Any yet ladies and gentlemen, thats part of the man I chose again to spend my life with.
I am so confused by his behavior...I dont get it
I thought I would be more upset thinking of the wedding and them (OW and H), but strangely, I am not.
Either I am still numbish, or it just doesnt bother me as much anymore.Hoping for the latter. Wow. Who knew?
[This message edited by Lost Heart at 11:37 AM, December 17th (Monday)]
Hugs to all. I've been working and lurking lately. I feel like I'm in a pretty good place even though I can't quite get in the spirit of the holidays. I kind of would like just to go to some tropical locale and lay on the beach with a mai tai.
[This message edited by Steelergal at 1:06 PM, December 17th (Monday)]
LostH, Just that Monday feeling. Another bloody Monday and another week to get through. I will tell H about the letter later when #4 son has gone to bed. I’m going to show him the long (unsent) version written back in August when things were really, really bad and I could see no way of staying in my marriage, and then the short, to the point one sent last week. Before I do, I will tell him, he has to tell me immediately if he has any sort of communication from her. No negotiation. Watching for the London meet, I will be there, assuming WS’s are banned! And just where was your H coming from re the wedding? OW and OWH? No, no, no. He cannot consider OWH to be his mate.
Joe, My H was best man at his BF’s wedding in 2004. He referred to our “wonderful” M and said how marrying me was the best decision of his life ….. He was two and a half years into his A at the time. F*cking hypocrite. Weddings. They’ll never be the same.
(((Puddles))) – sounds like the pot has messed with his head. Poor you. He won’t be much use until he’s kicked it, I’m afraid. Don’t think you had much choice IMO. So sorry.
And I’m working on something that goes roundandaroundandaround. Y’all kwim. One of those. Trouble is, I write it and it makes no sense! But then, my life doesn’t make sense either, so what’s new??
Night everyone, and a good week in this hectic run up to the season of goodwill …. 'Night. Thanks to you all.
I did post on it because I believe this is not a question a LTA BS can grapple with. To do so would keep you rooted to the whole specter of the length and scope of the LTA.
Also....both versions bring you right back to the total destruction of trust...no matter how much we would think our LTA WS had simply made a "mistake"....
Joe, so good to see you. Don't be a stranger. We need our few doses of testosterone here.
Stellergal, I'll gladly join you on that tropical isle...and promise to be a quiet companion. It sounds wonderful.
UKgirl, I am not surprised that he is ambivalent about the letters. He is probably relieved. Let us know if you hear anything back.
Hugs to all
[This message edited by numb and scared at 7:21 PM, December 17th (Monday)]
I also tanked last week, which isn't that unusual, it was just a tough descend into the grips of H*LL. Trying to keep me head above things this week and not to go off the deep end with niggly thoughts. How many times can one rethink this stuff? For me, I never imagined it would be so countless.
Puddles: Your husband has an addiction to pot. It's not something he can just give up without some help. The OW, they describe as an *addiction*, but it's not like alcohol or narcotics. He needs to go to Narcotics Anonymous immediately.
Joe: It was great to see your name flash on the screen. I guess weddings may always be a trigger for you. How's your new significant other? Is she lovely? Do you feel like you are capable of trust?
FSA: I totally understand your setback. That is not a small detail, but the smallest details can literally drive me insane. You recount all of the conversations you had without this information and you feel like your head is screwed on too loose.
Buckets of white light to the rest of you. I am reading your posts and wish you comfort during these difficult emotional upheavals.
"Just when the caterpillar thought it was over, she became a butterfly."
Just popping in to say I hate him. That's it. That's all. He rejected me again and I'm done asking. Never again will I touch him or ask him or cooperate when he wants to. I'm done. I hate him, I hate him.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
Did his behavior make up your mind for you? My WH's lack of effort, and not doing things I tell him I need to R, had brought me to the brink of D. Called a lawyer yesterday.
numb: Today I think my WH is a bad person, or a good person with some really deep issues and flaws who needs a lot of therapy before he could ever be a good partner. How does I good person make the decision to continue an LTA so long? Make all those decisions, to call, to meet secretly, to lie to WS daily, for years? How does a "good" person do such bad things for so lon? It is way past the point of mistake for me, to the point of impaired morals and feeling it's okay to do this. I like forgive and forgets ideas, too. But, today since I want to D, I think my WH is bad.
uk girl good deal with the letter to OWH.
puddles, he needs to stop with the pot before you can really begin to R. Why bother to do the excruciatingly painful, hard work to recover from an LTA to live your life with someone addicted to pot? When you envision your marriage perfectly reconciled healed from this, etc, do you accept that he is a pot addict? I wouldn't, couldn't it would just be another brick in the wall.
puddles, my H actually found giving up pot easier than giving up OW. As a matter of fact, he quit doing that... at least around me... right near the beginning of his A. Because it made him horny and he couldn't "afford" to be that way around me. His LTA was a dealer and I have no doubt he indulged with her, he says no, (but we all know what that means). He truly quit around the time the As ended and hasn't in at least 3 years that I know for sure.
I have tried explaing to my H just the way snow has... from my viewpoint we have about 12 bricks standing in the way of true happiness and intimacy. He's chosen not to go there with you and destroy that brick for a reason... I'm sure my H's reason is fear of intimacy. He thinks he can live without it, I know I can't.
I posted on that General question too. No mistake. Believe my H is a messed up person, good or bad doesn't aptly describe the murk and mayhem inside him. Maybe if he gets that sorted out, I'll be better to decide.
If this is a longtime pastor, could your H have assumed that you knew?
If this is a longtime pastor, could your H have assumed that you knew?
He needs to get his head out of his arse so that he can kiss mine.
If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?
Now we're off for another fun filled day of shopping. Yesterday was sooooo much fun, I couldn't hardly stand it. He ruined my two days off that was supposed to be for ME.
"Open ass insert head"
Weepy, dont know what to say except I'm sorry.IMHO, I dont think anyone would be IT for him, not even the OW. I think you will be the closest he ever gets to feeling that...not because theres something missing in you..but because theres a huge chunk missing in him.
FSA, dont let Mr Butthead ruin your day off.You work too hard for him to do this. If I were you, I tell him to start doing some serious kissing uppness, or you will spend the day alone with his credit card! Humph!
Nas, usually I would love to dive into this topic, but I just cant right now.For me to get through the holidays, I need to coast through any deep issues. But is it so black and white for the LTA WS? Jeez, I hope not.
Ukgirl, they are no longer friends. OWH ended that last year when H confessed and apologised to him. I think the ability to be this man's friend whilst having an A with the man's W, either shows H's diabolical nature, or his "impressive" ability to compartementalise.
I have been trying to get hold of a friend I made here on the forum.The last time we had contact was 2 weeks ago. She hasnt returned my sms's and her phone goes to voice mail. She is usually very prompt with her responses.
I considered the possibilities, and its possible that she could have went away on holiday, although I doubt it as school is not out yet.Also she mentioned that they would be spending the holidays at home for a change. She sounded down the last time we had contact.
I could be worrying for nothing.
What do I do? I dont know where she lives or her surname.
H is interviewing today for a job I saw in the Sunday papers. It would mean a move. I only wanted him to apply because it’s a couple of hundred miles away from her and she wouldn’t know our address. Stupid reason really. His mobile number’s staying the same. Looks like they might make him an offer. I don’t think I could cope with a move.
You do know you have options re. his cell. Either he could get a new number, or he could block her number.
Re. my friend. I will give it another week before calling in the swat team.