Without knowing this and what to put in place to prevent it from happening again...
Boy it's fun being a guy here
It's amazing how we all go through pretty much the same thing
Yep WH5 and a wide swath of finding out. I can only imagine if I didn't find out the way I did the second time. The first time I found out on WW computer during the early years of our 10 year M. I so wanted to save my M that I basically threw logic and reason out the window. I was the scapegoat in the M, I was the one to blame. I wasn't doing enough, I wasn't showing enough, ETC... I pretty much put myself through hell just to make her stay. She skirted off any responsiblitys, or owning her actions. WW even went through numorous MC's that would see it her demented way.
So the last time 15 confirmed OM's later and me finding out via an anomyamus Email. She pulled the same exact set of lies, same blame on me. Telling me she had to do it because she wasn't happy with me...
This time its her deal 100%, I wasn't gunna be a doormat no longer, its MY LIFE! I was done with her. Filed D pretty much right away. I do think she thought I would do the same thing as the first time, and be a doormat. I would have loved to see her face when she was served at 10 am at the school she teaches at. Honestly, my story, I got a fricking best selling novel on my hands... Even by SI standards...
I like this analogy of what it is like to be a BH with a super foggy WW:
It is as if you stand on a razor balde. Bleeding a lot. Two pits. One lava another spikes. Jump in the lava pit have pain forever but keep the kids 100% or jump onto the spikes and eventually heal but have scars from destroying the family and the kids lives.
Thank you WW for the worst point in my life EVER.
Sorry to vent. It was for all of us!
You WW choose this role, its not our responsiblity to live it. She broke the family due to her own actions. You need to get to place where you can build from, not reliant on the past. It plain the hell sucks for us BH's with kids. We get about the shortest straw one can draw. Everyone is on the mothers side, everytime. Sucks...
I like your math poem, what's up?
Shyguy, I grew up outside of Tulsa and went to TU.
Lostcause111 - What happened? How are you?
I joined a local hiking/social club, and have begun to get out - playing softball (but not coed, yet?), tennis.
It's a good thing to do - to get out in that setting. I don't like bars, which is funny, being in Austin...& my mind/heart is not into even considering a woman at this point...
But it's strange. So, I'm trying to learn what this *new normal* is about...
I hope all you guys are doing all right through this. I think I'm gonna be ok...
[This message edited by jjct at 3:59 PM, May 12th (Monday)]
For those of you who may wonder how your wife could have sex with another man, and yet still love you, let me tell you my experience.
First off, please don't flame me. I know what I did was reprehensible, disgusting, and shameful. I got hit with the karma bus as full force because of what I've done.
Having said that, I was a SOM twice. I had two ONS's with two married women before I was married. I was in the military, as were their BH's. Both of the BH's were deployed at the time.
What I'm writing about here was WS #2. I met her through my brothers' wife. She was kind of bored with her H on deployment. I had just come back from a 2 year tour in Japan and was planning on spending my month of leave with my brother and his wife. My brother worked all day, and his wife was a stay at home mom. By about the 2nd week of my stay, she was kind of sick of me and asked her friend to show me around town.
Now before I got foisted off on this woman, I had met her about a week before. She was talking about how much she missed her H and couldn't wait till he got back so she could have her way with him.
I thought "how cool! lucky dude". I had no designs on her whatosever.
After about a week or so, we had started hanging out pretty regularly. Then it happened. One night after a party at her house, I lingered until all the other guests had left. I made a move on her, which she initially rebuffed. I thought "ok, I'm not going to push". Later on, she grabbed my hand and led me to her bedroom. You all can imagine what happened next.
The weird part is that during sex, she compared me to her H and said I felt the same as him. Clearly this woman loved her H but yet, she had sex with me. I remember thinking at the time why would she do this to him? She clearly loves him.
The answer is, good people can do shitty things. She had poor boudaries, and I exploited them. She loved her H, but still betrayed him. I am 100% positive that the next morning she regretted this big time. I never tried to contact her again after that night.
I realize this was a ONS, and anybody can fuck up. But I just wanted to let you guys know that it IS possible that your WW loved you despite what she did. This was about her and her weakneses and most likely had nothing to do with how much she loved you, or any other deficiencies you may percieve about yourself.
I just wanted to share this with you guys. I was an asshole, but this really could literally happen to anyone. Please don't be too hard on yourselves.
But for many of us here, it wasn't about being gone from our WW's. My WW still doesn't admit to any of the damage, or fault. Plain old doesn't own her own actions or even address them.
That right there is the HUGE difference! Now I have a son involved, that has to live with her stupid descisions. Her careless ways, yet still puts here needs before my sons. All I can do is document, record licsense plate tags. A part of me says grab my son on the next visitation and let her fight me through the courts to get him back. Ok A BIG part of me is saying that. The guys she is hooking up with are random guys she meets of the internet, unknown problems. But she gets them to full fill her needs, while my son is right there...
That really is the bottom line right there. Im working my ass off to get to a level where I can give him a nice stable life he deserves. I bought a house last week, and working on getting it all fixed up. Great school district, and a great place to raise kids. All I can do..
then the only thing is thank you.
i was 'gone'.
working 3 hours away
living in a roach-infested
drove EVERY WEEKEND
to *go home*
to, you know, "be with her".
I gave her ALL MY MONEY.
it still didn't help.
As long as you have kids they will walk all over your ass. Your a free babysitter. My WW gave up one of her nights with the kid cause a friend was getting married. Had to pick up the "Girls" and head over there. Had absolutely no problems telling ME not the kid that she was not keeping him last night. This isnt the first time either. Always has some excuse not to do visitation. A couple weeks ago she called me and said she was sick that I needed to pick him up cause she was real sick. Then called me the next day and said she was out shopping and saw some pants he might be able to wear. WTF???
I have had the "arrange your social schedule around visitation speech" more than once. She doesnt care.
Oh she isnt sleeping around she just decided that after her EA/PA it was a lot easier for ALL if she moved out.
Yeah and I fell off the Turnip Truck yesterday!!