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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
downfall
♀ Member
Member # 7430
Default  Posted: 7:24 PM, January 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BoB and Dragon. All I can stress is to keep documenting. Stay strong Dragon, you doing so well!

Itty ((hugs)) for being there for her!

BoB it may help to send an email anyways that says something to the effect of regarding the request via DD for visitation this afternoon, please remember to advise me of schedule change requests in advance notice. Oh and that song is just perfect!

Cerise what an awesome post!

((Threnody)) Positive self talk is really the only thing that helped for me. After two years, I can hear my positive voice in the nightmare.

itsa - (((hugs))) makes it all worth it doesn't it? You rock!

chris - welcome and I would be very wary. (actually I'd run for the hills but trying not to 2x4 you). Many positive thoughts for you.

DD that was the best!!! I laughed myself silly. If only heh?

Everyone else many positive thoughts ((Tribe))


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
ktshadow
♀ Member
Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 7:46 PM, January 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks to all of you guys and your insights, I am happy to report that tonight STBX came over for his visit with our son. I promptly left and did some errands. He called me while I was out to ask me if our son had had a bath. Never once has he asked if he needed a bath, so I know he was dying to know where I was because I just said I was going out. We had a nice game of candy land with our son and then put him to bed. I did not ask even one question about his life or his day or anything...I vaguely asked about his family and mentioned that his mom had emailed me, but I hadn't spoken to her in awhile. I didnt probe when he talked, I just sat there disinterested. The crazy thing was, I really didn't care!!!!!! I have made a conscious decision not to bring up anything related to the divorce or any of the issues between us. I was very polite, very cordial, but not engaged. I feel like I am finally getting a taste of some freedom from this relationship. When he went to leave, he said "well, I guess I'll see you later" and gave me a hug,which I reciprocated, but without any lingering. THANK YOU ALL! NC is really the only way to go!!!!!!


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 7:50 PM, January 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((ktshadow)))
Awesome !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 9:52 PM, January 15th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

YAY KT Way to go!


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
luv2swim
♀ Member
Member # 13154
Default  Posted: 3:36 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

NPD question for the "tribe"...
H is planning to purchase a home with OW. He has full consent of his own parents (divorced when he was a kid), and perhaps her parents (tho I do not know).

What has amazed me since the very beginning is how H and OW act as if they have done nothing out of the norm. The rewritting of marriage history to make all of this okay.

They have nothing to be shamed of. If my heart is broken.. and our children's, it is just too bad. It is our problem.

Oh.. .and H has not filed for divorce. Seems he wants me to do this. (keeps his "nice guy" image intact I suppose).

Weird. the whole thing. Like he is playing with a separate deck of cards... and different rules.

This lack of normal rules vexes most of our friends. His parents side with him. Have dissed me, and our children too. Is this NPD typical... generation to generation? Totally ignorant of the normal rules of our society and family, and marriage?

Surprise after surprise here on this roller coaster. I outta sell tickets. A thrill a day!

[This message edited by luv2swim at 3:41 AM, January 16th (Wednesday)]


Me: BS
Him: NPD WS
Married 24 years
incredible kids
D day: 2006 ... he left to live with OW.
Divorced: 2009
WS + OW: Married 2011

Posts: 340 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: US
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:25 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 7:44 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 6032 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
ktshadow
♀ Member
Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 6:52 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

luv 2 swim...
My story is almost exactly the same as yours, except that the OW was married with no kids and her divorced is just being finalized. My stbx is living with his parents and has plans to move in with ow as soon as he can and it can't happen quickly enough, except that he is waiting for me to file as well, although I am trying to do a collaborative divorce to reduce the amount of stress in my life if even just a little bit.
He has the same response to people, which is "you have to trust me. Things had to be pretty bad in my marrige for me to get to this point. I never thought I could do something like this. You just have to trust me." Which leaves everyone scratching their heads as to what the hell he's talking about. They are equally confused. And his mom hasn't said much about her golden child in all of this except that "maybe he's avoiding his friends because he doesn't want them to judge him." Very few people have approached him from the point of judgement. Actually most people, including my own family were willing to give him the benefit of the doubt when the details of the affair came out two years ago. He thinks he is above the moral standards that are set for everyone else because he knows what's best. Everyone should blindly trust him, even with clear data to support them in NOT trusting him. He expects blind trust. You know who gets blind trust???? God. That's who he thinks he is.


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:50 AM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My ex basically feels he did nothing wrong. He has his parents full support and that of his sister. His mother is on her 3rd husband and his sister lives with the OM that she left her 2nd husband for. Why should they think what he is done is wrong. They have both done it.

Their take on it is that we always fought and were never good together as a couple. Somehow I find that hard to wrap my head around after 12 years of marriage and 2 children. Someone did some serious marriage history rewriting there.

I have no idea what the fiance's parents think about the whole thing. I know the 2 of them sit in the church we married in every week and don't think anything of it. We are not divorced but they met before I ever filed for divorce and they are moving in with eachother in a few weeks. The wedding is not for months. Somehow everything they hear each week in church goes in one ear and out the other.

They are entitled to do what they want since there really are no consequences for abandoning your family for another. Marriages are disposable aren't they? Who cares if the children are hurt. They will get over it. Look at all the kids that survive after having their lives ripped apart. Why should they do any different? Everyone else does it. In the words of my ex "everyone cheats sometime, what is the big deal".

Dragon hang in there with your STBX. Atleast you know the game plan. The whole premise to the game is to get the other person to give in. The one who sticks to their guns and hangs on for the best interest of the kids the longest wins. Eventually most of the professionals will see you being there for the children, giving them the love and care they need and doing the best you can because you love them. I know it is a difficult road but he will only win if you give in. (((((HUGS))))


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Okay maybe I should add this to my tag line but D was final in January 06'.. All of this effort is an attempt to get the children away from me NOW, even though there is a Custoday Agreement in place. . So he is not a STBX, but XNPD Freak

At any rate, I am hanging in there, documenting, and I know that I will be okay.

Absolutley right, I know his game plan, things make since and are less frustraiting to me now.

(((everyone)))


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The family of my xnpd freak are all as crazy as he is! Looking back it is easy to see why I had no support from them. I was airbrushed out of history before the ink was dry on the divorce!
If the parents never correct the freaks behaviour he was just going to carry on hurting people and he has done so. Two marriages, four children, ow leaves her two children for him - what a legacy that is! And do you know what? It is all perfectly ok in the eyes of his parents! Out with the old and in with the new!
This attitude hurt me enormously to begin with but now I just see it as typical of the nutters! It is all of the kids I feel sorry for and I hope history does not repeat itself with my two kids. I would be appalled if they behaved like their father! I really don't understand how ow left her kids either - for my ex-husband. As I have previously pointed out he in not exactly the catch of the century. Oh well!

Ktshadow - yeah the nc works for me as well! Keep it up!


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:49 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

duplicate

[This message edited by veritas at 4:34 PM, January 16th (Wednesday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 3:52 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

luv2swim: My NPD just came from the doctor. He was supposed to be taking so many mg of Norvasc for HBP, but he didn't think he needed to so he has been cutting them in half. His blood pressure on medication and weight loss of 20 lbs: 160/110. It's going to kill him, first of all, to take the whole pills, to actually have to go on a blood pressure diet, etc. He had always said that if he ever had to take pills every day for something, he was too sick to live, and I should just shoot him. Is it wrong of me to want to greet him at the door with a gun?

His mother actually lied to her doctor and told him that she was taking her medicine every day, so he increased her dosage since her cholesterol was through the roof. With these people, if they believe it's up, it's up. Reality, other people, different perspectives -- those types of things don't fly anywhere near Planet Narcissus.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
sadtoo
♀ Member
Member # 2027
Default  Posted: 4:28 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Luv2swim,
What you are describing is very typical.

The rules only apply to everyone else, don't you know? Anyone as grand as he and his OW can't be bothered with such nonsense.

The lack of empathy is nothing short of shocking. You and your children have been devalued in a cruel & calculating manner. He has discarded you like an old piece of furniture.

His parents? Nothing new here either. The rotten apple doesn't fall very far from the tree. It's likely that his parents made excuses for him his entire life and never held him accountable for anything. They only reflected his "specialness" by doing this and helped to nuture the narcissism.

If I were you, I'd keep an eye on the "property" he and OW are buying. Keep it between you and your attorney, but I'd nose around and find out how much equity is involved. If you're still legally married to the idiot, maybe he forgot that he may have to split marital property with his wife, even if he did conveniently forget he's married.


It is what it is, not what we hope it can be.

When another woman takes your husband,
sometimes the best thing you can do for
yourself is to LET HER HAVE the worthless
bum.
OC born 2001
Divorced 2003
Remarried 2008 (New Guy)


Posts: 7927 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Iowa
Dragonfly32
♀ Member
Member # 16362
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh that's a GOOD POINT sadtoo


If life's not beautiful without the pain,
well I'd just rather never ever even see beauty again.
Well as life gets longer, awful feels softer.
And it feels pretty soft to me.
Modest Mouse


Posts: 149 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: Oklahoma
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I went to my psychiatrist today. I told her how the mediation went. She said "He's narcissitic" and "he only thinks about himself"

Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 6:29 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
Got a motion in the mail concerning STBXPDW. It would appear that she and her attorney know not of the CPS report, Welfare Fraud, CC Fraud, that the kids don't want to live with her etc. I would think that her attorney has not seen the emails either. Interesting.

Another thing. I work for an N I believe. The school I work at is like an N family. My counselor and thearpist have said to think about getting out of there if not GET OUT OF THERE !!! So that's been fun too. I always wondered why this school was so fucked up. I think I know now why !!! LOL. It's a small private school. Fairly not good bennies, ambiently abusive environment. Some really good people work there but we tend to lose them and not happily. Hmmmmmmmm.... It's kinda like being married to STBXPDW. Hahahahahahahahaha......

Back to STBXPDW. I'm wondering if her attorney is going to shit a brick when he finds out about my and DDs side of the coin. A thought.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 6:33 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Bob))), you are so on top of all this shit now!
So. Ya gonna spill it. What's the creature's "motion"?


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 6:53 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((LL))) and beloved (((Tribe))) (I really do mean that. I don't know what the hell would have happened without all of your help )

Motion for Temp Orders is asking for joint placement, chil support, and debt paying. There is also a notarized document stating that I was cooperative up to October sometime and that she had seen the Police concerning my lack of cooperation.
Also stated is how I will only talk with her via email and only concerning the kids. All other contact thru Pastor.
She stated how she took care of the kids for 15 years yada-yada.

Hmmmmmmmm....

What she forgot:
Statements in email concerning how communication would be handled.
Emails and texts asking her to not break the communication methods requested.
That she had been emailed about her abuse of the children. Repeatedly.
That an Agrrement Draft had been sent to her repeatedly that she ignored.
That she has been uncooperative about pick up and drop off, including asking the kids to wake her up in the morning to come get them, her communicating with the kids directly about visitaion, not bringing the kids home, for days, when scheduled. ETC.
That the kids and I left in July. She forgot to mention that the kids don't live with her.
That she had essentially abondanded the kids in early '06 during her affair and that I have handled most everything concerning DDs, such as dealing with school admin about her inability to get kids to school, since then.
She forgot to tell them how she snorted coke and was drinking her self into oblivion. Not too sure how much this goes on anymore.
Forgot to mention that she had told folks that DDs were fat, an embassasement etc.
That she lied on financials for D.
That she doesn't bring me the bills (CCs) that I agreed to pay, but for one (Payed off).
ET-fucking-Cetera !!! LOL.

Oh, yeah. At mediation orientation, they did say not to engage in anymore court action untill after mediation. Hmmmm.... That was the 9th. Her doc is dated the 9th, Her lawyer doc is dated the 15th.

And the kids are late coming home from her again tonight.

Ns. They suck !!!

Hopefully that helps.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 7:18 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hmmmm... Bob, remember when the MIL was telling the kids that utter CRAP about "just because your stuff is at your Dad's house doesn't mean that's where you live"? Well, THIS is clearly what her intentions were. She was trying to confuse the kids because she was in on this "motion." What a bunch of asshats! Do you think they stupid enough to try to convince anyone that the kids DON'T live with you??!!!


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 7:45 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
Kids get home 7:20PM and not 6:30PM.
"Well we were eating and mom's friend (Ladie) came over". "Why do you got say mom, mom, mom all the time?".

This is such a PITA. The kids are right. It's all about STBXPDW !!! So much shit. Always got to throw some kinda monkey wrench around. STOOPID BULLSHIT (Not Latin .LOL).
It never fucking ends and I feel like I'm being the asshole for trying to deal with it. So she's getting in between the kids and I. DD13 defends mom. Her counselor noticed it too. Counselor noticed that she suddenly started to defend mom. What the hell is STBXPDW up to now?
Like I said this isn't about her and I (as she stated in the motion that that was why I was being difficult) but about the kids whom I believe are getting very manipulated right now. Counselor thought so too. WTF ??????!!!!!!!!!!
This is so freaking annoying.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
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