 2008

LoveSyck


Posts: 16 | Registered: May 2008
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 11:12 AM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LoveSyck,

It's still early, the first year was the hardest for me, with me getting very angry at 5 months and 1 year.

If she's not been in contact, it may not be worth reopening that can of worms.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
LoveSyck
♂ New Member
Member # 19467
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I definitely will revisit the NC issue. She doesn't have any way of contacting him as he always called her using a calling card so that his wife couldn't trace it. But my wife had been talking to his mother who I think was adding to the situation. She does know how to contact her. So maybe we'll go that route. Thank you again!


Married 10 years
Together 13 years
3 Kids- 9B, 5B, 3G
D-Day May 5, 2008

LoveSyck


Posts: 16 | Registered: May 2008
LoveSyck
♂ New Member
Member # 19467
Default  Posted: 3:25 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I forgot to mention that we are starting MC in 2 weeks together but I will be going myself next week. She will be in Canada again to take my daugher this time. I'm a little stressed about it.

[This message edited by LoveSyck at 4:59 PM, May 9th (Friday)]


Married 10 years
Together 13 years
3 Kids- 9B, 5B, 3G
D-Day May 5, 2008

LoveSyck


Posts: 16 | Registered: May 2008
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That would be very stressful, does she have to go?

Why is your wife contacting OM's mother?


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
socold
♂ Member
Member # 17400
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The mind movies are the WORST man, I so can relate. They do get better though, I'm six months out and have been through some rough stuff also, but the movies don't happen that often. It is so helpful to know almost 100% there is NC between her and OM and his family. That needs to be a condition of you sticking around in my opinion. Have you read Not Just Friends by Shirely Glass? It was really helpful for me and a lot of other people here. Have you seen about getting anti-anxiety and/or anti-depressant meds? I'm on low dose Celexa and it helps. Also I have Xanax for those restless nights which are now fewer.


(me)fBH 35
D-Day Dec 9, 2007
D final Oct 19th 2010

Posts: 2584 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: in a van down by the river
LoveSyck
♂ New Member
Member # 19467
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It all started on facebook that's how they reconnected. They were ex's from around 6th grade. and for some reason the mother started talking to her via facebook and the got personal. The mother seemed to support her leaving me and our 3 kids to be with her married son.

Yes she has to go she's had tix that her dad bought for a while.


Married 10 years
Together 13 years
3 Kids- 9B, 5B, 3G
D-Day May 5, 2008

LoveSyck


Posts: 16 | Registered: May 2008
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 7:37 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man LoveSyck, that sucks that the OM own mother did that. But like anything it take 2 for any relationship. Right now its gunna be very hard on ya, those mind movies do go away in time. But you really need your WW to own her own actions in this. Without that your stuck in a forever limbo. Her going back to Canada really makes one wonder if she will remain no contact with this OM.

Sorry you found yourself to the club no one wanted to join. But it will get better...


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Boy it's fun being a guy here

It's amazing how we all go through pretty much the same thing


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35281 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
LoveSyck
♂ New Member
Member # 19467
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, May 9th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The WW swears that the OM mom suggested every other option first(MC, etc.). Then supported the relationship. But I happened to read an email on my WW acct. that started the whole investigation. And to me in it she seemed that she the OM mom was completely supportive and happy that this was a strong possibility of becoming a reality.

None the less i asked my WW to send a NC to the mother and to tell her to relay the same message to the OM and she said that she(WW) was happy to so. That she would do whatever it took to get us back on track. She has repeatedly apologized and when I've asked what I could had done she has admitted that she doesn't believe that I couldn't have done anything to stop it. I do appreciative this honesty. It hurts but I do believe it.

[This message edited by LoveSyck at 8:01 PM, May 9th (Friday)]


Married 10 years
Together 13 years
3 Kids- 9B, 5B, 3G
D-Day May 5, 2008

LoveSyck


Posts: 16 | Registered: May 2008
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