I'd LOVE to dress a little flashier, but they dont' seem to make very attractive clothing in my size (hence the gym every day starting 12/15).
Weepy, friend, GOOD FOR YOU!!! I hear you loud and clear, but at least you are and have been doing something to get you to your goal of being able to wear those sexy, flashy clothes! My new work change has me more stressed and has eliminated my possibility of lunch work-outs, which were the only thing I had going before. Now, no excercise. I'm in awe of YOU... GO, GO, GO!!!
Lost Heart, Hugs to you on your antiversary day. You are among friends, and the day just plain old sucks. No way around it, you just trudge through it like you have!
I can see why you'd be nervous about interviewing and entering the work force. BUT the interviewers will surely see all that we see: You are bright (brilliant), dependable, hard working, and very intuitive with a lot of "life" experience behind you that "book learning" doesn't give you. I'm mustering up extra prayers for you, but I am confident there will be a door that opens for you, if not this time.
OTC, Self-employed, huh? That sounds sooo appealing to me right now. Just wallowing in envy for a moment. I'm "stuck" out in the work force since H is basically disabled.
So, guys, my H goes back to the cardiologist on the 14th. So far, no other weird episodes have plagued him. But the darn doctors can't seem to agree on what's wrong with him, and they've got him on so many meds that he is fatigued all the time. My load is so heavy right now. I had gotten very used to him really stepping up with the kids & household chores that I'm feeling the burden. I'm worn down.
HUGS TO ALL,
We will be there with you next Thursday, with our red tops on!
Btw, what are you wearing?
Do you know who exactly you are meeting with?Can you do some reading on them if they are impt, and then weave it in the interview.for eg, say how much you admire they way they handled the XX situation.
Like OTC said, reading up on the company (they might have their own website)might come in handy.
I dont think you will have this problem, but dont be in a hurry to answer a question too quickly.Think on it first if you have to.Or stall by drinking some water.
Carry some rescue remedy.
You are going to be GREAT!
I'm not sure what to wear to be honest. I would love suggestions.
What I am interviewing for is a news editor job at a television station in a major American city. I would not be on-air, but behind the scenes coordinating what got covered and what made it into the daily newscasts.
This is the kind of work I have always done, but I haven't done it for a very long time.
I've also gained a lot of weight since d-day (no, infidelity diet for me, of course not. I couldn't even manage to get that one benefit.)
Predominant in our Philly area are short jackets worn with a shell or lacy cami underneath. Don't be afraid of a little color -- in your earrings or shoes. Just so you don't look TOO serious.
I know a couple of the anchors from one of our stations, and believe me, they are the most casual people off air you'd want to see. They want to hang out with people like them.
That sounds like a really interesting job BTW... I might keep that in mind when I start looking...
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
If you have time to fool around on the net, go to www.mvm.com where you get to dress a virtual model based on your stats and you get an idea of what looks good on you.Its like playing dress up.
Had my IC session today.Went there in a good mood and came out feeling really crappy and down.We got onto my FOO issues. How do you guys deal with FOO issues? I am feeling a bit pissed with my parents now. Talking with IC made me look at the traumatic events in my childhood more objectively, and I am getting an idea of why I think that everything is my fault, why I am so scared of failure (I was "taught" that the consequences)and why I am so anxious and scared and try so hard to be perfect.
She said something else that blew me.She said that deep down I really love my dad.And I am fighting this notion because its hard for me to correlate that love with the physical and emotional abuse he subjected us to. And she said also that I have tried to protect my kids from that with their F by subconsciously shutting him off from them, and that worked well for him because he didnt want to get involved anyway.
And now the folks are coming over Sat night and I hope I calm down by then. But darnit, I wish I could give them a piece of mind. I wish I could tell them that the things they both did to me was not right.I was kid dammit. I tried so hard to be perfect, and not one of those traumatic events was my fault or happened because I was a naughty girl. NOT ONE.
I was a baby/toddler/child.
I will accept responsibility for anything that happened from 14 onwards, but thats it.
Shit this hurts.
Are you a fellow journalist and I haven't known that all this time?
I think being pissed at your parents is an important part of this whole process.
You learn what they did that hurt you and exactly how it hurt you. And what they did that helped you and how. That helps you know where to focus your energies.
At least for me, that anger didn't last very long. As I came to see what had been done to and for me, I also realized that my parents were also playing out the "sins" of their parents and so on up the ladder ad infinitum. Our parents are a product of their upbringing as much as we are of ours.
Understanding my self led to empathy for them and for my husband, and eventually that led to compassion for all of us. That was the point at which I felt that I really started to heal from all of it.
ETA: I also feel I have to add that even though I felt like I was going to die going through it I have never felt so ALIVE since coming through the eye of the storm. For the first time in my life I feel fully alive and grounded in who I am. It's totally worth it Lost. Hang in there!
[This message edited by OneToughCowgirl at 9:46 AM, November 29th (Thursday)]
At IC I basically just figured out that I was a better mom than my mother was and hopefully, my D will learn from me and improve on it too. I never really thought of it as "abandonment" when my younger brothers were born.. just natural that the older one gets less attention. Yeah, I wanted to please my parents... who doesn't? But I was also independent and don't think I was affected in my later teens and 20's by my upbringing. My fears and insecurities came from my now H. I met him at 19 and he never let me know where I stood with him. on the surface. But he'd slip now and then and let me know how he really felt under all the bravado. But then he'd go back to keeping me on my toes. I just thought it was worth it.
BT -- in a way... I work for a major nationwide publication at the moment. Have for 25 years. Started as a copywriter/proofreader in our Promotions Department, worked in Editorial for 8 years and now I'm in the IT department where I started as a financial liason and worked my way down to purchasing agent.
I was a dual major in college -- Business/Literature.
My son is majoring in Media Electronics in college. He wants to work in radio or record production though. My brother graduated Drexel University with a Jouralism degree.
So yeah, I guess you could say we might have a thing or two in common.
(BTW if you're keeping track today is day #2)
I had IC many years ago and understood all of it in my head
I understand why they did what they did intellectually as well.And I can empathise with their pain then too.
I just dont know whether getting angry with/at (??) them now, is a good idea.
My mum is 54 years old. She has had a really hard life.She was diagnosed with advanced ovarian cancer last year, and the Drs told us that we would be lucky if we get another 5 years with her.
In 2 weeks time, she is making a holy pilgrimage, something she has wanted to do for as long as I can remember.It was the only thing my F could say to her, to get her to fight last year when she wanted to give up.
She is truely an awe inspiring woman.However, If I discuss any of our past, she gets upset, and uses guilt to make us stop. I'm sure she sees me as a representation of her mistakes.On her deathbed last year, she told me that noone has caused her as much pain as my H (and me).Even my F.Ouch.
So to repeat the question, how did you guys deal with the FOO stuff? Did you confront/discuss with your parents? Or did you just resolve for yourself?And then in the interim, how were you with them?
i know this stuff isnt directly LTA-related, but IC is convinced that its because of these issues that I "allowed" and "accepted" H to treat me badly, and its probably why I am still in the M.
Mentioned my reading thrillers only now to IC, and she said thats its understandable, because thats one way of me dealing with my anger.
[This message edited by Lost Heart at 10:28 AM, November 29th (Thursday)]
I decided not to confront or even discuss my FOO issues/questions with my mother. She is not a person who has really any insight into herself. She is very defended psychologically and would view any such discussion as an attack. She is 83 years old and in poor health, so I have chosen not to go there. I live a thousand miles from my parents, so I only see them two times a year at best. For the time that I was in that anger stage, I just spent a lot of time out and about or focused on superficial stuff around them.
I have, however, had lengthy and really helpful discussions with my younger sister about our FOO issues.
(((svs))). Brilliant score. Came in part way through, but sounds like the LTA tribe have been wonderfully supportive.
LostH. I know. I know all of that, and H tells me much the same. The MC tells me too – that it wasn’t real, he was living another life in his head and it was nothing to do with reality. The marriage proposals were “part of the game” he says, that she knew it too. Well, try telling her that! There have been no more “revelations” since last August, and I think that has given me serious, uninterrupted thinking time. And I don’t like what I see. He has never taken responsibility for his personal relationships. He initiated and then he relinquished control. His first love; she was 16 and new at the school, there were established groups of friends so he did a “knight in shining armour” bit and rescued her, brought her into his group. It was an on/off relationship for about four years. He won’t change and go to her uni, (which is what she wanted) she meets up with a bloke (who becomes her husband), but what she REALLY wanted was for him to go and get her. He didn’t get the sledge-hammer hint. The next summer, he met me. I’d been attacked and raped a few weeks before, now this sounds unreal, but I was actually okay. Dealing with it, but okay. But, I guess he felt he had to be the knight in shining armour ….. Fast forward 2001, he emails her, meets her and finds that her m is not so great. In fact she’s really unhappy. So, he dusts down his steed and off he goes. Then, he finds he has fallen in love with her but lacks the courage to tell me it’s over and lets me think his change of behaviour is work related. So I offer support and take on all the court stuff (bad time, don’t ask) that I could do. He mosey’s along quite happily for a couple of years (or so I surmise) until she demands more of him. She’s still married, mind you.
Then he can’t/won’t tell her it’s over, that he doesn’t want to see her again (or shag her, but I think he quite liked that bit). He’s relinquished responsibility, saying he’s an “emotional prisoner” and “despite all his doubts and fears, it is not for him to decide, for he has chosen abdication” In other words he was being pathetic and waiting for fate to deal the hand. Which it did in the end. Conclusion: he’s with me by default!!
BTW, we were married 21yrs, the kids were 6,13,15&16 when it started. No’s 1&2 (23&21) currently are in Australia no3’s (19) in London and I’m here with no4 while H is elsewhere in London for a job i’view followed by SCHOOL REUNION drinks!!!!
Last night with the MC, I said I felt that I was in a room with doors open on each side and they were for me to choose my direction; whichever one I chose, I would walk through it, turn the key in the lock and post it through the letter box. In other words, the decision would be final. But right now, I’m stuck in the room.
God, this is sooo depressing. Sorry.
Ps FOO? Wassat?
[This message edited by UKgirl at 1:59 PM, November 29th (Thursday)]
Ps FOO? Wassat?
My M called earlier on.She cancelled out on me for Sat as she has decided to invite her childhood friend over, someone she hasnt seen in ages, and who has been wanting to meet up for awhile.So of course I let off the hook easily. Yet she was the one who complained last week that she hasnt seen the grandkids for so long, and wants to spend time with them before she leaves.Ah well...
I dont think I will get anywhere discussing the past with her. She also has HUGE walls up.And I would end up feeling guilty if she gets upset.Or sick.
I cant talk to my sisters either.They dont see any point in rehashing the past.Besides it was a bit different for them. We (mum and I) tried to protect them, not always successfully.Also when I was discussing this stuff with IC, I realised that most of the stuff that did happen to me, didnt happen to the sisters. Sure they were subjected to the same emmotional and physical abuse as I was, but because I was older, I was supposed to be tougher and more responsible. Also they didnt suffer the same "accidents" I did.
Only explanation : I was born under an unlucky star. There is just no other reason why all the crap had to come to me, and not them.
So to repeat the question, how did you guys deal with the FOO stuff? Did you confront/discuss with your parents? Or did you just resolve for yourself?
Both my parents are gone. I barely spoke to my father from the minute he walked out to go live with his OW until his death. My mother and I developed an odd relationship toward the end of her life... I was her caregiver since she was ill and tied to Oxygen, barely left the house. I'd shop for her, take her to dr. appts, clean her house. She was never a very lovey dovey kind of mom. And being a BS, I now understand a lot of what I didn't then.
The night she passed, I had seen her at lunchtime and kissed her good-bye (not a normal move on my part at all) plus I told her I loved her. She told me the same, then grabbed my hand and said he was sorry she hadn't been a better mother. We held onto each other for a little while and I told her I'd see her tomorrow. That we were okay, not to worry. I treasure that memory of her.
So I get to work these all out on my own since my brother hasn't been told and the other is crazy.
I can't do this. It is too much. All I do is cry and despair and hate everything. I knew we weren't perfect but I thought we had each other. I thought that we had built something together that at some point was only about us. At some level, I thought it was at least you and I against the world and now I know that you were against me too. I can't stand knowing what you have done. I can't bear this truth (if this is even the truth). I can't watch the kids go through any more of this. I think this is worse for them than just splitting. The pain is too great. The kids are watching tv and I am in the study crying and typing and wondering where it all went so wrong and how did I not know. I am wondering why?why?why? Why me? Why these beautiful children? Why "our youngest"? She deserved to be brought into this world out of love and all she sees is pain and crying. She tries to make it better but she can't - no one can. It is so unfair that these wonderful kids are trying to "make it better" for me. When did they accept this burden? Who are you? Who was I married to? Why did you pick me to inflict this pain on? Did you hate me that much? Know that you have destroyed a loving woman.
I'm so sorry you are hurting so badly right now. Do you have any family close by to maybe take the kids for the weekend and let you recharge your inner-self? Can you leave the kids with WH for a few days and do something for YOU?
There is no shame in not being able to get over this and move on. There is so much to process and deal with, that it is no wonder you are overwhelmed. Breathe. Do something for you. Take a mental break and get back in touch with HurtShirley.
I really wish I could stick around and chat with you, but I have to go. But please know that you are in my thoughts and I am sending huge hugs your way.
e b/c: hard to type thru tears
[This message edited by hurtshirley at 8:11 PM, November 29th (Thursday)]