Follow Weight Watchers.
Elliptical training 3 times for 30 minutes each time.
25 situps per day.
I asked how I would get something like this. As it turns out, our kids have been vaccinated against it so they don't get it but they are carriers! So one of my little darlings is really just germ warfare with a ponytail!
Hope you feel better soon.
edited for spelling
[This message edited by weepy at 12:00 PM, January 14th (Monday)]
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
When I had three aged 4, 2 and 1, we moved to another part of the country. I moved away from a group of friends who were my surrogate family. We moved to a hamlet, with one “shop” and a pub in the middle of a forest and I would sit on the kitchen floor and cry. Beautiful views, but no compensation at all. He had this romantic notion of coming home from work, getting his running gear on, whistling the dogs and running with them for miles on forest tracks. I never told him how bad it was at times. We moved back to my sort of civilisation a couple of years later. So, my deep misery (I wouldn’t call it depression) was his “fault” for choosing to live where I had v little support. I dealt with it. But if I had curtailed his career by forcing him to turn down the job b/c I wouldn’t move, this “failure” he later felt, which in turn led to his A, would have been down to me.
I think maybe I’m a strong, feet on the ground, see things in black and white kind of person and he is weak, head in the cloud romantic, seeing things in a hundred shades of grey type of person. So from that, I conclude that his A was going to happen anyway. Knight in shining armour syndrome.
HBH. We can get past this. I still haven’t examined the forgiveness issue. I’ve decided I can’t do it, so it’s on the pending pile. Acceptance? Yes, maybe. Acceptance that this has happened, it’s over and unlikely to happen again (although there is that bit of pre-empting …), acceptance that he is not the person I thought he was and that our m was over the day he began his A, that we in a different relationship now. I will not wear a wedding ring for the foreseeable future, I will not mark the anniversary date of our previous “marriage”, (it makes me sick to think that she was "there" b/c he would have been in contact with her) I will not make any promises to him other than the next date on the calendar. That is my way of shedding the sh*t and trying to take steps forward. But forward in MY life. If he’s choosing to be next to me, he can no longer tell me in which direction I can go.
Hurtshirley, Nasty. Take care of yourself. But watch the kids. My eldest had what the doctor called a “residual whoop”. He’d had the jab, but developed a mild form that was enough for him to cough and cough, go red in the face b/c he couldn't catch his breath and then he'd be sick. Usually over me! It lasted about 6 weeks. I have supposed that if he hadn’t had the jab (it was controversial at the time), he would have got full blown and probably died.
[This message edited by UKgirl at 12:01 PM, January 14th (Monday)]
Last night in the midst of some "lovetime", I started bawling my eyes out. I am getting fat again..and I am terrified! I see lumps and bumps everywhere...not the good ones.
Just 3 months ago, people were commenting that I wasnt looking so good, too gaunt and skraal (afrikaans for skinny), but I didnt care..I loved it. And now...
I am petrified of being the fat girl again. I just cant go there again.
Shirley,hope your H is helping out.
I guess I have forgiven my h but mainly I look at my marriage as a gooey pie. He cut out a piece of pie (the affair) but over time, the gooey stuff filled that space in. For me, it is almost like the affair never happened.
I have to say that when my h was cought, he denied and denied but unknown to me he stopped seeing her. He communicated with her about my suspicions but no more hugs, meetings etc. A month or so later he told me the whole story. But he was not of the mind to make it up to me. We had seperated when I was suspicious and he was undecided if he wanted us back, have her or be single. How he explains his actions for the next 2 mos. are impossible for me to understand b/c when he looks back he says that he was just confused, depressed and really never considered being with her.
He then got a phone card a year into our R. When I found it a good 6 mos. after he bought it, he had used very little time but.... And he immediately admitted to calling some of his sluts who he "met" online.
I am telling you all this b/c we are now fully R even after a very rocky start. I also want you to know that R is usually not a smooth curve up. I accepted the slips as long as he was not seeing her and as long as the slips were not way too serious and as long as he admitted what he had done and as long as he was making progress.
I kept the goal and big picture in mind which helped me better cope with the slides backwards.
He did it, he didn't confess until caught, he lied about everything from how long to how many and still continues to do so. I've said it before and I'll say it again...
I can't forgive until I know what I'm forgiving.
I don't want to live in the land of "well, it's ok, he didn't mean it, he won't do it again, I'm just over-reacting" ever again.
So what am I doing... I'm waiting and pacing wondering if something good is going to come out of this or find out my love and marriage died when he walked himself into the first "parlor".
Asshat is on his way home,it's raining. Well, it could have been worse, we could have got that snow and he would have been home all day.
Asshat is on his way home
"it's not me, it's asshat/coward/dickweed" whatever. I can't even type my favorite curse towards him. But it has to do with the "ladies" he "slept with".
Weepy, I just hurt for you. I hope this dont-care-about-asshat phase lasts awhile, so he cant hurt you.
Fnf, I never did get to ask you...how did you and H finally resolve the Christmas present issue? Would it make a difference now if he bought you something now...or will he be making a better BIGGER effort for the next ocassion?
Forgiveness vs settling.
Whew. Wow, I am nowhere near both. Like weepy and H, infidelity was discussed quite thoroughly before the M, and throughout at diff stages. All the time, he was cheating...dont I look like the biggest fool?
I truly wonder sometimes how he must have felt during those speeches he gave me about how he would never cheat, and that he would rather leave the M before selling himself out like that...and he was cheating all that time? DId he laugh at me,or felt superior that he was pulling one over me? Shitface.
Or how did he feel when his blameshifting after dday#1 led me to the A&E after my S attempt. How would he have felt if I had died not even knowing that the whole M was a sham...and it hadnt even been my fault like he made it out to be. Fuck. This line of thinking just sends me down, so I am going to sign off now.
Am SOOO excited about tomorrow!
Meeting a LTA sister IRL!!!
So am going to think only positive thoughts.
G'night FSA and Zanny.
LH, How exciting to meet up IRL with an LTA sister! Have fun!
I'm too pooped to respond to much more. But know I am thinking of each one of you, especiallly the newbies who are struggling right now.
And just because you forgive does not mean you have to stay in your marriage. It isn't about that. It's about letting go of the past that cannot be changed. It's about giving up the hope that the past will ever be different.
Even if you don't stay married--forgiveness is a gift to yourself. You can still forgive and decide that you don't want to be married to someone who is capable of doing this. And if you do stay, holding onto the pain from this may definately make your wayward spouse miserable (if you're looking to make him/her "pay"), but in doing so...you'll hurt yourself ten TIMES what they will ever hurt. You'll become bitter inside, and you'll never be happy with our without them.
Is it worth that? Are you going to let this rob you of the rest of your life?
If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.
The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton