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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Betrayed Men Part 3
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, February 19th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks LoneRider,

I hear ya on the old Toyota, my daily driver is a 19 year old Celica, that my SO's 17 year old is making payments to me to drive it, once in a while, till he has enough payments to buy it.

It just sucks, If I had my son with full custody and my wife paying no child support I would be so better off. I swear CS is like a back door extorsion (spl), that the courts allow.

All I can do is document, and keep pushing for my time with my son. Who by the way right now running around in my living room.


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
Ragnoff2
♂ Member
Member # 4925
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, February 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(tputer)

I don't remeber if you read post here often, but I jsut wanted to say I am sorry your wife put you back in this spot again.


Me 36 BS, (39 now adjust other dates below as appropriate)
WW - 31 (abuse in her past by step dad as a mid teen)
son, almost 5 years, not mine by genetics (discovered in march, 04), but trying to make him my son again by choice.
Attempting to R

Posts: 408 | Registered: Jul 2004 | From: Dunedin, FL
Lonerider
♂ Member
Member # 9205
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, February 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too tputer.

It's sad, but I would discourage my girls from marrying an SAb survivor, even though their mom is one.


BS me 43 years old
WS her 45 years old
married 14 years, together 20
2 kids
D-day 7/15/05

Posts: 4225 | Registered: Dec 2005 | From: western NY
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, February 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

TT,

That sucks about the Audi, but maybe it's for the best. There will be other opportunities, and other, better deals.

Your son doesn't care if you drive an old Celica, or a brand new GTR. He cares that you're there for him, which you are.

Your day is coming. It can't come soon enough as far as I'm concerned, but it's coming


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35354 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, February 20th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had enought left over to buy this sweet little 2004 Audi S4 convert off of ebay. Black on black 4.2 v8 6 speed, 340hp, quattro. It was delevered today at the shop. I simply can't afford it insurance wise. I ended up selling it to a customer, that offered to buy it.


Doing better than me -- I don't even dream about buying such a set of wheels. My priority is my kids and making sure they have what they need.

I am currently borrowing my mom's truck (loaned to me just prior to dad dying) as my only other set of wheels is a '75 Chevy 4x4. STBX? As soon as I moved out and started forking over CS, she immediately went out and bought a new Ford Mustang! As CS is to be paid for 6 years and the car loan is for six years it is all too easy for one to see where my CS is going! She bought this after I signed over the rights to our Suburban -- which she still has.

SO TT... convertibles are unsafe anyways!

Our only option is to grin and bear it, smile and say "Thanks sir! May I have another?"


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
TwiceTorn
♂ Member
Member # 13895
Default  Posted: 1:46 AM, February 21st (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

As soon as I moved out and started forking over CS, she immediately went out and bought a new Ford Mustang! As CS is to be paid for 6 years and the car loan is for six years it is all too easy for one to see where my CS is going!

I feel ya man, my XWW had a new Mustang after she traded in her new Honda Civic. Now shes got a new Jaguar. Stupid purchases after the next. Naw this Audi was safe as converts go, had a roll bar that flips up in case of a roll over. Honestly I could give a flying phuck what shes driving. Its about her lifestyle. She has still not sold out Marital house that was part of the D agreement. The house I bought myself before I even met my XWW. My name is still on that. It is on the market yet she has done little to nothing to sell it. Meanwhile shes living in a half a mil townhouse with her BF. Its a rental, I got so much info on the BF, and the arrangement. Yet Im paying and amount that shocks the shit outta people for child support. Its a huge chunk of my income 70%. Of course due to the temp custody order my XWW has full control, because that is what was granted. according to the court order 3 hours Tuesday, Thursday, ans Sunday. It wasn't workable even thought thats what my XWW wanted to keep me under 90/10 rule. She feels she won the battle so I get gifted more time according to her with my son. I have to fight the good fight, because its whats best for my son. Its just a matter of time till it goes his way...


You've got to trust your instinct
And let go of regret
You've got to bet on yourself now star
'Cause that's your best bet~311 All mixed up


Posts: 3597 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Minnesota
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 11:46 AM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok, guys, lets see how many of you are in this boat.

I applaud any woman who doesn't use sex to control her man, but, alas, that is the norm. It is a cruel joke that has been thrown at the human male. You can try talking, dating, slaving your ass off, whatever else, but in the end, she will use it for her own needs and yours will not count for shit.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 11:57 AM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Alright, I'll talk amongst myself.

Case in point; the women that complain about the porn. Ok, now there are some guys that have a problem with this, but, I think the majority of the males are just looking for what their wives used to give, you know, when she was trying to land a husband. Once they have you, then sex is no longer needed. Until the next sucker comes along. If she just give him what she used to, he wouldn't be interested in pictures of it.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
drowninginsorrow
♀ Member
Member # 4545
Red  Posted: 12:02 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

please don't post in generalizations


Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics

Posts: 56712 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: canuckistan
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 12:06 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nevermind.


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
Strider75
♂ Member
Member # 13596
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I applaud any woman who doesn't use sex to control her man, but, alas, that is the norm. It is a cruel joke that has been thrown at the human male. You can try talking, dating, slaving your ass off, whatever else, but in the end, she will use it for her own needs and yours will not count for shit.

i dunno if it's the norm, but my STBX definitely did this to me. and if i didn't conform to exactly what she wanted, in every way, despite her never being willing to even communicate...she'd withhold not just sex, but pretty much all affection.

i found myself working so hard, and then having it not only not appreciated, but in some cases, also thrown back at me like i was doing something wrong.

STBX being gone for a while now definitely has opened my eyes to just how nasty that dynamic is. i'll never even begin to tolerate it again. in fact, at some point, i'll probably go a bit overboard and end up being less tolerant that i should of some future situation because of it.

Case in point; the women that complain about the porn. Ok, now there are some guys that have a problem with this, but, I think the majority of the males are just looking for what their wives used to give, you know, when she was trying to land a husband. Once they have you, then sex is no longer needed. Until the next sucker comes along. If she just give him what she used to, he wouldn't be interested in pictures of it.

sort of. i always found porn to be more a comedic entertainment then stimulating or erotic. when me and my old college buddies would put it on, we'd take turns playing the VCR in fast forward and making up own dialogue noises based on what was on the screen. sounds corny, but when your drunk, lots of stuff becomes a lot more entertaining.

anyway, i think some guys do turn to other outlets when their wives go frigid on them. i never turned to porn, instead i turned to hard workouts at my martial arts class, or in my basement at home. if i couldn't pound her, i found other ways to pound that energy and tension out of myself.

now i'm very clear w/ women that show an interest...i'm a sort of guy that needs a satisfying physical and sexual connection w/ a woman in the context of a marriage type relationship. i know there a lot of women out there that don't. if she's interested in exploring long term w/ me, then i want her to know that about me upfront. i tell 'em if it's not something they think they could handle forever, then they need to move on right then.


Sometimes I wish there was a way to have do-overs in life.

Posts: 5033 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Atlanta, GA
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thats what I'm saying Strider, you can tell them, but do they hear it?

Man, my wife was all over me in the first few years, then, nada. I am still the same hardworking guy, I even come home cleaner now. So, WTF?

When her fantasy world fell apart, she was all over me again, this time it lasted about 3 months. Now she just has excuse after excuse.

From the looks of the thread in general, all the excuses are being posted for us.

[This message edited by Jimi40 at 12:54 PM, February 24th (Tuesday)]


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
drowninginsorrow
♀ Member
Member # 4545
Flame  Posted: 1:06 PM, February 24th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

do not pull threads from one forum to another


jimi you have a pm coming


Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics

Posts: 56712 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: canuckistan
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, February 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

See, I actually CAN'T relate to this topic now.

In the 15 years we've been married, my wife has honestly never turned me down for sex, and would gladly have sex ever night of the week and twice on Sunday. In fact, for most of our marriage, if there was no sex happening, it was because *I* had to say, "Babe, I realize you're just coming to bed at 2 AM and want to get some lovin' on, but I do have to get up for work at 6 AM and get the kids off to school."

My wife is one of those people who will be up all night and sleep all day if she can get away with it...which she could for most of our marriage, 'cuz she's a SAHM. I actually had to put the "Midnight Rule" in place for my own health (i.e., if she wants sex on a weeknight, she needs to come to bed and we need to be gettin' busy by midnight at the latest. We can start at 11:59 and go until 2 AM and that's just fine...but if nothing is cooking by 12:01, I'm officially switching gears into sleep mode so I'm not a complete zombie in the morning.

And, yes, part of my wife's justification for her A was that I wouldn't fuck her at 3 AM on a work night whenever she wanted it. If I *really* loved her, I'd give up sleep for sex. (It's much easier to gripe about how your spouse won't give up sleep for sex when you come to bed at 2 or 3 AM and get to sleep until noon every day.)


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
lostcause111
♂ Member
Member # 19109
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, February 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For me the sex was me initiating 99% or the time. With her AP she initiated.
So I say the heck with that. We are not having much sex at all and what that has allowed me to do is not take any BS anymore. Not like I am going to lose anything. Thanks babe!

Posts: 934 | Registered: Apr 2008
toonice
♂ Member
Member # 19862
Default  Posted: 4:40 PM, February 26th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

. . . i found myself working so hard, and then having it not only not appreciated, but in some cases, also thrown back at me like i was doing something wrong.

Exactly.

We worried this bone to the marrow over several MC sessions. It will never happen again. I am certain. Since about 4 months post-d-day, FWW hasn't complained about a single damn thing at all.

Everything I used to think she cared about, was really all just "Injustice Collecting". The real her, seems to be pretty laid back and easy going. Oh, she worries about stuff. But she doesn't criticize anymore. It's been pretty nice.

With me, she was a real wildcat, sexually, for the first 3 years. But after DD was born, it was as if a switch was flipped in her. That was when her depression set in; and that's when the sex tapered off. I don't think she used sex to "rope me in" - but she sure used it as a "reward" mechanism when I did things that she wanted.

She later got on AD's, and is in IC - and is now the sole-initiator. But the frequency is far less than I'd like. And I sure can't enjoy it like I used to - I think that's pretty much broken forever now. Hell - even looking at porn triggers me.


Stronger than reason, stronger than lies, the only truth I know, is the look in your eyes.
BH(42) FWW(41; 8+ OM/OW, 5 year LTA)
M: 16yrs, 2 kids DS16, DD13. d-day 6/17/2008 (after 9 months of MC+gaslighting).

Posts: 4898 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: CA
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, February 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't think she used sex to "rope me in" - but she sure used it as a "reward" mechanism when I did things that she wanted.

I did not see sex used as a reward. I have always seen it as an incredible form of intimate connection and a key component in a relationship.

Sex certainly disappeared the last few years of my M as the A's invaded into her/our world as she was connecting elsewhere.


-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
wifehad5
♂ Moderator
Member # 15162
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, March 3rd (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bump to keep this on the 1st page


FBH - 42
FWW - 43 (BrokenRoad)
2 kids 7&12

The people you do your life with shape the life you live


Posts: 35354 | Registered: Jun 2007 | From: Michigan
hurts
♂ Member
Member # 9444
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, March 4th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by hurts at 7:48 AM, March 4th (Wednesday)]


Sometimes I lie awake at night, and I ask, "Where have I gone wrong?"
Then a voice says to me, "This is going to take more than one night."
--- Charles M. Schulz
SO if I check my pulse, and it is not there, do I get the day off?

Posts: 8381 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: At Home
Jimi40
♂ Member
Member # 10909
Default  Posted: 1:24 PM, March 5th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Where'd everybody go??


You've got nowhere to fall, when your back's to the wall.

Posts: 5524 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: Niagara
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