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Newest Member: freckles51 (43173)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
just tired
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Default  Posted: 7:00 PM, March 7th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Someone asked about poor memory. I am Bipolar2 and have trouble with memory.

I believe it is because of the racing thoughts. So much going thru your mind you can't keep up. Like overload everyone has and your memeory just goes kaput. And the depression does not help either. Poor memeory with that. Before I even knew I had bipolar I was making lists and reminding myself "do you have your purse, where are your keys, etc.'

And the anger. Dear Lord is that exhausting. I have apologized so much because of my outbursts. And they come out of the blue. Sometimes I can catch myself before, sometimes it just explodes out of my mouth before I know it. Over the top over the most insignificant things. I get so tired of it. It is exhausting. Lamectil helps, a mood stabilizer.

And criticism is hard to take. I feel attacked. I try not to, I know it is wrong.

It just feels like being out of control. Your emotions are so hard to control. And the frustration level is awful. I have screamed, cried, cussed over spilling a glass of milk. stood in the midle of the room screaming til my throat was sore because I was so frustrated I felt like my skin was crawling.

my husband is a saint.


Posts: 1008 | Registered: Aug 2006
just tired
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Member # 11609
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, March 7th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And by the way most of my racing thoughts are negative. I can build a mountain out of a molehill. I hate it.

The real me is funny and kind. I am not this mean person at all.


Posts: 1008 | Registered: Aug 2006
dreamlife
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:15 AM, March 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

just tired~ I'm glad you clarified the memory part...I oft suspected it was due to racing thoughts, just wasn't sure.
Does being on bipolar medication help your memory?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
wincing_at_light
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Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, March 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you, just tired. You just described my wife bpII exactly (prior to Lamictal) and better than I ever have.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
just tired
♀ Member
Member # 11609
Default  Posted: 9:00 PM, March 10th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think the medicine helps, but I came of the antidepressant and am having trouble again. Its the depression. Read this about depression.Especially the last line.

Depression Signs and Symptoms
Clinical depression is distinguished from situational depression by length and severity
Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness
A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.

Loss of interest in dailly activities
No interest in or ability to enjoy former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex.

Appetite or weight changes
Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.

Sleep changes
Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).

Psychomotor agitation or retardation
Either feeling “keyed up” and restless or sluggish and physically slowed down.

Loss of energy
Feeling fatigued and physically drained. Even small tasks are exhausting or take longer.

Self-loathing
Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. Harsh criticism of perceived faults and mistakes.

Concentration problems
Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things

You are welcome Wincing (love your name0


Posts: 1008 | Registered: Aug 2006
dreamlife
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:55 AM, March 25th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this is really very helpful info, thanks!
Does anyone know how fast they "cycle"? just curious...and does it change often or pretty much like stay the same?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
shrose10
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Default  Posted: 10:53 AM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am married to a bipolar have been with him for 12 years. It has been a constant uphill battle for many years he wasn't on medication (he is now) but medication doesn't solve all the problems. His most recent affair was just about a year ago with one of my co-workers. Very damaging everyone I work with knew about it. He cycles about every two to three years and claims he can't control it. The last time it happened I was not the crying mess of a woman he expected me to be. There was a question posted on here about being married to a bipolar and becoming bipolar yourself I don't think you become bipolar but the stress and emotions that you go through dealing with their issues is enough to make you think and act like you are. I am so glad that there are other people out there going through what I do I seriously thought I was alone in this.

Posts: 3 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: PA
betterdaysahead
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Member # 12309
Default  Posted: 9:13 PM, March 27th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm bipolar. I know that contributed to a lot of the problems in our M. I feel badly about the stress I put on my stbxh. Although it took a long time for me to accept that it wasn't my fault. I now know that my stbxh should have agreed to MC...he should have talked to me about it. He wouldn't. He had no patience at all. He was angry with me.

I take my meds and go to the dr. every three months. IC didn't help much. I find that resting and talking with my friends helps. But I have to been keenly aware of my moods. When I start having the racing thoughts and start talking a lot...I'm heading for trouble.

[This message edited by betterdaysahead at 9:15 PM, March 27th (Friday)]


The best thing about telling the truth is that you don't have to remember what you said. ☯

Posts: 13649 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Canada
just tired
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Member # 11609
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This might help with frequency of cycles.

Bipolar disorder causes extreme mood swings, from feeling overly energetic (mania) to feeling very sad or having low energy (depression).3

Mania may cause a person to:

Feel extremely happy or very irritable.
Have a very high opinion of himself or herself (inflated self-esteem).
Not need as much sleep as usual (feel rested after 3 hours of sleep).
Talk more than usual.
Be more active than usual.
Have difficulty concentrating because of having too many thoughts at the same time (racing thoughts).
Be easily distracted by sights and sounds.
Act impulsively or do reckless things, such as go on shopping sprees, drive recklessly, get into foolish business ventures, or have frequent, indiscriminate, or unsafe sex.
Depression may cause a person to:

Feel sad or anxious for a significant time.
Feel hopeless or pessimistic.
Have slowed thoughts and speech because of low energy.
Have difficulty concentrating, remembering, and making decisions.
Have changes in eating and sleeping habits leading to too much or too little eating or sleeping.
Have decreased interest in usual activities, including sex.
Have suicidal thoughts.
Not enjoy things he or she normally would enjoy.
Types of bipolar disorder
Bipolar I. Considered the classic form of the illness, bipolar I causes recurrent episodes of mania and depression. The depression may last for a short time or for months. You may then go back to feeling normal for a time, or you may go right into a manic episode.
Bipolar II. If you have bipolar II, you will experience depression just as in bipolar I. But the episodes of mania are less severe (hypomania). People with bipolar II have more depressive episodes than hypomanic episodes.
Rapid-cycling bipolar disorder. If you have rapid-cycling bipolar disorder, you will experience at least four episodes of depression, mania, or both within a 12-month period. You may go directly from an episode of depression to an episode of mania, or you may have a short time lapse between the two extreme moods. The mood swings are the same as with other types of bipolar, but the frequency of mood swings distinguishes rapid-cycling bipolar disorder from the other subtypes.
Some people may have bipolar disorder with mixed symptoms, in which episodes of depression and mania occur together. Symptoms include sadness, euphoria, and irritability. Other symptoms can include agitation, lack of sleep, appetite changes, and possibly, thoughts of suicide. This makes the disorder challenging to treat and very frustrating for you and for those around you. It can also lead to hospitalization if your daily functioning becomes impaired.

In addition to changes in mood, some people with bipolar disorder also have symptoms of anxiety, panic attacks, or symptoms of psychosis.


Posts: 1008 | Registered: Aug 2006
just tired
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Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, March 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bipolar II/ Mood swings.

here is some more. So describes me. Maybe some of your spouses. The clusy so me. Social stuff too.

finally got in to see the psychiatrist and she thinks that there is no way that I have Asperger's based on the fact that she got good eye contact from me, my posture, my ability to interact with her, my ability to catch her sarcasm. I explained that I have had to learn all of these skills but she thinks it is social phobia. My inability to engage in small talk with strangers? My fear of answering telephones? My clumsiness? My awkwardness at social gatherings? The way I easily drift off into my own little word...?? The fact that I was unable to make friends when I was a child?? That for so many years, I never knew where to look when I talked to others? "Serotonin, Serotonin, Serotonin!" she said.After talking about my experiences, my mood swings, my phobias, my depressions, anxieties, and my fear of being bipolar, she introduced me to a new concept. Her diagnosis is that I am classic Bipolar II. I had never heard of this. She said it is often misdiagnosed because it masks itself as depression and anxiety. My rapid mood changes, though, as I am reading more articles about the condition, all make sense. I always kind of knew I had very distinct changes in my brain chemistry. Whenever the depression hits, I can literally feel it wash over my body. It is a very physical thing that starts from my brain and works its way down. When it gets to my extremities they ache. It always starts with a migraine headache. One of the benefits of the Lexapro that my MD prescribed me in 2006 was a reduction in the number of migraines. The psychiatrist said it was all about the Serotonin levels. The good: She said that if you have to be bipolar, this is the one you hope to have. Why? I will never get psychotic, I will never get truly manic (hypomanic, yes, which I will explain later), and I will not hallucinate..Here is the simple definition of Hypomanic, from Wikipedia. Basicall, Hypomanic means below manic.When this was explained to me, I thought, "wow, that is me!!""According to the DSM-IV-TR, a hypomanic episode includes, over the course of at least 4 days, elevated mood plus three of the following symptoms OR irritable mood plus four of the following symptoms:pressured speech; rapid talkinginflated self-esteem or grandiosity;decreased need for sleep;flight of ideas or the subjective experience that thoughts are racing;easy distractibility and attention-deficit (superficially similar to attention deficit hyperactivity disorder);increase in psychomotor agitation; andsteep involvement in pleasurable activities that may have a high potential for negative psycho-social or physical consequences.[2]"I loved that the psychiatrist was so frank with me. "You will never be crazy. You are not crazy. You'll have mood swings, and if they are having an effect on the quality of your life, then we can help. Do you need medication?? Not at all. You could live your life without any medication and you will be fine. You should consider yourself luck to have the brain chemistry that makes you extremely creative. Sis you know that Bill Gates' partner is Bipolar II. No doubt he was part of the success of Bill Gates. So it is up to you. Our goal is to help with the quality of your life. If you want it."So, this is where I am. If my mental health was not affecting the quality of my life, I would not have reached out for help. But the thing is, I am sick of the social phobia, sick of the depression and insomnia and sick of the mood swings. After nearly 35 years of living like this, always feeling "off" and like I am from another planet, and not understanding why I am so willing to give the meds a try. I feel like I owe it not only to myself, but to my family who also suffer from my mood swings. Basically, we are increasing my dosage of Lexapro and adding a mood stabilizer, Lamictal. Lamictal is also used to treat Epilepsy. I did a lot of research on it last night and it seems to have very minimal side effects...so let's give it a try, so look forward to more on this. I am feeling very optimistic.When I brought up the children, she believes they are OCD and not Asperger's. That, she said, is also a gift if we look at it through a different lens...(I'll write more about this later). The children are going to see a child psychologist in May. As far as the children are concerned, I am just looking for ways to manage the behavior. I would NEVER medicate my children with psychiatric meds unless they were a danger to themselves or others, which clearly they are not. We just have some tough behavioral issues that I want to learn to handle. And hopefully, if I get my head together, then I will be better equipped to manage the kids behavior, regardless of what the diagnosis turns out to be.What I liked best about this psychiatrist was how she reframed some of the things that have been disrupting the lives of my family for so long...


Posts: 1008 | Registered: Aug 2006
peanut
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Default  Posted: 8:53 PM, March 31st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My Husband believes he is bipolar. He has been diagnosed with depression, but I too have wondered about BPD. When I met him he was on Lexapro and was awesome, calm, enjoyed group events, talked to people and was so even keel...then he went off the meds and became someone I didn't know from the day we married. Little did I know that he had an EA (possible PA) with a coworker the entire dating, engagement and 9 months of marriage. He went on Wellbutrin but it didn't seem to help. I had to move 3 months ago to take care of my ailing parent, we talk daily, he has been to visit a few times and I am due to go to visit also. He is supposed to move up here. He told me a month ago that he took himself off all medications. He said he is going to deal with his BP through diet and exercise and homeopathically. I am taking a deep breath, I truly believe he needs medication.

Has anyone been successful without medication?? I feel I am waiting for the other shoe to drop...


BS(ME):43 - F(?)WH:42
DDay#1 9/07 DD#2 1/12/08, Together 3, Married 2
EA (PA - only a kiss...) While dating, engagement and 1st yr of marriage. OW married with children.
Thought we made it through this...Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Canada
wincing_at_light
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Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 9:12 PM, March 31st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Peanut,

I'd be divorced right now if my wife had not immediately gone on effective bipolar meds after D-day.

After D-day, I wasn't in the mood to put up with anymore of her bullshit (and we didn't have the bipolar diagnosis until about 2 weeks after D-day).

If she ever stops taking her meds, that will be an instant deal breaker for me.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
peanut
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Default  Posted: 9:37 PM, March 31st (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Wincing: I am concerned that he isn't on any meds. I understand that it is a deal breaker for you. For me the deal breaker is a repeat performance of last year...but I know he still omits to tell me things. I sometimes feel completely safe in my relationship, other times I am looking over my shoulder and checking. Lately I have been checking since I found two deleted emails. I talked to him about my feelings tonight, not about the emails, don't want to tip my hand too early (made that mistake before). He had some empathy when I expressed I was uncomfortable with a female relationship, then he said he was tired. Time will tell I suppose. I need to feel peace again.


BS(ME):43 - F(?)WH:42
DDay#1 9/07 DD#2 1/12/08, Together 3, Married 2
EA (PA - only a kiss...) While dating, engagement and 1st yr of marriage. OW married with children.
Thought we made it through this...Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Canada
peanut
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Member # 23407
Default  Posted: 9:20 PM, April 4th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Today he asked me what was wrong...I said well we talked about it the other day, he said I can't remember what you said, then I started to quickly brief him. His response, "I don't want to know, and you need to get over it"....so much for empathy. Still checking


BS(ME):43 - F(?)WH:42
DDay#1 9/07 DD#2 1/12/08, Together 3, Married 2
EA (PA - only a kiss...) While dating, engagement and 1st yr of marriage. OW married with children.
Thought we made it through this...Trust in the Lord with all your heart.

Posts: 7 | Registered: Mar 2009 | From: Canada
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, April 5th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

wow, peanut!

((((((huge hugs)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
boohoo
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Default  Posted: 1:41 AM, April 6th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am wondering about the denial that goes along with bi-polar disorder. This last year, my husband moved to California suddenly for a job, quit it after 6 weeks, started a new company, spending 1/2 of our life savings and also filing for legal separation to get more assests. (there was actually much more and it was all hell!) He is in denial about all of the crazy things he did this fall and won't recognize his mania. I am afraid of it happening again....

Posts: 79 | Registered: Feb 2009
dreamlife
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:18 PM, April 7th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome, boohoo!

Yes, I get The Denial a LOT, too!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
wincing_at_light
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Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 12:22 PM, April 7th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yup. My wife just tells me that I have a lousy memory for how things "really were".

To be successful as the spouse of a bipolar, you need to be well grounded and have plenty of self-esteem to support yourself, because the person you would normally rely on to reinforce what you know about the world (and your relationship) will undercut you most of the time.

(Or you have to be like me and just have an enormous stubborn streak.)


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
Crossbow
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Default  Posted: 1:10 PM, April 7th (Tuesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'd be divorced right now if my wife had not immediately gone on effective bipolar meds after D-day.

Wincing, me too. Thank God FWW is absolutely religious about her meds (Lithium and Lamictal for her).

FWW definitely had racing thoughts as well, mile a minute. There were quite a few things she couldn't remember because her thoughts were almost a blur after she came out of her mania. Some things would come back later, and she would tell me things as she remembered them.

I have BP II, effectively treated by Lamictal. I never did anything wild during hypomanic states, just didn't sleep much and wrote A LOT of music (I'm a musician). And poetry. And talked to people. But no infidelity or super-spending, etc. The depressions were debilitating, though.

The cycles are different for every person. FWW's highs occured at similar times to mine, started in May & increased over the summer. Just like different meds/dosages work for different people.

I am always grateful that FWW is NOT in denial about her illness; her father had it, wasn't properly controlled by meds, and it wreaked havoc on her childhood - going without power/water for months on end, he'd forget to pick her up from school or other activities and she'd be left waiting for hours in the dark, etc. So she's under no illusions that she's "okay" or that she can ever go off meds.


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
dreamlife
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:07 AM, April 25th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When WH sends me very short e-mails saying how "exhausted" he feels...he's in the down phase. Which is slightly more "reassuring" to me because it seems he gets into LESS trouble.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

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