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User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:56 PM, August 20th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

She needs to be properly *evaluated* by an MD.

Ditto about those horrible "Power Drinks"!

Hugs, everyone!

~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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Default  Posted: 1:01 PM, September 17th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I talked to the MC andhe stongly felt that my wife was not bipolor, but has Borderline Personality Disorder based off the frequency of her moods changes and the fact the she was molested by her older brother for years. Anyone else in this boat?

Posts: 127 | Registered: Jun 2009
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Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, September 19th (Saturday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

One can have other personality dis-orders as well.
Has she ever taken the MMPI and had a brain scan done? Does she suffer from headaches and was she a bed wetter as a child. My WH and his younger sister had the latter 2.
Also suffers from severe OCD, etc.

~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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Default  Posted: 11:49 AM, September 24th (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone with a BP spouse had experience with the drug Abilify? Of course I have seen all the commercials but I don't know much about it.

FWH just started taking it and I am praying that it controls his mania because they are becoming worse and worse. He is also on ADs.

"When a heart breaks no it don't breakeven" The Script

Posts: 513 | Registered: Jan 2009
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Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, October 5th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our MC, the psycho-pharmacologist to whom he referred my H, and I all feel he has a mood disorder. I've been reading nonstop, and the more I read the more I see 30 years of escalating towards full blown Bipolar II.

My H is probably the most intelligent person I know, but he will not admit the diagnosis, nor submit to medication.

The cyclical symptoms including withdrawal from family (I've raised our boys to be “spoiled assholes”), the irritability and 0 to 60 rages, the buying, even more so when we can't afford it and the obsessive research that goes into every purchase, weird sleep patterns, overeating, the A, talking over others, passive-aggressive (avoidance) behavior, and his very own variation, the “silent treatment” – we're at a week now of not a damned word spoken between us. And it's the third? fourth? of this pattern in about 2 months, which shouldn't surprise me, since the fall and the holidays are historically when he ramps up.

What I've become accustomed to all these years I now know is not normal, and not healthy. Even in past years when I was going crazy trying to figure it out and deal with him and his fallout, I felt it was just us not communicating, and we had to work harder. Well, he's trained me better than the dog. I've learned to reciprocate the silent treatment; nothing else works until he's ready to break it.

This will be the deal breaker, not the A. I cannot put my kids through this any longer, and I find myself wondering what a relationship with someone who doesn't have this affliction would be like.

Me: The faithful one
Him: WS
4 great kids
Married 28 years, together 35
D-Day: April 1, 2006 (yep, April Fool's Day...)
Aaaaaas Yoooouuu Wiiiiiish...

Posts: 629 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Here & There
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Default  Posted: 10:24 AM, October 14th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like my wife. She takes Cymbalta and has had depression problems way before I met her. She covered it up and minimallized her disorder until well after we were married. The ups and down throughout the marriage were trying but this last go-around now with an affair and her dragging my kids world on her shoe has been the hardest. Shes an incrdible person when shes on her high, full of energy and excitement. On the low however, a very evil person. The damage she has done on this low (who knows how long it will last) has sealed our fate as a family. She is in denial that she needs help, drinking on her meds (if she taking them properly anyways). She's convinced she only suffers from plain -jane depression (helps her feel more incontrol i guess)but she doesn't. Nothing I can do can get her the help she needs because she has to want it in the mean time I have to move forward in getting her out of our lives so we can have one.

Me: 37 (d-day 6Sept09)
WW: 36 (refused to go NC, coaxed out of home dec 09)
False R for 1 Day
DS:12, DS:14 Great Boys!!
Filed:5Nov2009 (Our 15 yr anniv.)
Settlement/CC signed: 6May2010
Divorcing!! Waiting for the judge to bless it. Still waitin

Posts: 430 | Registered: Sep 2009 | From: Pa
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Default  Posted: 6:15 AM, October 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"drinking in her meds" is a huge no-no!

Are you in IC?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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Default  Posted: 10:31 PM, October 25th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H quit his IC, when she told him he was bi-polar. I was adamant too that this diagnosis was wrong. Now reading through this forum, I wonder if I am wrong.
1. He overspends (on things he investigates, but I know once he thinks of it, he is buying it).
2. Addicted to porn.
3. Need for recognition.
3. Affair
4. overeats
5. Becomes obsessive with certain things (like online gaming).
6. irritable and 0-60 rages
7. Controlling
Did I shrug off a diagnosis that could be true? Do meds help?

Married 25 years.
DD 1 - Oct. 1990
DD 2- Feb. 2009
DD 3- April 2010

Posts: 107 | Registered: Mar 2009
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Default  Posted: 9:44 PM, October 30th (Friday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our MC laid everything out on the table during one of my IC sessions. She basically said "your wife has deep seeded issues from her childhood and previous marriage, the A will not be the challenge for you.

I knew my wife was borderline NPD. But, the MC said there is a very good chance that she is Bipolar. This threw me for a huge loop. Both of her Paternal Grandparents were Bipolar.

She doesn't want help for it...Therapy or Counseling i her parents eyes is a flaw.

Me BH 40
WW 41

Posts: 648 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: buzz09
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Helpless  Posted: 9:18 AM, November 22nd (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWH was diagnosed as BPII about 16 months ago now. Since then, it's been a series of medications and medication adjustments to reach some mood stability; testing that determined he also needed to be on androgen therapy, which he has been on; and efforts to find a medication combination that works without making him tired, lethargic, prone to overeating, and suffering from sexual dysfunction.

Starting in late summer, we had about 10 great weeks. He got energy and libido back, started to lose the weight he'd put on (at 6' he'd gotten to almost 200#s, which was crazy for him), got really into cycling, got connected with me and the family, etc. Still had some of the sexual dysfunction issues, though. Overall, looking like the old him and I felt happier than I had in ages.

Then, out of the blue, things changed at his work. He'd been in the position about 5 months, working with a terrific team who all got along great, really good working hours, a lot of flexibility, great pay. One day he came home saying they were hearing rumors that his employer contracted out his department.

Sure enough, he learned within a month this would happen. He's been hired by the new contractor; however, his pay dropped 11%, his cool coworkers all left, and now he's the only guy available to do what used to be done by 3 professionals. He's running like a gerbil on a wheel all day, every day. I know he's not happy, and I can certainly understand why.

But here we go again. He's going down again; he's retreating, he's not connecting with me the way he was, he's spending more time with the kids than with me, he's stopped exercising completely (at first explainable due to his late returns home and rain, but he's not even cycling on the recumbent bike we have at home!), etc. etc.

I just need a place where I can cry and say I am so tired of this!!! He got his testosterone level checked this week (first follow-up bloodwork since start of therapy) and it was double what the max should be, so they halved his dose (and what's that going to do to his energy and affect?); he's been trying to lower his Lexapro but the dr. said to bump it temporarily up 10mg; but meanwhile....

I just feel him turning into the person I don't like, the person who is disconnected and pretty self-centered and obtuse and whose presence I find myself resenting.

We'd been doing pretty decent on the R thing, but this feels like a big set-back, a big fat reminder that "that person" is still in there, and it's making me feel SO sad. I hope someone on this thread can understand.

"Everybody's life is hard. You look at life, and it's not a cakewalk. You've got to be able to bounce back." --Neil Young, father to two children with CP, another with epilepsy, and otherwise experientially qualified to comment

Posts: 3778 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: a new start together
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Default  Posted: 11:29 AM, November 23rd (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank God for this thread!!!!! I have felt so critically alone in this for sooooo long. I'm dealing with my H's first affair on meds. (Lamictal). I wish there was a forum for this particular aspect of infidelity.

I'm so exhausted. This marriage has absolutely worn me out. I thought after meds, things would get better, and they have to a large degree, but I thought it would be the end of the affairs too, NOT.

Now I don't know what is bipolar behavior, whether my husband is capable of fidelity, or whether he just uses this as an excuse or if it is a habit or what???

Thanks for listening. My last d day was last Tuesday. I really thought between the meds, the therapy and everything else we were on track.

Wondering what is wrong with me. Why don't I leave?

Posts: 353 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Allen, Texas
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Default  Posted: 8:09 PM, November 29th (Sunday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've hesitated for some time posting here. I still don't know what I'm looking for, someone who will understand maybe?

WH is unmedicated bipolar. He had a psychiatrist appointment made for tomorrow, Nov 30. He's shown symptoms for years, highs then lows. He's in a manic currently. It was a double dose trigger. First it was seeing his mother (always triggers him, she is also bipolar) and then the death of his biological father.

It's been a rough 2 months. The hope that I held onto was knowing that he would be seen by someone who could help him, get him on meds. He told me this evening that he cancelled the appointment and didn't make another. In our area, that means another 2+ month long wait ONCE he makes another. He said he's not ready. This in his speak means that he doesn't want to hear the truth. He has always resented his mother's issues and now that he has been told that he suffers from the same, he prefers to ignore rather than treat.

I've lost hope. There was a light there and it was so very close and it's gone.

So... onward with the plans to put our house for sale in June and divorce. Every day that passes brings me closer to the outcome I don't want but if he's refusing to get help, what else can I do?

I've gotten off the crazy train and I'm loving living life.

Liberation day: May 20, 2010
R began: November 20, 2011
He blew it up: Feb 6, 2014

Posts: 1407 | Registered: Feb 2009 | From: Florida
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Default  Posted: 12:21 AM, December 3rd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Im so sorry. Part of the addiction they have is to the mania, because it's like they are super heros. If they don't get help, there really isn't much else to do. I know many folks make it a deal breaker if they don't get and stay on meds.

Wondering what is wrong with me. Why don't I leave?

Posts: 353 | Registered: Mar 2005 | From: Allen, Texas
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Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, December 3rd (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The manias are a powerful, powerful drug to Bipolars. Its the biggest reason why Bipolars are so commonly non-compliant. Over 80% of Bipolars can be properly stabilized with medication. They have the HIGHEST response to meds than any other Psych disorder. But, they don't LIKE stability and so they have the lowest rate of compliance of all mental illnesses.

WH is fully stabilized by adding Abilify to his Lamictal. We're 2.5 months into the adjustment and he says he feels better than he ever has in his life.

BW33, fWH33 (alongroadback),and 8 children.
D-day#1 9/23/09 D-day#2 10/3/09
Sobriety 9/23, R-1/12/10 the work begins...??

Posts: 286 | Registered: Oct 2009
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Default  Posted: 11:46 PM, December 14th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am writing this message in encouragement of all the bipolar spouses on this forum.

My husband has been suffering from bipolar disorder since he was 13 years old. Through two major manic episodes this illness has been diagnosed after 7 years of marriage and ultimately 7 years of turmoil. My husbands bipolar is a very severe case with psychosis. He also has had two affairs and has showcased every symptom in the book.

All this I had to deal with while still in college and in a foreign country, not knowing anything about this disease and as someone pointed out becoming almost bipolar myself.

Please when someone tells you that the divorce rate is almost one hundred percent do not believe them...

There are those who survive, go on and have a family..

My husband has fully recovered since, we had our first baby, he is successful and works every day hard to make up for the manic mistakes he made.

Our meds are lithium, lamictal and seroquel.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Nov 2007
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Default  Posted: 11:52 PM, December 14th (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just to quickly respond to some of the mania addiction and craving chaos posts.

Not all bipolars do think that way. My husband hates disorder and chaos and he hates being manic and what mania makes him become. He is very afraid of being there again.

He has made sure he has plenty of supplies of meds so he does not forget it anywhere he goes, he has them with him just like a heart patient or cancer patient.

Posts: 5 | Registered: Nov 2007
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Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, December 16th (Wednesday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are very fortunate, yogi. It took WH years to not crave the highs. And, as it turned out, we both thought the compulsive thought processes were tied into the highs when in fact they were part of the disease itself. So, for 5 years, his highs were minimized, at least his rapid cycling highs (he's Bipolar I so he has mixed episodes, rapid cycles and long cycles) were in fact under control. However, the compulsivity lead to compulsively acting out sexually and nearly destroyed our lives.

When his Psych added Abilify to his Lamictal in October, he was shocked at the difference he felt.

But, he is NOW having problems sleeping again. He has a diagnosed sleep disorder and takes a form of Levadopa normally given to Parkinson's patients for it. It helps his Psych condition because lack of sleep is directly related to ability to control the cycling. Since adding the Abilify, his Levadopa meds are no longer working as they were and he's struggling to sleep again. The Abilify works on Dopamine as Levadopa does and he's afraid the 2 are conflicting now.

He's headed back to his Psych after just seeing him a week ago because the sleep situation did not get better when the baby started sleeping and not sleeping will rapidly deteriorate his Bipolar status on him.

Now, he does not crave mania. But, for years after the Lamictal started limiting those highs, he did crave them, crave them to the point he would blame me when he would fail to cycle after starting to head up because I made him take the meds and the meds stopped his cycling.

BW33, fWH33 (alongroadback),and 8 children.
D-day#1 9/23/09 D-day#2 10/3/09
Sobriety 9/23, R-1/12/10 the work begins...??

Posts: 286 | Registered: Oct 2009
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Default  Posted: 2:25 PM, December 21st (Monday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good place to put this question.

Has anyone heard of a spouse faking BP to use as an excuse for why they had an A? Just curious my wife has been diagnosed with BP2 and that seems to have come out of nowhere. Just wondering cause it reminds of when she got caught stealing money she was conveniently diagnosed with BP1 and used that as an excuse.

Posts: 42 | Registered: Oct 2009 | From: PA
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Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, December 31st (Thursday), 2009View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I suppose anything is possible...and, yes, sometimes I think my WH is *faking* it as well.
I think its easier to "medicalize" certain morally bankrupt behaviors and thus being able to blame it on addiction/disease/personality stuffs.

What makes you think she might be "faking" it?

~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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Default  Posted: 4:10 PM, January 7th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey, hope I'm not butting in, but I'm a BS and bipolar. Still haven't gotten the full story from WH -- but I have to wonder if the A started when I was really ill as a coping mechanism.

Anyway, my doc got me stable and I've been that way for years. there are many BP people who *don't* like feeling manic and sick, trust me.

BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

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