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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs V I I I
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Default  Posted: 9:43 PM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 10:10 PM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here we are in new digs again tribe! Let the decorating begin! I'm thinking a nice rustic, nordic lodge with a big stone fireplace and giant overstuffed worn leather chairs. Take your shoes off and c'mon in.


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 10:14 PM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh Lordy, I am the first....

So do I get to decorate ??

Hmmmm.....plush sofas and chairs with ottomans in soft teal and sandlewood. Enough for all.

Large windows and french doors leading to a veranda with huge pots dripping with flowers....delphiniums and lilacs...

Ocean view.....beach just a few hundred yards away.

Balmy breezes and calm surf always.

Butlered drinks and snacks 24/7.

Music to just float with....

And a "come to you" full service spa at our beck and call.

How's that?


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 10:16 PM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ha.....wouldn't you know....never the bride.....

Could we have any more different ideas......??

Hey.....I'll plunk my butt down on anything..leather, plush....whatever....


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 10:22 PM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn. FSA is going to have a fit.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 10:33 PM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oooo, oooo. I like the ocean view, the spa and the rustic overstuffed comfy chairs. Let's have it all.

I'm thinking beautiful soothing blues, greens, dashes of warm goldenrod and mellow roses.

And the clean smell of the ocean combined with the wood burning fireplace.

Ahhhh.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 10:34 PM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Damn. FSA is going to have a fit.

Uh...Oh.......


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 11:33 PM, January 7th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I like the whole ocean view theme. I could use a cup of tea about now, too.

I'm stressing here.... nothing A-related, but life is just sucky right now and I think my H's PA behavior is contributing to his lack of focus i.e. failure to get a job. Who was it on here that said they were tired of being the one taking care of everything?

Hmmmmm..... Calgon take me away....

HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 12:02 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((HB))))))
Who was it on here that said they were tired of being the one taking care of everything?
I think that would be every single one of us at one point or another. At some point you're going to have to step back and let him step forward HB. I took the plunge over a year ago and I was very surprised to see him rise right to it. He is now an equal partner but there was a very scary letting go part of this. I know it's tough though and there's more than you to consider if he doesn't rise HB. Do what feels right in your heart but you DESERVE a partner, not a liability.

Thanks SVS and BT for your well wishes on the stupid PAP. Miner thing in the big picture, but just pisses me off.

Shirley - Take good care of yourself. I just had a slight cold over the holidays and it sucks. If you're hacking up a lung you must really be feeling crappy. Lots of fluids and TLC!

OK, ocean front digs it is! I'm overruled on the winter lodge it looks like. I'm just as happy on the beach.

I know FSA is going to be pissed. Sorry hon! We'll leave a whole room for you to decorate.


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:46 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning all.

Check out the new digs!
Rustic nordic lodge by the sea, surrounded by high cliffs and the only sounds being the cries of the gulls and the waves lapping at the edges. Safe and cosy. Beautiful.

(((OTC)))
Just a few weeks left till the 30th. You are going to be just fine.

(((HB)))
Their PA gets us everytime, doesnt it? Its so difficult to ignore when it affects us directly. H was supposed to send his suit in for drycleaning over a month ago. Usually I would just take it in, but now I am learning to let go. If he asked me to, I would, but he hasnt. He keeps reminding himself, but doesnt do it. I am not stressed because it doesnt affect me. Before it would have irritated me no end, and I would have just done it, but now....

On the other hand, he had promised after dday1 that he would get a new job. His present one is with the same company he has been with for the last 10 years. I hate their work ethic, and also it is a link to OW#2 and that situation.

Now theres a possibility that he may go back to his old regime of staying away for the week, and coming home on weekends. Not his choice but there you go.
I am furious! We have built up a new family system with him being home everyday. The kid and I like it. we feel like a family. He helps with the kids and the house etc. To go back to doing everything myself again...

We wouldnt be in this position if he had found a job close to home like he promised he would...1.5 years ago!
He says he will sort something out..we'll see.

Shirley, plenty of rest and fluids.And lots of time hanging out here with us!

Hey FSA! You can get the next one, ok?
And how did the church class go anyway??


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 6:13 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I had things to tend to last night. Ya'll could have waited for me!!!! I think I'll just have to quit talking to all of you!!! NOT

We'll leave a whole room for you to decorate.
You don't want me to do that. My decorating would have to be called "Early American Mess". Never had much to decorate with (money). Just always used what I had, kind of move it around every once in a while to change the looks of it. When I get my new house ya'll can come over and decorate for me. Okay.

Another work day, better go.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:16 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm calling the masseuse... anyone else ready?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yep.....call them, weepy. Tell them to plan on being here ALL day.
Lots of sore necks and muscles from "getting past it"...

HB, We also had to change many patterns. I do not jump and do it all now. Had to learn to just not react immediately and take everything on.
He is taking on things that he never would have thought of....like always calling on his way home to see if I am still tied up and we need anything from the store. And like Lost, I no longer react about things don't get done that really don't pertain to me.


Shirley,

Read somewhere that having a cold is the psyche's way of getting a rest and being able to "cry" in public with no explanation.
A bit "out there".. but hey, whatever makes it easier.

Hope you feel better.


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LMAO!!! I’m sure this “functionalist theory” was written by some fucktard group of academics all banging their little academic assistants! What a crock of shit! – talk about coming up with a theory from your one brain to serve the other brain!

OTC - Thanks for a great rant. I have been LMAO since I read this.
On the other subject, are you sure you can't get them to push up your date. Like BT said, this is their fault and they should be willing to accommodate you in any way they can - moving up the date is the least they can do for you. (((OTC)))
Loved the new digs. The only thing missing IMO is a cuddly puppy to snuggle with by the fire. I'm open to a variety of breeds as long as it's not one of the yappy ones.
Lost - have you talked to your H about keeping his promise to look for a job closer to home? What's preventing him from keeping his promise to do this? (((Hugs as he tries to work out a solution that is best for you)))
Weepy - I am definitely up for the massage but I think I'll call for a facial too.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost - have you talked to your H about keeping his promise to look for a job closer to home?

Oh Fnf, we had this conversations so many times in the beginning, then he missed his deadline and asked for an extension of another 6 months, then that deadline went on the wayside too. I didnt hassle him the first time, cos by then I had gone deep into the abyss, and attempted S. The 2nd one slipped by because by then they had landed a client in London, and wanted him to handle that project.So he has been home ever since, and I really couldnt complain. How do you say that the company itself triggers you? That I dont like it when they ask him about work from the former client (where OW2 was)as I feel it brings al that back to both of us.

Yesterday he recieved a Xmas card from old place wherein the woman whom I suspect he had an EA with, also signed it. It just feels like we will never be able to leave all these women behind. Last night I dreamt about OW1, and woke up this morning feeling hopeless.

He said he will sort it out, and I guess like OTC said, I have to surrender to it. Let him prove himself.Hopefully he will get this right this time.

After the masseuse and facials, we will do tea. But no unhealthy stuff! Its green tea (euwww!),muffins (bran, pecan, carrot), theres a fresh juice bar as well, and muesli.Oh and just for BT,some weetbix!


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 9:21 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Little hand up here. I believe it was me in a post last week re doing everything, all he had to do was “earn a living” ….. even to the point of me doing air, oil, coolant, engine checks on my car. I bring the car up b/c his was a company car. I say was, he bought it when he accepted severance. This afternoon, I suggested he go out and do his tyres (I suspect one has a slow puncture), he said he didn’t have time before his dental appt, so he took MY car to go to the dentist!! When he came back I suggested he do it before it was completely flat. Would you believe he hasn’t done it before? He even asked me about the pressures!! HIS CAR. I gazed blankly at him and said “I dunno, it’s your car”. I did say to look in the manual …. He managed, I think. I have passed another responsibility on to him. Our central heating boiler died last week and he is in charge of finding and engaging someone to supply and fit a new one. We’ll see (she says guardedly).

HB. My H has been out of work since last July. He had garden leave for the first three months, so that was fine. He then actively pursued a job (probably in the same way as he pursued OW – relentlessly) and has one starting next week. I loved having him home, but I have a real problem with doing those domestic tasks with him around. I know that OW wouldn’t have been ironing, washing floors, having washing hanging around the house, etc, etc and I WANT WHAT SHE HAD. On the other hand, I’m back to him being away at nights again. Groan, trigger, sigh.

Oh, can we have some of those nice fluffy white towelling robes and slippers? Saves the fag of dressing and undressing all the time for our treatments.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3327 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 9:24 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostH - I agree. It seems like the OW is always there following us around. Yesterday I came across something that I am sure was a gift from her at sometime.

Nothing big, but I walked to the garage, took the sledge hammer and pounded the crap out of it. It felt Great!!!!


M-25 years
2 kids

Posts: 131 | Registered: May 2007
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sounds like alot of H's out of work. I know that must be very stressful for you all.

And I worry when H goes to work. That was where and when A started/continued. They don't work together anymore and he says her office moved to a new location further away.....But I am not sure that is the truth. If not she works across the street. Too close for comfort IMO.

When will I stop obsessing about her and move on? How will I ever really know that they are NC?

OK, now I am PMSing and it is so difficult right now. This too shall pass.....keep saying that over and over. Will it?

Maybe I should get out the sledge hammer again!!


M-25 years
2 kids

Posts: 131 | Registered: May 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 9:55 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ladies, I don't need him to do anything. I have to struggle to think of things he can do FOR me, rather than do them myself. I know I don't jump right in and take care of things like I used to. I have asked him to put air in my tires, but then I get a lecture about how it's MY car and I should be taking care of those things, since I drive it.

I mean he expects me to be responsible because I am. Just one of the catch-22s, either I'm capable or I'm not. It's something he "admired" in me, and then used against me. He whined to MC early in R that I was so "needy" he didn't recognize me.

I haven't been miss patty perfect since leaving work. I haven't done it all around the house and he "dings" me about that too. He says it's "joking" (again). Then tells everyone how tough we have it now that I'm out of work. A full year's salary of mine in the bank no less.

Lately, all I've asked him to do are things that I don't really care if they get done... will he stop and get me cigarettes or milk. And rather than ask straight out, I go round-a-bout. Like "Are you planning on stopping on the way home, because if you do, I'd like (blank)." Why can't I just say "do me a favor and stop for milk or bread." Why do I worry that he has to go out of his way for me?

If it's something I need done immediately and he's watching tv or writing bills, I have to wait until he's done. I just hate his anger and the way he expresses it.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 10:44 AM, January 8th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

When will I stop obsessing about her and move on? How will I ever really know that they are NC?

I could have written that. My wh adn the ow worked together as well. He is a nurse and she was a tech on teh same floor. She moved to a new floor a year ago (he thinks). Says he never sees her. But in realiy, they are in the same hospital He wil see her eventually. But will he tell me? He says he will. But he got a brief email form her a week after dday saying "where are you???" and he deleted it adn never told me. I found it. For all I knwo he coudl have responded. He says he never read it and deleted it and forgot about it.

I think therehas been so much betrayal and lying that for him to be doing so well now is hard to believe, hard to buy. I am alwasy worried that I am missing some sign. I wonder if I will ever get over this and would it be beter to just start over fresh with someone new. But then there are kids involved and he is very willing. It's so had.


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
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