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I Can Relate Post Reply     Print Topic    
User Topic: False Reconcilation Thread
luvmyfamily
♀ Member
Member # 16068
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can totally relate to false recovery. Sometimes I panic and think we're in false recover right now. He has been trying but the trust is gone. Why would he be telling me the truth this time around? He doesn't want to lose me or the kids but sometimes I wonder if he does't want to lose his "double" life. I mean, having your cake and eating it too is the best of both worlds right? A huge insentive to continue with the lies. False recovery only created more mistrust for me. Sure hope this is the real deal this time around because there is nothing left inside me to give.


Married 10 years
Me BS-33 WS-34
D Day 7/22/07
2 beautiful children
D-9 S-6
Trying to recover.

The future is uncertain,
Desire and reality to not relate,
The hope I have within shall be determined by fate. (author, Me)


Posts: 627 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Massachusetts
Drowning
♀ Member
Member # 13057
Default  Posted: 7:12 AM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just as I was very sad to find myself at this website, I'm just as sad (maybe even sadder) to find myself in this thread.

My story:

Husband works overseas alot, had a ONS and I found out a little over a year ago. After a long time of "sitting on the fence" I decided to give him a second chance. Those 11 months were really rocky but things left on a REALLY good note when he returned overseas to work again.
A few weeks later, we got i a completely silly argument, It wasn't a big deal, the argument was silly but I haven't heard from him since that night. That was in September! He works overseas so we don't see eachother either.

I'm beyond devestated I can't even find the words.


D-Day: 10/16/2006
2007-RECONCILED
We're Happy, Content, In Love, and just had baby #2! CLOUD 9!

Posts: 718 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: Cloud 9
annben
♀ Member
Member # 8703
Default  Posted: 11:07 AM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Drowning, I read about your story in your other thread. I'm sorry.


I just wanted to add that in one of the many false reconciliations, one of his terms (have you ever? HE has the affair, but he's giving ME terms to reconcile??? What's crazier is that I considered them!) was that I was "forbidden" to log on to SI anymore.

Yeah, that lasted.


D-Day 11/01/05

You can't close the door when the walls cave in.


Posts: 2765 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From:
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 2:29 PM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

was that I was "forbidden" to log on to SI anymore.

I'll bet that was a HUGE red flag.

"Trust me.The cheater that cheated on you, lied to you.
The cheater that has given a false R or 2 or 99.
You need no support from anyone but a fine person(cheater/liar) like me.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:26 PM, January 6th (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 10:56 PM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamy, I'm repeating 5000x what's in your siggy line.
Except I'm putting my own spin on it.

"He's a FUCKTARD" 5000X

It helps, isn't that ?
He called me today while I was at work and I couldn't answer(busy).
It's like a reflex anymore that the first thought that pops into my head is "What?" "You mean you hung up on hoochiemama long enough to call me?"
The second thought is "Why don't you call her back?""I'm sure she wants to talk to you more than I do".

He left a VM giving me some BS about no $$$ and he had to borrow some from stepmom to send to me.
Is it true?
Seriously frikken doubt it.
Don't really care to hear his sorryass excuses for whatever anymore.

I did get some small bitter satisfaction that he sounded sickern' a dawg and miserable.
Wonder if she "gave" him something.

Noticed he's still jacking me around on the $$$.
So why should that behaviour change when no other behaviour changed?


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 2:48 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

IC said today that I am suffering from severe depression...I cannot take A/D's.
She feels the death of my son is compounding my depression & healing. It has made this even worse than the average "infidelity".
I'm already dreading my son's death anniv. on April 23rd because I fall apart, year after year...so IC wants to try an "experiment": She does not want me opening up & reading WH's e-mails for 2 weeks.
In essence, do NC.
When I got home, I was really feeling crappy.
So...I got on heartlessbitches.com & I felt better...then read Og Mandino's site awhile...he was the motivational speaker who said:
"Never make anyone a priority who doesn't make you an option".

[This message edited by dreamlife at 2:50 AM, January 8th (Tuesday)]


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 7:54 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamy, that OG saying has been resonating through this whole board.
It's a great saying and really captures the essence of what's happened to many of us here.

Here's another one I like.
Can't remember who said it.
"Don't let the bastards wear you down".

Here's something someone said to me last night.
No one from SI so I can repeat it here.


You do what you must with all of the divorce proceedings. It's just life. We can't anticipate all of the curve balls it throws us. We can only respond. And, hopefully, we respond with grace and humor.

Grace and humor.Hmmm,I guess the grace I can claim is that I haven't stooped to my stbxdaft's level and have really improved on what I say in front of the kids.
As far as the humor, I gat to be as snarky as I wannabe.

And really...when you hear some of the crap that flies out of his mouth ya gotta laugh because it's so inane.

Like the other day,I jacked him up about the $$$ he owes me.
He went into a full blown tirade about some of his posessions that's here at the house, saying I won't let him get them and on and on about his debts and how he's over a month behind blah blah fuckity blah.

Funny how this stuff gets turned around and twisted to where I'm the bad guy and I've done him soooo wrong.

Forget the fact the man can't handle $$$ let alone his dick.
Forget the fact that I and the kids have to suffer and do without when he doesn't give me what he owes.
None of that crap matters to him as much as his stuff or hisbills.

There's just so much humor to be found in this kind of whack thinking.
Times like this, I wish I was a comedian.
I'd have a field day.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
SI Staff
Moderator
Member # 10
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is NOT a vent thread about the OW or OM, OR the WS.
Please keep that in mind and post accordingly.

Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
damncutekitty
♀ Member
Member # 5929
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another false R survivor here. And then of course since I ended up getting a D anyway I know for long time I felt cheated. Like on one hand I felt he never gave "us" a chance and on the other hand what was the point of faking it and wasting all that money on MC and stuff.


Keep calm and carry on.

Posts: 49406 | Registered: Nov 2004 | From: Minneapolis
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 10:45 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, DCK, I could not have posted better on the feelings of being cheated, duped, & just *wasting my precious time*!!!


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
bpositive
♀ Member
Member # 5981
Default  Posted: 10:51 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me too Kitty. Several d-days and several false R's.

It took a long time for me to accept the fact that even though I was the one to initiate the divorce, I was not the one who ended the marriage.


"If you're happy and you know it..."
1 in 3 US women die of heart disease. Take charge of your health and your life!

Posts: 6302 | Registered: Dec 2004 | From: breathe.
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 6:24 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SI Staff, If I'm the one you're referring to, it was never meant as a vent.
I was actually being snarky.
Trying to find humor in my sorry life.

I'm so sorry.I will remove it immediately if you like.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think kat said it best...well, to me she did...when she talked about putting *hope* out there then snatching it away, repeatedly.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 6:42 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dreamy, or offering something that was never really there.
One thing that gets me about FR's is that the BS has been big enough to take another chance and is willing to do what they can to get past the infidelity and it's all a complete sham.
The BS gets suckered into thinking that their relarionship w/their WS can be saved.
Meanwhile WS is still actively pursuing their A.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
pitiful
♀ Member
Member # 8137
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am the queen of FR. That is my world. The pain of FR is unbearable. It is almost a game now, to see what lies I can discover.
I am staying for my personal reason for the time being. I have a plan, it involves property and $. WH works on the road, so we have a LDR at the best.
FR is like someone breaking your fingers after they have already broken your arm.
I am trying to rbuild my self-esteem, but it is a slow process. I still hold out hope, just a glimmer, for true R, BUT life has to go on.
We share a tremendous bond of pain, whether still in FR, D, or happily R.
Thanks for this thread.


luv u bye


Posts: 1709 | Registered: Sep 2005 | From: il
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

pitiful, at least you're in good company here.

I think that someone pulling a FR on their BS has entered a new level of mind fuck.

I still haven't figured out which is worse.
The original finding out what's going on from your kids or finding out after being gaslighted that it's still going on after everything else and all the stuff that goes through your head.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:28 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Its like being repeatedly kicked & punched when one is already...down.
Its goddamned dirty fucking pool.

oops, maybe I wasn't supposed to say that...sorry.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
NewAttitude
Member
Member # 1030
Default  Posted: 9:45 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When I discovered the false reconciliation it shocked me how often it really happens.
If you look at a large number of people on this board we would see that false R happens all the time.
It's very sad.

It makes reconciling even harder.


Pain is inevitable; suffering is optional.

Posts: 58732 | Registered: Jan 2003
Heartless Bytchh
♀ Member
Member # 12347
Default  Posted: 10:05 PM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I can't find anything on the net that really deals w/how to handle FR's.

The black hole of the internet.

Because it sucks soooo bad.

You'd think that as often as it seems to happen(and we've all seen it or been through it here), that there would be a plethora of info.

I think the SI community is like a microcosmic slice of life of the whole entire world.
We have people from all societies and walks of life here.


Woodchipper pretty much trumps everything.-Rufus Turner
Sometimes I feel like SI is that person who says... "if you can't say anything nice... come sit by me!"-rumorhasit

Posts: 6061 | Registered: Oct 2006 | From: Another day in Paradise
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