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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs V I I I
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 1:42 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Forgiveness to me now means "giving up all hope for a better past."

I can't change it, I can't rewrite it....


Yes, this is it. Whether that's actually forgiveness or acceptance, it is where i need to be. Getting there is whole nother story.
Welcome Hope.


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:19 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((SoL)))))

I know this sounds trite, but hang in there. One hour at a time, one day at a time...

So Tribe, I have myself a paid job for tomorrow.Just a oneoff temp job as a nursery nurse. I have done similar in the past, but this is my first PAID one.

Just made the DDs sleep, they are so anxious about tomorrow. I am too. Not about the job, but the family. H is working from home, and as I will have to leave v early, he has to give the kids bfast, bath and change, make their lunches and take them to school. Pick them up in the afternoon, give them their afterschool snacks, take them afterschool classes, cook dinner and give them their supper. I will only be back home then.

I know its sounds like no biggie, and he has done this stuff before, but not altogether. He doesnt have an issue with it. I do. I have to let go. I so much want to get as much done tonight as I can, but I wont. I cant. IC said that I must let H be a man. I must let him grow up. I must let go.

Arrgghhh

Goodnight everyone. This is me going to bed right now without doing anything.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yay, Lost. Get some sleep. He can handle it. And so can the kids.


As for forgiveness, I have forgiven my husband. I had no intention of doing it, and made no attempt to do it. It happened despite me.

As for OW, I probably wouldn't nuke her on the street if I saw her, although I couldn't absolutely swear to that. I might settle for a face slap or three. But I rarely give her a moment's thought, and I am happy with that.

SVS, it would be ridiculous for you to consider forgiving a woman who is actively trying to hurt you and yours. I wouldn't even consider that.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 5:16 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have accepted, but I'm not close to forgiving. I could have forgiven the LTA itself, but not the crap that happened after. Not yet, not for a long time.

However, for the first time in 18 months, I am letting go of the outcome and not trying to force myself into decisions or feeling things I really don't. And it's easier to breathe now. So maybe I've forgiven myself for being blind and trusting and naive when the signs were in front of me. I've forgiven myself for being unable to completely stay or let go, and I'm really starting to try and find ME.

((((hugs)))) to the tribe. I'm sorry I've been lurking and not contributing.

Lost Heart- you are really finding your wings, girl. Look at you fly- your growth in the last while is amazing! Get some sleep and good luck tomorrow. It'll be good for your H to handle everything for the day.


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 5:18 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Also- ya'll are cracking me up with your songs! I bow to you all!

OTC- good luck tomorrow- we'll all be thinking of you!


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have to let go. I so much want to get as much done tonight as I can, but I wont. I cant. IC said that I must let H be a man. I must let him grow up. I must let go.
You go girl!!! So proud of you!!! You are taking that first big step for YOU!!!! And in the long run Lost, a step for you is also a step for your family. Go girl!!!

I might settle for a face slap or three.
Good one BT!!!

So maybe I've forgiven myself for being blind and trusting and naive when the signs were in front of me. I've forgiven myself for being unable to completely stay or let go, and I'm really starting to try and find ME.
YEAH (un)ABLE!! You sound like you're coming into your own power. Soooooo happy to see you in this place. It's always good to hear from you. And thanks for the well wishes for tomorrow. I probably won't have the results for another week but I feel good that the news will be positive. I just keep picturing the virus as the diseased whore and ZAPPING the shit out of it. I don't see HOW it could possibly survive!

Roses are red
Violets are blue
You're a human STD
And I just NUKED YOU!!!


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:44 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Don't have time tonight to catch up on everybody, but I will tomorrow, I promise.

Joe, nice to see you again and hopefully Hefty will feel less alienated.

Hefty, After Dday, my self esteem was gone. I had just lost 65 lb. looked great, but felt like a complete and utter failure as a woman.

I started wearing low cut sweaters and such to work. Even padded my bra (because I swear I lost 50 of those lbs there!) I threw myself (or thought I was) at any man who even asked to borrow a match. Fortunately, I had friends there who knew and understood and kept me in line.

I told my H one night what I was doing. That I had even flirted with the construction guys at our job site. It hurt. He was upset by it, but said he would understand if I wanted to have an A too. (But that was during his remorse phase).

However, the things I did in the early days to hurt him, stupid things to make ME feel better are still haunting us. He told me the other night he's not even sure my "motives" for wanting to be intimate with him are honorable. Why? Because I told him at the beginning that I was just "servicing" him so he wouldn't have sex with anyone else. Which didn't make any sense at all since that certainly wouldn't stop him if he wanted to. But I did it because he told me (before he stopped blameshifting) that his A was because I wasn't having sex with him.

This is an awfully unsettled time. Please try to explain to your wife that we BS do stupid things because our brains have been scrambled by this. Ask her if she ever had a moment when she questionned what she was doing with OM, knew it was wrong, but did it anyway.

Kind of what we go through.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 9:49 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Roses are Red
Violets are Blue
To me ow are dead
B/c they didn't have a clue

ow are like shit
But now they don't bother me one bit
I just wish she'd left long ago
Instead of staying in tow

February is for love
Something pure as a dove
But January has one more day
So let's rag on ow and play

So I challenge each of my LTA Tribe
Sorry I can't do it with a bribe
To chew up ow to bits
Until they all feel like shits

Tomorrow is the day
Let's not give it away
We'll all give our best try
It's ow we want to describe

O.K. the challenge is out there. One more day in January. I've been too busy to really keep up but surely I can pop in now and then to put a little rhyme to my feelings about ow and forgiveness.

Ya'll will have to continue to forgive me for not being able to keep up and respond to the posts. LTA forum has grown and stays soooo busy.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 11:31 PM, January 30th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Gee FSA - you know I love a challenge. I was just signing off before bed and now you have rhymes going through my head again.

Here's another for the OW:

Are you just so stupid
You believed little Cupid
Would make him the love of your life.

You were merely a whore
No never much more
It is me who he proudly calls
wife!

OTC - good luck tomorrow - we're all with you on this and sending out lots of positive vibes.

Lost - way to go! We'll be waiting to hear how your day went and how Mr. Lost handled the day. It's amazing what they can handle once we give them an opportunity.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
lovegonewrong
♀ Member
Member # 17440
Happy  Posted: 4:35 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi everyone, been a good couple of days, I have been busy getting kids off to school for the start of the year so have little time to post. Just wanted to let you all know that I am so happy with new IC, she was not impressed with some of the things previous IC did and said. She agreed that he had to own the A and answer questions, she does want me to think about my NEED to know verses WANTING to know to help me move forward. WH likes her to he even said he thought she was better then previous IC. keep your fingers crossed for me. I will update my profile soon once WH goes back to work and things settle over the next few days.

Thanks for all your kind words and support I will endeavour to answer all next week.

Thanks again


Monty Python, "It isn't the despair. I can handle the despair. It's the hope that's killing me."


DDay #1: 04 March 07
DDay #2: 10 May 2007 revealed all (I hope)

profile has all the sordid details...


Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2007
mumto3sat
♀ Member
Member # 14336
Default  Posted: 5:28 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OTC hope all goes well today. like the thought of you zapping the virus.

Lost I also hope you have a good working day today. Yay to you for letting go. I KNOW how hard this was for you. As they say A thousand mile journey starts with the first step and it sounds like you're getting well beyond the first step now!

I hope everyone has a good day today. I'm sorry FSA I am just not a poet, but I enjoy reading them.

I nearly ruined my keyboard the other day when I spat out my tea when I read "oops that doesn't rhyme" by Hurt Shirley!


[This message edited by mumto3sat at 5:29 AM, January 31st (Thursday)]


Me (BS): 38
Him (WS): 38
3 children, d 6 s 4 s 1yr
D day #1 03/16/07 8 mth ea
D day #2 07/13/07 turned into 7 year long term affair, pa/ea 08/18/07 Got final info - is that it?

Posts: 284 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: UK
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 5:52 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning, no time right now, but wanted to warn everyone that my mind will be on double time today searching for the right verse.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning. Healing thoughts and prayers for all in the LTA tribe, esp. OTC today. Not sure I'm ready for February but I'm still here, working on it.

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:21 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've given up on the rhymes. Why? because I have reached and did reach a while ago the plain of indifference toward his LTAP. I am "fortunate" that she is gone, permanently. And I think he had broken her hold on him even before I found out.

I obsessed terribly about finding out about who she really was and what he really meant to her because we know my H could never articulate anything beyond "she was weird and a slut". Maybe its because I don't know very much about her that she seems so unimportant now. I mean I can't even HATE her for coming onto my H because I don't know if that's how it really happened.

And as far as the pros go... well, as long as I don't see anyone that reminds me of what I think a ho looks like, then I'm ok. Because I dont' know anything about them either except what I see on tv or movies and thinking about them that way just makes me feel bad about myself and my body and skills so I HAVE to banish them.

Well, off to take DD to the bus and go to the gym. Too many errands to do today, so I might not be back for a while.

Love you all.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:16 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have reached and did reach a while ago the plain of indifference toward his LTAP. I am "fortunate" that she is gone, permanently.

Weepy - I can't wait until I'm at this place. And as far as her being gone "permanently" you can't imagine how many times I wished this was so. Oh well, I'll just have to be satisfied that she has never attempted to contact me. And I have not seen her even once since d-day which is pretty amazing. Those on here who work near or live near the OW have my deepest sympathy.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 7:46 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OTC - thinking of you and wishing for the best today.

Lost - I know you are already at work since it is mid-day there, but I am hoping everything goes well for you and that the H steps to the plate. Even if he messes up a little, get a laugh out of it.

On the OM/OW front, my H had a very enlightening experience yesterday and we had a very good talk about it last night. He was at the store after work picking up some flowers and gelato for me ( ) and he thought he saw one of the LTA OW - he freaked. He said he felt like he was going to puke. Anyway, he posted about this experience on Wayward. He is "Emptyone". I thought some of you might find it interesting to read what the WS thinks when they see the OW.

OMG - FSA - you are so hilarious!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 7:50 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do any of you think an LTA may just be too much to forgive sometimes?

I believe I can but the scope of the LTA is burning in my mind. I need help to get going forward even a bit. I am still the "newb" and know I need more time. That is why I am asking you unfortunate veteran tribe members of their opinions.

((((hugs))))


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Cowgirl I know you're gonna be o.k.
Me and the Man we go back a way
I've told Him of the plight you're in
And He says with Him you'll always win

((((OTC))))

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Do any of you think an LTA may just be too much to forgive sometimes?

hefty, I had many moments where I wondered the same thing. Even asked it MC and our C said that it wasn't going to be pretty and it wasn't going to be easy, but she believes that if two people are dedicated to fixing what went wrong, and have years (and I know this doesn't apply in your case) of history that DIDN'T include infidelity, that it could be done. Both ICs I've had tell me I have more patience than they.

I do believe for some that this is the end of the line, but I also have to believe that there were other issues that contributed to that decision.

I think if you have a partner (preferably both) that believes with all their heart that they can come out of this on the other side a better, stronger couple, then yes. But it takes a while for one and both parties to get there.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 8:46 AM, January 31st (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm on my way to the docs everyone. Thanks for all the good thoughts and well wishes. I'm picturing the whole tribe in the room with me like the Verizon people(except Hefty and Joe - sorry Hefty and Joe, it's a chick thing and only the gals are allowed in the gynie room ). While I'm there in the stirrups I'll be thinking of you all. Giddy-up!


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
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