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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 9:11 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
I just realized STBXPDW is driving wedges between DDs and I.

BoB

LL-I believe STBXPDMIL is paying for the lawyer for STBXPDW. I believe that they are that "stupid".
IT NEVER FREAKIN' ENDS !!!

[This message edited by bobelina at 11:46 PM, January 16th (Wednesday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:42 PM, January 16th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((taybre)))
Are you OK? I think you got lost in the shuffle with this major episode of N-Isms.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
itsabattle
♀ Member
Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 1:06 AM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob - my ex is exactly the same at manipulating the kids. It is very easy for him with my son as he is only six which is why when my son said on Monday it is not very fair for you, I said a small prayer! My daughter has also gone through the defensive stage after saying she hated dad etc. Again, on Monday she made a dismissive comment about her father showing me what her real thoughts about him were.
I think it is very difficult for the kids because they know what the freaks are like but it is very difficult to admit it. You know the moment when we realise our parents are not perfect and they slip a bit on the pedestal? Well, npd parents don't just fall off the pedestal they break the thing into a thousand pieces! It is hard to watch the kids being manipulated but I firmly belive it is a stage that eventually passes and then returns etc etc until adulthood. I hope this helps.

Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 9:58 AM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((all with kids))) Kids WILL defend even the worst of parents. That's why badmouthing the bad parent in front of them is never a good idea. They feel like they have to choose, and who are they going to pick? Someone who loves them unconditionally no matter what? Of course not; you love them no matter what. They'll "pick" the one who is harder to please and whose love is very conditional. They want love from both parents.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 10:10 AM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Veritas)))
Nice picture of the boys and the Bunnie in F&G.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 10:21 AM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Veritas, I thought of you immediately when I saw this picture. Any idea why?

If I find out the cat's name is Pete, I'm going to curl up and die laughing.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 1:28 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh, thren, that is precious!

My N *finally* has stopped saying the "canned" ...I Love you...in phone messages.

It was a huge relief!

ummm, I just wonder what is going to happen next cuz when he changes just a tiny-teensie bit...I just *know* that SOMETHING IS UP.

I hope he's packing for the Caribbean, honestly.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Threnody: I cannot imagine why...

Old Paranoid Pete used to read the newspaper at work, but he quit because there's NOTHING HE CAN DO ABOUT IT. ANY of it. A few weeks ago, he got ahold of some potent weed and harassed me half the night because he was convinced he was going to die. I got to hear him ramble on and on, then switch gears and contradict himself.

Two more years... sheesh....


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
Cerise
♀ Member
Member # 16053
Default  Posted: 3:27 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anyone else have to deal with a sarcastic X? It seems like my XH just wants to pick apart most things I say in email and in person to him. He comes off as a teenage bitch from hell...(well...my gay guy friend did tell me he thought he had an invitation that he hadn't chosen to open yet )

Anyway...I'm sick of the sarcasm!


Posts: 1691 | Registered: Sep 2007
Threnody
♀ Member
Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Mine was that way. Oh, how I hated that in him. I don't mind a dry sense of humor, or an appreciation for the ironic, or even sarcasm when directed at topics like politics or world events. But his sarcasm was (1) poorly conceived and executed; (2) aimed at a person's most vulnerable points; and (3) often contained vile references.

The only time he ever had a whole room's attention was after one of his comments to me. The place fell entirely silent, twenty people standing around with cocktails staring at him. I laughed it off, and then they laughed too. That night in the car he kept giggling (I HATE THAT GIGGLE) and said, "I had the whole room cracking up!"

Uh, no, you putz-wad. They were appalled. They chuckled to support me. They apologized to me later, when you were off showing your ass in another room.

[ETA: For lack of an "R", a word was lost.]

[This message edited by Threnody at 4:01 PM, January 17th (Thursday)]


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
lanea_nakole
New Member
Member # 5155
Default  Posted: 4:09 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are there varying degrees of NPD? Or is it black and white; all NPD's are extreme jack asses?

Posts: 50 | Registered: Aug 2004 | From: Houston, Tx
Longlost
♀ Member
Member # 16177
Default  Posted: 5:39 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Are there varying degrees of NPD? Or is it black and white; all NPD's are extreme jack asses?

lanea, I am honestly not being snotty in this response. This is my expression of the absolute truth:
There are varying degrees of NPD. They absolutely ARE all extreme jackasses; however, some are more extreme than others.

Wish I had better news for you.


Wisdom and pain are not mutually exclusive.
____________________________
Barn's burnt down--
Now I can see the moon.
--Mizuta Masahide

Posts: 288 | Registered: Sep 2007 | From: West of Bizarro World
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 10:47 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Gang, I am back, FINALLY! Truck broke down, had to get new fuel pump, after I was done with the car accident stuff, I was ready to head home.

STBX came with me, you know I have to admit something, I feel different around him. I dont' know what you call it, but I was able to see things about him that I didn't see before, the way he talks, the way he acts etc.

Even the sex was different!! Perhaps I am no longer blinded by what I thought was there and is no longer. Or is it that I see him for what he really is?

After we got back, he came back to my place we talked for a bit, and he revealed a few things. It is clear that he is extremely worried about not getting the farm back. He knows he has to take responsibility for that problem, and that I won't be helping him.

The other thing is he has asked me about the programs I have been in that have helped me work on myself. I explained to him that these aren't "quick fixes" that they are extremely hard programs and at times you are forced to look at yourself and you will not always want to.

The OW had texted him several times while he was with me, yet he didn't bother to text her back. Although she asked him this morning via text that she would like to meet with him to talk to him, I am assuming it is to discuss payment options regarding the farm.

I encouraged him to go, to take responsibility for what he needs to do, and he said he would let me know later what had transpired.

So I was with my g/f who was at the hospital with her son (he is sick with an ear infection poor little lad) and he texts me back to say that he was staying at the farm with the dogs. I said "thought so, what about her" he says "I will tell you tomorrow" and I said that I would prefer to know now.

He just texted me back after I texted him asking him if he was ok and he said "Im good no worries".

And now the rollecoaster begins, because I just asked him to tell me where things stand because I am getting off this rollercoaster, after spending the last few days with him, being the support and ear for him, not that I am complaining, but I feel it is my right to know where things stand.

I want the closure for me and me alone. I know some would say, just close the door and don't wait to hear what he has to say, but if you were just with that person for 4 days, and communicating etc. and then he goes and talks to OW to discuss things, wouldn't you want to know where things stand?


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
lied2
♀ Member
Member # 1807
Default  Posted: 10:51 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You usually only see them treat the person they have no use for horribly. There are definitally are degrees.

Have you been dealing the someone who has NPD lanea_nakole?


The grass isn't greener on the other side of the fence. It is astro turf.

The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.


A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.


Posts: 8196 | Registered: Aug 2003 | From: Ontario, Canada
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 11:12 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey lied does that go for me to? Meaning STBX was ignoring OW etc. and not returning messages etc., until she wanted to talk to him tonight, now that he has, I am the one feeling ignored! I was the one who encouraged him to go and take responsibility for his actions, the least he could do is fill me in on things so I am not sitting here wondering what the hell is going on. Piss me off, I hate being a caring sap!


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 11:23 PM, January 17th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((StungAgain)))
I say this ever so gently with my arm wrapped around your shoulders,
NC=No new hurt.

BoB

ETA: I'm sorry that he's being an assturd (Latin) and pissing you off.
This is hard to do, NC. It's hard to move on. To have no real closure. To be left hanging (again). Baby steps. Don't beat yourself up.
Remember learning to ride a bike? Or hitting a ball with a bat? Cooking? Etc.?
You need to practice. To gain experience. Such as it is with NC. The more you practice NC, the more NC experience you have, the easier it gets, the better at it you become. You gain confidence. A different perspective. Strength and power to do that which you do.
Stumbles are just that, stumbles. It's not winning the battles that defines victory, it's winning the war. Get back up and continue fighting.
Hope this helps.

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 11:53 PM, January 17th (Thursday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 7:07 AM, January 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob, thanks for the shoulder and hug. I know you are right, and I sense that I am going to be telling him later when he calls that there will be no further communication between us.

I know that the signs I felt on the trip are signs to me that I wasn't aware of before because of my dependency and feelings for him and ironically the time of living on my own and having to fight to get back up on my feet, have left me with the feeling of regrowth, yet I would be lying if I said that I am not a little bit disappointed.

I realize he is responsible for his own actions as does he. Guess when someone else has something over your head that is more than what I have, you gravitate to what that person has if you want that bad enough and in this case, he fucked up and sold her the family farm, and he isn't ready to let it go and until he figures out how to repay her, I guess he has chosen to lay in that bed of shit.

Sometimes having your guard up isn't always a bad thing.


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, January 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((stungagain)))

If he really is N, this is part of the pattern. They treat you horribly most of the time, then every once in a while they treat you well. It sounds like you've already got a pretty good idea of the things he has done -- what more is there that needs to be said or done? I know you're probably confused and wondering how someone could spend days with someone, then go right back to the same old habits like the last few days were nothing, but that's how some people are. You're expecting that a man who used you and the OW for money and land has morals, has scruples, and is going to come to his senses. Even though he has told you many, many lies, you assumed he was telling the truth when he said he was going to make it right -- why? If he is NPD, I can tell you what's going on. He's going to play both of you for as long as he can, then he's going to try to figure out how to run off with all of the loot. If that means he has to accept one of you to keep it, he'll be back a-courting.

You can't wait for him to come and tell you "what's going on." You can already look at the situation and know for yourself, trust in your own judgment. I could be horribly wrong, but having dealt with someone whom I and many others believe to be N, they are unique, but not original. I hope for your sake that he does have a change of heart, but you need to start making things happen for yourself instead of waiting for him.

(((threnody))): how are the "waking nightmares?" Still having them?

[This message edited by veritas at 8:05 AM, January 18th (Friday)]


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
StungAgain
♀ Member
Member # 13283
Default  Posted: 9:41 AM, January 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks Veritas ((Hugs))

Well he called and text ed this morning, a bit pissy oh well

Said that OW is still bitchy and pissy that he has until the end of the month to come up with some $$ for the farm. I said I see, well you take care of that problem.

I said so why did you stay and not at a hotel or somewhere else? He said "my stuff is here, the dogs".

He said he has to come to town to get the dogs their shots and he asked what time I am going to work I said later on. He then has an appointment with the bank. I said well that is a good start.

I agree with you, it has started to become clearer to me about who he is. I would agree he definitely has N traits.

He wants to go into therapy like I did, I said that he has to go to the doctor to get a referral and that when you go into that type of program it is VERY intense, you are focusing on YOU and YOU alone. But if you are looking for answers to fix yourself, then don't bother going, because it is YOU that has to do the work to figure yourself out.

I don't wish him harm, and it is true that I do care about him, but until I see something in "real" I am not willing to believe he will do anything about anything or anyone.

That sounds horrible


BS 41 (me)
H 42
'GOOD FRIENDS ARE LIKE STARS...
YOU DON'T ALWAYS SEE THEM,
BUT YOU KNOW THEY ARE ALWAYS THERE.'

Posts: 822 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: British Columbia,Canada
veritas
♀ Member
Member # 3525
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, January 18th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I don't wish him harm, and it is true that I do care about him, but until I see something in "real" I am not willing to believe he will do anything about anything or anyone.

That sounds horrible

That sounds pretty darned good to me. It's a good start.


Actions unmask what words disguise.
Love many; trust few; and always paddle your own canoe.
When you win, you teach; when you lose, you learn.

Posts: 10164 | Registered: Feb 2004
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