Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Lost1960 (43229)

I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: False Reconcilation Thread
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 4:17 AM, February 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Kush ~ no doubt about it, they have some sort of *disorder* (plural??) to do this FR shit to us, over & over.

Mine acts like a mild-mannered scholarly & even saintly person but in actuality he's a secretive online Freak in the Sheets type living a Dual Life.

Now, wouldn't that *age* anyone?


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
drowninginsorrow
♀ Member
Member # 4545
Red  Posted: 6:13 AM, February 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this is a support thread ... there have been several warnings posted by moderators regarding generalizing, venting and name calling but it still persists

here is another warning... there will be no more name calling, venting and generalizations on this thread

thank you


Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics

Posts: 56712 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: canuckistan
Dane
♀ Member
Member # 18129
Default  Posted: 6:32 AM, February 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, still new to the lingo. What is "gaslighting?" Not sure how to do a site search... Thanks!

Posts: 64 | Registered: Feb 2008
drowninginsorrow
♀ Member
Member # 4545
Default  Posted: 6:43 AM, February 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

this is a description of gaslighting from the healing library dane

http://survivinginfidelity.com/faq_bs.asp#FAQ14


Love is a snowmobile racing across the tundra and then suddenly it flips over, pinning you underneath. At night, the ice weasels come.- Matt Groening
"I've found the secret to life. I'm ok when everything is not ok"- Tori Amos lyrics

Posts: 56712 | Registered: Jun 2004 | From: canuckistan
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:06 AM, February 20th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry, DIS.

I don't know any other way to do this...so, I'm bowing out of this thread.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 10:36 PM, February 22nd (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Had to talk to him a couple times this week because of kids.

The first time sadly it felt good to hear his voice for about 2 seconds.
Am I pathetic or what?

It was better the next few times.
I was able to keep distant and cool without really feeling involved with him.

I really don't know if I'm making any progress dealing w/ the FR's or not.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
2yrsinthedark
♀ Member
Member # 16278
Default  Posted: 9:56 AM, February 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Please help me, what do I do. After 6mos of R, I think he is going back to his old habits. He opened a myyearbook profile two days ago. He only has one friend but its one of his old female friends from h.s. Its still new and their is nothing incriminating on it, but why would he open it, add her and not tell me?? should i confront it now, or give his some rope to hang himself. i thought to wait and see what he does w/ it. Its already wrong, but i dont want him to try and excuse himself out of it. I was even thing of making a profile for myself w/ some nice looking pic of some woman and send him a message. See what he does. Please help, after we had such romantic Vday and everything is wonderful, how could he do this?

[This message edited by 2yrsinthedark at 10:06 AM, February 23rd (Saturday)]


"Trust but verify"

Me-44 BS
Him-44 WS
Married 18 yrs
Dday 8/25/07
two yr EA (maybe longer, maybe w/ more than one)
4 Kids 15,13,8,8


Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: TX
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 11:05 AM, February 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2y, I have no idea what to think.
The fact that he said nothing to you is a fred flag to me.

Have you thought about waiting to see what develops?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
2yrsinthedark
♀ Member
Member # 16278
Default  Posted: 11:17 AM, February 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thats exactly what Im thinking, but its going to drive me crazy to wait.


"Trust but verify"

Me-44 BS
Him-44 WS
Married 18 yrs
Dday 8/25/07
two yr EA (maybe longer, maybe w/ more than one)
4 Kids 15,13,8,8


Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: TX
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Concerned  Posted: 11:31 AM, February 23rd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I really hope you're not in a FR.
FR's hurt so bad and are so devastating.
I don't know how to deal w/mine.

There's so many questions.
And I know I may never have them answered.
I think the main one is "why?".
Why bother if he never meant it to be genuine?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 8:00 PM, February 24th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've noticed when I have to call him that I can't seem to get off the phone fast enough.
Of course he can't seem to get off the phone fast enough either.

And it doesn't give me any pleasure to talk to him.
Is this a sign of progress?

I am so ready to have my D finalized.
I was so upset in January when he snuck to the judge and asked for more time.

I want a new life w/o him and all his lying cheating downgrading petty ways.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Newborn@home
♀ Member
Member # 16383
Default  Posted: 9:35 AM, February 29th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's hard for me to go into the R foreum as well because it reminds me of what my wh should be but isn't doing.


Me(36) Him(WH,42) D 3 yrs
Together 12yrs,married 5
S 6/1/2009, F for D 9/4/09
Ex & OW going on 4 yrs now
1st Dday 9/18/09- when baby was 19 weeks old

Posts: 330 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: New York City
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 10:59 PM, March 3rd (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lately, I just can't seem to stop being sad about what a waste of so many things have come from all this.
It's like being sucked down into quicksand.

He's living the life of Riley, having a good ol' time as far as I know and here I am stuck in all the emo crap and day to day crap.

I wish I was Vulcan and had no emotions.
We all know how illogical they are.

I'm noticing that in some ways I'm compartmentalizing the pain and just trying to focus on making it another day through work and life in general.
Is that a bad "thang"?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
peridot
♀ Member
Member # 18334
Default  Posted: 12:29 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine has always been a FR.At first he had me believing him but no more. I'm finally starting to realize that he will never get over his addiction and he may not even want to. I have always threatened to kick him out but never did it because I am a sahm, with no job and it has been hard to find one. So he knows that I am stuck here.


I think...therefore, I'm single.

It is what it is.


Posts: 4488 | Registered: Feb 2008
2yrsinthedark
♀ Member
Member # 16278
Default  Posted: 3:33 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I posted this in "just found out" but I guess it goes here too. Im looking for lots ofHow can this be? He has beens so wonderful. He even surprised me we a getaway for Valentines Day. I asked for a detailed phone bill and I found out he called OW.
Their were only two, one for 22 minutes the other for 10. Thats two to many if you ask me. He tried to deny it, until he knew i had proof. He says he just wanted to know how she was doing. My God, I thought I was finally ready to forgive him. Now this. I feel like my heart was ripped right out of my chest. What do I do now? He insists he loves me and he doesnt want anything w/ her. I guess I knew it in my gut, thats why I kept my guard up. Please advise.
advice.


"Trust but verify"

Me-44 BS
Him-44 WS
Married 18 yrs
Dday 8/25/07
two yr EA (maybe longer, maybe w/ more than one)
4 Kids 15,13,8,8


Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: TX
2yrsinthedark
♀ Member
Member # 16278
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, March 8th (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you all for your responses. I so needed to hear from you.
I did something stupid a little while ago. I tried to contact her. I think she must have blocked my number or something, because I hear it ring then it just stops. I hate my self for it, but my stupidity (anger) didnt stop there. I sent her an email telling her to answer my calls or her family will soon find out what a homewrecker she is. Man, this crap sure brings out the worst in me. I have never threatened anyone in my life. This is so not me, I hate confrontations. I just feel a great need to talk to her. Oh, I know, I need to talk to him, I already did that. I got the same ole stuff, the Im sorries, I love you, Its you I want, I know what I did was wrong. We will continue trying but this relationship will never, ever be the same.


"Trust but verify"

Me-44 BS
Him-44 WS
Married 18 yrs
Dday 8/25/07
two yr EA (maybe longer, maybe w/ more than one)
4 Kids 15,13,8,8


Posts: 378 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: TX
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

2yrs, I couldn't handle it anymore when I found out that he had again signed up on AFF and paid for a silver account.
And tries to tell me he's just looking at porn.

That excuse didn't work the first time he did it, why would it work this time?

The part that gets me is if he wanted to continue his R w/ his women and chase women online why bother stringing me along?
It's just so chickenshit,KWIM?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 11:02 PM, March 17th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm feeling so alone and unwanted and unloved and unappreciated these days.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 12:00 AM, March 18th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm sorry you're feeling so badly, HB. It won't always be this way. Take heart, sweetie!

((((((huge hugs)))))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Giselle2008
Member
Member # 18389
Default  Posted: 12:49 PM, March 19th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am about 2 months out from D day and my WH has moved about 90 minutes away from me and OP - to figure himself out.

He has been at distant for about 5 weeks and his tune has changed to "work on our marriage", but he still talks to OP on the phone. I have reminded him we cannot work on everything until he has NC. I am giving him until the end of the month to cut all ties or I will be filing.

He tells me he has 2 weeks and will be cutting off their friendship, I personally think it is him liking the control, as I guess I was controlling in our marriage. I also gave him a deadline when we got engaged and he waited until the very last minute.

Does this sound like FR, or not since contact has not been totally cutoff and he has been honest about that?


Posts: 57 | Registered: Feb 2008
Topic Posts: 233
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12

Return to Forum: I Can Relate Post Reply to this Topic
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.