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User Topic: Married to a Bipolar
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:38 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is she managing on Lamictal now?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
groundhogday
♀ Member
Member # 4212
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

With WH it seemed to be the pressure of doing 2 masters degrees in a row. Looking back, with the knowledge we have now, there were always signs. But he flipped on the 2nd masters, and in particular on a field trip where he didn't have the autonomy he was used to. It's so sad because he wanted to do it and I encouraged him, but I wonder what he'd be like if he hadn't.

There are so many what-if's from the past few years. What if I'd known he was bipolar earlier? What if our MC (post d-day) had spotted something was wrong? What if I'd been able to go NC, and might have possibly ridden out the first affair-episode?

It all sounds so easy in retrospect, but the mixed signals and craziness had me completely dumbfounded and traumatised.

H admits his paranoia these days. He's aware of it but I don't know if he can control it. I now understand why, one of the times he moved back, he wedged his door closed at night. He said he thought I'd try to kill him....I thought it was some weird excuse for him hiding communication with the OW...but in fact he did think I might kill him.

If it hadn't been for the OWs,it all might have made sense earlier, but reading here on SI about the lies and gaslighting that comes with affairs, I thought it was all affair-related. His actions seemed to match that of so many WS's I read about here. But really, each WS is an individual with individual problems, and it's clearly quite dangerous to lump them all together.


Me: BW
Whatever...it gets hard to explain the whole convoluted crappy story.

I love people...but inside myself is a place where I live all alone and that's where you renew your springs that never dry up.


Posts: 11530 | Registered: Apr 2004 | From: UK
wincing_at_light
♂ Member
Member # 14393
Default  Posted: 3:07 PM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

dreamlife,

I can say without a doubt that the Lamictal saved our marriage.

My wife's bipolar frequently manifested as just absolute raging, screaming tirades at me and the kids over the stupidest little things (and if there were no "things" to erupt over, she made some up).

Every once in a great while (i.e., less than once a month), she'll snap now, but immediately realizes it and apologizes.

On the other hand, she's been showing significant signs of depression lately (won't bathe for a week, wears the same clothes four or five days in a row, feels hopeless, etc.), so she'll probably need to add something to the mix at her next psych eval.


Machiavellian idiot savant

Posts: 6687 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: Indiana
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:36 PM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm glad the meds are working.

But, even if WH were to be like that person I met 5 years ago & fell so deeply in love with...its too late, its been too long for trickle-down-truth, trust has evaporated, & I am never willing to take a chance with the likes of him ever again.

Besides, he has no real remorse, suffers from numerous other *personality dis-orders*, etc.

This is just not my idea of a fulfilling & happy M.

[This message edited by dreamlife at 3:38 PM, February 7th (Thursday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 11:09 AM, February 10th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our cat just received a card for his birthday, and a Valentine card a few days later. Comments?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Betrayed74
♀ Member
Member # 17058
Default  Posted: 9:01 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Huh? Your cat? From your husband? I'm confused.


Me: 34 BS
Him: 37 XWS

LTA with woman 'friend' 06-07
EA with woman 'friend' '07
D-Day for both: 10/07
XWS moved out for OW#2: 11/07
XWS wants to possibly R: 2/08


Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Colorado
lvmysens
♀ New Member
Member # 18028
Default  Posted: 12:07 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My husband is doing something about it. I have asked for space to figure things out. He is seeing a professional, and even going on web sites for information. I have too, and it has been helpful. I am still keeping boundries for myself, and he is respecting them. Wow..maybe there is hope.

Posts: 15 | Registered: Feb 2008 | From: Kingston
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 3:41 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

74, it was like a "tradition" for the cat to send "dad" a Father's Day card (since he has no bio kids)...but he has never sent the cat a "romantic card" just got back from IC.

Mania increases/appears/is much more pronounced... in SPRING.

How many here have noticed a seasonal bent with bipolar?

I have --for years now-- with WH.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WH just got a "promotion" on the job...never has been late or absent one day-- in almost 2 years.

Sounds pretty high functioning to me!

Which is why sometimes I feel he is "duping" me with the bipolar stuff...


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
coasterrider
♀ Member
Member # 16464
Default  Posted: 6:05 AM, March 1st (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi there, all -

I thought I'd check to see if there's a bipolar thread, and here it is!

I've just posted in R a thread asking 'Does this sound like mania?'

http://survivinginfidelity.com/forums.asp?tid=219059

Could I ask anyone here with experience to take a look at my story and see if it rings bells, and if you have any advice for us? Thanks so much.


I don't know a soul whos not been battered
I don't have a friend who feels at ease
I don't know a dream thats not been shattered or driven to its knees
Oh, but it's alright, its alright
For we lived so well so long

Posts: 2469 | Registered: Oct 2007 | From: Europe
Betrayed74
♀ Member
Member # 17058
Default  Posted: 11:28 AM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, I can speak as someone who has both BPII disorder AND hypothyroidism! My XWS has BPI (boy is it worse).

But anyway, this is a tricky one. He could have both as well!

I recently started Armour thyroid for my hypo and I can tell you this--when the meds are pushed too far it can definitely feel like hypo-mania...everything speeds up. I noticed it the most with my spending.

So, it really might be a combo or it might be one or it might be the other. It's really hard to say but I think it's important to get a psychiatrist involved as well as an endocrinologist.


Me: 34 BS
Him: 37 XWS

LTA with woman 'friend' 06-07
EA with woman 'friend' '07
D-Day for both: 10/07
XWS moved out for OW#2: 11/07
XWS wants to possibly R: 2/08


Posts: 120 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: Colorado
Finding Myself
♀ Member
Member # 18468
Default  Posted: 11:30 PM, March 5th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have BP-1. I was always scared I would go manic and cheat.
I am med compliant, haven't had a manic episode in years, only mild depression. Never been truly ill since I got with my partner. I was completely honest to him about my illness, but he just didn't 'get it'. And he never sought out info or support.
He used it to blame all his/our problems on. Then when HE had an affair, succeeded in gaslighting so badly I went on anti-psychotics to control my 'delusions' (the only 'delusion' I was having was that my best friend and partner were having an affair - and I was right). I even ended up in the mental health unit in hospital for only the second time in my life.
While I was in there she slept in our bed
It was so easy for him to blame everything on my illness. But I trust my own brain enough to never fully believe his gaslighting. And at least he now realises that his affair and his problems had nothing to do with me.
Whenever he calls me crazy or psychotic I just tear him a new asshole.


"When the heart weeps for what it has lost, the spirit laughs for what it has found".

Posts: 170 | Registered: Mar 2008
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:18 AM, March 7th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Finding Myself, what a horrible thing to do to you!

Glad you are fighting fire with fire!

(((((huge hugs))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
libbet_snider
♀ Member
Member # 11671
Default  Posted: 8:52 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Found some unlabeled tablets in my FWH/Bipolar's briefcase.
His mood and behavior has changed in the last couple wks.
HOw do I get these pills analyzed?
Thanks,L


Me-BW, young 51 (mtn biker, skiboarder); FWH-48, 14+ yr EA(?)
Married-19 yrs; Kids-all 4-legged
DDay-2/21/06; And the lies just kept coming; Last (known) D-Day 04/07
Status-He's really trying. I have to accept that he's human, not perfect.

Posts: 194 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: mid-Amer.
tearosehopeful
New Member
Member # 18589
Default  Posted: 12:08 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think that may be what my husband is. His father has it, and he has always had problems with mood swings, keeping a job and staying faithful. He has started going to cognitive behavior therapy. If anyone knows of any success with this let me know. He has not been diagnosed, but he decided he needed to find out why he keeps doing the same things relationship after relationship. Even his family has given up on him and feel he will die alone. No matter what he has done to hurt me, i still believe in him and I can't make it stop. is that so wrong?

Posts: 4 | Registered: Mar 2008
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:46 AM, March 12th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

libbet~ how has his mood/behavior changed specifically?
What color are the pills? Any identifying numbers/letters/scored or plain?
I would take it down to a pharmacy. They might be able to tell you right away or look it up in the PDR book.

Please update us!

I would find this very frightening!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:00 PM, March 25th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had a good session with IC yesterday.
WH's "problems" seem to stem from (untreated) bipolar.
he refuses to see his therapist/doc & get back on his meds.
I was told here in mid-06, that my biggest problem with him would be med ompliance.
So right!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:40 AM, March 27th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Has anyone had an experience of living with a very FAST cycler?

His XW told me when she would call WH at the office, he'd be 'mean & nasty'. But, by the time he arrived home, he was 'sweet as pie'.
Or, reverse the sitch. This was about 15 years ago and despite going to IC or MC, not a therapist or family doctor ever, ever detected any bipolar with WH!

Now, I never have had this experience-- with him.

It was more go-go-go slight mania for a few weeks then crash & burn-- Or as WH termed it, 'feeling so faded' time.

He never had a problem drinking too much and his personality never really *changed* even after knocking half a bottle of wine back with my oldest brother.

Sometimes I wonder if he is just putting me on!

[This message edited by dreamlife at 9:44 AM, March 27th (Thursday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
desidero
♀ Member
Member # 12528
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, March 30th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, this is all new to me.

My FWH was diagnosed with bi-polar disorder two weeks ago.

Now he's on depokote and seems to be winding down. Sleeping resonable hours, no porn and not so hyper.

However, Iv been told that all his A's are bi-polar related. And I am having my doubts about all of this.

He's a habitual lier and a good one. He is the only person in his family to be diagnosed with this EVER.

I am wandering how in the world he was not thinking normaly leading to the A's. But yet he went through extravigant means to hid it and cover it up. So to me this doesnt make since.

He can think to cover it up but cant think how to stop it or prevent it?

Someone please explain this to me.

[This message edited by desidero at 8:57 AM, March 30th (Sunday)]


Desidero -(latin) [to long for what is absent or lost , to wish for; to miss, find a lack of];

Me BS:34, Him STBXWH 39
4 1/2 yr LTA w/ MOW
to many to count mini A's in between
1st D-day 07/11/2005, hundreds more after that!


Posts: 223 | Registered: Nov 2006 | From: Where ever you go after your world falls apart
juliette
Member
Member # 9635
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, March 30th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Have you noticed that your spouse gets manic more in the weekend? As if they are willing it to have a more exciting weekend?

Noclue has been off work since April. Our weeks are usually like this: he can't sleep during the night and will sleep all day during the week but otherwise will be normal and at the limit down. But comes the weekend and he wants to plan things and go to places.

Since I rarely want to go (I work during the day and can't sleep at night because of his tossing and turning) he gets snarky and mad.

He has been on lithium and zoloft since January but I am not seeing any improvement at the moment to be honest.


Me : BS - 40
Have a son (Romeo) - 14 years


Well this April's Fools Day joke sucked big time.


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