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User
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Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
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Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053 |  Posted: 2:47 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 |     |
A friend once told me that I am a "tortured soul." Can anyone else relate to that?
We seem to be the emotional opposites of our Xs. We are so much more feelingthan they are.
Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007 | bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312 | | Posted: 3:18 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
I was often told that I was nuts.
Oooopppssssss.....
.....Never mind.......
..........That was the STBXPDW who kept saying that. LOL.      
BoB 
Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)
Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away... | Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362 | | Posted: 6:41 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 |  |
((BoB)) YES SOUL CUSTODY!!!
((jj))
((cerise)) I was told I was a stupid Fucking Bitch at least once a day everyday for over 5 years. [This message edited by Dragonfly32 at 6:43 PM, January 12th (Saturday)]
If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse
Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma | ittybittya
♀ Member
Member # 7527 | | Posted: 6:46 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
Miss Dragonfly went to edit this while I was reading it and it poofed on her....I have posted it on her behalf  .
((BoB)) YES SOUL CUSTODY!!!
((jj))
((cerise)) I was told I was a stupid Fuck Bitch at least once a day everyday for over 5 years.
Even when I would approch with evidence of asshole's extraciricular activies..."Your Nuts.. You need Help, You're Fucked Up!" I believed it for a while.
Something I have not shared with you all yet.... NOT PROUD OF IT but for the last year we were married, I would pop a Xanax and start drinking exatly One hour before asshole would get home. I hated him that much, but did not have the strength to get out as I was told "YOU could never make it on your own.. You are worthless... YOU WILL NEVER TAKE "MY" BOYS".. I had so many different stress-realated illnesses that could not be EXPLAINED. For example...One night I confronted Asshole with cell phone bill that over 500$ worth of calls to a local chat line. I had researched this chat and found out the cost, what it was for and was armed to the gills with evidence. That night we went at it again. Told asshole I couldn't take anymore.. .. I wanted a divorce etc... of course ASSHOLE said no.. You can't have a divorce... That night, I ended up in the ER because it was pissing straight blood.. this is not an exageration... I was shacking so bad from the pain, vomiting from the pain they had me so full of drugs... I remeber ASSHOLE just sitting there with head in hands, the nurse felt the tension between us, but I had NO ONE.. NO FAMILY there (Asshole hated my family and often refered to them the same as I was refered to on a daily basis) No one else to help me. I would run back and forth to the bathroom to fill the toilet with blood.. At one point a nurse stopped me and said, Is there anything I can do to help you? "GET HIM THE FUCK OUT OF THE ROOM".. The nurse was speechless "But he is your Husband and someone has to be with you", I managed to whisper through my jolts of pain and tears "he is killing me...this marriage is going to kill me"... I walked back into my room, the nurse hooked me back up to the machine with the pain meds and she looked at Asshole, "Is there something I need to know here sir?" Asshole was dumbfounded, "No, what do you mean".. at that point I grabbed the nurses hand and said to asshole "Get out of here, YOU are making me sick, YOU are killing me... GET OUT OF THIS ROOM NOW" I was getting hysterical, the pulse machine was going nutzso, the nurse then abruptly escorted Asshole out of the room. Within an hour, the bleeding had stopped. The trips to the bathroom stopped, and the medication was finally working.. Regardless, I was put through tourcherous proceedures to try to find the source of the bleeding, which eluded the doctors. The lab results showed that it was 90% blood but no infection. Then came the questions, "are you being physically abused" of course the answer was no... "and you have no family here?" of course the answer was NO! "are you under a lot of stress?" explained the events that preceeded my coming to the emergency room.. On the discharge papers it listed the cause of this as "Stress-induced hematuria".
This is just one story of many... and ties in to the now as well...the ludicrous "Shared Parenting Clause"... I have had minor (compared to ER visit) bouts of pissing blood over the last 6 months. Just goes to show you...or me .. or whom ever can take something away from my experiance.... the sence of "control" is overwhelming, and for me stressful which ATTACKS MY BODY.. MIGRAINES, BLOOD in URINE.. INSOMNIA... WEITHLOSS... and over all LOW SELF ESTEM....
BUT I will fight to get this Shared Parenting Clause removed, because I have to for my children. I will fight to get the PSHYCO PHD stopped or bannished from seeing my son, I want to look at them and tell them I fought as hard as I could. In the end.. I know though... that if I cannot convience the courts that what Asshole is doing is FUCKED UP... I will ultimately have to walk away or it WILL KILL ME.
NO there is not a logical way to have a custodial agreement with an NPDratbastardfromhell...
...still has much to learn :-(
Posts: 13528 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Oklahoma | Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362 | | Posted: 6:54 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
((((itty))))
It was hard enough to tell this story once, but to retype it
If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse
Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma | ittybittya
♀ Member
Member # 7527 | | Posted: 6:56 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
I know honey, I know.....
...still has much to learn :-(
Posts: 13528 | Registered: Jul 2005 | From: Oklahoma | dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142 | | Posted: 7:07 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
My N would not really RAGE at me very much.
What he did DO was GOAD ME...then sit back after I got all worked up...and say in his perverse gas-lighting & mocking manner, 'You're CRAZY!' or 'It's all just in *your* imagination'-- as he LAUGHED AT ME LIKE A LOON. 
~WH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~
Posts: 25081 | Registered: Sep 2005 | Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362 | | Posted: 7:55 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
That Laughter OH how I hated the sound of it... It still haunts me...
Did they ever try to tell ya.."But you are so cute when your mad" after working you up?
If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse
Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma | bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312 | | Posted: 8:21 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
(((Dragonfly32)))
What a story. I'm so sorry. May his testicles itch and burn with the fire of a thousand suns.
BoB
Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)
Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away... | lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807 | | Posted: 8:28 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
Itty I am so sorry that you had to go through that. It sounds frightening.
I had alot of stress induced illness as well as depression. That seems to have slowly lifted and these days I am less ill and far less depressed even though my life is more difficult in many ways caring for the 2 children alone etc. My blood pressure had started to climb and I would have been on blood pressure meds by now if I had stayed married. I have found that my blood pressure is now pretty normal with the odd stress related increase mostly thanks to a teen and tween who know who to push buttons.
What scares me is how my oldest seems to have way of raging and attacking his brother when things don't go his way. Very much the same kind of behaviour that his father would do when he was around me. I will have to work with him to try and get him to control this because it is really a poor way to handle his frustrations. It doesn't happen as often as it used to but it still really boils over. (he saw his father last night and I wonder how much of it was that)
I think if someone said that I was cute when I was I would really lose it on them.
The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.
Posts: 8195 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada | bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312 | | Posted: 8:30 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
(((Lied))),
"I think if someone said that I was cute when I was I would really lose it on them."
Aye, agreed. What's most important though is that your cute when your not.
BoB
Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)
Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away... | taybre
Member
Member # 14685 | | Posted: 9:53 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
My XN is a rager too. He would freak out about the most stupid things..kick his own truck, break his own cell phone, throw things and called me a fucking idiot almost everyday for years..still I held on because of course one day he was going to grow up and realize he loved me Yeah I grew up and realized he didn't.
My question is..I am scared to death. My exn, has lied to the courts about is income as well as convinced me to give him joint custody 50/50 of course that was only to keep his child support low. I am getting ready to take him back to court in order to change the support amount, find the hidden money and change the parenting agreement to him just having parenting time because that is all he takes them. He has to take my daughter to school one day a week and she is late every week. She was crying last week saying he tells her its her fault "they are all late" and she is 7. Anyhow, I am scared to death for him to get served and to start the court process again. He intimidated me so bad the last time that I called it quits, signed away and let him have everything he wanted. How do I make sure this doesn't happen again..I am paying my lawyer $3000 after all. Or does anyone with a lot of experience dealing with this think I should just let it go and get a second job to support myself and my kids..is fighting the battle with them really not worth it..will they always win in the long run..will the pain I am causing myself and grief of dealing with him again really be worth it. He is going to freak and I will for sure suffer the wrath when he gets served. I am literally scared.
The difference in child support could be huge though. He currently pays $150 a week for two kids..my lawyer believes he should be paying $400 a week...UUGH HELP!
Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2007 | From: michigan | veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525 | | Posted: 10:16 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
jjct: I hope by now that you have started breathing normally again. I think you're still a little bit in thrall of your wife at the moment, so I am not sure how much good focusing your snooping attempts will be. I say go for the gusto. Snoop using all the resources you have. If your wife is truly N, you will find out that she lies starting with her first exhalation in the morning and goes all day. You will find that she lies to everybody, about things that don't need to be lied about. You will find that she repeats stories like they are the Gospel, and most of them aren't true, or have been embellished so much that they no longer resemble reality. That, for me, was my wake-up call. I still get occasional twinges of "there's got to be a better explanation for such rampant lying and selfishness other than this person is pure evil," but thankfully, I come to my senses and get over it. It will happen if you are open to change, but it will take time.
Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.
Posts: 10156 | Registered: Feb 2004 | StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283 | | Posted: 10:24 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
]If you're not able to wrap your head around what you've been through thus far, it's okay. It's going to take some time. But right now you need to understand that you're in your N's sites as a target. You're someone to "win." And "winning" means "gaining control". He'll do it through manipulation. He'll do it through fear. He'll wear you down until you give in.
I am going thru this right now!! I feel all over the place, mentally, I have tried to stay busy all day at work, then went to my other job just to get it done, kept looking at the clock, and then my cell wondering if he was going to call, what would I say if he did?
The end result is still that he'll win, and you'll be lost and broken.
I feel like this at times, right now. I have been anxious most of the day, stomach topsy turvy (again) went to the hockey arena to see my g/f and her kids playing hockey, that helped thru lunch, she knows my STBX VERY well and agrees that he is up to something and believes that he will attempt contact before I go out of town tomorrow one way or another.
You owe yourself the chance to survive with your life and health and mental wellness intact.
I have had trouble with depression long before he came into the picture, but you know since we have been together, I must be honest and say that combined with the PTSD from my car accidents etc., I am now wondering if I am suffering from PTSD from all of this stuff?? [This message edited by StungAgain at 10:27 PM, January 12th (Saturday)]
BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'
Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada | StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283 | | Posted: 10:28 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
Trauma impels people both to withdraw from close relationships and to seek them desperately. The profound disruption in basic trust, the common feelings of shame, guilt, and inferiority, and the need to avoid reminders of the trauma that might be found in social life, all foster withdrawal from close relationships. But the terror of the traumatic event intensifies the need for protective attachments. The traumatized person therefore frequently alternates between isolation and anxious clinging to others...
from:
http://home.mchsi.com/~ftio/mc-trauma-bonding.htm
very useful.
Thank you for posting this, it describes EXACTLY what I do to a tee. 
BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'
Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada | StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283 | | Posted: 10:33 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
Ok I had not finished with my first post, I had written something really personal about how I feel about something, I went to edit something and Poof it was all gone except for what is there now!
So here goes the edited version,
As much as I know that STBX is an ass, is inconsiderate, is unable to feel, is unable to love, is completely selfish, feels that if he lets things lay that it will return to "normal". After the double life he has led with OW and I and neither of us knowing the real story till we spoke last Sunday, please tell me why that if this man showed up at my home, or called me, I know I would:
1. Talk to him on the phone; my reasoning is if I ignore him he will get angry and keep calling.
2. If he showed up, I know I would let him in, and I believe we would end up having sex.
3. Repeat to myself over and over that I am better than that, that I am worth more than second dishes.
So why can't I just stay on the course of letting go? Why is it the minute he throws out a line or a small bone, I am leaping at it like it is my last meal?
I feel really embarrassed for writing this, but maybe it will help me?
BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'
Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada | bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312 | | Posted: 10:38 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
(((StungAgain)))
I think most have felt this way in the beggining. You have been put thru the wringer. It hasn't all settled in yet. When it does, you will see the jackass (Latin) as something (not someone) different. Trust us.
I've looked back at my old posts. Wow. I see it all different from then. It takes time. That's why we all bark so much about NC. Give NC time. You need it. You need it really bad. With NC and time all will be revealed, the understanding as to why you need to stay away will make itself known to you. Your still really close to the horror and it's really hard to detach from it. Just keep coming here and posting.
BoB
Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)
Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away... | bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312 | | Posted: 10:42 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
In my best Mean Dad/Drill Sargent/Rotten Boss voice:
"NEWBIES !!! STAY THE FUCK AWAY FROM THEM DAMNED NPD FREAKS !!!"
LOL.   
No offense intended.
BoB  [This message edited by bobelina at 10:44 PM, January 12th (Saturday)]
Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)
Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away... | StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283 | | Posted: 10:46 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
Bob thanks for the laugh, I was really close to crying there for a minute.
BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'
Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada | jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484 | | Posted: 10:47 PM, January 12th (Saturday), 2008 | |
[This message edited by jjct at 7:40 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]
Imagine. Your best move.
Now imagine it used against you.
Posts: 4390 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas | | Topic Posts: 1000 | |
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