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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs -IX
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:22 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Quick post because I am going to the gym after I drop DD off. (So I can post ALL I want later)

Had a weird dream last night where I set up a sting operation on H using one of the SI people I met.

I'm trying to keep the anger out but it's not working. Yes, it's the sex thing. It pisses me off that he's playing this game with me. The only thought running through my mind is "you can't make love to your wife, but for some cheap whore or easy POA, you can't get your pants of fast enough". If this goes on for a couple more days, I know that's going to pop out of my mouth.

I deserve someone who can love me passionately and sincerely and I don't think he has the capacity. MC keeps playing down the passion part, how it dissipates after so many years, that it's not real, etc. Well, I'm not talking about ripping the clothes off, animal, sweaty lust sex. I'm talking about passion. I want it.

He asked me when Valentine's Day was this morning. Guess that means he has to psyche himself up to face that he might have to have sex with me and needs a few days to work on that mentally.

Gotta run.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
up2me
♀ Member
Member # 10681
Default  Posted: 6:34 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH, i know you're right..i should care. i'm thinking maybe i'm afraid to let my husband into my heart. my husband is the type of guy (FOO) who always bought me stuff as compensation for betrayal. in his mind as long as i had nice stuff he was a nice guy..a good husband. i see him as so selfish that there is probably a catch for me.
i'm going to do a nice thing for myself tho and go to the gym this morning.

Posts: 690 | Registered: May 2006 | From: ny
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 6:40 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

in his mind as long as i had nice stuff he was a nice guy..a good husband

up2me, this is my H as well, i can relate, told my H no gifts, so i really do want to see what he does


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 7:53 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

in his mind as long as i had nice stuff he was a nice guy..a good husband

And after the totally out of the world Christmas in 2003 where he finally spent $$ on me, he couldn't understand why I didn't "come around."

He threw me a 50th bd party in May 2004. It was amazing. That summer (I paid) but he agreed to a weekend away and concert, which he never did.

By September he was asking for a divorce... why? Because I didn't "appreciate" all the money he'd spent on me the previous year. Like 3 things were going to make up for 9 years of abuse.

He bought me a diamond heart this year for Christmas. And he couldn't understand why that didn't "fix" everything again. "I don't know what she wants from me" is his battlecry.

I tell him, he ignores me. Thinks "that's not what she really wants" and goes on his own intuition... which is obviously out of whack.

Anyway, did my hour at the gym. Going up to shower, food shop and try yet another cake recipe and maybe start to read again.

Catch up later ladies (and hefty)


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I could finally post here again since I got my butt on the elliptical trainer. I didn't want Shirley to go all sarge on me.

But I did want to say that I'm holding you and your mom in my prayers, Shirley. I know she'll do just fine.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 8:28 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

double

[This message edited by BorrowTrouble at 8:34 AM, February 8th (Friday)]


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shirley prayers for you Mom.

Wanted ya'll to know that Mr FSA had me to show him how to lurk around in LTA forum. He's off today and will be around the house. He wanted to read some of what he hears about.

Sooooo
Hi Mr FSA

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 8:37 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hugs to all the LTA Tribe (()). I feel better today. Thank you girls SO MUCH.

(((UKGirl))) I think you need a hug badly too.

Weepy - I am worried about you. Your posts seem so sad and dificult. Are you OK?


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 9:44 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hefty, thanks for the concern, but nope, I'm just angry, deeply, white hot angry. It's ok, it helps stave off the depression.

But I never backed off before. I was the one carrying our whole R and recovery. I didn't do what I've told everyone else they should do. It's time. It's time for me to cut myself off from him and his needs and fixing us.

If DS wasn't coming home this weekend, I think I'd be moving into his room.

He thinks he's done doing his work to earn me back.

Call it the 180 or call it walling myself off, whatever, it has to be done.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I thought I was the only one having a pity party. Now see alot of us are struggling. I blame it on the weather. Can't be anything else, right?

Told H last night I am just tired. Tired of being tired. Right now I feel tired of life.

I know this is the down side of the roller coaster and like someone else said, I will go back up. TGIF!

As for V-day. I still believe it is a stupid holiday. Before we were married I remember the best v-day ever and for the last 25 years the only other one that stands out is last year.

I thought we had a good day, met H for a nice lunch and things looked positive. We were only a couple weeks out from DDay so it was alittle tense. (To say the least) But I was feeling good that he sent beautiful flowers and spent time with me.

Then a couple weeks later I find out he also sent her flowers and spent time (at least on the phone, that's all I know of for sure) with her.

Now, I look at V-day as a huge trigger and he is getting a card and a very small present from me. Nothing more. No lunch out, no fancy dinner. V-Day now is only for my kids.

He is in charge of the romance, I will not initiate it and don't really expect it. Not even sure if I want it.

I just want that day to come and go and be over with already!!


M-25 years
2 kids

Posts: 131 | Registered: May 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 10:35 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's time for me to cut myself off from him and his needs and fixing us

Nobody said cut yourself off from him, Weepy. Just shift the balance.I'd say about 93:07 in your favour?
Anyway, all the best! We are behind you. Btw, what cake did you make?

***

Hellooo Mr FSA!!
Just want you to know that FSA is highly regarded here. She brings such sparkle, quick wit, sassy humour and huge shoulders to our group. And she writes brilliant poetry and lyrics. But I guess you know that already, right? if only we can get her boss to let her spend her time here. Sigh.

***
Hbh

very small present from me

Are you kidding??

Ok everyone..new game.
Lets give Hbh some ideas on what she can put in her little present box..bearing in mind what Mr Hbh pulled last Vday.

I will start off with an ounce of ammonium nitrate and an ounce of diesel fuel in a box with a slogan, "Break window when necessary".
To be used whenever he pulls any more asshat stunts!
Grrrr...


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 11:53 AM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oookkkaaayyy....

You dont have to play if you dont wanna.

***
Seriously though how is everyone? Newbies? Oldies?

I heard Michael Buble's "Lost" this afternoon, and it felt like my heart swelled up into my throat and that I was going to choke.As I had the kids in the back, thought that wouldnt be such fun, so switched to "Dancing Queen" and had them groaning with my dance moves whilst driving.

Who said I am not a good actor??


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:00 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH, I'm searching for the perfect chocolate cake recipe. We've tried 2 so far. The first one was moist and chocolatey but not sweet enough for my taste. The second was dry, dry, even with the icing (which I can now whip up in like 10 minutes). I bought new chocolate at the store so I'm going to try different brands.

See, I bought a heart cake tin at the store. I intend to make the perfect chocolate cake, frost it and decorate it with hearts and strawberries. That's my big contribution to Valentine's Day.

I'm not talking about cutting myself off from him entirely. Kind of hard to do when he calls me 15 times a day. I'm not going to ignore him or live like he's not there. I realized today that he hasn't said "I love you" since before our MC session a week ago. No. I'm going to give what I'm getting which is basically, someone to talk to on the phone.

hbh - how about a clue? Kind of like my H's "round tuit." Just box it up and when he's acting particularly stupid, just tell him to go get a "clue"?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 12:25 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

hbh - how about a clue?

Re. choc cake, why dont you just add more sugar to the first one? Have you tried copykat.com? They have cakes with names like Better Than Sex Cake. Guess I havent been doing it right!

[This message edited by Lost Heart at 3:24 PM, February 8th (Friday)]


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 12:28 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you everyone for your kind wishes for my mom. We are back at her home after the surgery which went very well no doubt thanks to all your positive vibes. I laughed at her after and told her that she had spent more time getting her hair done that the surgery took! She is comfy on the couch and I am playing nurse.

It is so peaceful at her house with no kids, chores, etc. I have to admit that I am so used to being scheduled up the ying yang that I am not used to having hours of quiet time. I think I need to relearn how to be with myself in the quiet and be okay with that.

So now I am back on SI with the dog curled up at my feet and I find so many struggling and in pain. I wish I could have you all here where it is quiet and peaceful and we could just give each other a big group hug. (((Tribe)))

I had a really bad moment last night after I had fallen asleep. I woke up in a panic and realized that I had left the three girls alone with their dad and, all of a sudden I thought - what if he runs away with them? I was completely freaked out. So I called him and asked him. He started crying and said he was so sad that he had hurt me so deeply that I would even think a thing like that. I did speak to all the girls later this morning from the hospital so I know he hasn't fled for the border!

BT - You get the gold star today. I have, sadly, broken my own rule but I can't leave the house....can you beam your elliptical over?

Hi, Mr. FSA <waving madly> How are you? We love having FSA around to give us poems and ditties to make us laugh.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
no mor surprises
♀ Member
Member # 7678
Default  Posted: 12:32 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy,

I have an easy delicious chocolate cake recipe.

[This message edited by no mor surprises at 10:03 PM, November 14th (Friday)]


Posts: 1768 | Registered: Jul 2005
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi ladies and gents

Having such a nice quiet day at the office. I needed that. Yesterday was kind of bad. But I'm feeling better now.

Shirley, so glad to hear that all went well with your mom. I know that she appreciates all that you are doing for her.

As for the exercising. Somebody really needs to take charge of this thing b/c I haven't done a thing. I would love to get back to walking every evening. I might have to wait for the time change though b/c it gets dark before I can get a chance to walk after work. I've also got an ab lounger that I really need to do more with than just hang clothes on. And then that brings me to food. I have found my sweet tooth again. I went for a long time without snacking, but I've started again and it shows. And then I come on SI and get to read about choc cake (my favorite).

Tired of being tired
Oh I have said that same thing soooo many times. I'm just tired. I need a break from LTA land for about 6 months and then I promise I'll pick back up where I left off. Just give me some relief for a little while please.

I'm trying to keep the anger out but it's not working. Yes, it's the sex thing.
Weepy have you tried just going for it an not taking no for an answer. Or maybe something new. Or just have a heart to heart sit down talk with him and tell him what it is doing to you and ask him what he would like to happen. How would he like to spice up the night life with you. Might be worth a try.

Better get a little bit of work done.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 1:35 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Help.... I need to be strong and deal with this "differently".

H just called and like I said I've been keeping everything cool, surface, talk about the subject and "is that it?"

He was going to pick up DS at school tonight before he comes home from work. Now he says DS doesn't want to get picked up until Saturday morning. He said it was ok with him because "you can give me sex in the car on the way up." I pretended I didn't hear him and just asked what time he wanted to leave in the morning and did I need to gas up the car.

His reaction "you're no fun, when I call all you say is hello." I tell him that's how I answer the phone, what else should I say. He says "I don't know... you know it's me."

So now I'm the bitch who isn't "playing" along. I'm in the bad mood. So now I can't complain that he's not having sex with me if I turn him down or ignore him.

When I say I've NEVER turned him down for sex before I mean that. I like sex, my drive was always higher than his, but he'd at least pretend he was interested in keeping up before.

I want to tell him/ show him that our sex life isn't a joke and it isn't all going to be HIS way in his time. Its both our ways or no way.

I figure I'll just pretend we never had the conversation today when he gets home. The only other "alternative" I see is to give him a hand job on the way to pick up DS with all the enthusiasm that I throw into cleaning the toilet. OR I can tell him if he wants car sex he can just troll is old stomping grounds. He'll get less aggravation and he won't have to put ANY effort into it.

I'm going to have to go clean my bathroom again to keep from calling him.

I hate that I'm this weak around him.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 1:36 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

shirley, glad to hear everything went well. I think you can be excused from your rule for today... only today.

Thanks nms, I'll talk to you about the book thing on Tue too.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 1:44 PM, February 8th (Friday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy have you tried just going for it an not taking no for an answer. Or maybe something new. Or just have a heart to heart sit down talk with him and tell him what it is doing to you and ask him what he would like to happen. How would he like to spice up the night life with you. Might be worth a try.

Uh, yeah. I've done everything but what I can no longer do. He couldn't resist me if I whored it up, but those days are over honey. I can't. I just can't.

Maybe the standard answer which I've always maintained I would say is "I'm not interested in sex. When you're ready to make love, come see me."

And yet, I'm the one who refers to it as sex most of the time because that's how it feels.

OK. Really gotta go and get myself together here.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
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