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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 3
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 6:51 AM, August 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here. Not very often, but still here.

are there any betrayed men that have survived into R after a LTA?? or is that scar simply too deep?

We can naturally only relate to what we have experienced ourselves, so I'm sure whatever infidelity people encounter it hurts probably the same.

With that, I have to add that my xW's LTA showed too many deep emotional, moral and communicative issues that simply were too big to overcome.

She began her PA 6 weeks before our wedding and continued on a long distance basis (OM and us were on different continents) for 2 1/2 years until d-day.

I don't know if we could have gotten past it, we never really had a chance. My xW is a text book conflict avoider, and in the long run it was "easier" for her to run away than to face her actions. Supposedly she's still in therapy, but the year of lying at every possible opportunity (even here on SI), killed off any chance we had.


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
We_Not_3
♀ Member
Member # 20672
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am a BW and I will not invade this forum for men, but I want say I am thankful to see that there are men that value trust and commitment. Thank you for helping BW's see that not all men are the same.

Posts: 140 | Registered: Aug 2008
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 8:59 PM, August 21st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hello guys.. its been a while.

i dont know if you also experience something like this....

my NPDXW and i havent seen each other for like a year now. my daughter is with me. she abandoned us to be with the other men.. MEN.. not man.
anyway this is funny because from time to time she's emailing me saying that she wanted to go back this and that blah blah blah. i know she is lying, but to prove myself, i do a little research. and found out that she's still living with her new guy, and they're very much together.

meaning, she's been lying and cheating to her new guy, by saying things to me, like he love me, misses me, and wants to be with me...

i may add... 3 days ago she emailed me, wanting me to make her a resume, so that she can apply for a new job. ( why in the world should i make u a favor)

ahhh dealing with NPD person really really sucks.. so NC is a must.. life is too short to be surrounded with her bullshits..


Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
heartbrokenpilot
♂ New Member
Member # 12007
Default  Posted: 8:33 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

are there any betrayed men that have survived into R after a LTA?? or is that scar simply too deep?

2 years into R. Difficult at times? Of course. 2 year LTA that cut through a marriage, and pregnancy among other things.

I believe the only reason for our success is the fact that my FWW was 23 at the time (now 31 and has grown emotionally since), I found out about it 5 years after it ended completely, and I have seen 100% honesty and effort from her. Compared to our M back then - night and day.
It's been a tough, tumultuous road. But here we are.

[This message edited by heartbrokenpilot at 8:34 AM, August 23rd (Saturday)]


Me BH - 37
Her FWW - 30
D-DAY 8/20/06, 9/3/06, 9/15/06

Posts: 20 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Flyover Country USA
maestro
♂ Member
Member # 9016
Default  Posted: 8:57 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

heart broken pilot

Have you questioned paternity? I could not rest without a DNA test.


Posts: 1198 | Registered: Dec 2005
heartbrokenpilot
♂ New Member
Member # 12007
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DNA test? Oh yeah, went a little crazy with that one. Personally tested all three kids, one of them twice because of my ultra paranoia at the time. ( thought she could have gotten to the test and tainted the samples before it was mailed out ) I laugh now actually....I was in a weird place.


Me BH - 37
Her FWW - 30
D-DAY 8/20/06, 9/3/06, 9/15/06

Posts: 20 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Flyover Country USA
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 9:19 AM, August 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

stumbled across this in general & was completely amazed.

it answered/tied together
a WHOLE BUNCH for me.
wanted to post a shout-out to any for whom it may apply-
(& thanks for the props, wenot)

It's about "Toxic shame".

http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=250279


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, August 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct: I read that too, and it made a lot of sense.

I think my xW was unable, probably due to "help" from my side, to get out of the toxic shame.

She didn't think I would forgive her, and thus more or less gave up, which of course guaranteed I couldn't forgive her. Vicious circle.


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 2:53 PM, August 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

heartbroken,

Well, a relative will swear that an ex boyfriend faked a paternity test, so I guess I understand where you're coming from .

OTOH, she's a bit easy, and there's a good chance he ex bf is not that daddy.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:12 PM, August 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fekit. joe,

here's where we figger it out:

truth is, we have forgiven.

that means -
they end up believing a lie.


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, August 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, August 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

feccckkkk!
cni make it werk?

Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:20 PM, August 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dont werk!
sheet!

me clowning around with giantchess.org on my b-day.
sorry fellas!


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 8:22 PM, August 28th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i "helped" too.

a fekin LOT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
JOE)))))))))))))


Posts: 6030 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
heartbrokenpilot
♂ New Member
Member # 12007
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, August 30th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man.....pretty depressing that this thread is pretty much dead...


Me BH - 37
Her FWW - 30
D-DAY 8/20/06, 9/3/06, 9/15/06

Posts: 20 | Registered: Sep 2006 | From: Flyover Country USA
adamj
♂ Member
Member # 20425
Default  Posted: 7:48 PM, August 30th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

no shit... where are we all?

Just nothing new? She cheated, can't stand having sex with her or looking at her. She's remorseful but still "hiding" stuff. She seems to be only staying because of finances, etc.


BH: 32, WW: 32
DDay #1: 7/9/08, DDay #2: 8/2/08 - trickle truth, now divorced. (7/14/2010)
DS - 9, DD - 5

Last 3 years of my life have been spent avoiding sleep or having to deal with the demons when it is quiet.


Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Iowa
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, September 1st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Adam, your d-day is very recent. Both my head and especially my xW's head was completely screwed up a few months after d-day.

Are you guys in counselling?


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
adamj
♂ Member
Member # 20425
Default  Posted: 4:11 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yeah Joe, we are.

Progressing slowly.. have IC/MC/Mentor Couple as well.


BH: 32, WW: 32
DDay #1: 7/9/08, DDay #2: 8/2/08 - trickle truth, now divorced. (7/14/2010)
DS - 9, DD - 5

Last 3 years of my life have been spent avoiding sleep or having to deal with the demons when it is quiet.


Posts: 317 | Registered: Jul 2008 | From: Iowa
futureshock
♂ New Member
Member # 20835
Default  Posted: 5:46 PM, September 3rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope this helps anyone suffering from some soul searching brought on by adultery. I wrote this today in an attempt to get in touch with my feelings about how I may of contributed to this tragedy. When I read it back I wept and for the first time connected with my own sorrow. I don't blame myself in any way for the A but I do believe I am 50% responsible for the problems in our marriage.

Anyway here it is, I was brushing my teeth this morning when these words erupted from my heart.

I mourn the hours dead to me that would ever be alive
If I filled them up with bravery instead of coward hide

I mourn the hours dead to me that would ever be alive
if instead of running from the world I relished in the ride

I mourn the hours dead to me that would ever be alive
if instead of letting passion fade I let it be my guide

I mourn the hours dead to me that would ever be alive
if instead of lashing out in fear I held you as I cried

I mourn the hours dead to me that would ever be alive
but waste no more for auld lang syne as new one have arrived.


Me-Male BS 55 yrs old
Spouse-Female WS 48 yrs old
Happily married 16 yrs
D day-Aug 23 2008
Current status-working on R - broke NC Sept 8 2008, back on shaky ground
one male child 15 yrs old

Posts: 42 | Registered: Aug 2008
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 5:05 AM, September 4th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Progressing slowly.. have IC/MC/Mentor Couple as well.

Good to hear adam. Point to take though, don't be afraid to change MC if the one you have isn't helping. Our first one was decent at helping us talking a little just after d-day, but was not equipped to help us move any further. Only when it was too late did we find a good MC.

Don't hesitate to pull the trigger on your MC if you're not progressing.


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
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