Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: viva19 (43151)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, November 25th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
wildfeistykitten
♀ Member
Member # 16966
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, November 25th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm married to a bipolar and have it myself. We really didn't know he was bipolar until he went to an IC this time around. I mean he would spend so much time sleeping when he was depressed it made me nuts . He would go out and BLOW lots of money and because i trigger and become manic when it comes to the bills getting paid I would freak out bad. His impulse control is kind of getting better although he isn't on meds because we can't afford them right now.
I am at least getting mine when income taxes come in. I know because of his bipolar and being a SA this kind of plays a part in his cheating. I just wish he'd own his crap and try fixing it. I know for some people it is pretty hard to live with someone that has this illness. I guess it is a bit easier with me because i can empathize that i know what it is like to be on that roller coaster with cycling and mania and depression.


BS, me 36
WH,bs. 32
M 14 yrs
3 kids.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: mo
blind-sided
♂ Member
Member # 12240
Default  Posted: 11:02 AM, November 25th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by blind-sided at 4:17 PM, April 29th (Thursday)]


Now Happily Married to no. 2, "the good wife"!.

Posts: 1090 | Registered: Oct 2006
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, November 25th (Sunday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi, my H is an unmedicated (through choice) bipolar, diagnosed earlier this year.

I'm still processing it and deciding what I need to do.

Had I known what was wrong when he started his first affair I might have handled it differently....as it is, his words and actions mimicked a lot of the typical WS actions that I read about here, so I saw it as infidelity rather than illness, and it broke my heart.

I love him and worry about him, despite him resisting my help right now. However, all my legal and financial actions need to take his illness into account.

I sympathise with all bipolar spouses...unless their partners are able and willing to be on medication, their behaviour isn't simply about ups and downs.

wild, I heard something about partners of bipolar sufferers being more likely to develop it themselves...have you heard of this? It seems unlikely since it has a physical cause, but I think the stress can lead to similar behaviour. Lately, people have been asking me if I'm bipolar, but what I feel I'm doing is trying to compensate for the stress and anxiety.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
Blindside
♀ Member
Member # 13938
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, November 26th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to the mods for adding this thread! I thought I'd start off by sharing my story so far.

My H was just recently diagnosed with Bipolar. It is tough. We are reading books and what not to learn about the illness, and I'm starting to see how the A happened even though things were going so well in our marriage at the time. Still, as selfish as this may sound, despite that there is now an explanation for his A, the damage to me has been done and I am having a very hard time setting it all aside to support him. I think a lot of that has to do with the level that H took the betrayal. It really messed me up.

First, H cheated on me. Once I figured out what was going on in March, we went though hell together for months. We were doing well, or so I thought. But, even though he read and learned what he needed to do to R and make us safe in the future, he didn't actually follow through with the things he learned. He started cheating with the same MOW again, WHILE saying all the things to me that made it appear we were recovering from his A. He was living a scary level of duplicity during this time. He spent all his free time doing marital/family things...camping trips, date nights, etc. At the same time, he planned "dates" with her before/during work, and even met for sex during the work day (she is a co-worker). I caught him again in September just a couple of weeks before our 10th wedding anniversary. I've no doubt he'd still be in the A if I hadn't caught him again. This thought really makes me wonder if the A business is really in the past as much as he claims.

Now I know the A was more likely a symptom of his Bipolar and not just what *caused* this mess in our family. But now what?

Do I not allow myself to go through what I need to in order to heal because he's been diagnosed and can't handle the A topic? Lately, he's been freaking out on me if I vocalize when I'm having a hard time with anything A related.

Do I roll over and pretend I don't know that he decided to betray me the last two times he went into a manic episode, and expect to believe that he'll "never do it again"? How can I support him when I know the illness itself has the potential to throw me right into another D-day...into more devastation?

I guess the scariest thing is knowing that my H can be very fickle about following through on things. He's reading all about Bipolar, and has started a mood stabilizer med, but I can already see he's stalling on making changes in his behavior, diet, etc., that he has been reading about.

Long story short, I am scared of what this illness is going to do to our marriage and family...to the R that we both really do want. But it is all very new still; D-Day only a couple of months ago, and the Bipolar diagnosis just a few weeks ago. Things seem pretty bleak right now, but I'm holding out hope that things will improve eventually.


~Married Sept 27, 97
~D-Day #1, March 9, 07: WH EA w/ co-worker.
~D-Day #2, September 12, 07: Discovered EA/PA back on, that the 1st was actually EA/PA, and that we were in False R.
~R? .

Posts: 224 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Key West, FL
inhishands55
♀ Member
Member # 9454
Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, November 26th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I wasn't married to a bipolar, but was dating a guy with it...Everyone told me to run and I tried to stick it out and see how things would go...

Boy, at first I thought I could cope, but he talked in circles and tried to control me...I couldn't handle that and then he stopped his meds and that was the end of that...He would talk and you would think he would be making sense and he made no sense at all....

Since I have been away from him, I have been told I am calmer and more myself...I am so glad it didn't go any farther than it did with him or I would in some serious IC for his problem..

My heart goes out to those who are married to a bipolar person and if you are dating one take the advice I was given....RUN LIKE HELL....


Posts: 407 | Registered: Jan 2006 | From: The Tarheel State, in the mts.
wildfeistykitten
♀ Member
Member # 16966
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, November 26th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No i've never heard of anyone picking it up through marriage but that is really something to check into. My illness was misdiagnosed years ago as being BPD. We've both looked at our lives and unfortunately this is something we both had since we were kids and it was over looked. All three of my boys seem to have some symptoms of it too, and my sister has it. Being bipolar is very hard on everyone especially if you're not on meds or not on the right kind. There is hope though with a good therapist and the right meds. Some may balk at first because the mania feels good and that is hard to get rid of.


BS, me 36
WH,bs. 32
M 14 yrs
3 kids.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: mo
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, November 26th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

No, I have never heard of picking it up via M.

Isn't this a "chemical imbalance" within one's brain?

I felt really Crazy trying to
*cope* with WH's mood swings, buying sprees, hypersexuality, etc., & it made the roller coaster even that much more SEVERE...so that I was a depressed inert dish rag even many months after I kicked him out.

He's no longer on his meds...he continues to LIE...he'll never live with me, again!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 5:12 PM, November 26th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Couple of things worth raising. One is that there are both bipolars and bipolar spouses/partners here on SI, and that the WS / BS split isn't always along those same lines. I know of at least two bipolar BS's here, and I'm sure there are more.

And there are many shades and types of bipolar. For instance, my WH has had affairs (probably is in one right now) but he doesn't seem to lie to me. He withholds information, but he'll do anything to avoid lying. And as far as I'm aware, he's been fairly responsible about money. I might be proved wrong on those, or something might change, but at the moment my main concern is his secrecy, self-hatred, and of course the stream of OWs who fall madly in love with him and think they can save him And my mental health isn't great right now, but I'm on new meds and I hope they'll keep the anxiety at bay.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:09 PM, November 26th (Monday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bipolars are very charismatic AND extremely alluring.

Mine is NPD & OCD, as well.

I don't want this burden. I won't be with a person who CONTROLS info, $$$, feelings...this is patently absurd & its ABUSE.

I won't be his Door Mat after being assured he was a *male feminist* & that we were going to have an egalitarian partnership!

I no longer love him. The person whom I fell in love with was not "real". Period.

Moving On.

(After he shattered not only my life, but his first wife's as well. No remorse there from him! UG)

It was good to talk to XW.
I felt validated.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
921Lisa
♀ Member
Member # 7849
Default  Posted: 12:35 AM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wildfeistykitten,

My husband is bipolar.

Have either of you tried diet and exercise (I have been told the Zone diet helps by an ADHD man who's brother is bipolar, they are both on the diet). The Zone diet works to regulate your insulin levels, not weight loss.

Also, have you seen the suppliment Empower? It was cheap, so we bought some. Anything is worth a try.

Also, we go to the local MHMR. It is one of their speicalties. FWH was only on Stratteria for his ADHD and it was costing us over $200/month. At the MHMR he gets the ADHD meds, and his BP meds, and the psychiatrist for less than $200/month. It isn't a perfect set up, but it is affordable this way. Our MC/IC sessions take the rest of our money.

I'm just wondering if anyone has tried "alternative" methods and if it helped.


Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. (Mr Sim York Soo)

Reconciled


Posts: 881 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
wildfeistykitten
♀ Member
Member # 16966
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Actually one of the people on my bipolar support groups sites uses St. Johns wart for his depression and he swears by it. Yes there are two type of bipolar. One is bipolar one and that is the extreme mode. Type two hypo bipolar and it isn't as extreme. Diet and excercize and cut back on caffine (haha) is a big must with this. Getting enough rest and being careful about what will trigger the mania is another. I can only say to those that have been with someone that is bipolar that i know it is VERY hard and not everyone can do it. The other thing i really really must stress for those that don't have good communication with those that have this illness is that it isn't a picnic for us either. The main reason so many go off their meds is that they start to miss their mania. And it starts to feel normal and then we somehow fool ourselves into thinking we don't need them anymore. I just wanted those who have been or are with someone to know that this is an illness and it is very hard to go through it for us too.


BS, me 36
WH,bs. 32
M 14 yrs
3 kids.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: mo
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I met Noclue at 20, he was the most amazing person (he still is). I was immediately attracted to his crazy side and I always told my mom that this is what I loved the most about him. His ability to take me on an adventure on the most boring nights. I am more reserved by nature but he broke my shell.

Yes we noticed early that he had weird spending habits, he always wanted more things. But he made sure to take on a second and even a third job to pay for his toys. Our finances were early on electronically organized so he couldn't do any damages in our bank account. Again, that was his idea.

When the As happened, I knew that something was wrong (obviously) because it was so out of character from him. For the first time, I saw a part of him I didn't recognize.

I truly believe that the As and the aftermath were a symptom of his bipolar but also the click that made his episodes faster and stronger...until I couldn't handle it anymore and asked him to leave for a couple of days in September.

That day, my mom called and I told her everything. The As, his outburst, his suicidal tendencies. I kept repeating : he is sick mommy...i don't know what to do.

She forced me to see our family doctor behind Noclue's back and to tell him everything. He immediately recognized the symptoms and it was as if a huge weight had lifted from my shoulders. This thing had a name and we could treat it. With treatment, we could live normally. I told everything to Noclue and he gave permission to our doctor to talk to me about everything regarding tests, treatments and his medication. I am involved in all of the steps.

Now our frustrations are with the health system. Noclue wants to be treated but we are on waiting lists to see a psychiatrist that will be able to prescribe his necessary medication. This is what we are dealing with now.

I am still confident that we will beat this. This is not the death sentence of our marriage. We are also very lucky that my family is supporting us 100%.

But it is hard.


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
wildfeistykitten
♀ Member
Member # 16966
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

juliette, I must say that i applaud you! The web site support group that i gave to NC is also open to you too. That really sucks that the health care system is so behind there. We can't afford much right now so meds isn't an option until income taxes here. My WH loves to shop shop shop, but the things that he loves the most are sun glasses and watches. I really know when he is manic because we will either make a stop at the watch counter or he'll buy one or he will buy another pair of sun glasses. Oh and knives are one other thing. We have lots of those too. I'm in an odd situation with my H. We are both bipolar so it is definitly a different setting here. My poor kids. My middle son keeps saying that he lives in an insane asylum because when mom and dad are both manicky we are kooky and silly like how you explained NC had the fun side. It is the other stuff that they see that sucks ya know. And all three of them show signs of being bipolar. Not only does mom and dad have it, but my sister too.
In another post uptop someone said her husband has NPD OCD and is bipolar. WoW, that is quite a combo. The Npd more than anything will make him seem charming. Well into you peek past that mask that is.


BS, me 36
WH,bs. 32
M 14 yrs
3 kids.

Posts: 202 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: mo
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 5:41 PM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, i took advantage of my Employee Assistance Program and saw a psychologist today. I wanted some concrete actions to help Noclue.

I got out of there with phone numbers and she is recommendint EMDR for Noclue. We will check that out, as she thinks it would be great for him to help him deal with previous issues. She also recommended Omega 3 in his diet.

She told me that what we already put in place as measures to cope are great and that there is not much more that we can do at this point. It felt good to hear by a professional that I was doing some good in helping him while waiting for the psychiatrists and the meds.

I really feel good about this because I told her I didn't want to do introspections but wanted to work on things concrete and I felt she got me on this.



Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:13 PM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is GOOD News, juliette.

Was just wondering how many bipolar spouses here ever suffered from bedwetting as a child & frequent headaches into adulthood?

And, was bipolar ever determined by an MRI scan or just a clinical diagnosis?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, November 27th (Tuesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well before Noclue was diagnosed, he suffered a concussion and had to pass a CT scan. They saw the concussion scar but also something else. They were supposed to send the results to the family doctor but they never arrived.

The scans are now lost and we are left wondering what the heck was on those pictures.


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
Blindside
♀ Member
Member # 13938
Default  Posted: 12:18 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also, we go to the local MHMR

Newbie question. What do those letters stand for?

how many bipolar spouses here ever suffered from bedwetting as a child & frequent headaches into adulthood?

My H did in fact wet the bed as a child. And he takes Tylenol/Motrin like it is candy he gets so many headaches. Is there some connection that you've heard of to these things and BPD?

was bipolar ever determined by an MRI scan or just a clinical diagnosis?

My H was clinically diagnosed with BPD after being misdiagnosed with depression, and then completely losing it when given an SSRI (Celexa, in his case). The whole event kind of forced his psychiatrist to take a good look at things that he originally only glossed over (family mental history, FULL truth on Hs activities and behaviors, etc).

*Is* there a way to know for sure like an MRI or a blood test or something? I have been reading so much about BPD, and these books are my H completely...it is uncanny. I'd be shocked at this point if it turns out he isn't Bipolar. However, they misdiagnosed him once already and he came far too close to suicide before the mistake was caught. It would be great to be SURE that the doc is on the right track this time.


~Married Sept 27, 97
~D-Day #1, March 9, 07: WH EA w/ co-worker.
~D-Day #2, September 12, 07: Discovered EA/PA back on, that the 1st was actually EA/PA, and that we were in False R.
~R? .

Posts: 224 | Registered: Mar 2007 | From: Key West, FL
921Lisa
♀ Member
Member # 7849
Default  Posted: 1:59 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wildfeistykitten,

My FWH is BP 1. But I am trying EVERYTHING. Treating the WHOLE him, not just the medications they pass out to us.

He DIES if he drinks more than one cup of coffee a day, because I will KILL HIM. With his ADHD he has used coffee to speed up his frontal lobe for YEARS. Now I tell him, EAT SOME PROTIEN. Coffee can wind him up tight, fast.

If you could PM me that support group you gave NoClue and Juliette I would appreciate it.

juliette,

You and NoClue sound a lot like me and my FWH. At least my attraction, and FWH's spending.

"waiting lists to see a psychiatrist"

So were we, which led me to calling every BP resource I could find all over the country to get told over and over "we don't give references". My phone trip led me to the local MHMR which isn't perfect. But they are local, they are affordable, and they got FWH in and diagnosed quickly.

The pdoc that told you Omegas is correct from what I have been reading. There are good studies backing the theory up.

Blindside,

MHMR, mental health and mental retardation. Gov't program. They specialize in bipolar, schizophrenia, and depression.


Behind every successful man is his woman.
Behind the fall of a successful man is usually another woman. (Mr Sim York Soo)

Reconciled


Posts: 881 | Registered: Aug 2005 | From: Texas
usedtobeme
♀ Member
Member # 5918
Default  Posted: 5:11 AM, November 28th (Wednesday), 2007View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could I also have the link for the support group, please? I was diagnosed with BPD in April (a HUGE relief...I now know what I am up against, and am on the right combination of meds, doing wonderfully). Thank you.


Where are we? Here.

What time is it? Now.


Posts: 4110 | Registered: Nov 2004
Topic Posts: 511
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.