I kind of look at it this way. If you can ask yourself those kinds of questions, most likely the answer is NO, you are not cuz THEY sure have no ability to do that.
They have programmed part of our brains to think that it's our fault. Intellectually we can understand that, but I think emotionally it's very difficult to erase that programming so we have that underlying fear to deal with. Smack it down when it rears up its ugly head!
I was raised by a narcissist and a passive-aggressive; my narcissist mother has improved her behavior in general, but some of her behaviors have gotten to be more "out there." My grandmother is still very narcissistic and keeps everyone in the family hopping with her demands. So I knew how to deal with narcissists: it was always going to be my fault, I would be made to jump through hoops too tiny for chihuahuas and too high for kangaroos, and I had a built-in failsafe: I had a personal and family history of mental illness, so I always second-guessed myself, anyway. I was perfectly trained to live with a narcissist, and it has still driven me to do things and go down paths that I never went to when I was hearing voices. I'd love to live normal for a change.
(((bob))) I do think that you have done all you can, and it's time to let the GAL take over. It is horribly unfair -- my 12-year-old nephew spent the weekend in a hotel room with one of his friends while his mother went out and partied with her new boyfriend. My brother is supposed to have right-of-first-refusal; Motel 6 got him instead because she didn't want my brother to "know her business." They should look at things like that VERY seriously; your baby mama is far worse, and in a better world, not even a perfect world, this would be over but for the signing.
[This message edited by veritas at 4:56 PM, April 16th (Wednesday)]
I did something so out of character for me one night. WH said something so wrong it made me crazy. We had just opened a really nice bottle of merlot. I threw my glass of wine all over him and most of the kitchen. NPD had to paint the kitchen the next day, Gave him something to do since he had stopped working since the discovery of his most recent A.
Man, she sounds wicked vicious with that glass of water stunt. Now that's just not normal--not playful but vicious. Was she trying to goad you into hitting her?
She was definitely trying to create drama.
Picking up fleas. I like that saying. A lot of my fleas abandoned me after he left. It had gotten so bad that I had physical ailments that simply vanished with him.
You get so beaten down, you don't know what to think anymore.
Tell me - how did that feel, to throw your wine on him??
When I confronted my WH we were at a restaurant and he had a large margarita, and I had a glass of water in front of me. As I stood up and said to him, "we're done here." I took a glance at my big, full glass of ice water and his full margarita and came "this" close to grabbing one of them and just throwing the liquid all over him. I wanted to do it, people tell me I should have done it, but I didn't.
Let me live vicariously through you...was it wonderful??
Tulsa Area Coffee Buddy
However, since I did find out it's reopened old wounds, and I'm really ticked at being cheated of the chance to say, "Get out now. I've had it." I don't need this anger now.
[This message edited by OutFromUnder at 7:12 PM, April 16th (Wednesday)]
I found it easier to control when I put 'nothing' into something -
the tension becomes less of a factor-
That 'something' I concentrate on & 'put myself into' -
is a boring person.
You'll be harder pressed to stifle laughter, actually, when you see its effect on N, as they desperately at first - then after a time, resignedly give up,
seeking NS from you.
It's about freaking time we started using what we know, ya think?
[This message edited by jjct at 8:04 PM, April 16th (Wednesday)]
He's very lucky you did not blow your cool & give him an impromptu Tide bath!
Tell him I'm on my way !!! LOL.
It is pretty much like my ex make a huge stink over me asking for his address and phone number. He is hissy fitting about the phone number saying that it is in her name (good to know, now I can get that and the address for information) so he won't give it to me. Ya whatever.
Reasonable, responsible behaviour is beyond them it seems.
Pull up a chair and watch is about the only way to deal with it (or walk away). If you engage at all it sends them further off the deep end.
The essence of love is not what we think or do or provide for others, but how much we give of ourselves.
A clean house is the sign of a broken computer.