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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 3
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 7:36 PM, January 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks brothers, here in the philippines, we dont have divorce. annulment only.. and you can have that if you can convince the court that your WS is psychologically incapacitated. crazy in layman's term. well she does.. she had NPD, bipolar etc, not officially diagnose (see refuse to go IC) but she had all the traits and symptoms. in short she's NPD to the core!

i have an appointment to my lawyer this coming april.. so we can file a case and i can have the sole custody of my daughter. because the laws here is saying that the baby will stay with the mother until 7 yrs old. but there is a "compeling reasons"

Article 176 of the Revise Family Code ( yeah guys i do my homework first) is saying that:

There are the “compelling reasons” that are deemed sufficient to deprive a mother of custody over her child below seven years of age

These instances of unsuitability include neglect, abandonment, unemployment and immorality, habitual drunkenness, drug addiction, maltreatment of the child, insanity, and affliction with a communicable illness.

my STBXWW is 101% do of all the instances given above. that's why im sure that i am going to win the custody.. she abandoned us, live in an immoral lifestyle , alcoholic, she even maltreated me and my child.. verbally and physically. i have all the witnesses, documents and other evidences to prove it...

so while she's having a fun of her life right now, i can say that i have the last laugh.


Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, January 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven't been here in a while. I agree with alot in that article posted at the end of page 2. The big problem isn't just the courts, its an all around society problem, a stigmata placed that fathers/husbands should just up and restart life, wife left with the house, most relible car, and custodial parent of the children.

I could have EASILY fallen pray to this, I call it the blind side hit um with the double barrel mentality. Way before the Husband is even aware of anything, or before the "I wanna Divorce." comes into play the wife has talked to friends, already made the plans, escape route, and even talked to a lawyer or two. The poor husband is already on the ropes upon hearing the divorce speak.

First things first, gloves are off, get yourstuff in order, have a good lawyer that handles various types of divorce processes. Have all the info of investments, retirement funds, what was a premarital asset.

Stick to your cards you have, a play them, its not personal its business. Seperate the kids from the financial two seperate issues.

Another Big thing Credit card debt. Now I only had one card, no money on it. My XW had several, in fact used a second mortgage on the house to pay some of it off. I knew what she spent it on, her habit. So of course in the D this was presented as joint debt. Ask for records of the debt, if it wasn't used for household, and was used to fund their habit why be held liable for it? If you payed for the downpayment, plus the payments of the house as a premarital asset, do the formula of how much that investment is now. My XW liked to hide money in her teacher retirment account, preparing I suppose. My XW was quick to make sure those were not entered in to the settlement, I requested it all be gone through, that was a saving grace on the D. I got what I wanted after she went through 2 attorneys fighting it.

It wasn't all pretty, I ended up getting rid of my dream, my business I built from the ground up. My house I bought, and remodeled. The dream cabin on a lake, that I made major renivations to. But I got that nugget of money to let me rebuild life, a still great credit score, and not owning anything to anyone.

My unborn son(at the time) was not an entity, so that wasn't determand and is still on going. DNA proof positive mine born 11/27/07:

Still working on that part of the equation. Stay strong ya all!


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 12:25 AM, January 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey twice = good to see ya. I was thinking aout you a couple of weeks ago.

Mighty handsome fella you got there. Congates.

Sure glad thins came out workable for you.

thoughts and prayers man.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 1:09 AM, January 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Workable is questionable, more like work the crap outta of it so I have some voice to get something. That picture was taken on the 28th, right after he was born. I was at the hospital when he was born, course I got ushered out by security when the XW found out that I was in a downstairs waiting room. My XW played the card for denying any information, even through the attorneys I was told until the child is an entity I have no rights... I had to rely on second hand accounts and through the grapevine shit. Nothing a first time father should have to go through. I had to have the DNA court ordered at the angio. back in July. This has been far from an easy fight, I really just want what is fair. Im just looking out for my son now. I document like crazy, every contact, every visit. My XW is a compulsive liar, with a mental disorder. You tend to need to protect you and yours.

Now on a totally different note: I just signed the ROP (right of parentage) on (S) daughter. Actully screw it I hate the S crap, her name is Shannon. Shannon and I have been dating for the last 7 months, moved in together with her 3 kids in July. Too quick by all standards, but we click, I dunno if its because her birthday is a day before mine or what. We can talk about anything, and everything. I thank God for this forum, allowing me to be able to be in a place so quickly, that I could see love, take a chance. I got sent an angel, im still amazed everyday. I can't tell you how amazed I am, too be appreciated. Things like Shannon bringing me lunch to work everyday is something im not used to yet. Even the losers get lucky sometimes :)


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 8:39 AM, January 10th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MAn I am so sorry about the crap wit your son. It is so true that no dad should ever have to go through that. But you are in he right fight and have the right cause. And still coates dad.

I am so happy to hear about your new life. It always amazes me that there are still blessings out there. I am so grateful for the fact that one has found its way into your life. You guys hang in there.

Thoughts and prayers
(((((Twice & Sharron)))))


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 12:22 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hi guys.. hows your weekend doin? me and my 3yr old daughter spend the whole afternoon at the beach/falls nearby. nature tripping is sooo relaxing.

Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, January 14th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds good, We had the kids out playinging in the snow. Looking to let them go skiing next weekend.

Glad you were able to get out and enjoy the day. I look forward to some backpacking trips I have planned for this year.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, January 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I got to ask this question: Would you get married again? Personally, even in a great relationship, I still never want to be married again.

Its not that I lost the ablity to love or anything. I have lost the intrest/belief in the institution of M. Even though I faired ok through the Divorce, I lost so much.

Maybe I am being a little bitter, but I don't feel again like putting all my hard work into something, that if it does fail, I lose out too only half of what was gained, if that even...

By nature Im a hardworker/penny pinching/ saver. I hate spending money on stuff, even if I really want it I research the hell outta it, before I buy. I don't own any credit cards, and always pay bills way before time. So after my M of 10 years, my XW is left with a good credit score (Definatly nothing she had when we met, she was 20k in credit card debt.) Half my house value, that I bought 6 months before we even met.

It shouldn't be this way, you work hard and save, that should be your money if your married or not.

On Another note:

Im so pissed off on the system, the whole children involved ALWAYS favors the mother. Its just automatically assumed the mother should have custody for the kids and let the father see them on some kinda schedual. Heres a figure:

97% of all child support payers are male. Seems kinda outta line, in fact way outta line. Add to that the courts also assign the children with the mother as custidal parents of them.

It shouldn't have to be such an uphill battle. We basically have to prove we are the better parent. Not fair I tell ya. I know its put all under the guise of its best for the children, IS IT?!

I hate to pull the gender card here, but its true. A female BS with children at least has the best chance of being awarded custody of the children for the most amount of time.

As far as WS's male or female, they choose that route, bottom line. The other spouse shouldn't have to pay that choice. But for us we get that special treat served raw and in our faces... GRRRRR!


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 1:20 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TT - I can so hear you. I know hat I have been so screwed in my prior D and I am scared to death of another one.

You are so on the money with the unfairness of it.

Hang tough my friend.


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
kxm00
♂ Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 8:23 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My divorce is being finalized (it should have been done already, but her lawyer dragged his feet).

Settlement on my house is next week. I have to buy my house from myself and my wife for twice what we purchased it for. Now I will have a mortgage for the next 30 years that is larger than any we had together.

To top it off, when the bank ran my credit, one of her bills, that we agreed in the divorce settlement was her responsibility, went into collections since we separated and showed up on my credit as delinquent. It hurt the rate I got for this mortgage. I can fight with the credit reporting company to have it removed, but it will not get done in time to help this mortgage.

I'm stuck with another of her mistakes for the next 30 years.

We have agreed to shared, 50/50 custody. Yet, since I make more, I still have to pay child support. She has a college degree. I don't. She could get a job making as much or more than me. She won't. She is happy working part-time as a receptionist at a landscaping company. Her father is super wealthy (yachts, multiple homes around the country, etc). I have nobody to fall back on. I still pay child support.

In the end, I do not think I will ever marry again. I have a son. I got a vasectomy. There will be no more children in my life. To me, that would be the only reason to get married at this point, and it won't happen. But, I won't close the door completely. Something or someone may come along to change my mind.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 1:29 AM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Man KXM twice the value!? Fuck that dude, as nice of a house/slash work you did on it. Its still a damn emotional boat anchor, something for every payment for the next 30 years your thinking about how much the payment used to be, because of someone elses actions. I couldnt do it,I let her keep the house, pay me the money I put into it. Like I said before I gave up a heck of alot, but I had too.. Just for the chance of starting out again new. Even if you made less then your wife, with 50/50 custidy (is that legal and physical, who does the court see as the custodial parent?) you still would be paying child support.

Divorce law is something outta the norm... It doesn't matter how the LEGAL union was broken and by whom... Both share equal responsiblity with an added +25% favor to the mother. Can you imagine that in other business ventures?! Or just in general law... Well you did kinda look like the guy he was shooting at, and you happend to be on that street at the time, you share 50% responsiblity..

Now when it comes to the kids, well its going to the mother getting the majority of time. It really is an up hill battle.

I hate to say it but Marriage at this point in time is a failed relationship, legally its not subject to the same laws as any other union. Due to thinking thats way behind the times, the husband is the one shuffled out, since 50 years ago he made the family income he should continue paying that, regardless.

So how does this 50 year old ideoligy keep going? Simple, POS dads keep this myth going... Yep they walk away, child support never gets paid. So we as fathers pay for this, with laws that are skewed.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
kxm00
♂ Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is 50/50 in every aspect - legal and physical. He is with me for one week, then her for one week.

I wanted physical custody, with 50/50 visitation for her and she agreed, but her lawyer talked her out of it. She probably found out I could have gotten child support from her. I didn't want it.

As to the house, here was my thinking. I had the opportunity to take my 1/2 of the equity and walk away.

But I am a simple man with simple needs. It is a townhouse and is all I will ever need for the rest of my life. My ex would want bigger and better every five years or so. She wouldn't have kept it and couldn't afford the taxes, let alone the mortgage (although her father was going to buy it for her, and probably wouldn't have asked her for payments).

In addition, I know that I will end up with full custody in the next year or two. She will meet someone and move away from her son. It is the pattern of her life - selfishness.

At that point, I want my son to be able to call this house his home. It is the only one he has ever known. Add to the fact that if I have to fight for custody, it bodes well for me because I am still in the marital home, whereas she is not.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:41 AM, January 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TT

Your son is handsome. I really hope that you can get the custody situation worked so that he can be with you. You really have had to put up with a lot of crap.


kxm
The judges in general seem to lean to the ladies. Keep fighting the good fight. I think that you might be right that in a year or two she fold. I get that impression from my STBXW.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum


Posts: 49756 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
MovingUpward
♂ Guide
Member # 14866
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, January 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Personal Update. . . .

9 months after separation my STBXW is dragging her feet in a bunch of legal red tape. Her and her attorney are trying to break me financially since I was burdened with paying all the household bills including mortgage while the STBXW makes close to what I make. I luckily have been able to borrow money from my parents to keep pushing for what the custodial evaluators believe is best for the kids. (kids with me during the school year and with her during the summer)

My oldest, DD-14, has undergone a lot of brainwashing and is almost completely withdrawn when she is with me.

On the bright side, I have a trial date set for March, so a decision should be rendered before April so that I can start my new life.


AKA Moo

Think of the haters in your life as sandpaper; they’ll scratch you up time and time again but in the end you’re polished, smooth, and spotless..while they end up useless

There are shortcuts to happiness, and dancing is one of them-Vicky Baum


Posts: 49756 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Big Blue Nation
Kuwaited
♂ Member
Member # 5491
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, January 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

We have agreed to shared, 50/50 custody. Yet, since I make more, I still have to pay child support. She has a college degree. I don't. She could get a job making as much or more than me. She won't. She is happy working part-time as a receptionist at a landscaping company. Her father is super wealthy (yachts, multiple homes around the country, etc). I have nobody to fall back on. I still pay child support.

Kxm.....I don't venture in here very often, so I haven't been keeping up. I am glad to here about the 50/50 custody. Sounds like your arangement is like mine. Mine works out quite well.

I'm in a similar situation as you wrt child support. I make slightly over twice what she does. She's an attorney..but chooses to work for the state at slave wages. I tried to make the case that she was intentionally under employed...but my atty said that wouldn't fly. Oh well.

Also..I decided to keep the house that we were all in. It is, for the most, the only home my kids have known (they oldest has a slight recollection of the house in Philly..but that was 9 years ago). I am in the process of redoing as much of it as I can.

Congratulations on making it this far!!


Twice Torn: Beautiful young boy you have there.

[This message edited by Kuwaited at 8:04 AM, January 21st (Monday)]


"For every trip to the vet, there's a car ride.", Satchel Pooch.

"At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost." -- Tad...from Craig's List


Posts: 8446 | Registered: Oct 2004 | From: North Atlanta Burbs
kxm00
♂ Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In protest, I have been writing the child support checks out to her maiden name.

She has taken the hint and is now changing her name back.

Good. She doesn't deserve my family's name.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 10:32 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice kxm! Honestly thats all I want 50/50.. seems harder to get than it should be..

Thanks MU! Looking over pictures of me as a newborn, he looks just like me!!! If anything thank goodness I got tons of pictures of him. So later in life when he asks questions I can answer them...


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
Kuwaited
♂ Member
Member # 5491
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, January 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In protest, I have been writing the child support checks out to her maiden name.
She has taken the hint and is now changing her name back.

Excellent!!!

Good. She doesn't deserve my family's name.

Oh yeah....I agree with that. Burns my ass no end mine still carries my name.


"For every trip to the vet, there's a car ride.", Satchel Pooch.

"At some point in life, everyone has gambled on a fart and lost." -- Tad...from Craig's List


Posts: 8446 | Registered: Oct 2004 | From: North Atlanta Burbs
chriscross
♂ Member
Member # 17166
Default  Posted: 7:30 PM, January 22nd (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hahaha.

just wanna know, how many of us here have taking care (physically) of our son/daughter? those who have a sole custody.

me, since my xWW left, im taking care of my 3 yr old baby girl. on april i will file an abandonment case so that legally i have the full custody of my precious daughter. how about others?


Posts: 85 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: philippines
kxm00
♂ Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 1:15 PM, January 23rd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Made settlement on my house today.

It has been very stressful trying to separate my finances from her's, but it is finally going to be done. It is also a bit sad, as this is the first "permanent" move toward the final divorce. It also represents the end of a shared dream.

We've talked via e-mail a bit over the last week or so and it seems the hostilities are fading a little. That is good. However, I have said to her, and have reiterated my point, don't expect me to be your friend until you decide to tell me the truth about what happened and sincerely apologize. Even at that, it will take a long time to forgive.

I will remain civil with her for my son's sake, but I doubt I will ever be her friend as she has asked. She has said she will tell me the truth (i.e. who she cheated with, when it started, etc.) when she is ready, but it isn't now. I don't expect her to do that anytime soon.

Two items of note from the settlement...

1) After having to pay all the bills and debts that were her responsibility from the divorce agreement, she walked out with a check for $8,800. So our marriage was worth about $1,100 a year to her.

2) When my son is with her, as he is this week, I see her driving him to school every morning as we pass going opposite ways. It is an uncomfortable few moments and we seldom make eye contact. She drops him off and goes to her work which is 1/2 mile from his school.

This morning I saw her driving past me as usual. Her hair was back in a pony tail. She had no make up and it looked like she had just gotten out of bed. She showed up at the settlement looking her best - full make up, hair done perfect, all her best jewelry and her newest clothes. She was even sporting a fake tan. I guess I'm supposed to see what I will be missing. I'm flattered and amused at the same time. It was strange.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
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