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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs V I I I
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:30 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Zanny))))

you are so strong to even be able to put this into words. We are here for you. Many Many HUGS.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 2:42 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((ZANNY))))))


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Zanny,

Thank you for trusting the tribe to share what has happened. We ARE here for you. I know you are probably numb about certain things, but I think you also found that inner strength that all of us questions whether we have or not. One day at a time, my friend, one day at a time. Frankly after my son died, I lived one minute at a time. And then one hour. And then one day. I had to tell myself to put one foot in front of the other.

(((ZANNY)))

HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 3:16 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((((Zanny))))))))))


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 3:20 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Zanny))))


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Steelergal
♀ Member
Member # 13113
Default  Posted: 3:26 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I try, but I cannot keep up with you all.

So many things I'd like to respond to, but I can't keep track of them all.

(((zanny))) stay strong and positive.

HB, I don't know what kind of IUD you have, but I have a Mirena. I've had one for roughly seven years. I had the first one replaced two years ago. Slowly, my periods dwindle to almost nothing. I now only have very light spotting every few months. I love it! The first time I didn't get a regularly scheduled period, I was nervous too that I might be preggers. Anyway, good luck to you.

I think I may finally be reaching indifference towards OW. It is such a relief to be somewhat free of that burden. I still wouldn't trust myself in the same area as her, but I don't feel that all-consuming hatred that I felt towards her. I have my DD in part to thank for that. Words of wisdom that came from a 16 yo. For the newbies, she was the one that discovered the text message on H's phone that revealed the A. I don't quite recall how we got to talking about OW, how she could do that, etc., but DD said, "It is time to let it go. She's gone, and she no longer matters. Of course, she didn't care about us (the kids and I) to secretly invade our lives like that. She has to be one incredibly selfish bitch to get into that kind of situation." I couldn't get upset about the language.


Posts: 701 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: No Cal
Steelergal
♀ Member
Member # 13113
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I know myself that I still have times during sex when I am wondering what it was like with them. It really interferes and I have to constantly talk to myself until I can begin focusing on what's happening between us.

I find that happening quite a bit again lately, which being a little over a year out I thought I might finally be beyond that. No such luck. I try to drive it out of my head, but it doesn't always work.

Our MC told my H that I have a wound that has built up a great deal of poison and that in order to move on we have to lance the wound and release all of that, as unpleasant as that may be. He told my H that unless he was willing to allow me to do that, we would never be able to get beyond the A.

That was excellent advice.

ETA: I love all the V-Day sentiments!

[This message edited by Steelergal at 3:45 PM, January 29th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 701 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: No Cal
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


(((((((((Zanny))))))))))



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 4:46 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Steergal,
HB, I don't know what kind of IUD you have, but I have a Mirena.

Yep, I've got the same one. And my periods lightened, but I've never just skipped a couple months. Thanks for chiming in. I am hoping it's just a false alarm. I've had my IUD for about 4 years and have loved the convenience... here's hoping it was doing it's job!

HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:56 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Our MC told my H that I have a wound that has built up a great deal of poison and that in order to move on we have to lance the wound and release all of that, as unpleasant as that may be. He told my H that unless he was willing to allow me to do that, we would never be able to get beyond the A.

Last fall, after dday#1 before dday#2 our youngest (7) was in the hospital with a very serious staff infection on her leg. The infection had to be lanced, a wick was inserted to help the infection drain and she was on strong anti-biotics for weeks. After dday#2, I applied that analogy to my H. I told him that he had spent his whole life building an enormous infection inside himself. That he needed to lance it, drain it and treat it heavily with medicine (IC) before it will heal. If he just bandages any part of it up, it will fester and become infected again. Any time I feel him trying to glide over an issue or not fully expose the truth, I bring this up. Given that he was w/ DD at the hospital and witnessed the surgery, it has a instinctual impact on him.

Just my two cents.

BTW - just started trying to catch up again. I loved all the poetry and wish I was talented enough to contribute.

HB - had my third at 39 and she is the light of my life. Life will go on either way and we could knit you tribal commando booties!!!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 6:06 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((((((((((zanny)))))))))))))

My dear, dear friend. You amaze me with your strength.

Courage is not the towering oak that sees storms come and go; it is the fragile blossom that opens in the snow.

~Alice M. Swain

Loving you, sweet zanny.


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 6:08 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HB--

You know what they say: "Everything happens for a reason."


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 6:21 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He is so more advanced in the healing stage that sometimes I feel remorse is out the door and he try's to make me feel guilty when having a bad day by saying 'that's right its all my fault, you will always see me as a cheater. Well if you see me a once a cheater always a cheater then we are not in R '.

LGW - Welcome and as sorry as I am that you have to find your way here, know that you have found a place of great support. This quote from above tells me that he is not, in fact, further along in R but may be still in the fog. I need to go find a quote that someone here (I believe) posted when I was a newbie. Basically what they said was that your job at this point is to focus on yourself, take care of yourself, you have had a major shock and are in trauma. A remorseful WS job at this point is to be there for you at every moment, to bear your pain with you, to own their part in your pain and not to judge YOU at any time.

Please keep posting, let us know how you are doing. When I came on here in August I never thought I would be able to make it through a day without hours of crying. Now I even laugh occasionally, especially when reading FNF and FSA and all the others "poetry".

(((hugs to you)))


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay...here goes


There once was a Ho from Nantucket
Whose vagay was used as a bucket
And try as she might
She will never be right
Cause she is a heartless fucking skank who has no self-esteem, will fuck anybody, anywhere in order to try to preserve some ridiculous fantasy relationship only to get dumped by the side of the road just in time to get run over by the bus

oops - that doesn't rhyme


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He says he wants to R but ....

heftyswife
New Member
Member # 17847 Posted: 2:19 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
a little bit of snooping I found that he has two secret e-mail accounts and a profile on plentyoffish.com. Figured out that password and the e-mail's back and forth are not of one who wants to reconcile.. Now he will not give me the password to his yahoo acct.. What do I do now. I have been leaning on seperating for a while and I think that just did it.
How do you preach to me that I need to be an open book (and have been he has full access to every account that I have) but you do not.

Here is an example of what he sends this chick " It was me. I look foward to your messages.
I am not saying anything to my roomate and if she find out oh well. "

Hefty--????

[This message edited by runoverbytruck at 6:44 PM, January 29th (Tuesday)]


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 6:38 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't be upset for me. It actually has been one of the most liberating experiences for me. You see, I really know now, that it was not me. I am free. I paid the penance, and now I am free to do what I will. No guilt here. I have done the journey free and clear with a pure heart.

Zanny, I just wanted to tell you that your post was beautiful and so inspiring. I have often thought that it would be freeing to be in the place that you're in now. I just hope that if I ever find myself in this place I have the same strength as you do. I am awed by your wisdom and strength. Thank you for posting and sharing your journey with us. (((Zanny)))
HurtShirley - I love your analogy and it has so much more meaning because of what happened to your DD. (Hugs to her - I'm assuming she's all better now.) It's wonderful when something (even something so awful)finally is able to penetrate our FWS's denseness.
P.S. Glad to know our poetry gave you a little laugh. We had fun doing it.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

HS - good one. I think you've got lots of talent!
LostHeart - loved your song too. I just need to find the song so I can get the tune in my head. I plan to be singing it tomorrow.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 7:15 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shirley Good one!

Hefty???? What's up with this?


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
hope610
♀ Member
Member # 16161
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, January 29th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey this thread is so long it's really intimidating to just jump in but I have a question for all of you. Do you think that it is actually posiible to stay with WH after these circumstances. I mean could he really have ever loved me if he did these terrible things? LTAs are so deliberate that even though WH is now convinced after several months (June 2007) of NC and a stint in rehab that I am some angel or saint and now he wants the M and the family. I don't know what I want. He is doing everything right except feels there is nothing more to say about the A's and it is all going to be great now. How can I talk not about the details but the why and why won't it happen again questions? He feels I will never forgive him if I still have doubts or questions. Help!!

Posts: 99 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Michigan
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