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User Topic: Long Term Affairs -IX
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 6:31 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MC and IC. We are running low on visits 5 or 6 left.

She has been fence sitting and lying to MC about feeling towards OM since day one. She never wants to open up. Sometimes I feel it makes it a waste because of that. My sh*t is on SI and on my sleeve. No games.

I even know one of her worst constructs in her mind. It is never good enough. She projects that on me. I can never do enough.

I could not hold back and said today "you messaging him was not loving me". She could not comprehend as she had both for so long. Cake eating. It is down to a choice. Me or other life. The window is closing on me.

I hold out hope but for how much longer and new hurts I do not know. I really cannot take even one more new hurt. I need to move forward now and will. I hope she comes along for the next chapter. It will be MUCH better than the first.

[This message edited by heftysmurf at 6:51 PM, February 6th (Wednesday)]


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 6:57 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I really cannot take even one more new hurt. I need to move forward now and will. I hope she comes along for the next chapter. It will be MUCH better than the first.

Hefty,

Have you presented her with a written list of what you need to move forward....with boundaries that MUST include NO CONTACT with OM??

I say written because it is apparent that verbal communication and dialogue is not effective for you two at this point.

Does she want to R??

Does she want to S and/or D??

Seriously hefty, it sounds like either you two cannot speak lucidly to each other and are hopelessly spinning your wheels....or she is fixed on a different agenda than your agenda and goals are.

What is your MC and IC saying to you both at this point?

Have you called her on the lying about her feelings toward OM in a C session??

Something has to give here, hefty...one way or the other.

Healing takes a LONG time from LTA..no question...but to begin that process, at some point, there has to be a stated willingness from the WS to make the M the priority.


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
lovegonewrong
♀ Member
Member # 17440
Default  Posted: 7:54 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is such a yukky day. I just cannot seem to forget and move on. He tells me that he cannot remember anything else or he has tried and nothing else comes to him. He is sick of trying to think of answers and he just wants to forget it. He thinks that I am hanging onto my grief by coming to this site and also by keep talking to him about it. Why can't he just understand that I don't know what I need to move on. I have so many answers yet so many unanswered questions. I asked him today to have a look at his time sheets at work to sort through some of the I dont remembers. He said there was to much activity on them as any time he did not stick to his roster a log was made. I asked about specific months and he told me that on one month there was a record of him finishing early (news to me) on the month that he said he finished to meet with her there was nothing. I am in such a spin, IC is 3 weeks away I really just don't know what to do. Should I be further along? Is this normal? Why can't I let this go and try and rebuild my marriage. He is doing everything right (except about answering me). Help please...

[This message edited by lovegonewrong at 7:55 PM, February 6th (Wednesday)]


Monty Python, "It isn't the despair. I can handle the despair. It's the hope that's killing me."


DDay #1: 04 March 07
DDay #2: 10 May 2007 revealed all (I hope)

profile has all the sordid details...


Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2007
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 8:05 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have brought it up about OM. It was blew off. We have a contract dated 11/30 with all of this NC etc so forth. She broke it several times and then I broke it in stupidity. Then I woke up and she has broken it or tried since. We are spinning wheels.

She wanted separation and R but I was kinda against separation for one reason. I view it as the end. The sh*t sandwich I am swallowing gives one shot. Also the effect on DD.

She states she wants R as well. She does a caring behavior and back to contacting OM. Voids it out IMHO. The night that burns me so hard was a bit over a month after d-day. I waited for her to come home. Setup candles made it real romantic. We had a nice private time. Next day she emails OM. WTF am I supposed to do?

She just refuses the deep conversations. I feel my pain is not acknowledged, I should just shut the f up. Be happy she is just here.

That is so much BS. I will NEVER go back to the marriage we had before. She treated me like sh*t. I self medicated with beer, pron, and friends. They never treated me like crap. Her affair perpetuated my behaviors. Frig I never knew I was even controlled.
I have given up all of it already. The trauma of D-Day knocked me out of needing those things. I realized I must have better and deserve it. I am a great person.

It appears she is here:

1) Has intense resentment towards me. Justified the affair.

2) She lost the affair and it's my fault. Christ the whole thing is my fault.

3) She still wants both M and A even though in the end OM used her and wants nothing to do with her. She is basically still in the A by herself.

What she did was so horrible that without new good memories and a dedication to the M and our DD my desire to R is weakening.

I need something to think about between us besides the A. I need new memories. I need to be treated nicely. I need respect.

I so much want this to work. I do love WW so much but is hard with her continued actions. They are not loving towards me at all.

Some other SI's even called her out in the wayward forum offering to help. I wish she would take it.

I fear so much for my daughters life. She is why I keep going. She is at the point of being aware at almost 3. I want her so badly to have a mommy and daddy in one house. God I love her. I can cry thinking about us separating. 50% time with my angel :-(

I wish my wife would see what her actions are not only doing to me but to her.

((lovegonewrong)) Hugs.

You are going to heal at your own rate. Frig WH had two years to have the A so 7 mos to heal? I expect you to be a roller coaster for a year+ for any normality. HE HAD THE AFFAIR AND IF HE HAD NOT DONE IT YOU WOULD NOT BE ON SI AND HURT LIKE HELL. I wonder if he is "owning his sh*t". You are normal at this point IMHO.

[This message edited by heftysmurf at 8:13 PM, February 6th (Wednesday)]


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
DMS88
♀ Member
Member # 13461
Default  Posted: 8:30 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Wow, heftysmurf, she is doing you so wrong. I wish I had great advice for you, but I don't. Since your wife had a 6 year LTA, she must be deep in the fog. She probably can't picture her life without either of you.

You may have to do a 180 on her to knock her off that fence.

Best of luck my friend.


Me: 47 years old
Husband: 46 years old
Married: 22 years, together 25
Two children, 7 & 8
Discovered the affair: 4 Jan '07. It started in March '06.
Second D-Day 9 October 2007 (same woman).
Reconciling--hopefully not a false R

Posts: 1518 | Registered: Jan 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 8:41 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Hefty))))I'm going to tell you again how I see things from a woman's perspective. I want my H to stand up to me and be a man. Don't confuse that with being ugly and abusive, I wouldn't stand that for a minute. But when I come at him lashing out with anger, sometimes I want him to come back at me. I know that may sound crazy, but it seems to wake me up, bring me out of my fog, makes me see him differently. Makes me feel secure having a man that can stand up and take charge of the situation. I'm not talking about using muscle or man handling. I'm talking about taking charge of what you will accept. Draw a line in the dirt. This this and this will be acceptable. This this and this will not be tolerated. Hopefully she'll come around and ya'll can make this M work. But if she doesn't, do you really want to stay in the M like this? A D is hard on the kids. But living in an environment with upset is hard on them also. I would never have made it as far as I have had my H not been remorseful and committed to this M.

Lovegonewrong. The answers. Sometimes I have to stop and put myself in H's shoes. Stop and think about if you were the one that had had the A. Think about how hard it would be to make the words come out of your mouth to your H knowing the pain that you are about to cause him and also the damage it will cause to the M. I'm not saying that they should keep these answers from you. I'm just saying that after I have lived the trickle affect, I can now see how hard it truly is for them to admit to the things that they did. And I'm sure that there is plenty that they actually did forget. Little details that would mean alot to us were meaningless to them. Sometimes I'm able to hit on a question to my H and he shakes his head and says that never in a million years would he have thought about that or even thought it to be important to me. Just trying to tell you to give the answers some time. I know that we as BS want it all out and up front right in the beginning and all at once. I've told my H many times to try and put himself in my shoes and try to imagine what it feels like to be me. But I think sometimes we have to do the same thing for our WS. Just imagine being in their shoes. Makes me shudder just to think about it.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 8:57 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Another story title and then I'm off to bed.

Sci-Fi this time

Close Encounters of the Worst Kind

Night John Boy

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 9:10 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, one last title from me too then I'm off.

"The Wheels of the Bus Go Round and Round"

Night Ben


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 9:16 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

O.K. I thought of one more. Then I'm definately off to bed.

One of my favorite old "classics"

"Gone With the Whore ow"

Night Mary Ellen

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 9:18 PM, February 6th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Last of the evening too.

"Jack and Jill-ho went up the hill....
Jack left her there and went home to his wife."

nite all


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:53 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((HeftyS))) (((LGW))) (((UK)))

Hugs to Tribepeople who are going through a difficult time. Vent,sob, laugh here. We have all been there, some of us more than others,( ).

Hope today brings some light into your life.

***
Tried talking to H last night. I realised another dysfuctional pattern in our M, but unfort he took it the wrong way, and told me to F**k off.
Strangely, I wasnt offended. I just went to sleep.
And woke up feeling very sad FOR him.

I know this sounds really condescending, but I dont mean it to be: I am watching a 40 year old man, who has been stuck at age 18, trying to grow up. And he is realising that his whole life was an illusion. He is NOT who he thought he was. And worse, he has done some horrible things to himself and to the people who love him.
This morning he looked terrible.I do feel for him BUT I must not let that over-ride me,my needs, my self. I can not rescue him anymore.

which is what that pattern was. we were roles reversed: he was the damsel, and I was the knight.

Think I have enough for IC today.

++++
Thanks for playing yesterday guys. It was fun!
OTC, I would SO hate to be on your wrong side!!


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:10 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH, appreciate that he's realized what he did and how it affected him too. My H thinks he's wonderful, fit mentally and everything, so I don't even feel for him any more. No compassion, no empathy.
And apparently he feels the same way about me.

You know I've been feeling rather awful about my weight issue lately. He knows it.

So while we're getting dressed for the viewing, he asks me to put out a pair of his dress pants. I grab a pair of 32 waists and he puts them on and starts bragging about how big they are and how he's back in his 31's and that he's no longer a "fat blob". On and on about how great it is, while I'm thinking where am I going to lay down so I can zip my dress pants.

And on the way home, he asks me to drive by the Dairy Queen so he can get some ice cream. We pull in and he asks me if I want anything. I say no and it doesn't even dawn on him THEN that I'm dieting seriously. All night how "wonderful" the ice cream was and I'm thinking "I wish you had choked on it".

On that note, I'm off for a while today for the funeral. I'll check back with you all later and catch up on the posts from last night.

Hugs to everyone.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 6:26 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning All

Guess I better steer clear of SI today being as I stayed on yesterday. Boss was out of the office but will be back today.

Hope everybody has a good day. I'm planning to.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
up2me
♀ Member
Member # 10681
Default  Posted: 7:36 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

i'm off to the gym for an hour..anyone care to join me?

Posts: 690 | Registered: May 2006 | From: ny
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 7:56 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((LTA Tribe))))

Thank you for helping me deal with an awful day yesterday.

I wish you all a great day.

As for me I am going to invest in me and my marriage and do everything I can to save us. I love my WS and DD and will make it!

Thanks again for dealing with a grumpy heftysmurf.

I am off to the gym after work. Cannot wait!


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy, yes it is good that he is beginning to see himself. However, I hope that he is strong enough to follow through with it and do something to change. He has make great strides, and I hope that he is able to continue growing and be that man that he wanted to be.

Re your H's comments,
He is something, isnt he?
BUT do you think he said what he did to delib hurt you? No, I dont think so. There have been many times when my H made comments that I took offence to, but in hindsight realis that they werent criticisms about me.He wasnt trying to hurt me, but in my world, all I heard were him picking on me, when they werent even about me.My insecurities and low selfesteem just heard it that way.
I try now to listen to what he is saying and not use my filters, for eg. if he says theres less salt in the food, I dont hear, "LH is a bad cook". I accept that he finds that theres just less salt in the food.And he is trying to make sure that the msg gets across that "There is less salt in the food BUT the meal is excellent and LH is a great cook, bar none!" LOL.

Maybe your H is just trying, in his "own" way, to rebuild his own selfesteem, and not recognising the impact of his words on you. I wonder how we could have handled the icecream incident differently?? C'mon Tribe. Thinking hats on!

***
Hey uptome. You know Shirley wont be on till later, so quit sucking up!
Come join me by the tea trolley.

***
Hefty. I am glad you are feeling better. But I dont think you are listening to what we are telling you.

As for me I am going to invest in me and my marriage and do everything I can to save us.

You cant save "us" by yourself. You need your W to be in it with you.
Invest in you..YES!
Invest in your M....NO! At least not right now.
What M are we talking about Hefty??Your WW is still breaking NC, and she will continue to do so because she knows that you will cry and be upset, but she will get away with it. In fact she will do even better, because you will be the one hopping and dancing trying to fix it. Come on HEfty!!

You deserve better than that.
Why dont you love yourself Hefty?

I know that is coming out so mean, but thats the same issue we discussed in IC today. I allowed my H to treat me like crap the whole M, and even after dday, because I didnt (dont)love myself enough. So how did I expect him to love me the way I wanted.

MAybe you are not ready yet for this, (heck I am OVER 1 year later)but PLEASE for now, LOOK AFTER HEFTY.
I see much of me in you, so I know the road you are heading down and I so dont want you to make the same mistakes I did.

Do you what my H told me after dday when I asked him how could he have treated me so bad all these years when I all ever did was love and care for him

He said, "You were a wimp. You let me walk all over you. When I did something that offended you, you would make a small fuss, I would defend myself, and you would back down, go crying to your room like a little girl." Then I would come back and try to make it better, even though I didnt do anything wrong.

Much as it hurts to even type that now, every word is true. Please stand up for yourself Hefty. Even if it means that your M might end (which I highly doubt cos I think she needs you more than you know), at least your DD would have a strong able dad.

((hefty))


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 9:27 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You are on target. I may have used bad terms. I will invest in me and hope that it helps our M survive. I will be the best hefty I can be. I have said that over and over and am now ready for it. Damn I was in a BS hurt fog and escaped it a few times but now am ready.

The things that made me go through 3 months of hell:

1) I absolutely trusted and loved my wife 120% before D-Day.

2) Always put other people 1st

3) The thought of my daughter getting harmed by this hurts me so much. My love for her is so absolute. I blink and I see her. Hearing "where is Mommy" and "where is Daddy" is something I do not want her to experience. It is my personal nightmare.

4) Never loved myself. Actually in many ways hated myself. I am not a bad person at all thinking about it. Smart, handsome, trim, loyal, faithful, hard working, caring, etc. Wow I could keep going :-)

Only thing I can do is control myself. Work hard on me. Invest in me. I have A LOT of work to do but I am worth it.

Praying we make it!


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 10:40 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((Hefty)))))

I also see so much of myself in you. My H took awhile to go NC also. He wanted the M and felt the remorse, but he also felt remorse for what he felt he did to her. WTF.

I will never understand that. Add that to the list of things I will never understand. At some point I decided I HAD to take care of me. HAD to make me happy and also HAD to make sure he knew I would not stay in a M where the A was continuing.

I think H thought he could still be friends with her, as that is how it started.

But eventually the fog lifted and he saw what he really wanted(I hope). Not sure if OW has really figured that out yet, or if she is still waiting for him to come back.

At this point I know this is what I want and it is also what H wants, if he screws (so to speak) it up again, he knows it is over for me.

But I can only take care of me!!

I believe the 180 is really needed in your case, give her time to decide what she really wants. But take care of YOU!


M-25 years
2 kids

Posts: 131 | Registered: May 2007
mumto3sat
♀ Member
Member # 14336
Default  Posted: 10:41 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hefty, it was at about your point that I finally managed to pull myself out of my shock to a certain extent. My H was still seeing ow, quite openly, phoned her every single night when he took the dog out at bedtime - she even phoned on his mobile once when we were sitting at our kitchen table, and because we were sleeping in separate bedrooms at the time I even found him talking to her in our bedroom one night when I went to say goodnight! It's not a competition over who's situation is worse, it's all bad but I'm saying it because it's these things that made me finally wake myself up and realise that he was in no position to help me, and nor is your wife, Hefty, no matter how hard you want it, she isn't.

So from that point on I did the 180, not 100% the SI way, I picked and chose what I wanted for me, it wasn't for my H it was for me because I finally realised that was the only way I was going to survive this and I understood that HE had to make the decision, I never wanted him to come back in the future and tell me I had forced him. HE had to do it. I believed my marriage would work but ONLY if the two of us wanted it. So, I made a decision, I decided I would live with what he was still doing for the time being, but at the same time I would start living without him in the sense that I started building my own life, I booked golf lessons for the first time, I went out to dinner with friends looking better than I had in years. Even on our 8th wedding anniversary I went out and left him babysitting our children, I left him crying on the doorstep that night. It was one of the hardest things I've ever done, but it made me feel good because I began to realise I would survive if this didn't work out.

By doing this I gave him a gift, one that many on SI don't agree with I know, but one I decided was the right path for me, I gave him the gift of time to come out of his fog and make his decision. I'm no saint believe me, but due to the previous dynamics in our marriage and his inability to make decisions in the past I knew he had to do this himself.

The 180 achieved two things, mainly it left me able to just about face each day. I still had stints spread on the floor sobbing, I still spent hours sitting in the dark thinking endless thoughts and wishing everything could be different but I did manage to get up everyday. But the side effect was that my H noticed. He hated it, in fact I discovered an email conversation with his ow where he was telling her about the 180 and how he hated me "moving on" and she replied that maybe she should do the 180 on him but she wouldn't be that selfish . It was about a month after starting the 180 that he finally made his decision to stay and end with ow, but he needed two weeks away on his own to make that decision, I also took a week's holiday on my own for me time and he had to take the week off to look after the children. We told the children that he was going away on business and he phoned every couple of days to speak to them. I must admit he took a further six weeks after coming home to finally finish contacting ow, but he did finally go nc in September last year and he swears he is now. Since september he has changed beyond words. I am now married to a man that I never knew existed. It is so ironic that he is now married to a miserable, depressed, overeating lump who can hardly get her act together on a daily basis, but there you go that's LTA land for you.

I'm going into this in some detail to try and show you that you can assume nothing about your future, all you can do is decide for yourself what you want and then act on it in the way that you feel is right for you. But I can tell you that there are two ways to do this, carry on focussing on her and your marriage and make the pain much worse, or focus on yourself and what you want out of your life today and it will get you through each day.

It's so so hard, it took me weeks to be able to 180 after the first time I read about it and thought I should try and do that for ME. It is now taking me months to be able to focus on myself again, this time round I actually have an h who is saying that he wishes I could do the 180 again because it would help me to feel better about myself! And he can't bear how he has been responsible for destroying my self-esteem.

It can happen Hefty, really, truly it can, but only if you look after yourself first.

ETA: The 180 is not just about going out to the gym or doing things for yourself, it is a mindset, you have to really FEEL it, that is actually the hardest part IMHO.


[This message edited by mumto3sat at 10:53 AM, February 7th (Thursday)]


Me (BS): 38
Him (WS): 38
3 children, d 6 s 4 s 1yr
D day #1 03/16/07 8 mth ea
D day #2 07/13/07 turned into 7 year long term affair, pa/ea 08/18/07 Got final info - is that it?

Posts: 284 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: UK
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 10:58 AM, February 7th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hefty - Mum is right. do the 180, take care of you and give her alittle time to come out of the fog. But she has to know you will not accept her continuing the A.

Take care of you! The wise ones her told me that over and over again also. Took me awhile to get it, but I finally do.

Everytime I discovered contact and confronted H he went further underground. I finally told him he could continue to hide it, but I had to take care of me and focus on my life and my kids lives. I would not share him any longer.

Things are entirely different between us now. Yes, I still have anger and alot of hurt to deal with. And we still don't communicate as well as I would like. (we hardly ever talk about the A or OW). And he could still be cheating on me way underground, (how do I really know, trust is gone in our M now) but he is doing everything he can to show me respect, understanding, and love. I have give myself time to rebuild the trust and in the meantime, focus on me.

Can you get IC or do you have a trusted friend to talk to? I only have one person who knows about me and WH, but it helps. I don't talk with her about it much anymore though, I think she was tired of hearing it all. This is the best place to vent. We all understand and bring alot of experiences to the table.

Take it a day at a time and do something just for you today. (((HUGS)))


M-25 years
2 kids

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