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Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:15 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lulykr ~ "Never say never"...that is my Sig line.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
sootired
♂ Member
Member # 22952
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i thought it was safe to go back in the water, then it struck with a mighty flash of lightening. Yesterday she spent the entire day screaming at me either in person before work or via text messages. Then towards the end of the day called me to tell me all about her hectic day at work. So scary.

Oh and what set it off? asking her about why she is keeping a friendship with a certain male so secret.


Me 42 BH
Her 35 WW-15 month EA followed by ONS(so she says) with another
seem to be in full R (i hope)
In R since 4/09 (I think)
6/10 realize it was False R all along
2011 cautiously in R

Have a lawyer if need be, hoping for a better tomorrow


Posts: 385 | Registered: Feb 2009
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:35 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, the raging tirades are frightening and I hope you get some Peace back in your life soon.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
WaryOptimist
♀ Member
Member # 19911
Default  Posted: 7:31 PM, November 11th (Thursday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Right now we're in the middle of a "silent treatment" stage.

After the A my FWH was first diagnosed as having anger management issues (true..), depression (half true...), and finally, our MC and the psychiatrist he referred FWH to nailed it with BP(II I believe).

On the one hand I am so relieved that the insanity of my 30 years with FWH now finally make sense in a way. Grandiose schemes, wild money ups and downs, seasonal weirdness, I'm sure it's nothing new on this forum.

On the other hand, he's gone off his Lamictal, which was working well for him, with hardly any side effects (what he claimed were side effects he's still experiencing now after admitting being off it for at least 6 weeks...), and he's cycling hard and fast.

Hence the silent treatment we're now in. I think he's got a big dose of PA too, so he can 180 me back better than I can give. But after all these years I've learned to not even try and approach him when "nothing's wrong", and then watch it degenerate into not speaking a word to me, not eating what I cook, living on the couch when not at work (t/j--he's got a high visibility profession, and handles it really well; how do they do that??), and if I were to dare ask him what's going on, it would be something I did.

I can't do this much longer. His illness and his refusal to treat it has already affected over half my life, and all of our childrens' lives. How can being without him and his drama be more crazy making and painful than this.

Thanks for reading all the way through. It's my first on BP and much longer than I intended...


Me: The faithful one
Him: WS
4 great kids
Married 28 years, together 35
D-Day: April 1, 2006 (yep, April Fool's Day...)
Aaaaaas Yoooouuu Wiiiiiish...

Posts: 629 | Registered: Jun 2008 | From: Here & There
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:14 AM, November 12th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, how in the world do they do it? How was he able to HIDE his mania from me for well over a year?
In retrospect, I think I was just too trusting, naive, and not questioning enough.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, November 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Perfectly NORMAL sounding last night and into this morning...it just never, never fails to shock the heck outa me!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
lulykr
♀ Member
Member # 29697
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, November 15th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Any one have any experience with their WS talking about compulsive thought patterns leading into the affair?
My H told me that he had insane compulsive thoughts that built on each other. This would be while on meds so god help me!!!
We were not communicating at all really prior to the A. He was finishing up law school and I was involved with my own stuff. He said that he convinced himself that I was cheating on him and preparing to leave him. I know blame shifting could be part of that special thinking. But I am wondering if any other BP spouses have talked about this. Also what the hell do you do about it? I feel like a sitting duck...
I had no idea he was thinking like this!
When he rekindled his special love-he was off his meds. We were apart for about three weeks when he thought it would be a good idea to stop taking them. I can tell when he's off them if I'm in personal contact. From a distance not so much. I know what his mania looks like. There is lots of energy but no joy. Oh and LOTS of sex. So I have a very accurate image of what was going down with OW. UGHHH
Anyway I am so easily sidetracked- stupid OW.
So back to my real question-any one got any thing on compulsive thoughts?

Posts: 589 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Gainesville FL
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:41 AM, November 16th (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

More like obsessive thoughts which would come out of the blue. Like a tape recorder suddenly switched on, word for word. I refer to it as "activated memories".


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Muchstrongernow
Member
Member # 30169
Default  Posted: 8:38 PM, November 22nd (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm pleased to find this thread.
My son is BP-rapid cycling
My father , Skitzo effective

This is a subject dear to my heart


hard work pays off.... so does the emotional hard work.... happy me.... worry less, do more

Posts: 165 | Registered: Nov 2010 | From: a good place
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:07 AM, November 24th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Glad you found our thread!
How are you doing, Muchstrongernow?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Phoenix3711
♀ Member
Member # 28910
Default  Posted: 4:25 PM, December 8th (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone. I've been reading this thread but haven't posted yet. I'm 6 mos past D-Day and having a hard time with my WS's mood swings. We are in R, and things are going well, he's done everything possible to make R possible, but he's suffering with depression, no crazy mania anymore, thank god for meds. He has terrible guilt for his actions during the A and gets really depressed. I want to talk during these dark times and he does not, he just wants to wait them out, cause you know they'll go away eventually

I'm wondering if he needs a different med added to his Lithium, he did try the med that you add to anti-depressants, can't remember the name, and he didn't like it at all. I just don't think he's properly medicated if he's still feeling like this. Man this is hard. It's almost like now that I know what's wrong with him, I'm less understanding

big hugs to everyone dealing with BP it's not easy.


DDay-6/24 2010
His DD-7/24 2010
BW/WW-me 38-ONS after D-day
WH/BH-36-multiple online EA/1XPA
Married 11 years
3 beautiful children
Trying to R

Posts: 67 | Registered: Jun 2010
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, December 10th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My WH needed the addition of a mood elevator...have you gone to MC?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Crossbow
♂ Member
Member # 15224
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, December 10th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My FWW takes the Lithium along with Lamictal and Prozac. With the other meds, she was depressed and listless. With the Prozac, she's quite "normal." The Lith does keep the mania at bay, thank God. And she's absolutely determined to stay on her meds.

Our whole family is fortunate that she's so intent on staying "sane."


DDay 7/4/07 found out about online/sexting EA with OM
DDay 7/25/07 found out about OW
In R

2 DSs, ages 8 and 6
DD, 1


Posts: 9376 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Utah
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:50 PM, December 11th (Saturday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, Crossbow, I agree with you.
My WH, unfortunately, does not have this positive "intent" so I cannot/will not allow him to reside with me.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
MarriedtoStupid
♀ Member
Member # 28270
Default  Posted: 10:20 AM, December 17th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are there any tips or tricks to make sure your BP spouse takes their meds?


Me, BS - 35
Him, FWH - 31
4 kids - 17, 14, 4 and 2
Married 7/07
DDay 3/11/2010
Reconciled and starting anew

Posts: 120 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Northeast Ohio by way of Michigan
m334455
♀ Member
Member # 26893
Default  Posted: 2:05 PM, December 17th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Depends. Is your spouse trying to remember but is a forgetful person or is your spouse hiding that they're deliberately not taking them?

If your spouse is having trouble remembering -- Get one of those daily counter pill boxes and put it somewhere they go everymorning. I start every day with my pill and a coffee, so mine are by the coffeepot.

If your spouse is going off meds and hiding it -- this is the exact same thing as being a drug addict. It's just the "drug" is mania. So, treat them like you would treat a drug addict. This means you probably need the support of a group like Alanon or Narcanon.

You cannot be resonsible for your BP spouse's treatment. The BP must be 100% responsible for themselves and their treatment to get better.

I wish I had a more encouraging answer, but, truth is, if you're living with an unmedicated BP you might as well be living with a hard-core addict.


BW 38, 5 kids
Dday Dec. 2009

Posts: 4034 | Registered: Dec 2009
MarriedtoStupid
♀ Member
Member # 28270
Default  Posted: 7:12 PM, December 17th (Friday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

if you're living with an unmedicated BP you might as well be living with a hard-core addict.

You said a mouthful there! Since H's A, my dealbreaker is him NOT taking his meds. He did confess last night that he's missed a few days. That's a big trigger for me because his A happened this time last year when he was off the meds and "not in his right mind". He does keep a bottle in his work bag and one here at home so he can take it whenever he remembers. I'm just wondering what will make him remember when he's stressed out and thinking about other things like work.


Me, BS - 35
Him, FWH - 31
4 kids - 17, 14, 4 and 2
Married 7/07
DDay 3/11/2010
Reconciled and starting anew

Posts: 120 | Registered: Apr 2010 | From: Northeast Ohio by way of Michigan
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, December 20th (Monday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I stood right next to my WH and watched him take his meds. I made him open up his mouth after to be sure he did take it.
Yeah, kinda like in a Psyche Ward.
But he continued to cheat anyway so I kicked him out...it was easier on me.
I totally agree about "the drug is mania". Perfect!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
EasyDoesIt
♀ Member
Member # 29514
Default  Posted: 8:17 PM, December 21st (Tuesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Man. I don't even have a whole lot to add to this thread. My spousal unit was diagnosed in 98 and spent the next 8 years on meds, successfully (for the most part). Then he went off in 2006 and all hell broke loose. We separated, and like a fool, I came back for more.

He refuses treatment, claims it's just me trying to control him, blah blah blah. I'm just sick of it. I can see the warnings and the behavioral changes. In the old days, when he was on meds and accepting of his diagnosis, I'd let him know what I was seeing and he'd deal with it constructively (increasing doses, etc). Now, just pure hell. He was in a manic state two weeks ago and ended up having assault charges filed against him (altercation with a coach). Now he's depressed, the world is wrong, the world is out to get him, he's up in the bedroom on the computer (probably looking at porn) and in a few days he'll cycle up and be mean as hell, paranoid, sarcastic, etc.

I've got 4 months and 24 days left of this shit, if I last that long, and then I'm out.


Anything less than full disclosure and total transparency is pure bullshit. WARNING! No emotional pollution allowed.

Posts: 3655 | Registered: Sep 2010 | From: Georgia
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:09 AM, December 22nd (Wednesday), 2010View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Easy~ I really feel for you!
Hang in there!

(((((((huge hugs))))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
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