Well, folks, as I've said before, when your bipolar gets all goofy, you need to treat them like a drug addict. Also, you need to work on codependency issues in yourself.
It also helps to keep in mind that 90% of bipolar marriages end in divorce, so you're certainly not alone in having trouble handling this.
I cannot live like this. It is not a good feeling at all. I haven't felt truly happy in so long.
I want to feel happy, safe, loved...
It's hard to work on yourself when you're exhausted because you couldn't sleep, thanks to BP spouse's insomnia and thrashing around at 4 a.m.
I wish I were independently wealthy...or at least made enough to make it fine on my own. I truly think the kids would be way better off.
WH texted me that he was going out with his friend from work for a bit...nice. Texted me as he was leaving work. Whether I had plans or not mattered not at all. Of course not. Why should I matter?
My spousal unit was diagnosed with it in 1998 and was successfully treated until he went off the meds in April 2006. He immediately went off the deep end and has pretty much stayed gonzo since. He's highly functioning but there are many problems at his work, it's just that he's a truck driver working with a bunch of other violent and tough guys and they don't worry too much about his bullshit.
Once he was yelling at a dispatcher and dragging the microphone up and down his crotch, telling them to talk to his dick. He told me about it, I didn't witness it. He came home all wound up. It's like an energy you can sense when you're around them, like a volcano fixing to explode.
The word he uses that signals me he's fixing to go off is "glare." He'll say something like, "She was glaring at me." or "I glared at him."
I recognized that years before he was diagnosed but didn't understand about mental illness. He's classic with the mood swings and the manic behavior, then going into the depths of despair and becoming totally non-functioning.
Hopefully my attorney will get the papers ready this week and I can proceed to file for divorce. I'm just beyond done.
Yeah. GET OUT Mutha Fucka!
He always says its because of me and how I haven't followed through on anything and he is just not happy.
He makes such impulsive decisions and wants things right now. Before all of the crap went down he had a day when he was so on cloud 9 I even made a comment. So happy and so sweet. He went out and spent 850 dollars on clothes for our kids with our tax money. Then told me how much he loved me and trust me. The next day he gets all depressed asking me why I am still married to him since he screws up financially and has cheated. I reaffirmed my love for him when he asked that. Then he seemed okay and then he got all depressed.
A week after he told me he was leaving me he broke down crying after talking to his dad and the next day texted me he had self destructive behavior. He has had several jobs and doesn't complete jobs he starts. He has upped and left 4 jobs without even giving them notice.
I talked to him about bipolar and he did research on the internet and asked me to make an appointment with his family doc (for referral) as soon as possible. We had sex 2 nights in a row. he still seemed depressed but more like my H.
He then went to the doctor (I was supposed to go with him but didn't have anyone to watch my son) and she told him she didn't think it was bipolar but told him to see a psych. He then talked to his friends apparently and they all said he was fine so with the doctor and his friends saying he was fine he ran with it and days later wanted a divorce again.
I was beyond hurt seeing that we were intimate and felt so used.
He then turned into the H from another planet and has been that way since which has been since the beginning of April.
The other 2 times he has done this he has been the same way. Saying I do nothing for our marriage and he just wants out.
I just am at a loss. He had told me the day he saw the doctor to get him into a psych as soon as possible so I did but they were booked until the end of April. He told me that he never asked me to do that when I told him about the appointment.
He is just so mean and cruel and wants a divorce right now. He doesn't care about me in the least I don't think.
HIs family thinks he needs help too but he won't get it because "he needs to make sure the kids eat and bills are paid" before he can get an appointment. UGH
Then just recently I found out he has been "talking and hanging out" with a girl after he moved out.
Just pour salt on my wounds a little more. Say your leaving, then want help, have sex with me, then say you are leaving again, then move out,pressure me for a divorce, THEN find out he is pretty much having an EA.
He and his dad had a horrible fight (about how H has treated me)and now he won't talk to him. Its just all crazy.
Eventually some people with BP can go off the medication when a PROFESSIONAL tells them they have balanced out and then continue doing check ups for years to make sure it stays that way.
And most need to return to using meds if their lives become stressful (i.e. when they change jobs).
It simply is not fair for a spouse to live with somebody who is Bi-Polar when they do not do anything to improve their condition.
It will continue forever and ever unless they get professional help. The cycles of BP do not stop if they do nothing about it.
And they cannot control their own cycles or self-medicate. It simply doesn't work.
If they are in denial, then you should seriously consider seperating. I would seperate within days if my wife goes back into a BP-cycle and refuses help. And she knows and understands this.
It is HER condition and I am here to help, but I will stand up for myself and not go through that shit again. Never.
[This message edited by virtualv at 6:25 PM, May 11th (Wednesday)]
"Forgiveness is letting go of the hope that the past can be different"
I was wondering if anyone in here could give me some insight into this disorder beyond what I have read.
I tried my entire life to have a good relationship with my sister, but it would never last.
She would call me obsessively and talk to me for hours at a time. I would hang up thinking that everything was fine and five minutes later she would be back on the phone screaming obscenities. Most of my counseling has been because of her strange behavior and now that she is dead I'm still trying to understand her. Of course, I feel some guilt because we were not on good terms when she died. In fact, no one in the entire family would speak to her and she did not come to our mother's funeral in December. She was not found for a week, very bad.
I know this is a forum for spouses, but would just like to hear from someone.
My brother has BP and tried to kill himself when he was a teenager. I don't think he was really trying, more trying to get help/attention, but you never know.
I'm very sorry you had to go through something so traumatic.
But you summed up BP pretty well with a few simple words:
it would never last
'It' being their stable, emotionally balanced selfs.
It just never lasts unless they get proper medication and psychological help. Its a condition in the brain where their emotions go through deep ups and downs.
For some people the cycles are very slow (my wife's cycles are over a few years) while for others they go very very fast. Days or weeks.
So sorry you had to loose your sister, but like I said in my previous post. There is nothing anybody on the outside can do UNLESS the person with BP acknowledges they have it and are willing to work on it ALL THE TIME.
Luckily, my wife does that now after our MC agreed she probably has BP. But a lot of people with BP are in heavy denial. It sucks.
Seriously, I was told by a IC that 90% of wives whose husbands have mental health or addiction issues stay in the marriage and that 90% of husbands whose wives have mental health or addition issues LEAVE.
That stat seems a bit too convenient and tidy. Not sure I believe it. Or the 100% one.
Currently, after just telling me last week he was "back" and would let "nothing break up our family", he has once again decided we are more like brother and sister (after having sex three night sin a row, mind you, and he was not complaining, then...), and that he wants to move out...I stopped him and said, "No, I will move out."
I have felt that he continuously comes back when he realizes he has no plan, so by me moving out, I may actually successfully get some space from him since I can stay with my littlest at my parents and he can live at home with the two olders.
I am seeing our MC without him Monday. She wants to see me alone now, which I think is good. He has obviously stopped really listening to her anyhow...
It is really so sucky having a bipolar to deal with. I fear the things he will tell and promise the kids...knowing full well he rarely sees anything through.
So, here I am. Night #2 with my littlest and without him.
A week or so ago he finally admitted he needs to probably see someone. He said he doesn't want to take meds, but I think he's even starting to scare himself. It's interesting, the 90 percent divorce/bipolar statistic. He drove me absolutely insane with is sleep habits (or lack thereof), the booze, the manic highs, and the lows where he'd stay in bed sleeping for a full 24 hours. Insane.
He's always said he doesn't want to be on meds (probably because his mother has made herself a zombie on prescription meds), but I can't understand knowing there's a problem and doing nothing to help yourself either.
Hm. This is fun.
I'm 47, soon to be divorced, no job, no college, no resume, and no savings. I'm having a pity-party and literally see no way out of this mess.