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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs V I I I
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 2:12 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am the odd ball. LOL. Only guy in LTA. Doh. You gals are my pals and even when I do not always respond I like to see where your lives are going etc. You are my friends and would instantly buy you a beer, coffee, or milkshake if I ever met one of you face to face. Thanks for all the help!

I think most men already would have divorced my WS. This will make her upset and I do not care. The reason I gave her a shot at salvaging are so called M is our D. The rest is up to both of us. At this point I am still here because of her. I see a lot of people stayed for the kids at first and then they found new happiness from their relationship and glad they waited. That is what I am praying for. I am ready but cannot do R alone.

numb and scared - You are spot on. The physical part of the affiair is still the part that kills me. You did that for him! WTF WE WERE MARRIED AAARGGG VENT VENT VENT sorry. For her it is the EA. The EA actually did not matter until post d-day in the she administered new hurts to me for two months not being able to let go. I actually now fear the EA part of this than anything else. We have had great sex lately but where is this EA component gone? I do not see that energy that was wasted on the A going anywhere else. It makes me wonder despite my super sleuth techniques is something going on now just more undercover. That scares the hell out of me.

Also the fact that she does not show IMHO enough remorse. Last week was the first week of any and I am hoping this week for even more.

On a good note bought a new bed and couch as I refuse to associate with those items again. I am slo sick of sleeping on a bed in the bag!Maybe burn them in the front yard? LOL

I am have a controlled anger the last few days and that is in some ways better than the sad mope everyday. At the same time I have shared a few good moments with her as well.

I just so much want her to "get it" and the wait form LTA withdrawl is brutal if it ever comes? I pray for it ASAP.

I wish the OM was not my ex-friend as they violated my home. Wish i could burn it down sometimes and the only reason I think I tolerate it is this is my daughters house.

Some emotion is leaving me in some ways but the depth of what has been done to me is hitting me more on a cognitive level. The raw facts are disturbing me. I view the next 3 to 6 mos as critical. Can my spouse take my pains and behaviors good and bad, begin profound changes in herself, acknowledge changes in myself, and try to heal me every way now when I break down and clearly need her? Without this I will not be able to accept what she has done. That will be True R and we are not quite their yet.

I do believe! We can make it! I need her help more than ever.

Weepy - Does you husband show any remorse? This is a long road and sometimes my WS acts (she will not say directly) to just get over it. No no no. Not at this point. I am expecting me to get to between 6 and 9 mos for ANY equalization in my days and emotions. After that a few more years of hurt till I can be at a really good point. It almost appears that you say he shouldn't pamper you but I think it would help you if he did. It would show he really appreciates you. You are a wonderful woman who deserves to be adored by the one that hurt you.
Try to have the best day you can for YOU!

[This message edited by heftysmurf at 2:18 PM, January 28th (Monday)]


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy - Does you husband show any remorse?

Only in his very weak moments. He will cry at MC if I'm trying to make him understand a pain or what I'm trying to do.

I do have to tell you that about a month after Dday, he called me at the office and just said "I'm sorry, I don't deserve to live." I threw my keys in my pocket and drove home without telling anyone I was going. I was terrified that he was going to harm himself. Is that remorse? No. That's guilt. So if that's what you're looking for...

However, once in MC he told the C that felt awful...he had hurt his best friend and his kids. Now that's remorse. Recognizing and acknowledging the pain you caused. Putting it right is the work involved.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

1. "I will stay with you. The person you are is OK by me. Not that I won't be happy if you improve yourself. But you don't have to for me to love you and commit to you."

2. "I will stay with you because I see you moving in the right direction and I have faith in you and us that we will make the changes we need to to have a wonderful marriage."

Or 3. I can't live with you as you are and I want to get out.

BT, can I add one more?
4. I will stay with you even though I dont like you very much, and its likely that we will dance the same dance till our last days.

Weepy, thats what my folks did/do. Even though my mum is 54 and my F is 60, they still have the same fights, same bitterness, same ol ugly. Yes, they do have some good times, but overall...
My grandfather committed S when my mum was 9 years old, and she has abandonment issues. My F is a f**k up who will always be the first to criticise someone/something; nothing is good enough, everyone else has it better; he knows EVERYTHING. He hasnt changed in the things that matter, and now its too late for them. My mum has hopefully 5 years left, but he still gives her grief.She lets him.Just last month us girls had a chat with her about leaving him, and she wont. She has accomplished so much in her life, but she will die being bitter and sad about her M and its ripple effects.

Please dont turn out to be like my mum. I love her so much, but she deserved so much more than she ever gave herself credit for.

(((weepy)))

****
HeftyS, where did the EA component go? Looks like your W's fog is lifting, and with that, her feelings for OM will disolve as well. She will start seeing the A and OM for what they really are, and its not going to be a nice time for her too.

Its these days when the emotions are its highest, that things can get so volatile between the couple, IMHO. Hold on tight to each other, but give the other some space. Dont look for grand gestures; its the small things that count.
Dont be afraid to show her some love; let her talk to you; get to know each other again, give the A a break for a few hours if you can and just be Hefty and Mrs Hefty.
I know she posts in SI, so if she doesnt know how to help you, she can reach out for advice or just read there in General. Maybe you could do the same on how to help her.

Hang in there.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 4:02 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am the odd ball. LOL. Only guy in LTA.

Hefty, we do have the occasional male LTA BS bomber. I say "bomber" because they come in, release, and leave. They don't usually stay long enough to get invested. I have my own theories about that. One being that we women can chat it up and it's a big commitment to be "invested" in us . The other is that I think some of the men get twisted up when we vent/rant on our WH's OW and call her certain "names". I think they've gotten uncomfortable because their wives were OW. But make no mistake--we're just venting at OUR situation's other "person". Our's just happens to be an other "woman" to their other "man". But the meaning is the same.

Just hoping that clears it up for you in advance so we don't run you off too.


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I do try to create some good times and give it a break. I have toned down asking specifics and ask the big question of not only her but of myself. Specifics I needed for sure but wow way extra pain on me. I may ask more but will relax for now. Last night we largely did not talk about it and during the day despite some animosity was OK. I just sometimes have a hard time dealing with her anger. The thing that pre-dates d-day and my own anger. SHE DID THIS TO US AND OUR DAUGHTER. I can get that out of my mind now for a few hours at a time and last night was nice. I felt some reconnection. I just wish for a little help for what is still my number one emotion .... sadness. I can still cry like a baby for hours :-(


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sending hugs to all who need them. I simply cannot keep up with every single post. Hope it is okay that I post here and there.

Hefty - just want to mention, and maybe others already have, recovering from an LTA takes so much time. Breathe my friend. I know that isn't so easy to do - especially in the beginning.

A friend once told me that this process was like the process nature takes when it looks destroyed -- it looks dead, desolate, but give it time -- the flowers will return, different, but more beautiful and vibrant than ever.


OTC - my fingers, toes and everything else are crossed for you. I'm so proud of you and the healing going on between you and your H. Thank you for taking time to share it with us.

Wimsey - I so understand your post. I wish I had words of wisdom - but I don't. Just know that you are not alone - sending you hugs.

Many thanks to the wisdom I gain from reading here. I am currently working on a list of questions that I feel H hasn't answered; legal ways to stymie the HO Bitch in her attempts to garner more money; and a list of the many blessings that are in my life.

I am seeking to find joy in my life again. Think it is time to actively seek it out.

(((((((LTA Tribe)))))))



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 5:57 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((SVS))))) We miss you! Your not being around much leaves a void here. Sending out voodoo-like rays to the ho-bitch for you. Thanks for the crossed fingers. Hang in there kid. There will be a cure some day for the human herpes - house arrest I hope! Hope the job is going well and that YOU are well my friend.

Hefty - I will ditto what everyone has said about this taking time. Where I am at in 2 years is unique. We had a lot of advantages in that we don't have children and we were able to literally shut ourselves away for a year and only focus on each other and ourselves. We were able to rebuild a relationship without distraction. I am self employed and work from home. My H was in a quiet period of his career. The short time it took us to get here is not the norm I would say. Please be patient. You are in very early days and it takes a lot of time for these changes to occur. It's life long patterns and deeply ingrained beliefs that took a lifetime to develop that need to be turned around or modified. This takes time and a great degree of patience. Hang in there.


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 6:17 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((((svs)))))))))))

Oh it IS so good to "see" you! We do miss you.

A friend once told me that this process was like the process nature takes when it looks destroyed -- it looks dead, desolate, but give it time -- the flowers will return, different, but more beautiful and vibrant than ever.

Your friend has a great analogy. I'm picturing a hillside blackened by fire. After some time, the green returns.

Hang in there svs. You sure don't have it easy.

That which doesn't kill you only makes you stronger.


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That is a great analogy--I can see some green appearing on the destroyed hillside of my marriage--took sooo long though. What a slog.

Hefty, I don't think that I felt my H ever showed ENOUGH remorse--I don't think that it's possible, especially in the early days--we want so badly for them to feel how hurt we are, and the amount of remorse they show never seems to make us feel like they do. Just have to wait and see how it all falls out--eventually, if it works out okay, their degree of remorse and guilt and astonishment at what they were capable of does get communicated. But it needs time and consistency for the BS to feel it at all, then to feel that it's sincere, then to apply it to the wounds!


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 8:13 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

ForgiveNotForget: I haven't found the Hallmark cards called "Between You and Me" in the card sections of drug/dept. store here but I haven't been to a Hallmark designated "Gold" store yet. I will keep looking though and thanks for the information.

I don't want to emphasize the trouble in our relationship but do want to give him something tangible and a card would be a start... just not the ones for the general population.

He's really busy at work right now... not a good time for talking things out and a long letter would be too much for the occasion, I'm afraid.

His recent call to the OW re: working evenings for him has made me quite uneasy. Major trigger there especially the time frame of one year anti-versary in less than 2 wks. I have let him know this and he's apologized. "I'm sorry" isn't much though. He seems to think that is all that's required but I want more than that from him. Unfortunately our evenings are just too short right now. He works Monday to Sunday until the 1st week of March. He's too tired when he gets home for any kind of meaningful conversation so I'm just doing the best I can not to have another meltdown.

I seem to be the only one whose H had an LTA that was online EA, not PA as far as I know. The "which is worse" threads in general are difficult to read or post in and even the Reconciliation forum is pretty heavy lately. Is it the dreary winter affecting everyone? The holiday season letdown? I just want to wake up and be healed. In the meantime... Hugs to all.
{{{LTA}}}


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 8:45 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

svs, good to see you.

It occurs to me that here in our little LTA villa....we are JFO, General, Recon, Inspiration, IT and even D&S if need be....all rolled into one.
Not bad for a small, intimate group.

Also considering this thread started in Nov of 2006....

And it is now approaching its 9th segment of 1,000 posts per section....meaning we are now almost at 9,000 posts....in 14 months of chatting as a support group.

No one can ever accuse us of being non-communicative.


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 8:55 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How long do you or did you wait for true remorse? Will it ever come?

I keep feeling a bit more dead inside everyday and struggle to make it to real R so I can heal and move on a bit. MY WS still is at times treating me like she has for a long time with anger. I would be so on my way if she could treat me nicely after the damage she did to my heart and soul. Today she was terrible with me. No sorry today for the A. No really kind gesture.

I have had a couple healing moments but WOW I am wrecked and so desperately could use her help. I cannot travel this road alone.


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MY WS still is at times treating me like she has for a long time with anger

Hefty,

Have you been able to ask her where that anger is coming from?

Is she angry with you...fogged still that you are the cause for the A, unwilling to own her choices and actions?

Is she angry with herself and unable to process that anger constructively?

Is she angry that the A has been exposed and now needs to be in the past if she intends to stay with you?

Is she angry with life in general?

Is she getting any help from an IC on this?

Her continued anger will surely wear you both down.

Sorry for where you are.


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 9:50 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once again there are way too many posts for me to keep up. But I did want to say hello. I guess maybe the reason I can't keep up anymore....maybe LTA has somewhat taken a back seat in my life (hopefully).

Anyway, weekend was crappy. I just had that sadness about me and was not able to enjoy myself. H did not know what to do to help. And I always seem to sit and wait for him to fix my bad feelings. He doesn't. I feel worse. Soooo, bad weekend. But we're o.k. Just made it through another tiny set back. Three steps forward, two steps backwards.

Go to IC tomorrow. May be the last time. If she hits me with satan being my whole problem, she's gonna hear something back from me on that one. I can agree that satan will attack your weaknesses, and LTA problems are my weakness. But.... I can't accept that without satan jabbing at me that all would be well. My problem is b/c of what H did, not b/c of what satan is doing now. If IC can't see that than I don't think I can continue. She's not doing much for me other than to tell me that it is just a matter of prayer and not letting satan win this battle. I knew that prayer was very helpful before I went to her. I need her to help me learn to live with this, some ways to cope with my roller coaster ride.

Gotta go.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 11:03 PM, January 28th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FSA,
I knew that prayer was very helpful before I went to her.

I somewhat understand what you mean. Initially I went to my church counseling after dday. And while the spiritual component was necessary and helpful, my C kept saying she could "relate" to me because she had had a drug addicted H. Yep, I meant no disrespect to her, but I'm thinking dealing with a H who abuses substance is just a weebit different than healing from a LTA!

Anyway, I kept on with the spiritual counseling and prayer. BUT I also sought out a traditional IC. For me personally, I think the combination really helped because there was a different emphasis in each. Now, I know you may not have the option, and it sucks up a lot of extra time to basically be in IC twice a week! But I hope that you can either find true healing begin with this IC or move to another who can give you a more practical viewpoint to coping with the aftermath of LTA.

SVS, it is GREAT to "see" you. I know it's impossible to keep up on these threads since you are working, holding down the fort, in court battles, etc. BUT just know that we love to hear from you and that's the great thing about this board. It's always here, whether you can pop in once a week, every day or a few times a year

Hefty, It is super to have a guy in the LTA group. If you can last with us chatty buncha women, you surely can make it through

Well, guys, I am sooooo very tired. This new job again taking a toll on my emotionally and physically, but it is slowly getting better. With my H, we had a knock down drag out argument the other night over something sooooo very stupid. Reading everyone's posts help me to put some things in perspective. H finally has been proactive about getting a job again and his health seems to be OK, but I swear he still blames me for his last hospitalization. All the "stress" I put him under....Anyway, lots of things going on in my world and the roller coaster hit a low after being on a high quite awhile. So keep me in your thoughts as I battle on.....

Hugs,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
lovegonewrong
♀ Member
Member # 17440
Default  Posted: 4:27 AM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope I'm not being intrusive, as I sit here and read posts I realize that trying to heal from the fallout of a LTA is so very hard. My WH is doing everything right BUT I still cannot seem to overcome this. I am on AD's and starting with a new IC tomorrow, (we moved to another town as a result of his A). I think I am getting to the stage where this is breaking me down that I feel I am sinking to the bottom of ocean and I just cannot get my head above water.

The bad days are really bad and he just says that it is in our past and we need to look to the future, all's well to say this but how do I actually do this. He gives me all the classic responses why he had his A and he is on AD's and going to IC tomorrow as well. He is so more advanced in the healing stage that sometimes I feel remorse is out the door and he try's to make me feel guilty when having a bad day by saying 'that's right its all my fault, you will always see me as a cheater. Well if you see me a once a cheater always a cheater then we are not in R '. I am so at a loss that I just don't know if I can ever really get over this.


Monty Python, "It isn't the despair. I can handle the despair. It's the hope that's killing me."


DDay #1: 04 March 07
DDay #2: 10 May 2007 revealed all (I hope)

profile has all the sordid details...


Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 6:09 AM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((lgw))))
Welcome new friend.
Of course you are not intruding. Although its always sad when you find out that someone else is going through this pain, everyone here is always willing to offer support, advice or just hugs.

You dont really give us much of a profile ( ), so I dont quite know your story, and how far you guys have come along.

Apart from coming clean about the A and moving town, what else have you 2 done to heal the M? What has H done to heal and support you in this last year?

Many of them would LOVE for the A to be put in the past, and "Cant we just deal with the now and the future?". grrr..
They dont get that if we cant sort out the past properly, theres no way that we can get to the future intact.

Unless he's pulled a Mr BT or a Mr OTC, I highly doubt that he is further down the healing line than you are. he is (and this is JIMHO)pushing it down and away, so he doesnt have to deal with it.

Its great that you are starting IC. How did you choose your IC incidently? You are going to need one who is pretty strong and tough and kind.

Are the AD's working? When you say you are having really bad days, what do you mean? Do you have any support structures?

Alot of questions, I know!
You have come to a good place LGW. Keep posting, reading, and if you want a 1 to 1, pm me, ok? I am here 24/7..kinda.

Where about in Au are you? We lived in Sydney. The kids miss the beaches and the weather. I just miss the big houses!

****
Good morning all!


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:24 AM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Welcome lgw, there's plenty of people here living just as you are... me for one.

Have you asked your dr. to look at your A/Ds? I've had my dosage adjusted twice now, just recently this week.

IC is mandatory I think. Coming here is great help.

Hey svs. Nice to see you again.

LH, I'm very familiar with your choice #4. My parents lived it. I think I heard my mother threaten to leave him like 1000 times and never did. HE left her finally and she was furious and bitter for a long time. She too wasn't able to give forgiveness until after he had passed. But she lived a great life without him. I'm so glad she's not around to see all this mess.

And yes, I know I need to let go of the bitterness, the resentment. But he has to be willing to do the same thing. To sit there and wait for ME to do it first, I think that's a bit unfair of him. That he won't make another step until I do? What more does he want from me? I think that's the question for MC on Friday.

I mean his whole contention that there was nothing wrong with our M before his As, just that he wasn't getting the kind of sex he wanted, well that's fixed, and now he doesn't want it. He's included in every decision I make. I don't do anything unilaterally any more. I still do "favors" and loving gestures for him.

I'm reminded of the scene in Fiddler on the Room where Tevya asks his wife if she loves him... she tells him that for 25 years she's washed his clothes, cooked for him, worried over him, gave him children, shared his bed and "if that's not love, what is?" I loved my H with every fibre of my being. Unconditionally. He's not going to get that any more, if that's what he's looking for, he is going to be unhappy. On one hand he says he understands and on the other doesn't.

Well, buddy, join the club!


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
So Lost
♀ Member
Member # 16801
Default  Posted: 7:06 AM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am slowly realizing how much of a marathon this is rather than a sprint. I want to sprint through it, but it's not happening. So I've stopped pushing that.

I woudl say my wh has shown true remorse already. He is horrifiedthat he has hurt me so much and that he did what he did adn for so long.

I just feel like so much hurt was done, how do I ever move past it? How do I learn to enjoy the relationship that I have now?


Me: BS
Wh: WS
Dday 10/28/07
LTA with coworker
Attempting Reconciliation
he is remorseful, I am willing, we'll see what happens

Posts: 671 | Registered: Oct 2007
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost,

Option four is the path to mediocre at best. I know you know that, and I'm sorry for your parents that they made that choice.

For me, I've had too much of that in my life already, all the years of his affair and all the years after. I have not gone through all this pain simply to linger in mediocre. Not a chance.

For me, it was worth it to take a risk. No, it wasn't fair that I should have to, but I was willing to because I knew it was my best chance at real change and a happy life.

If nothing changes, nothing changes. I was unwilling to accept the status quo. If that meant I had to make changes first, fine. Bring it on.

BT

[This message edited by BorrowTrouble at 8:09 AM, January 29th (Tuesday)]


D-day 7/29/04.

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