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User Topic: Long Term Affairs -V I I
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 3:01 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My tendency had always been to intellectualize my way out of things. Go into my head and think my way out of it.

(((Lost)))),

I know I have been gone a while and probably am not up to speed on the specifics of your journey.

I too was like cowgirl....if I could intellectualize something, I could ferret out a path of reason and comfort. That's how I coped. And it worked.......until my world crashed from his LTA.

Lost, this infidelity nightmare defies logic and reason. You cannot and will not "think" your way out of the pain. I say this while sending you gentle hugs of understanding and empathy.... bcause I truly know how true it is.
The horse whisperer analogy is an apt visual of what it takes to finally give up trying to put mind above heart....to survive.

You (We) have to "feel" it..to "heal" it.

By feeling, I don't mean the gut-wrenching sobbing and seething anger and despair of it all. That comes on its own...comes with being betrayed like this.

I mean the ultimate surrender that this indeed has happened to you....and now what are YOU going to do about you?....now...right now while it all hurts so much.

I likened it (and still do when it creeps up) to walking through a dark and lonely tunnel..a tunnel that once you begin the path only has light at the end....because turning around and going back just takes you to D-day "again".......so you walk on, feeling what you feel...and finding meaning in the fact that you are still walking and still who you are....

There is light out there, Lost...but only you can recognize it when it comes.
However......"Looking for it" makes the path easier.
It took me so long to realize it.

Hang in there and never give up on your ability to survive this.

Hugs, N&S


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
yewtree
♀ Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 3:45 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. I've been lurking here - my H had a 2 year affair and left on 09/05/07. He's basically living with her, having found his "happily ever after" and I'm no longer in his existence.

I'm wondering... how many of your marriages survived multiple affairs, and how many of your former spouses are still with the OP, and how long has it lasted.

All I want for Christmas is the KARMA bus.


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4560 | Registered: Oct 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((yewtree)))))) I am sorry to welcome you to our club. It is not a place that you want to find yourself but the people and advice here are a life saver (literally). I am new too (dday#1 8/07) so I don't have as much sage advice as some of the longer term members. I can only wish you hugs and know that the people here will support you.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
yewtree
♀ Member
Member # 16671
Default  Posted: 4:01 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One of his EA's was with a woman with your name.... ouch. Perhaps you will make me not wince at the name anymore!

Are you divorcing? We have not filed or anything, but I know it is inevitable. For one thing, when I'm not numb, I am certain he will never be allowed in my life again, except for the fact that we share 2 children.

I really want "their" relationship to end, and for the both of them to realize what they lost - but I also know that needs to NOT be the reason I crawl out of bed every day.

I'm trying to be positive, and find reasons to smile and be among the living, but it's near impossible some days.


Me(BS)45(at the time of D-day)

Divorced 2009, Closing on house Nov 2011 -
No longer waiting for the other "she" to drop.


Posts: 4560 | Registered: Oct 2007
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 6:02 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome yewtree.

I'm not divorcing (not as of yet anyway). I'm still trying to find my "self" and get a hold on my life again.

H had a 3 year LTA with the same POS single "girl" diseased homewrecker. She's out of the picture. I'm 18 months out from discovery.

I'm sorry you had to join the club nobody wants to belong to, but this place saved my life--and I'm not joking.

I want to read up on everything related (mine and H's stuff too), then put into a nice workable theory, then work out a POA, then action.Step by step.

Lost, this is me to a tee. I have more books than I care to admit I've read, and I've still got a pile to go and several more on my "wish list" at Amazon. Hopeless. Still part of that desire to "fix" it instead of just "be".

As far as a list of what to do...you're doing it again. You can't read a list of instructions to guide you through this, hon. It's going to be your journey and you're just going to have to feel your way through the dark.

The house and responsibilities can wait. Your H can step up...or they can go undone. Do the bare minimum--and by that, I do not mean LOST'S bare minimum. I mean the TRUE bare minimum. Recruit your kids to do more around the house. It's good for them. They'll all have to step up anyway if you start working again, so get them to it. Don't worry about it. If your house is a mess, it can be a mess or someone else can take care of it for a while. You've got bigger and better things to tackle than dustbunnies.

edited to add: "diseased". Can't leave that out, ya' know.

[This message edited by runoverbytruck at 6:04 PM, December 12th (Wednesday)]


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
DMS88
♀ Member
Member # 13461
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am so depressed this Christmas. I am coming up on the one year anniversary of my discovering the affair.

In fact, it was Christmas day that I realized something was up. There was no presents for me under the tree. My children were so upset that Santa forgot me that they spent Christmas day making drawings for me that they put in a book and gave me for Christmas. I cried at their thoughtfulness.

I was disappointed that my husband didn't buy me anything, but I thought we were in financial trouble at the time. At the time I didn't know why we now were in credit card debt. We in the past always payed off our monthly balance.

It turns out that he was spending about $1000 a month on this woman for the last year. It got so bad that he had to take money out of our son's college fund to pay the mortgage. I thought we were hurting financially, so I didn't question him about no gifts. What I didn't know then was that for Christmas he went out and bought her a tree and Christmas gifts, but for his family he got nothing.

Christmas got me depressed and suspicious. After New Years I started snooping and discovered his dark secret.

Months later in MC he says, "I bought you a present!" I said, "Oh yeah, what?" He stared at me with a dumb look on his face. Finally he said, "Some computer software." I shook my head and said, "That was for my birthday during the summer, and you didn't buy it for me, you simply said, "I don't know what you want for your birthday, go ahead and buy yourself something."

Bah humbug!

How can I ever celebrate Christmas again? It is a horrible reminder to me and just triggers my depression.

Did anybody else find out about the affair around the time of a major holiday? How do you get over the bad memories so you can once again celebrate?


Me: 47 years old
Husband: 46 years old
Married: 22 years, together 25
Two children, 7 & 8
Discovered the affair: 4 Jan '07. It started in March '06.
Second D-Day 9 October 2007 (same woman).
Reconciling--hopefully not a false R

Posts: 1518 | Registered: Jan 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 6:55 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yew...not divorcing, not doing anything. One of the best pieces of advice that I have received here (and, believe me, I had to *receive* it several times before I started to listen) is "make no decisions" right away. Obviously, there are circumstances where that does not hold true such as physical abuse, abuse of the children, theft of family assets, etc. So despite the thoroughness of my H's violation, I am waiting and watching. I am watching myself and him to see what unfold. I have to say it is like an out of body experience. One day I am fine looking at it all and knowing what has been done but what *is* being done. The next I am a mess thinking about what he *did* to me and to us.

Let us know more about your situation and maybe the tribe can help with advice.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
no mor surprises
♀ Member
Member # 7678
Default  Posted: 7:01 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DM and Ytree

I am saddened that we have two new members. But I bring you a big welecome, love and understanding. You have found a wonderful group of loving helpful people.

We all have different stories but we all are "victims" of the lta. This, unfortunately, usually is a long journey. Some of us have divorced while most of us are in limbo or have R or are in the process of R.

Sending huge hugs.


Posts: 1768 | Registered: Jul 2005
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 7:03 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yewtree and DMS, welcome. Yewtree, I'm sorry to hear your sitch. Most of us are trying to reconcile here but there are some who come in once in a while who are in the process of D'ing. Not to worry, you're still in good company here and hopefully we can help.

DMS, ForgiveNotForget found out the day before Christmas I believe. FNF, you around? She has quite a heroic story IMO. I'll let here share it.

Again, welcome to both of you. As much as it sucks for the reason you're here, we're glad you found us.


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 7:08 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lots of good thoughts today--I too called what I felt I was doing as "wallowing"--and my own IC also said it isn't wallowing, as in self-pity (though there was plenty of that too and still is sometimes), but just being there, giving up the fantasy of control over what you have no control over, giving up the fantasy of intellectually boxing it all up and dealing with it once and for all--all the stuff people are saying.

I'm almost 2.5 years out, and do feel better somewhat at last--at least in terms of what I can do for myself. H's feelings and actions are his own to deal with and if I can stand them, can stand waiting for him to go through his own shit, and can live with the result, then so be it. And if I can't, we'll see--

In my heart, I know I can live without him, wouldn't like it cuz of all the positives there were and still are, but it is strengthening to just know that fact. The practicalities of doing that boggle my mind sometimes, our lives are so intertwined after 30 years, but I know I can do it. And that's good.

Holidays are tough for me, especially Christmas, cuz I now know that he called her, from our home, each Christmas day, with his whole family in the other room--that still both stings me and makes me furious. So many things are spoiled by the LTA, as you all know--and I try to just make new memories in the present and chalk up the past as just that, the past--or when I think of things that we all did during those years, I try to focus on the kids and myself, memories of what we did together, and often just leave H out of my head. Works sometimes.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 7:20 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome yewtree and DMS88. I'm so sorry you are here, but these women (and the few men that show up once in a while) are amazing support.

I don't post a whole lot (but lurk all the time) because I simply feel I don't have a lot to offer because after 16 months, I still don't know where I am. We are struggling to R, but I really feel like we will end up divorced next year. Right now, flip a coin between R and D; that's about where I'm at.

But if anyone ever needs a shoulder, ear or hug, I'm here.

Let us know more about your stories.


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 7:35 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just wanted to tell SOMEONE, I had the best day today (for the most part).

I bundled up my 3 y/o after the big kids left for school, and we went shopping. Now shopping for us means driving 120 miles into the next state because I live in Podunkville, USA with no shopping what-so-ever.

So the kiddo and I went Christmas shopping, not for our family, but for the two angels we picked off of the local angel tree. I spoiled those kids rotten! My big kids and I have started doing this together for the last few years, but this year we couldn't get a time together to shop, so I went with the little munchkin.

She was so cute helping pick out coats and clothes and games for the kids, and the day just left me peaceful, which is a hard feeling to come by anymore.

Tomorrow, I'm calling the charity in charge of the angel tree to see if there are any names left so I can do more.

Sorry, nothing A related, but I just wanted to share.


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 7:41 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome yewtree and DM.. and as we all here will say to you...

SO sorry you too belong to this group...
But know that we all are still breathing life back into our own souls...day by day, year by year.

H and I are still together. It has been an uphill trek with many backslides. I too had to reach a point where my needs and sanity and "healing" had to be on my terms.....while he faced his demons without the ease of filtering his stuff with me as his tour guide or inhouse therapist. We all know painfully too well what always happens to the "messenger"......I stopped being the messenger and translator for his dysfunction.

That was an impotant turning point for me...and for us...

I also know I could live without him, if I had to.....and he knows it too.
Perhaps it was that reality that turned his tide too.

DM, I understand about Christmas being a terrible trigger. My H also made contact with the slut on that day..along with New year's Eve before we would go out..Easter...the day my mother was buried.....vacations....etc.. you name it...it was ruined for me..for our M.

And our D-Day....???...
Why that was on Valentine's day .....when I discovered the receipt for the necklace (the one that I had specifically described to him when he asked what I wanted).....the necklace that was given to the POS parasite who stalked my life for 8 years.
Do I still sound bitter...uhh yes. But frankly, that necklace is now a symbol of just what emotional squalor really is.....two warped people trolling the depths of meaninglessness.

Yewtree, You may want to take a look at the group for When a WS leaves for OP, too..if you haven't already...as well as hang out here.

(((Hugs to all))))

No mor, I loved your song....actually love all of them by everybody...

Who would have thought that being cheated on would uncover such talent.


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
thyme2go
♂ Member
Member # 12908
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, December 12th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most of us are trying to reconcile here but there are some who come in once in a while who are in the process of D'ing. Not to worry, you're still in good company here and hopefully we can help.

Ouch! That stings. Yes, I come in here once in a while.

Holidays? For the record my Dday in 10/31... nice!

-t2g


BH - no longer 48
3 DD's - (27, 24 and 17)
Divorced on 8/6/09

Posts: 9144 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Eastern Washington
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:08 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yewtree & DM. Sorry to see you here, all the LTA tribe are reluctant members. Eight months after DDay, I found some significant stuff relating to my H’s A. I went to a solicitor to find out where I stood financially so I could hit the ground running should I decide to D the b*stard. (There we go, organised again.) I said I knew I was “timed out” as far as grounds of adultery were concerned as that only lasts 6 months, after which the BS is considered to have “condoned” the A. WTF? Condoned?? But I feel better knowing I have something in place while I continue to examine the damage my H’s A has done. And staying undecided. Most of us here are dealing with love for our WS’s while hating what they have done. For me, MC and IC is the best way to keep the threads of my M together, along with friends and SI.

All anniversaries are tainted. They were in contact every day (except my birthday, somehow that makes it worse!), Christmas, his b’day, our 25th anni (at the same hotel where we spent our wedding night), holidays abroad, Valentines, the lot. She was there, in my life and I never knew it.

You will get through this season. You will because you have to. Buy yourself something and make sure you take things easy. This year my H, my youngest and I are going abroad, something we’ve never done before. Sons 1&2 are on a gap year and no3 son is working. Kind of skipping Christmas, no presents, just finding the sunshine.

Yewtree – when my H started his A, four couples were D’ing. Guess what? None of them are still together. The two who were rocky are still M’d.

Edit note: Silly me, of course none of them are together if they divorced! I meant they are no longer with the OP they left the marriage for! Ha, ha and serves them right.

[This message edited by UKgirl at 6:53 AM, December 13th (Thursday)]


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:44 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning.

I have read and re-read everyones' responses, then copied it to my journal to read again.Thank you for taking the time to share. I hope that others reading will benefit too.
The message is sinking in...slowly.

As far as a list of what to do...you're doing it again

Robt..you caught me!
I truely didnt realise that until I read your line, then went "Oh crap!".
I am arent I? I am so obsessed with doing it the right way,and not making mistakes. But from what I gather from OTC and BT and NAs, is that I HAVE to do it my way.And part of this journey, is finding my own way.Crap!

I started reading this book and straight away these lines hit home:

When you have spent your life running from the Bad Thing, you have to wonder what it will feel like one day when it finally catches you.

I told myself I was an adult now. I told myself I ha nothin left to fear. My father had directed my past. But I owned my future and I would not spend it running anymore.

It is so comforting for me to know that I have you guys to hold my hand.Thank you. (happy).

****
UBC, I think thats a wonderful way to have spent the day! And what great life lessons you are teaching your kids.
****

Hello yewtree and DMS.
yewtree

I'm trying to be positive, and find reasons to smile and be among the living, but it's near impossible some days

We all know that too well. Yes it would be great if he realised what he lost, and comes back crawling, but that may not happen for along time.What would be even better is that he sees in the meantime how well you are carrying on, how much more enriched your life has become, so that when he is ready to return to the world of the living, you wouldnt even care if he was slithering on his belly spewing petals to get back home!
You will do this! Even if your motives initially are not that pure.

DDS,

How do you get over the bad memories so you can once again celebrate?

Its your first one after dday, so this is more likely then not, to be quite difficult and triggerladen, esp given his past behaviour.

How is H now?
Do you think its possible to discuss this with him, and tell him that you would need extra support/pampering/attention etc over this period?And even then,thats not guaranteed to make you feel better, but at least its something.

My first dday was 3 days before the birthday of my DS2 and 5 days before his death anniversary.Every year for that week, I would spoil my other kids, pray extra hard, cook special dinners etc. LAst year, this time was a blur.I did nothing.And that has really tormented me since. This year was hard too, but with the support of my Tribe here, I was able to do some of my old traditions.And next year, I know it would be easier.

You know that this Christmas is going to be hard. Plan now how you are going to spend it as stress free as possible. Some people are doing christmas different this year.for eg, Fnf is coming over to London to spend time with her family (YAY!!), whilst another member is spending it quietly at home instead of the usual one with IL's.

Do what feels right for you.
Your kids will be fine with anything, as long as you are fine.
***

Hope everyone has a good day today.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:52 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For those that need a chuckle: check out CheatedMale's thread in F&G on Books That Didnt Make it To The Shelves!

FSA, I know you will love it!


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am always amazed when I've been gone for a few days just how much you can miss. I am reading and trying to catch up but wanted to say welcome back to NAS. It's so good having your excellent posts to give us positive thoughts and support again. You were missed.
I also wanted to send hugs to our new members, Yewtree and DMS88. You will get so much support and love from the members here. It has been the saving grace for all of us.
DMS88 - my d-day was 12/23/05. My H came home with a bag of gifts from the office. This was not unusual since he often received gifts from his staff. He left the bag on a kitchen chair and walked away. I was in the process of cleaning up and began taking the gifts out of the bag when a card dropped to the floor. That card changed my life forever. If you read my profile, you will see that the OW was someone I considered to be my friend and so for me the betrayal was doubled. To say I was in shock would be an understatement but then I guess all of us experienced this on d-day. That first year I was literally going through the motions. I had 30 guests coming for Christmas day and the only one who knew what had happened was my sister and I begged her to just help me pretend that all was normal. I had to do this for myself and my family. This has been our tradition for years and I will be dammed if I will allow my H's stupidity to steal from me the joy of this special day. He had already stolen too much.
I can only tell you that I am determined not to allow my H's LTA to destroy my love of Christmas. The following Christmas - my first d-day anniversary, I was concerned that I would fall apart but lucky for me I have an amazing family and we are all very close. So, as I have said in another post, as I looked around my Christmas table and saw all of the people who I love so much smiling up at me, and sending all that love in my direction, I was overwhelmed with a sense of peace and gratitude. Several family members offered to take over Christmas day but there was no way I was going to allow this to happen. This was MY holiday - this was a tradition that all of us look forward to sharing in my home. Tradition and Christmas - very precious combination!
I don't know how I can help you other than to say that for me it was a matter of choice and I chose to do what I loved most - and what I love above all is having my family together. And this is how I got through and will continue to get through every d-day anniversary. I will focus on all of the love that surrounds me and gives me comfort and joy.
Don't hesitate to PM me or post and if there is any way I can help you get through this first d-day anniversary, please let me know and I will do my best to help you.
Your children sound so sweet and amazing. Focus on them. Celebrate them! It is clear that they give you joy. Try not to let your H's selfishness destroy this holiday season for you and your children. I know that is easier said than done, but sometimes I do think we need to make a definitive choice in spite of them to rejoice and celebrate the love that we do have in our lives.
One thing I did do though (that made me feel so much better) was to go around the house and throw away - literally trash anything she had given me over the years. And with each piece of trash I threw away I cursed her for the piece of trash she was. And you know what, it felt good.
Again, please ask anything you need to ask and I will try to help you through this.
(((DMS88)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry ladies, I haven't had a chance to catch up from yesterday morning.

I've got a big decision to make. And I'm just now getting to where I can decide what to wear and what to cook.

I've been offered another job. It's a good job. But the one I have is also a good job. What to do, what to do. I HATE making decisions. The money is just about the same. But with the new job, I will be home much more. Work 3 days a week versus 5 days. But the new job will be somewhat more stressful (it will be in law enforcement). What to do, what to do???? I feel like I am on "Let's make a Deal". Do you want what's behind door #1 or door #2!!!!! New job is also working with my H. We have worked together in the past, and it was never a problem. What to do, what to do????

Looks like the boss is going to be out today. I'll try and catch up and check back in.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 10:25 AM, December 13th (Thursday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Your children sound so sweet and amazing. Focus on them. Celebrate them!

Great advice Fnf! Also DD, remember that although your H was an asshat, you were/are a great Mom. If I were you, instead of waiting for a pressie from H, buy yourself one, wrap it up beautifully, then put it under the tree.
***
Had my IC session today,and wanted to share in th hope that it might help someone.

These are the facts I gleaned.
1.I have a LONG way to go.No shortcuts or easy way to get there.And I am only at the very beginning.

2.I will make it.I will come out of this a strong, capable and independent woman, inside and out.

3.Whenever an issue/thought threatens to overwhelm me over this holiday season, I MUST let it go. It will always be there, so I can come back to it when I am able to deal with it.

4.I have no safe place.Even my safe room in my head is gone.That shocked me!I didnt expect that. Guess I have to start looking for a new one in the new year.

5.Even this place is not safe, now that I know that H can dip in whenever he wants.Unless he promises to stay out, and keeps to it, I shouldnt post anything that he can "use" against me.

6. The focus of this holiday season is going to be on not letting anything or anyone overwhelm such that I cant come out of it and for the kids to have a peaceful and safe environment at home (note no.3).

She used some EMDR that surprised me as well.

***Remember that letter wrote to OW and OWh.Well OWH~1 replied and basically he said that they didnt give a rats ass about our M (or whats left of it) and that the letter gave them much to laugh about together. You know, reading that I was pleasantly surprised at my reaction. I thought that I would be upset, but I just feel sad. I am done with them; its just sad that I should ever be involved in something like this in the first place. Ah well...

And where is everyone else today???


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

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