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User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:54 AM, May 11th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH is really enjoying FOOD.

He gets this way when he's manic. Eats everything not nailed down.
Constantly talking, moving, munching.

Anyone else experience this?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, May 14th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought it might be "interesting" if WH and I did a sort of "Graphic Novel" via e-mail (only way we communicate now).

I sent him a fwd. of a newspaper article about the graphic novels (AKA "comics") popular in some major universities today. WH is an *excellent writer* as well.

I was shocked yesterday when his Chapter 1 read totally like his autobiography pre-First Grade!

He asked me how it sounded and I was at a complete loss so I just said "awesome"(because this might be cathartic for him is what I'm thinking...)...I can see he's quite manic and doing "word salads" AKA spelling words backwards and using weird abreviations, etc.

[This message edited by dreamlife at 3:38 PM, May 14th (Wednesday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, May 17th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dream

WH found it hard to control his eating at times, but it didn't seem to be totally out of the ordinary. I know lots of people who say that once they start to a bar of chocolate, they have to eat the lot. And I'm someone who enjoys food, a lot. So it could be a bipolar trait, I'm just not sure.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
HeavyE
♂ Member
Member # 19333
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I recently found that my wife is bi-polar. All of the characteristics that everyone else has shared fit my wife to a t.

She is currently on six different medications for BP. Thank goodness I have health insurance or we would never be able to afford everything.

My question for BS is now that you know, does it change anything? By this I mean does it matter that they are BP or not?

How do you deal with the fact that there could be new A's if they are in one of their manic stages?

Has anyone experienced long term marriage after the diagnosis with out any repeats?


You can't change the wind, but you can adjust your sails.

Me Tarzan
Her Jane

Reconciled
D-Day 4/14/08


Posts: 9561 | Registered: Apr 2008 | From: Birthplace of America's Music
cjonesjag
♀ Member
Member # 10617
Default  Posted: 9:24 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've always wondered what happens when someone takes the time and puts forth the effort to actually treat and recognize (in themselves) the effects of having bi-polar disorder.

Besides all the other *obvious* issues with WTFH, I would SWEAR on my absence of a medical degree that he is completely bi-polar.

I have even tried to subtly 'suggest' to him some of the things I have observed. He made no comment, which means I guess, nothing.

He apparently when to his family doctor and was given a prescription for anti-d's (Effexor) which he took for all of last year (2007). I remember when he first started taking them and how QUICK he was to get angry ~ there was NO talking to him about ANYTHING that was a "sore spot" for him.

Although I can't remember a LOT of details from last year, I do remember that it was a year of very liberal spending habits on his part. He got a set of Ping golf clubs ~ $3000 (he doesn't golf), COUNTLESS boxes of golf balls (again, he doesn't golf), an expensive GPS unit, video games, movies, music,rims for his car, and on and on.... The thing is, he doesn't make enough money to support his shopping habit!!!

He can NOT save a dime to save his life. I watched (observed) the dfference in his sleeping habits as well. He would lay on the couch night after night, watching the SAME damn channel (sci-fi), and either fell asleep fairly early (7:00pm) and snored till he went to bed at 9:30pm, or he would be awake and playing video games or on the computer or whatever until much later than usual.

There was just no "medium" area.

The spending thing is what drove me nuts. He seemed incapable of connecting his "buying" to a lack of money. I didn't understand it AT ALL.

He also gained about 80 pounds during this year from his complete zombie-ism and eating habits, attributed (by him) to the effects of depression and/or anti-d's (depending on the day he answered).

I mentioned to him a long time ago that I could tell when he was switching moods. How he would stay awake longer, and it seemed like a lot of packages were delivered for him (online purchases).

Almost ALL of his decisions, purchases,etc., are made on impulse. He left one evening about five years ago with his son and came back with a new Jaguar (car). It seems like NOTHING is ever "thought out" by him. He also seems completely incapable of connecting consequences to his own actions.

Anyway, I have wondered about this for SO long..I figured someone in here could help clear my thinking on this. Was I seriously *high* thinking that he was obviously bi-polar? Oh yeah, and I realized that there is NOTHING I could've done about it ~ he has a laundry list of *issues*, none of which is overshadowed by the existence of bi-polar disorder. I'm just trying to find out if my thinking was WAY off..


Me (BS):50
Him(WTFH):51 Married: 05/26/2002
DD#1: 09/2005 (EA) DD#2: 09/2006
Mini-DDays: Many. Mostly online
DIVORCED 10/20/10
It's not what you've got, it's what you give.
It ain't the life you choose, it's the life you live

Posts: 6400 | Registered: May 2006 | From: Michigan
lukenbren
♂ Member
Member # 18114
Default  Posted: 11:21 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I was recently dx with bipolar 2. The main difference between 1 and 2 is that 2 has much lower highs called hypomania.

I too was misdiagnosed with major depression and prescribed Lexapro. Although it provided temporary relief from crippling depressive episodes, it eventually ended up accelerating my cycles.

I ended up being prescribed Seraquel (mild antidepressant and sleep aid) and Lamictal (mood stabilizer). Lamictal is a God send. It seriously stabilizes my moods. FWW has asked me "what's wrong" several times over the last few weeks. Nothing was wrong, I just wasn't bouncing off the walls. My moods have literally flat lined. I do miss my hypomanic standup comedy episodes.

Seraquel was nasty. It caused massive short term memory issues. I lost my brand new Ipod (for good), my keys and wallet were constantly MIA, I couldn't ever remember where I parked my car, I couldn't keep my schedule straight. Ugh , it was awful.

Now I'm just on Lamictal. I see a Psychiatrist every 3 weeks and a therapist every week. I have almost a year of sobriety under my belt, which makes life much easier to handle in all respects. I read that approximately 60% of BP's have addiction issues. Doesn't surprise me as the nurses were doling out mood stabilizers like Pez at the treatment facility I attended. Something for all BP's and spouses to watch out for.

I have cut caffeine out of my diet almost completely. I still need some wake up bean juice in the morning - 1 cup to be savored. The Zone or South Beach diets are also recommended as they stabilize insulin and blood sugar levels. Exercise is crucial as it keeps the endorphines flowing.

FWW Broken_Compass did some reading after my major breakdown a few weeks ago and subsequent hospitalization. She was amazed at how I fit the DSM-4 description to a tee. She is now an expert at spotting my current moods and predicting the next one. She's great at letting me know when I'm racing. Hypomania is frequently followed by depression. The literature I have read stated that most BP 2's experience approximately 4 major depressive and hypomanic episodes in their lifetime? WFT, that's a normal month for me. That's probably due to the AD meds I was on. Since I started my therapy, psychiatric sessions and new meds the depression stopped cold in its tracks.

The Depression and Bipolar Support Alliance has a great web site with tons of resources and forums not unlike this site. I'm on there constantly. It's where I figured out that the Seraquel was causing my memory issues. The web site address is http://www.dbsalliance.org/site/PageServer?pagename=home. Check it out.

My advice to BP's and sposes is to take this mood disorder seriously. Suicide is a real peril for those who choose to "white knuckle" it. Get the help you need. Learn as much as you can. I thought I would never be happy. That's a scary place to be. I have felt better in the last month than any other time I can remember.

Great post.

LB

[This message edited by lukenbren at 1:24 AM, May 22nd (Thursday)]


Me - BS
Her - WW
Divorced. Getting on with life and living it on my terms - finally!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 170 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: MN
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quick question to anyone who might have some info.

Does a WS who's bipolar, if they miss one pill of whatever they're on, go completely off the deep end because of it?

Can one missed dose really affect a person extremely?


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 11:50 PM, May 20th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

If they miss one dose of meds, just one, typically that won't trigger them into some dramatic episode of mania or depression.

FWW is the very best about her meds. Her father suffered from BP Type I and pretty much wrecked their family & her childhood because of it. FWW decided the instant she was dx that she would never do that to her family & kids.

Every now & then she has missed 1 dose, and immediately gone back on.

We are seeing some troubling changes right now, but part of it is the change of seasons (a mania trigger for many people) and her doc recently lowering her lithium dose. HOWEVER, FWW realized on her own that she was not sleeping nearly as much as usual. She sent out an email today to her 3 closest friends at work (the 3 who know about her BP I) asking them to please let her know if they have noticed any changes in her behavior. One emailed back pointing out that FWW was WAY more talkative at the most recent staff meeting, and asked if that was a symptom. I myself had noticed that FWW had been unusually short-tempered and irritable for the past week or so.

So FWW has increased back to her old dose, and has a call in to the doc to let him know she needs to go back up on her Lith Rx.

I'm really proud of her noticing it on her own and taking steps to both get feedback from others and manage her meds - and contact the doctor.

I think if she hadn't the experiences she did growing up with a Bipolar parent, she wouldn't be nearly so careful as she is.


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just wanted to add:

FWW ran a red light last night. I mean RAN it. It was red well before we were in the intersection. This is the 3rd time she's done this in a week, and this is NOT typical for her. Last night was the scariest, though. We were just lucky there wasn't a car jumping as soon as their light turned green. This is also something that happened last year in her manic episode; her thoughts would be racing and distracting her, and she wouldn't even notice there was a light ahead of her.

Also obsessively weeding. I know that sounds weird, but it seemed like every time I turned around, she was weeding the dandelions out of our yard. Again, pretty out of character. And she had said, "I think the yard is a really good outlet for my energy." SLEEP is usually a good outlet for her energy, lol.

So we are going back to the doctor today. But recalling all these additional things has made me anxious.

Talk about a rollercoaster. And she's *good* about managing her meds and illness.


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 5:31 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Noclue is fine when he missed one pill but at one point, it became too often as he couldn't remember if he had taken it or not.

I took control of the pills and now things are fine, he doesn't forget anymore because I don't forget.


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
funny story
♀ Member
Member # 16855
Default  Posted: 5:49 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for the info. BIL's wife missed one dose and apparently went off the wall and I just could not believe that missing just one dose would really have that effect on someone.

I mean, I guess anything is possible, but I think it was more of an attention grab than an actual manic episode.


(me) BW - (33)
WH - (37)
Married: 11 years
Children: DD - 11, DS - 8
D-Day: September 22, 2007

"I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me."


Posts: 2128 | Registered: Nov 2007
lukenbren
♂ Member
Member # 18114
Default  Posted: 9:03 PM, May 21st (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Most mood stabilizers have a pretty long half life. Missing one dose should not make a BP go off the deep end.


Me - BS
Her - WW
Divorced. Getting on with life and living it on my terms - finally!!!!!!!!!

Posts: 170 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: MN
doormatwoman
♀ Member
Member # 19518
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, May 28th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

After reading all these posts, I am 100% sure that my H is bipolar. He is right now as we speak on the run from me and our children after having 2 weeks of false r. One minute I was talking to him. I asked him if he was ok and if something was bothering him. He told me "now look what you have done, you made me realize I love the ow and now I have to leave" That was it after 2 weeks of telling me he loved me, wanted to renew our wedding vows and clinging to me non-stop, to the point that our kids were getting embarrassed from living in the twilight zone as one son said. My question is can we force some kind of intervention on him to get help. He admits that he is really screwed up, but keeps digging a bigger whole for himself. I really think if he doesn't get help, he will end up dead. It is over for us, I have tried but now must finally give up. But he need to save himself for his kids. I know he loves them and not seeing them is killing him. I don't know what to do.


me 45
wh 49
married 25 years, separated 2

Posts: 81 | Registered: May 2008 | From: canada
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 12:54 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Door, you'r still M, right? If you are afraid he may harm himself or someone else, or if his behavior is extremely erratic, I think you can have him committed. Don't get me wrong, he won't be happy about it, but if he's being pretty scary and weird, that's one option you have.

Okay, just noticed you're in Canada, and I don't know what the laws are there, but it's pretty typical that a spouse or other family member can have you involuntarily committed if you are acting really whacked-out or are a danger ot yourself or others.

Good luck to you!


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
PTRN
♀ Member
Member # 19730
Default  Posted: 6:11 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm new, and suspect my H may be bipolar. I only read the first page, and sat there nodding "yes, that too, yes, OMG that too."

Compulsive spending, eating, crazy sleeping jags and all the rest. Glad to have found this thread.


Posts: 214 | Registered: Jun 2008
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 6:28 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doormat, I am in Canada too and it is difficult to get our spouses treatment. Here ar some things I would suggest. If you know his family doctor, talk to him\her. Make a list of out of control attitudes with dates. That is what I did to have my husband diagnosed.

Or you could try to find a psychiatrist (good luck). They are the ones who confirms the diagnostics mostly prescribe the drugs.

I would suggest talking to your husband. I was lucky, my husband wanted to get treated but some don't acknowledge that they have a problem and will refuse treatment. There is nothing you can do in that case but to save yourself.

Good luck.


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


Posts: 11472 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From: ontario
doormatwoman
♀ Member
Member # 19518
Default  Posted: 6:36 AM, June 2nd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thanks for the advice. Right now we are separated again. He is really out of it right now to the point where he doesnt go to work anymore, doesn't come get money or his car and doesn't see his children. I would love to have him comitted if it would help but I doubt I would be able to do it. He admits that he has severe problems, but uses drinking to mask them. Ow totally takes care of him like a baby and he just goes along with it. There is no hope left for us anymore, but I want my children to have their father back one day. It really hurts them to be treated this way.


me 45
wh 49
married 25 years, separated 2

Posts: 81 | Registered: May 2008 | From: canada
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, June 6th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crossbow ~ in my state (NV), there is no "committing".
I guess its not in the "budget".
I have spoken to attys and police about it...they just wait until the bipolar person BREAKS THE LAW...then bipolar is sent off to jail/prison, period.

How neanderthal/Dark Ages is this?! UGH

Anyone else here who has SEVERE OCD or is M to a bipolar with OCD?

I do believe this OCD is what keeps a semblance of "order" in my WH's life...the routine machinations of putting the keys, pen, wallet in the SAME place each time, etc.

Otherwise, it would be terrible chaos that I read about in posts here.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 9:12 AM, June 7th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH says he has OCD, but it wasn't that visible to me when we were together. He took a lot of trouble to mask his symptoms, and of course neither of us were aware that his eccentricities actually had a label.

He is very superstitious, and I think goes through a number of not-so-apparent rituals to control that.

Control is the key word. Any sense that he was not totally in control of people or situations added to his stress. Which is one reason why he won't medicate, other than self-medication, and why he's staying well away from anyone that could have any legal control over him, such as me or his psych. His main manic episodes have been when he has been placed in a situation where he doesn't have control.

I just googled "control freak" and "bipolar"....lots of hits.

I was a very easy-going partner to him, and someone who didn't like a lot of control imposed on me either, so I understood that and respected it. We gave each other a lot of room to move around in. I was fine, because his need for control didn't really extend to me. But infidelity was one area that I couldn't indulge him in, and when that reared its ugly head after 16 years together, his inability to relinquish his control over that (grandiosity???) meant we hit a wall.

I mean, how unreasonable is it for someone to expect him to stick to marriage vows? Sheesh...how silly the rest of the world is


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, June 8th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

GHD~ mine has severe OCD!
IC has stressed that its very important for him to have his "rituals". She actually said a few times in our sessions, "Don't take this away from him" so I guess it was due to the increasing anxiety/mania, etc.
So when he lived with me, I just looked the other way as he went about his OCD ways.
And, yes, he did *mask* them very well initially after we had met.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

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