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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: N.P.D. Thread Part V
jjct
♂ Member
Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 7:03 AM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 8:06 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 5997 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 1:59 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((JJCT)))
I don't understand the Freudian slip. Really. I did drink (most) of a pot of coffee and then meditated. LOL. I do it all the time. I'll drink a pot of coffee and then go to sleep.

Hope all are well.

(((Veritas))) How are you?

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 3:12 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 8:06 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 5997 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 3:39 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((JJCT)))
You are funny, kewl and ya Rock !!!

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
IDeserveBetter
Member
Member # 16602
Default  Posted: 5:19 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((bob))

How are you doing today? I know it was rough in court. It can be discouraging, but you hang in there! Your children will know how much you care and how much you try to do everything that's best for them.

You rock!

[This message edited by IDeserveBetter at 5:21 PM, February 5th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 754 | Registered: Oct 2007
dreamlife
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Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 5:29 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ditto @ IDB!

We all rock cuz we are N *survivors*!

I mean nobody's been put away in the loony bin or worse, right?

My N never answered a critical mail concerning taxes...but he responded to all the "fluff" & of course he's really patting himself on the back about his JOB & what all he's selling/doing, etc., & et al, ad nauseum.

I thought it so totally NPD that when I don't give him any *N supply*...he must go into withdrawal BIG TIME like immediately...so he gives *supply* to himself! LMAO!!!

((((hugs, all)))


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
IDeserveBetter
Member
Member # 16602
Default  Posted: 5:35 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

By the way, Dreamlife, I always chuckle when I see this:

"Eat a bag of dicks, you pedantic, arrogant mother." Chilidog

Is this from an SI'er?

Oh, by the way, did you all see my post in General about what NPD fcktard did last week? It's under "How stupid is this?"

[This message edited by IDeserveBetter at 5:38 PM, February 5th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 754 | Registered: Oct 2007
Threnody
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Member # 1558
Default  Posted: 5:45 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all. I've stayed out of the thread for a few days to get some perspective. Real life also took precedence for a few days, which kind of pisses me off. You know how it goes.

To start with, downfall asked:

This post is directed to those who are far out in their healing. Newbies this is so far down the road....

What answer did you come up with for what you were getting out of the relationship?

I have been reading a lot lately some books that are out of my *normal* range. I'm beginning to see clearly the relation between my raising and my abusive relationships.

The answer I stumbled upon was motivation.

I am not a self-motivator. [clipping for brevity]

Mine was a sense of completion. I was part of a couple. A fun couple. Perhaps a bit mismatched when it came to looks, but physically we were matches in athleticism and adventurousness (camping, hiking, rafting, etc.). He was clever, which I mistook for intellect early on, and intellectual companionship/equality is my top relationship need. We were both ambitious in our fields, and both drew notice early for our work. I was often the "discovery" and he was often the "wunderkind."

So being part of this powerhouse sort of couple felt to me like a completion. I was young enough to think I needed a partner to be complete, and I was inexperienced enough to not know that he was the kind of person who would only compete, not complete.

I don't remember when exactly I realized that I wasn't complete in the way I'd thought, but I think it was probably a year (or slightly less) before we finally broke up. I probably could have forgiven him for affairs #1 and #2, which I discovered just prior to this year-out time period. I think the foundations of my faith in him and the "rightness" of our relationship began to crumble when I asked him about #2. I asked, "Why did you do this?" He replied, "Why not?"

Just about then, it occurred to me that if I was really feeling completed as a partner, I wouldn't have had to ask that. I'd have known. I didn't know much about him, only what he chose to tell me or let me see.

To put it another way, he had secret parts of himself that he was holding back. He wasn't a yin to my yang.

Ergo, failure to complete.

I've learned a lot about myself in the intervening years, and I've also had to take on that dragon that we culturally call "romantic love" and "completion." That's another post for another day, probably in General or New Beginnings.

Downfall, this was an interesting question and I'm glad you asked it. I hope more folks step out of the shadows to answer it.


“If you don't like my opinion of you, you can always improve.” ~ Ashleigh Brilliant
"Great love requires determination." ~ tryingtwo
"Don't try to win over the haters, you're not the jackass whisperer." ~ Brene Brown

Posts: 14039 | Registered: Jun 2003 | From: Middle-of-Diddly, TX
secondwife
♀ New Member
Member # 17566
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I probably could have forgiven him for affairs #1 and #2, which I discovered just prior to this year-out time period. I think the foundations of my faith in him and the "rightness" of our relationship began to crumble when I asked him about #2. I asked, "Why did you do this?" He replied, "Why not?"


Mine said "because it is fun"!!!


Posts: 37 | Registered: Jan 2008
ktshadow
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Member # 10920
Default  Posted: 8:18 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

once in a very great while...I get a glimpse of satisfaction for the kind of person that he has proven himself to be and the person that I have proven myself to be and how people are becoming more and more aware of that.
He has a group of friends since kindergarten. I have, over the course of my relationship with him become friends with them, as well as their wives and significant others. One of his friends was furious with him when he found out about the affair the first time and told him all about it. So he pretty much wrote him off. THen after the second time and seeing how he is going to be pursuing a relationship with her, they are becoming less and less tolerant. So this weekend, one of his friends and his wife invited to pick me up and bring me with them up to VT to see our other friends. He has our son. Guess who wasn't invited?
So tonight, we're making arrangements to meet to drop off for his weekend and he says "did you say you were going to be away this weekend?" I said "I don't know if I said, but I'm going to VT...(friends) are picking me up." He says "did I know about that?"
"well, I didn't tell you, I don't know if someone else did."
Then he calls me and says "I didn't mean to say that you didn't tell me about the weekend..I just know that in case (our son) is sick thatI can get in touch with you. I didn't mean to make it sound like I was trying to know what you're doing. It's none of my business what you do on the weekends."
I told him "I didn't take it that way. If anything is wrong with (our son) just call. I have my cell phone. Bye, talk to you later."
He's pissed.


Don't let only one person decide if you are loveable or not. Be around the ones who have already decided that you are.
I traded in my intuition for his analysis.

Posts: 152 | Registered: Jun 2006
Averageguy42
Member
Member # 366
Default  Posted: 11:11 PM, February 5th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi!

Posts: 116 | Registered: Aug 2002
bobelina
♂ Member
Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 12:09 AM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello, Averageguy42 !!!

Nice posts you've made lately.

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
jjct
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Member # 17484
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

[This message edited by jjct at 8:07 PM, February 19th (Tuesday)]


Posts: 5997 | Registered: Dec 2007 | From: texas
taybre
Member
Member # 14685
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well I did the dumbest thing a person could do at this stage in my life. My ex fricken narcassistic asshole husband came over and told me everything I wanted to hear.

He doesn't think its his baby, he doesn't love her, once he finds out he's gone. He loves me always has, what a mess he has created..blah blah fucking blah..what does my insecure codependent ass do..yep I slept with him....lucky for me it was only three seconds However, I did it and because I am some how still emotionally attached to this asshole of course I was full of false hopes..even convinced myself that I would wait for her to have the baby, and him and I would take care of it. I am sick sick sick...Anyhow of course the next day he squashed all my sick dreams when he told me he shouldn't even talk to me anymore...Oh thank god..I went to a meeting last night (I go to codependents anomyous)sp. and so now I am back on track...Oh god let the 2X4's ROAR!!!!


Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2007 | From: michigan
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 8:03 AM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((taybre)))

He is a predator. He used and abused you again. He is EVIL.

When you are still new to the realization that you have had a NPD Exposure, you are still vulnerable to that which you believed existed previously. It's a testament to you, your goodness, forgiveness, etc.
It takes a bit of time for the truthful realizations of what the NPD Freak truly is to fully manifest themselves in you and to take root within, for you to fully internalize that which has happened to you. Even then, there will be many realizations and enlightenments concerning the NPD Freak and it's behavior. The understanding is in layers, like peeling back the layers of onions. You'll think you've got it and then you will experience another "aha" moment of another and or more and deeper understanding. It is what it is.
By kind to yourself. Forgive yourself. Be nice to your bestestfriend, yourself. She is hurting and she needs all your support right now. NC.

As what the NPD Freak pulled on you, by his callous disregard for you and your feelings, to treat you like an object, to use your goodness against you, "May his testicles burn with the fire of a thousand stars and may he develop testicle-elephant-titus, and may this cause him to be mocked by all for his grotesque outer manifestations of the inner horrible and evil thing that he is within". LOL. (I'm still working on my curses).

BoB

[This message edited by bobelina at 8:20 AM, February 6th (Wednesday)]


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
downfall
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Default  Posted: 9:28 AM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Threnody - your response means a lot to me; thank you! Couple of phrases there I can really relate to.

"I was inexperienced enough to not know that he was the kind of person who would only compete, not complete." Yep, yep, yep!!

"I asked, "Why did you do this?" He replied, "Why not?"" Mine was "because I could". Ouch. So much said in three little words.

"To put it another way, he had secret parts of himself that he was holding back." Oh yes! and those parts are UGLY.

Taybre dear, I can't say it any better than BoB did. Stay strong and many positive thoughts.

((hugs)) to the Tribe.


ETA: Oh and jj your very brave to go into JFO. I still stay out of there. I agree with your analogy - too many damn nails to hammer.

[This message edited by downfall at 9:37 AM, February 6th (Wednesday)]


Dday June 16 2005: Separated 2/06 Divorced 3/09

Ah, but she can't take you any way
You don't already know how to go ~ Eagles


Posts: 3048 | Registered: Jun 2005
taybre
Member
Member # 14685
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bob- Thank you so much. Even though my eyes teared up in realzing your right..he knows how to play me and did and its sick...Your right....all I did was take two steps back..well thats okay because I am 30 steps ahead.

Thanks bob.


Posts: 147 | Registered: May 2007 | From: michigan
dreamlife
♀ Member
Member # 8142
Default  Posted: 9:34 AM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Taybre~

He's just a worthless POS who is, yes, EVIL & *toxic* to the nth degree...glad you are back on track!

(((((huge hugs, sweetie))))

Chilie dog *is* an SIer...Dogmom is a professional dog trainer.
And the wholly operative word here seems to be: canine vulgaris

hey, to the guys here, ya know I love you all dearly & THIS does not *apply*!

Veritas~ please give someone a holler that you & kids are ok.


~XWH told me what I wanted to hear but he always did whatever he wanted to do~

Posts: 25351 | Registered: Sep 2005
itsabattle
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Member # 13036
Default  Posted: 12:20 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Taybe - it is one step forward and fifty backwards but as long as you keep going in the right direction...

Can I ask you all what you felt your freak robbed you of? I really struggle with what he has taken away from me. For me it is my youth, my optimism about my life, my innocence about what I thought life was like, my freedom, my knowledge of myself, my trust in people, part of my future etc etc.

Do you feel a similar thing?

He was a total bastard last night. It was pancake day yesterday but I don't have a cooker at the moment. I have a mini-oven/microwave but nothing to fry pancakes on. He took the kids out and got them a pancake mix, just so when they got home I had to say we can't use this. How deliberate was that? He knows I have no cooker. I was sickened that someone could build up their kids hopes to get something (however insignificant the thing is) when they know there is no way it can happen. I found it really difficult not to beat the crap out of him. I felt the old anger surging through my veins. Scary.

Luckily my neighbour invited us round. I know my examples are rally trivial these days but he still winds me up. I hate him. A lot.


Posts: 1233 | Registered: Dec 2006 | From: england
bobelina
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Member # 15312
Default  Posted: 2:26 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Tribe)))
Email exchange between STBXPDW and I today after she was making plans through kids and that they said to the kids that she cannot answer my emails cause she doesn't check her email very often.

------
BoB:
As stated in many emails:
You can contact me directly via email concerning the children.

Making plans thru the children and having them relay to me your intentions is not only unfair of you and abusive to the children but frowned upon as stated in the documents you received at the Mediation Orientation. It as not in the best interests of the children.

As you have stated to the children that you will actively continue to disagree and be uncooperative with me regarding the children, putting them into positions of assuming your responsibilities and being responsible for your actions, such as asking them to wake you up in the mornings to pick them up from school, I will state again, that the children's best interests are not being served by your inappropriate behaviors.

Continuing to spite me, insult me, make derogatory and sarcastic remarks about me, for you, your mother, and your sister to continually attempt to alienate the children from me, and to continue to try to convince the children that they do not live with me, to be uncooperative in front of the children regarding me, is not acceptable according to the documents you received at mediation. This is referred to as parental alienation. Once again, not in the best interests of the children.

As you are scheduled to pick the children up from school today at 3PM, and such that school has been canceled today, so you can pick them up from home, my house, today 2/6/08 at 3PM.
------
STBXPDW:
Just stop with your psycho babble. Im not interested. Im a great mom and you dont control me. You trying to pick fights with me is futile. I will not fight or argue with you, your wasting your time.Enjoy life alittle and stop being so angry. Its bad karma. I'm trying to get through the driveway, I will inform you directly when i can get my van out.
------
BoB:
You are not above the law. You are not entitled to magical thinking or preferential treatment. You are like everyone else. And you are expected to abide by the law and to abide by proper behavior as is stated in the Mediation Orientation paperwork.

I would suggest that you re-read the Mediation Orientation papers. In them you will find that your definition of appropriate behaviors appear to be erroneous and are detrimental to the children's psychological, emotional and physical health. As stated above, you are not special with special rules and your own rule book. You are subject to the law. Your a commoner like the rest of us.

It is not in the children's best interest or yours for you to continually manipulate, control, rage, blame, refuse to except responsibility for your actions, refuse to cooperate, lie, project, falsify, omit, disregard show contempt, etc. especially in plain view of the children.

I believe that your statement that you are a "good mom", is ill conceived at best considering your behaviors through out the years.

I've asked you to lay off the affairs, the booze and the drugs and to get some help. You continue your mantra that you've done nothing wrong and that there is nothing wrong with you. For the children's sake and for there best interests and consideration, please seek the help that you appear to need.
------
STBXPDW:
yer crazy. however i have nothing bad to say about ya. your kids love you and need you. enjoy your day.
------

Thoughts? Translations?

BoB


Mean People Suck (Especially Narcissists)

Posts: 1817 | Registered: Jul 2007 | From: Over the Hills and Far Away...
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