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User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

disedero~ there was a book published called Electro Boy.
This might help you.

No, WH seemed to be a lot in "the planning/scheming stage" during the weekends, except for one weekend that was fairly obvious.

Bear in mind though that he does not just have a singular disorder, but a multitude.

Maybe that is why its so difficult for me to understand this stuff...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
groundhogday
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Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Out of interest, is a rapid escalation to anger something you've all experienced in a bipolar person? Or is that possibly a sign of some additional personality or mood disorder? It just takes WH the slightest feeling that he's being criticised, these days, and the anger just flares up and he can be really nasty, verbally. I can't tell if it's a deliberate act of deflection, or whether it's a lack of control. What comes out can be extremely hurtful, but more importantly it changes the topic of conversation completely. The issue that needs to be discussed never gets addressed.

He did always say that when he really wanted to, he could find anyone's weak spot. But I hardly ever saw that until the affairs started. Which were linked to bipolar episodes. And so it goes round and round.

And while I would love to know exactly what causes this, I do know it would be better to just not be exposed to it any more. If I could just ever have the conversations that I need to have, and some straight answers to everything rather than engage in ridiculous conversations that just leave us both frustrated and upset.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, April 2nd (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband is like that. He is trying to control his anger but he has problems sometimes. I keep telling him that being frustrated is normal but he needs to dose his outburts.

For the record, my fil is worse.


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:08 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to add, he always apologises afterwards. And says he feels incredibly bad about it. And he probably does. It still leaves me incredibly shaken, and often ill.

I also wonder if he really does think the things he says, but keeps them repressed until he feels under threat (rhetorical question).

It's so frustrating to not be able to communicate properly, because of his skewed view of things, and to feel scared of raising issues until they blow up out of all proportion.

Everything that's happened is so wrong. I feel sorry for him, for his illness, but essentially he always lands on his feet and finds enough sycophants to flatter and suck up to him, so he doesn't ever need to face up to reality. If anyone raises anything that isn't supportive of him and his views, they risk attack. And me, I'm left dealing with the fallout, always, and I get absolutely no support at all.

Sound familiar, anyone???

Juliette...I've forgotten, but is your fil a diagnosed/ undiagosed bipolar?


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My fil is undiagnosed. He will never get diagnosed as obviously, there is nothing wrong with him.

I remember when I was dating Noclue, if fil had a bad day at work, he would come home looking for a fight with anybody. It was usually Noclue who took the bait. The explosions were horrible.

When Noclue can't handle stress, he is usually like that too but more contained. I will see it in his face and the way he walks, like a caged tiger. I usually get out of his way and I tell Romeo to do the same thing (we explained the disease to Romeo).

Unfortunately, I am pretty strong headed so sometimes I take the bait. That is not pretty either.


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 4:29 PM, April 3rd (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep, H had that stressed look today when he called round on one of his flying visits. He started to run late for another appointment and it was so worrying to see how quickly the stress built up. My heart just ached for him.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
just tired
♀ Member
Member # 11609
Default  Posted: 5:48 PM, April 4th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am bipolar and the anger, really rage leaves me ashamed and exhausted. I am on meds now and much better. My son is learning to control his anger. He tries to catch it before it gets to the explosion stage. sometimes you can, sometimes you can't. And that is not a cop out. It is true.

Have you ever felt like your whole body was just alive with with just so much anger and frustration and it actually makes your skin crawl? And you don't know why? Have you ever stood in the middle of a room and just screamed til you were hoarse? Have you ever heard words coming out of your mouth to a loved one and see the hurt on their face and can't stop? Even when you want to? And just get so ashamed and sick of yourself. Just disgusted and tired of having to say you are sorry and know you can never ever take back those spiteful words? I absolutely hate it and am really a nice , caring person til that, whatever the hell it is clicks in.

It is a living hell and I am so glad that I have finally found some meds that help me. I owe that to my husband and me.

Sometimes I just wish God would make it go away.


Posts: 1008 | Registered: Aug 2006
groundhogday
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Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 4:16 AM, April 5th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((just tired)))

Thank you so much for posting, and for giving me a better understanding of what happens. I know my husband is a good person, and I know he finds it hard to control what is happening to him. I have to keep reminding myself over and over again that it isn't him doing this.

I am so sorry that you have to experience this, and I can't imagine what it must be like to feel so out of control at times. I think you deserve a lot of credit for seeking help, and I hope it continues to work well for you.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
just tired
♀ Member
Member # 11609
Default  Posted: 6:39 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are welcome. I just want people to know the other side and I know it is so hard to live with someone that has this. God bless us all.

Posts: 1008 | Registered: Aug 2006
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:44 AM, April 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:05 PM, April 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Saw IC today...& mania is more common in springtime.
I have seen this, spring after spring.
Anyone else?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 9:51 AM, April 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I never realized it but I saw this too and I am studying Noclue closely. He was starting to get hyper all last week, getting up in the middle of the night and it culminated with him painting the house 24 hours straight over the weekend.

He brought the laptop to bed at 5 am as he couldn't sleep and was pretty irritable yesterday.

The positive thing is that Noclue felt (probably too late) that he was getting in his manic stage. He is starting to see them. I am proud of him for that.


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
groundhogday
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Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 7:37 AM, April 13th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, if I'm right in my thinking that I may be slightly bipolar (just a whim at the moment, so please humour me), then the last few days I've been having might be further evidence. Thursday and Friday would definitely be described as hypomanic. I tell you, if that is really how it feels, who would want to take meds to stop it? It was amazing.

Anyone have any ideas / thoughts on whether bipolars attract?


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
donnaquixote
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Member # 18760
Default  Posted: 7:14 PM, April 21st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I may be bipolar myself. I don't actually believe I have attracted a bipolar spouse though.

I'm not sure whether I'm bipolar or not but my psychiatrist has met with me and after one session needs another to make any diagnosis. My BH seems a bit depressed right now and has obsessed over financial problems in the past and this comes and goes. He feels under a lot of pressure since I seem to be working and not working depending on when you talk to me. I worked about a month of the year in 2007 and this year have recently been let go for reasons that half are my fault and half are my bosses' crazy perception of me colored by fear and anxiety unrelated to me.


Me: WS, 37 Internet A with OM met on World of Warcraft in Spring 07, EA lasted from November to March 1 2008 cybering started in December
Him: BS, 38 (posts as Firewall)
Dday: March 3, 2008
two kids, one in elem. school

Posts: 100 | Registered: Mar 2008 | From: USA Pacific Standard Time
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 3:55 AM, April 25th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dq

Good luck with your treatment.

I read Juliette's reply to your post in Wayward, and would reiterate what she says ... read up on this as much as possible. I hope it helps you come to terms with what must have been puzzling behaviour in the past, and gives you an opportunity to feel more stable and in control.

Also, I'm told that the period when you adjust to the fact of being bipolar (assuming the diagnosis is correct) can be rough, so please take care of yourself.

If you are willing for your H to join a support group that you will not be allowed access to (it allows significant others a safe place to discuss their role in treatments, coping strategies for families, and also a place to blow off steam), there is the BPSO organisation. I've found it useful in placing my H's behaviour in context...I always have a lot more sympathy for him after reading there, because I can see that many of his actions are due to the illness rather than down to his own choices.

I had a psych assessment last week and was told that I am not bipolar, but am still being overwhelmed by the strong emotions I'm dealing with regarding my H's illness and behaviour (oh, how I wish he'd acknowledge he needs medication). I've been referred for IC, which I haven't done for a while. However, I am feeling a very strong energy surge right now, which is coinciding with the quite common spring bipolar surge, so I am still on alert.

I challenged H on a couple of issues at the weekend, where he has let me down, and his response was agitation and a suicide threat. I cannot find an easy way to communicate and I tread on eggshells .....

eta...I'm hearing from a lot of people that their BP SO's are reacting to Spring with hyperactivity and increased irritation. It seems to be fairly common, but doesn't affect everyone. I wonder if it's fairly common in everyone, not just BP, but can be exaggerated with certain mood disorders?

Be aware, the rise in energy can lead to an increased risk of suicide, especially in people with pre-existing mental health conditions. May is the peak suicide month in the UK.

[This message edited by groundhogday at 6:15 AM, April 25th (Friday)]


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
Nouveau
Member
Member # 1731
Default  Posted: 8:30 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi! I'm new to this thread.

My son is undiagnosed. All the signs are there. All of them. He is in full-blown manic episode currently.

His father is undiagnosed as well, yet suffered all his life from Tourettes, grandiosity, paranoia, and even hallucinations during stress. My son's father adamantly denies there is anything wrong with him... because his own father had acute schizophrenia and was hospitalized 30 years and died in an institution.

So my son is now using the same worn-out cliches and stereotypical arguments that his father always used that mental health providers are all a bunch of quacks.

My son has had signs and symptoms that began in his teen years. I started him with a therapist, but he would refuse to go.. and when he would, he would just act up and not be active in his treatment.

He is mostly depressed. He is one of the most NEGATIVE people you have ever met. Negative about everything. I don't recall seeing him laugh or enjoy his life very often.

He functions fairly well for the most part, until a life-stressor comes along.
Getting him in for treatment is impossible. I have tried every way imaginable to get him help. I guess I just need to get help for myself during his episodes. That is all I can do at the time being.

This is not easy.

[This message edited by Nouveau at 5:31 PM, May 4th (Sunday)]


I sing the songs of a woman who has passed through anger and outrage to a kind of stunned resignation in the face of overwhelming human folly.....

Posts: 4895 | Registered: Jul 2003 | From: The great frozen tundra
groundhogday
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Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 11:48 AM, April 27th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I guess I just need to get help for myself during his episodes.

It is vital you get help for yourself, in some form or another. Otherwise you can end up sucked into their world, doubting reality. There's that common analogy...put on your own oxygen mask before helping others. If you're not healthy, you can't help anyone.

It's not easy. And if you've gone through this before with your son's father, and are now you're going through it again, you must be mentally and physically exhausted.

Educate yourself as much as possible, and make sure you're healthy. You can't cure him, but you may be able to find tools and techniques that help you both.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, April 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Every time I start freaking out and start getting afraid about our life with this disease, I start reading. That way, I found about clinical studies where we will try to send Noclue, found a support group that caters for bipolar people and their family.

I learn about the drugs, the different treatments. I mentally prepare myself in case my son develops it.

Regarding GHD's question. I am not bipolar but I believe I was attracted to Noclue because he was. Only he is able to get me out of my shell and make me experience life. Yes it is frustrating sometimes but we had so many adventures together.....


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, April 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

juliette, there is no doubt in my mind (now) that I was attracted to the bipolar charm and charisma of my WH.
But what I couldn't understand was that underlying "flighty-ness" I was picking up on with what appeared to me such a kind and STABLE person.
Anyone else sense this "cut & run" feeling?
And, I used to call it MY Melt Downs...ugh!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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