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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 3
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:56 PM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Some threads, I won't allow myself to kill...even if shameless bumping is called for.

Awhile back, the whole site (SI) was called-out and attacked by some ne'er-do-wells.
Today, there's a thread on G outing some of the crap 'the great and terribles' have to deal with.
My reaction to both is the same. It's a rubber-meets-the-road thing with me.
Defending our safe place, and helping it to run
& having some kick-ass fun doing it!
is what I want to do.

I am determined, even in my fuckedupness, to do some fucking thing for this place!

Place your bets! Green is the color of the honor (SI) statue.

Nothing speaks louder & you all know it.

Bet is 10 bucks. 10 bucks for BM braggin rights.
Some shit, huh?

What is the percentage of men to women on SI? 10 bucks. Bet a percentage!

jj-10% (20 bucks - I have "vacated" 28%, gotta match wh5)
sportsfan -11%
wh5 - 12% (20 bucks!)
Finally -13%
tputer - 14%
LoLo -15%
Nvis Man -16%
Defiance-17%
Moo - 18%
Ser - 19%
TT -20%
Finally - 21%
Kuwaited 23%
Ready - 25%
t2g - 27%

We may be in the minority. Check that, we ARE the minority.
I loves me some underdogs!
BM))))))))))


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 7:13 PM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well then - let's put our $$ where our words are! I just sent SI twenty and one -- you???

Hit the donation button bros!


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Finallyawake
♂ Member
Member # 21554
Default  Posted: 7:29 PM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

JJCT,

I am so with you on this. This website has been a lifesaver for me. I posted the following on one of the threads that focused on music and how it helped.


The music helps so much. She will be gone soon and all these songs that have carried me through to where I am will become markers for this time in my life. My time of sorrow and strength. My time of growth and change. My time of shedding an incredibly negative influence on my life. My time where the starting gun went off to signify the start of my new and clearer life.

I could not have felt these feelings w/o this site. I still have my rough days. I still wonder about what might have been. But I also look forward to a life that is built around me and my boys. A life that represents me and not the distorted view that my STBXW lives with. A life that looks for love that is in the right place.

Throw down the money men! Pay your tribute with the backbone that we all have. Stand tall and look forward knowing that you have value. And the capacity to love someone who will cherish you. I dream of it. We all do.

Because we fucking deserve it!


On my own and a better man for it

Posts: 458 | Registered: Nov 2008 | From: Phoenix
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 8:02 PM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I sent mine today


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35354 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 10:15 PM, February 2nd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Eggs-cellent!
We at 180!

jj-10% ($20)
sportsfan -11%
wh5 - 12% ($20)
Finally -13%
tputer - 14% ($20)
LoLo -15%
Nvis Man -16%
Defiance-17%
Moo - 18%
Ser - 19%
TT -20%
Finally - 21%
Kuwaited 23%
Ready - 25%
t2g - 27%

Understand too, think of it,
I been to a town. (Jeremiah Johnson)
The free work that these ones do to keep this site running? Against those who would disrupt? Incredible. Hard. In silence, largely unappreciated.

Place your bets.


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
LifeInCrisis
♂ Member
Member # 2155
Default  Posted: 2:47 AM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to say hello.

I am a man.

I was betrayed by someone who described herself as my "twin".

It was over five years ago. My home, my family, our happiness in flames.

Her affair partner was entirely unsuitable. It lasted but a few months. She was as disturbed as me, I'm sure. She had therapy. She told me that it was due to an "inferiority complex". (though in fact she is so strong).

We divorced. She pursued maximum aggression against me over four and a half years, despite my pleading that it did no-one any good, to think of the kids, etc.

My kids were alienated from me over about three years.

For the past year, she's been "sane" again. She met a new boyfriend. She is, apparently, happy.

I'm barely surviving in the fallout. I'm broke in more ways than one. Still shattered. I have a patient girlfriend who wants me even though I'm completely honest and describe the massive problems I'm left with.

I'm working on getting back to a "normal" life.

So, hello my dear friends-in-the-same-boat. From the bottom of my heart, I wish you well.



Posts: 528 | Registered: Sep 2003 | From: Europe
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Life)))))
Welcome (back) aboard.
My 'green statue' comment was inspired by your "Honor" thread, and I really loved and totally agree with your description of SI.

Here, the growing within we do in response to the ugly circumstances we find ourselves in bears at least some fruit.
How great it is that here, such bitter soil produces such sweetness.

Appreciate you man. Keep posting it out there.
jj


Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
kxm00
♂ Member
Member # 14075
Default  Posted: 11:43 AM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Haven't been here in a long time. How's everyone doing now?

18 months since the last infidelity in my marriage. Almost 12 months since the divorce was finalized. I've been laid off since July. Life sucks right?

Not at all. Met a girl from high school I hadn't seen in 20 years. We've been dating for a bit over a month now. Nothing serious.

Still have 50/50 custody and actually see my son more since I'm not working and he takes the bus to my house everyday.

And life is much better when you don't have to worry about your wife screwing other guys.

I still have my moments of doubt, but life gets a lot better as this gets smaller and smaller in the rear-view mirror. Good luck to all.


D-day: 6/25/06
D-day #2: 8/16/07 Found out for sure she was seeing another OM while we were deciding to divorce, separate or work on the marriage.

Divorced 3/5/08.


Posts: 183 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: PA
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And life is much better when you don't have to worry about your wife screwing other guys.

Truer words have yet to be spoken...


LifeInCrisis -- accept your new normal and allow yourself to live life once again. She is waiting for you and life is too short for any other avenue.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
LifeInCrisis
♂ Member
Member # 2155
Default  Posted: 1:19 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thyme, you're absolutely right, thanks for the urging.

I am working at it every day.

I know how lucky I am to be given the opportunity.

Life is too short, as you say.


Posts: 528 | Registered: Sep 2003 | From: Europe
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LIC -- What you will find is that allowing the love from a special someone who adores you in, those loving feelings quickly wipe away haunting memories of a person who does not.

At that point life becomes kinda like !!!


-t2g

[This message edited by thyme2go at 1:37 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday)]


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
LifeInCrisis
♂ Member
Member # 2155
Default  Posted: 1:49 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You have daughters too thyme. How do you deal with this - the fissure in the family hurts me *for them*. If we hadn't had any kids, I think it would have been a lot easier.

That is, for me, it isn't really about losing or gaining love, but about the destruction of the family. A nuclear destruction. Where we once had great 4-way communication, now its all coded, and guarded, and filled with tricky manoeuvres.

I love my kids so much. I didn't want them to experience THAT, and it might be that which is such a problem for me (apart from the trauma of the four year aggression).

How did you deal with it?


Posts: 528 | Registered: Sep 2003 | From: Europe
LifeInCrisis
♂ Member
Member # 2155
Default  Posted: 1:57 PM, February 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

They're grown-up enough now. They're doing fine as far as I can see.

We went on holiday together the past year (me + my kids), and had a great time, just like ever.

I suppose I'm putting myself in their position. I think I wouldn't be able to bear it. The one word "FAMILY" is to me so important.

Fergal Keane, BBC correspondant, in his letter to Daniel (his baby son) speaks of "the distinct voice of family" (kills me every time)


Yet now, Daniel, I must tell you that when you let out your first powerful cry in the delivery room of the Adventist Hospital and I became a father, I thought of your grandfather and, foolish though it may seem, hoped that in some way he could hear, across the infinity between the living and the dead, your proud statement of arrival. For if he could hear, he would recognize the distinct voice of family, the sound of hope and new beginnings that you and all your innocence and freshness have brought to the world.


Posts: 528 | Registered: Sep 2003 | From: Europe
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

jjct, a change

jj-10% ($20)
sportsfan -11%
wh5 - 12% ($20)
Finally -13%
tputer - 14% ($20)
LoLo -15%
Nvis Man -16%
Defiance-17%
Moo - 18%
Ser - 19%
TT -20% ($30)
Finally - 21%
Kuwaited 23%
Ready - 25%
t2g - 27%

Hope it helps.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 12:37 AM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Awesome KXM! Nice to see you LIC!

23 months since my XWW cheated on me. I don't regret for a second calling it the end. My XWW is very much in the maximuim aggression phase. Using my son as the pawn, trying to make me pay for all her mistakes. My Son is now 14months+ a cute little fella that calls me da da.

I did find a love of my life SO, been 20 months now together. Great woman to put up with me and all this madness. Went from nothing in my pocket basically to owning my own house again, living with my SO and her 3 children (one of which I adopted as my own.) Still fighting for more custody of my son. Letting my XWW dig her own hole on that front.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:37 AM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

$200!!!!!!!!!!

WOOOHOOO!!!!

Way to go!
TT gets it to the top! ("making math easier since...well, a long time, now" lol!)
& man! TT, wow...what can I say? That's a beautiful boy.
Praying for you & little tt, & smaller objects in mirrors, mmmhmm.

Thanks all)))))!
Stay tuned...more to come...
jj



Posts: 6012 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, February 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How do you deal with this - the fissure in the family hurts me *for them*.

LIC - via actions (not just words), love, support, stability and just plain living a good, healthy, active and fun life! I want them to know I am always there for them if they need me... a soft and reliable landing place. We still experience life as it was -- only without STBX.

I control nobody but me!

Keep your wits about you and enjoy what you do have.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
Ragnoff2
♂ Member
Member # 4925
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, February 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As someone who's wife did not tell him there was a possiblility that my son was -- in fact -- fathered by another man, the issue of Paternity Fraud is very important to me.

Have any of you delt with this issue or read much about it? What do you think should be done? Do you think what SHOULD be done is different than what CAN be done do to the hostile nature of most family law toward husbands?


I posted a link to a very well written article I just came across in the general section, but I thought I would raise the issue here as well as it is an issue that tends to either get ignored and drop of the page quickly or becomes a character discussion (hopefully it will do better this time).


Me 36 BS, (39 now adjust other dates below as appropriate)
WW - 31 (abuse in her past by step dad as a mid teen)
son, almost 5 years, not mine by genetics (discovered in march, 04), but trying to make him my son again by choice.
Attempting to R

Posts: 408 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Dunedin, FL
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 9:40 PM, February 6th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hiya Ragnoff2,

This was one of the big things after Dday#2, It wasn't till after I filed that my WW at the time said she was pregnant. Throughout our 10 year M we tryed many times to get pregnant, even using modern fertility science. So it was a bomb dropped during the D process. My Attorney basically had to court order my WW a DNA test in Utero to determain the father of my son. It was mine, conceived one day before DDay#2.

The thing to remeber here is any asshole can be a father, but only a real man can be a dad.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
Ragnoff2
♂ Member
Member # 4925
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, February 7th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to believe that Twice - I also have to believe how I raise him can overcome the fact he has that asshats genes!

I read here religiously but have't posted that often in years. I have a short fuse when foggy WS and unrepentant and/or arrogent OW post, so after losng some of my posting and all PMing privledges I choose to read more than post. Because of that some here may not remember or know my story. I formally adopted him after we had been in recovery for a year. I knew by then even if I divorced his mom I loved him and that I was worlds class better a human and a father than the slimeball that sired him.

I celebrate two days every year with MY son, Father's day and Septaember 3rd, adoption day. When I ask him, "Do you know why I adopted you?" his correct answer is always, "Because you love me."

I am hoping that since he knows he was adopted by me because I love him, that when he comes to understand WHY he had to be adopted by me (a conversation he will have to have with my wife) he will not be angry at me for his situation.

I wish there was manditory testing before anyone was allowed to be put on the "father" section of the birth certificate - you either proved via a test you are the biological father, or you adopt. Step parents are not granted automatic parental rights and responsibilities (CS and custody) jsut because they are married to a bioparent, and face it, the very cases this is needed the woman have every incentive to lie, so unfortunately those honest woman AND the cheating woman will both say her husband is that father. As both situations give the same answer, asking the mother is just useless as a basis for determining legal paternity.


Me 36 BS, (39 now adjust other dates below as appropriate)
WW - 31 (abuse in her past by step dad as a mid teen)
son, almost 5 years, not mine by genetics (discovered in march, 04), but trying to make him my son again by choice.
Attempting to R

Posts: 408 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Dunedin, FL
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