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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs -IX
SI Staff
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Member # 10
Default  Posted: 4:50 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


Posts: 10000 | Registered: May 2002
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you mods!

Good job Shirley!

Ok FSA, go for it. Have fun!
I am turning in for the night. When I wake up, this place had better be done.

Goodnight all.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 4:52 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm first. Now I've got to get ready for church.

Decorate away while I'm gone.


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 4:53 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Dog gone Lost you beat me. And I was dressing and waiting for this to open.

You go to sleep now and dream about how you have wronged me. Shame shame on you.

Nite nite


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:55 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOOOOO HOOOOO I just LOOOOVVVE the cyberride...

Ummmmm....technically you tied! Exact same time!!!!

Now I can go party knowing that I helped find FSA a place to decorate!

eta: FSA - look at the time, you were both exactly 4:52! Great minds think alike. Now, I have literally two minutes...what's the theme?

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 4:56 PM, February 3rd (Sunday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:59 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

walking out the door to the party! We have an "X"!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


O.K. here goes.

I want lots and lots of windows. Plenty of sunshine to make us feel warm and cozy. White curtains and furniture since the kids can't come in here. Hard wood floors with plenty of thick rugs in every color. The walls......I think I'll keep them a light color too. Maybe a real pale yellow. Can you tell that I'm ready for spring? Oh and we'll need lots and lots of throw pillows to match all the rugs. And I want the windows open with a nice breeze blowing in and making the curtains float around. And since I'm totally lazy I want these scantly dressed gorgeous men waiting by the door to take care of our ever beck and call.

How's that???

Now....I have to go to church

FSA

[This message edited by Feeling so alone at 5:02 PM, February 3rd (Sunday)]


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 5:14 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This group is just so prolific in posting! Just got home from being out of town with H (business trip for him) and a chance for me to visit with best friend from HS to find we are in new digs!
FSA - I love your decorating scheme. Yes, spring can't come soon enough for me.
I also agree with what you wrote:
I'm tired. I just get so extremely tired of this fight. Not fighting with H. Just fighting with living with the LTA. Once again I want that lobotomy. Something, anything that will make it go away and leave me alone.
This is me 'to a T'. Especially since yesterday was the start of the OWs term working at H's place of employment. I'm on edge and being a b*tch in spite of my resolve to not let it get the best of me.
The game is starting so I guess I have a few hours to catch up on the wkend posts to SI. {{{LTA}}}

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
no mor surprises
♀ Member
Member # 7678
Default  Posted: 6:11 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Unbelievable!!!!!!!!

Thread 9

I want to make a few additions to our new home.

How about a steam shower, an infrared sauna, a big hot tub, a fire pit and palm trees waving in a soft breeze.

How does that sound?

And the yellows, greens, creams and rose are totally my colors. And I love wood floors and pillows.

Have a great week and remember that recovering from a lta is a slow process. Take your time and breathe and do very nice things for yourselves.

[This message edited by no mor surprises at 9:53 PM, November 14th (Friday)]


Posts: 1768 | Registered: Jul 2005
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 7:21 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I love the decor.

fsa, great job and no mor's additions. Perfect..!!!!!

I wish I could join no mor in meeting the two other LTA goddesses this week but I have a prior commitment.

Just wanted to toss into the mix of the "lashing out" problem....here is what we have established to thwart things getting out of control.

When I need/want to "talk or re-visit" something..I preface it with saying. "Let's make this civil. I promise I won't lose it, if you can promise to stay with me....without wanting to run or clam up."

Also mutually promising that it will end in a reasonable time frame.

Most times, it works.
But, honestly.... it took quite a long time to reach this point of enforced civility.

However I have to be honest with all my sisters here....
Valentines Day (D-Day)is really, really tough for me right now. I know it is stupid and inconsequential in the whole scope of all that has happened....but it does hurt and fuel a big load of resentment.
Why that day of all days....???

Anyway....on to our 9th edition of LTA.

When no mor and I met recently, we both agreed that our thread here is a virtual gold-mine for lurking therapists wanting to learn how to treat LTA's.

I did receive my copy of "Steering Clear".........
Believe it.....This is a VERY good book. It delineates EXACTLY what a former cheater (and their betrayed) needs to hear and understand..

Cowgirl, I think of you every time I read anything about HPV and its ramifications.

[This message edited by numb and scared at 7:32 PM, February 3rd (Sunday)]


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 9:15 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

New digs again, great. And sad.

Had a wierd conversation with H today--this might be TMI--we were talking about how he cycles in and out of depression and interest in sexual things--made the comment that he feels sometimes that he disqualified himself from pursuing enjoyment with sex anymore cuz of what he did (fortunately, this is a cycle for him, otherwise his not pursuing sex would mean me not enjoying any sex and thank god that's not the case during his more up cycles!)
We also discussed the years before the infidelity started and I said I remember going through some perimenopause things, both physical and mental, and he was having some ED problems and we didn't talk about it at all, big mistake!

Now I've gotten over that and am interested and responsive again, despite all the shit from the LTA which interferes sometimes with my mental state. H made the comment that he feels I've made a much better adjustment than he has, have done much better in dealing with stuff despite my devastation--inside I had to laugh. I know he appreciates how awful and life changing this experience has been for me, but to me it's funny that he thinks I've done better at it all than I think I have.

Of course, I credited all the support and advice from SI
and the LTA forum--and it's true. As bad as I feel sometimes, I know whatever changes or adjustments or realizations I've made have come about because of the wisdom and ideas and give and take among the members of this thread.

Of course part of me inside said, I haven't adjusted well at all--don't bet on it--I'm still a basket case--but I guess I'm really not, at least all the time. Actually feel a little uplifted cuz of that perception H has--just wish he could make the same adjustment. He's working on it.

However, I will probably be lashing out again soon since we have another OC visit coming up--we'll see. But for now, I actually might get out and look for one of those Valentine cards you guys were talking about.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
soverysad
♀ Member
Member # 14594
Default  Posted: 11:08 PM, February 3rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nice job decorating, FSA.

((((((((OTC)))))))))))))

(((((((((NAS)))))))))))) Sending you support.

I've definitely had my moments of lashing out at H. I try to retreat when I feel it coming on, write out my feelings and then approach H later with the real "nut" of the matter.

But sometimes, I really want to lay into him. Sigh.

I've asked for a punching bag and gloves. I want to share my story in the LTA book. And I am still looking for various ways to effect change -- change in the CS system -- asking for this type of situation to be looked at differently so that COM are not slighted. Looking for a way to sue the state that the ho bitch filed in -- they discriminated against the COM -- financially and with regards to benefits and inheritance.

I keep thinking ... if I can help someone in this situation ... help them feel better, know what their rights are, get their feet under them ... and maybe take my anger at the injustice of it all ... well, maybe I will feel that this had a purpose. That there was some kind of reason to have this pain brought into my heart.



Posts: 518 | Registered: May 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:38 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning.

FSA, you did it! I love your theme. The place does seem so soothing and airy and cosy at the same time. Thanks.

That there was some kind of reason to have this pain brought into my heart.

It just never ceases to amaze me the generosity and compassion of the Spirits we find here on SI!
People here have suffered and endured so much, and they still want to help and support the next person.

Awesome. Just awesome.

Hugs to those who are struggling with this stoopid Vday.It will be over soon. Maybe we should all book a spot on Unicorn's cruise ship for that week?

Nas, I will try to use your civil approach. I start out thinking that I am ok, I can handle this, I can be calm and logical and fairly non confrontational. Then BAM! Before I know it, we are both hissing horrible things at each other, and ...

There is no excuse for my behaviour. I should know better. I DO know better. I DO expect better from myself.
Thats what I am going to focus on.

***
Great news!
I am meeting a Sister in an hour or so. DD wasnt feeling too well this morning, and I am praying that the school doesnt call up for me to bring her home. Please let her be ok till after my meetup!
I know thats so selfish of me, but these opportunities are so rare. Bad mummy!

LAter Tribe!



Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
JoePike
♂ Member
Member # 13207
Default  Posted: 4:37 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi all,

I try to keep up with the posting, but never manage. You guys post so much

Cutting the final ties with my xW now, she's started dating, and I've found someone.

It is time to move on, 12 years with some regrets, but at least I leave knowing I was happy, not sure that she ever was.


"Do or do not. There is no Try" - Yoda.

"The term “mistake” infers a level of ignorance, innocence and naivety. And a lack of intent and planning." - Craig Harper


Posts: 3952 | Registered: Jan 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:18 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Morning folks. Love the new place. I just picture some light airy, billowy sheers on those curtains, that sway when the french doors to the deck are open.

Looks like a bleek week here. Rain called for 4 days. But I'm going out tomorrow without fail! Nervous and excited.

Not a great weekend here. Didn't do a single thing JUST for me. Although we had a nice time at the superbowl party at his sisters.

However, someone made the "hell of a catch" comment about him again to which I couldn't respond. There was some delay and the ass said "you know I am." I just wish I could meet up with that woman who said it and "thank" her for that one.

I'm going to book MC this week, even though we agreed to next Friday. I know he heard me about not bringing up things from the past... that it's ok for him, but not for me? So now I want to know if he's just not going to say anything (like me) to avoid conflict, or he's really "got it".

I'm going to write out the card if I get some private time today.

But off to take DD to work, so I'll be back.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 8:07 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I propose that we all meet up here at 4 p.m. on Valentines Day for a tribal toast. I think we decided that 4 p.m. Eastern Standard time was about the best time for all our far-flung folks, wasn't it?


I would like to request a workout room in the new digs. Maybe I'd be motivated to stick to my exercise goals if I had company.


Joe, I read your letter to your X in general. It was beautiful and very poignant. Your new lady is very lucky to have such a thoughtful person in her life. I'm sorry it took such pain to get you there, but you sound like a hell of a guy.


ETA: if there is a better time for a tribal toast, somebody point it out. Or maybe we could even convince Cowgirl to set us up another phone call?

[This message edited by BorrowTrouble at 10:03 AM, February 4th (Monday)]


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 8:15 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

FSA - I love the decorations!!! Good job and I am glad we didn't keep you from church.

BT - 4pm on Valentines Day? I will try to make it but that is in the middle of the time that I call "driving the bus" which is shuttling the 3 DDs to all their after-school activities. However, I will probably need to emotional support as it looks like my H is going to be out of town on business.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:51 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh no shirley. That will suck.

Joe, I'll go read your letter, but BT is right. I already think you're a helluva guy.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well we did meet up..but for a short time.And yet again, we talked from the word go (we ARE a chatty bunch, arent we??lol)and didnt stop till time ran out...dnd the school called to pick up DD.

And yet again I was dumbstruck by what these LTA BW are like. Picture a long leggy blonde beautifully put together...and she is intelligent and passionate as well!! WTF was idiotic WH thinking??

Ukgirl, it was truly wonderful meeting you, and I hope that you come down South again, so we can arrange a meet with our other LTA London Sisters.

BT, a Tribal Toast!Thats a great idea. 4pm (my 9pm)is good for me. Shirley, I will most prob be on earlier on in the day, so we could "chat" then.
Btw, last night was a hoot wasnt it?

Joe, I also read your letter to XWW. YOu seemed to have learnt some tough lessons which I am sure will bear you well in the next stage of your life journey. All the best.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 10:16 AM, February 4th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It is time to move on,

Joe,
Wishing you the very best in the future.

You did survive.....even if your M didn't.

BT,
4 PM it is, thx for the idea....comforting to think we all will be in sync.

I also vote a big yes on the workout room. Yes, group motivation would go a long way for me too.

Lost,

I start out thinking that I am ok, I can handle this, I can be calm and logical and fairly non confrontational. Then BAM! Before I know it, we are both hissing horrible things at each other, and ...

Yes, unfortunately, that is how it can go.
Problem is, with a LTA, you start out a dialogue with one or two issues...but the nature of the LTA beast is truly an octopus. So many tangents are swirling around, it is so easy to digress and get distracted by yet another "arm" of it all, when YEARS are involved.

I should have mentioned that the other rule we try to honor is that we stick to the original topic. If something else pops up (and they usually do), that is tabled for another time. But he has to promise that he will not balk at that "other" time if it is still an issue with me.

Life and talks with our spouses shouldn't have to be run like polite business negotiations...especially when you had no say in the dissolution of the old contract...but now have to negotiate the new one.

Yet another unavoidable remnant of infidelity.

[This message edited by numb and scared at 10:18 AM, February 4th (Monday)]


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



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