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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs -IX
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:10 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning all.

FSA, where were you yesterday.I missed you logging before church.

***

And frankly, some weeks I'm just not as strong as I think I am.

On the contrary Run, you are. But even strong evilHo fighting heroines need to rest and take stock.Even WonderWoman hurts and feels pain. Even Supergirl wants to be cherished and kept safe. Somedays we just need to take off the cape and stockings and just be mortal. Thats what makes us so super when we return to the battle again. You guys know what I mean..

((((ROBT))))

***
NAs, what are you like 110 years old??!!
You say the most incredibly inspiring words that I am sure touches everyone here, no matter what stage. Thanks!

***
Ok Tribe listen up!

New challenge for this week (cos you know we all did SO well at the last ones. )

This is going to be a tough week for many of us, so our challenge (and this includes newbies and lurkers!) is to post just ONE thing that is right or good in YOUR life at this time.
So no how many plies DD can do, or how many pies grandson can scoff...this is about you.
Come on newbies and lurkers, jump in. Show this oldies something!


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 5:07 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I have been going to the gym and I am starting to feel better as a result. I am also gaining a way deeper understanding of myself and what I need in a relationship.

I hope this is the start of a better week for the tribe. The weekend sucked and we need something better and hope even if we have to make it ourselves.

(((LTA Tribe)))


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 6:06 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Again, I was away from here all weekend and have tons to catch up on. Which i will do when I get back from the gym. I'm kinda proud of myself for making 5/7 days last week, but my back is yelling at me this morning. I'll just take it a little slower today.

One highlight of the weekend... I turned him down for his "c'mon do me" sex. He woke me Sunday morning by grabbing my hand and putting it.. well there. I guess I was supposed to just be thrilled that he had a hard on or something. I rolled over to face him and very sweetly said "when's the last time you showered?" He said a while and I said "well, I haven't seen him in weeks, the least he could do is clean up for me." H laughed and said he'd take a shower later. Turns out DD's BF stayed over that night and was "sleeping" on the couch at the bottom of the stairs anyway. DD can sleep through anything, but I wasn't sure about BF.

Unfortunately for H, BF stayed around all day. Finally at 9:30 we kicked him out and went to bed. Once there, he actually ASKED if I could be pursuaded to make love. I told him I could, since he asked so nicely. (Rewarding good behavior, right?)

I'm off to take DD to work and then the gym, so I'll be back to catch up a little later.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
mumto3sat
♀ Member
Member # 14336
Default  Posted: 6:14 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok Lost you asked. The best thing by miles about me at the moment is that I am growing eggs to donate to my sister who is unable to conceive using her own.

In fact the egg collection procedure will be on Friday or Monday (under general anaesthetic) So for me this is great but has a bit of a downside for H in that I have been in the mother of all hormonal states for the last couple of weeks and he's got another week to go.

And before you say that's not good enough because it's doing something for someone else, it is for me too, because it makes me feel like maybe my life has a purpose at the moment and that is one of the few things that makes me feel good.



Me (BS): 38
Him (WS): 38
3 children, d 6 s 4 s 1yr
D day #1 03/16/07 8 mth ea
D day #2 07/13/07 turned into 7 year long term affair, pa/ea 08/18/07 Got final info - is that it?

Posts: 284 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: UK
Feeling so alone
♀ Member
Member # 14492
Default  Posted: 6:17 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning All,

I see that some were having a rough weekend. But maybe you can start off the week fresh. Today is a new day.

I took the weekend off from LTA. Decided to try my wings in the real world. I faltered some with some sadness but all in all it wasn't so bad. Since Dday I have retreated from the real world. If it weren't for my job I don't know what I would do. But living in the real world and my going to my job are not quite the same thing. I thought of it this morning that since Dday I have been kind of like a dog that goes in the corner to lick his wounds, my wounds are just taking some time to heal. But, I crawled out of my corner this weekend and tried it on for size, it hurt but it wasn't something that I can't do anymore. I need to reach out and touch life again. I'm not ready to give my corner up completely, I think I'll know it when that time comes. But I do so want to feel again, instead of shutting myself off from everything to ensure that I don't have to take a chance at possibly being hurt again. Not just from my H, but from anybody. See, as long as I stay in my corner and shut myself off from everybody, then there's no chance for anyone to hurt me.
O.K. I'm rambling.

post just ONE thing that is right or good in YOUR life at this time.

I would have to say Children's Church. It is going well.

FSA


Together we're working through an LTA

If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?


Posts: 1357 | Registered: May 2007
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 7:38 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I've finally gotten all my graduate school applications done and in, and I am doing all right in statistics. For a math-o-phobe like me, that is real good.


Mum, I think that is a wonderful thing to do for your sister.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:17 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

First I want to address this

But did this journey have to come with so much pain?

I can honestly answer no, because I had made the journey. H and I had made a new road, were forging ahead, strong, united and I felt free, like me for the first time in over 10 years.

Yeah, the journey had to start at a low point... him telling me he wanted a divorce. But at that moment, I think we both realized that we had to do something purposeful to stay together and we did. We turned inward, built walls around US.

The realization that he couldn't stay there with me... when he escaped right before Dday because of OW's death... that is what bothers me the most now. He swears it's done, swears he knows how to handle "situations like that" now, but he said referring to the excitement and drama of the affairs. I don't know if he's in denial or truly understands. He can't convey it to me, so I'll always wonder. I mean all he can say is he loves me. That's it, that's supposed to cover it all.

post just ONE thing that is right or good in YOUR life at this time

I have time. I've never allowed myself downtime before. Always had to be moving from one project to another. My escape...

Now my tough issue for the weekend. I know if H and I are going to make it, I have to get this weight off. Just a few "comments" made this past week, weekend and this morning. I'm not "misinterpreting". It's too obvious for that. He asked me to walk lighter through the living room while he was recording some vinyl to CD. Told him I was... then he said "well no one else in the house is making that kind of thud through here." Yesterday, a rerun of My Wife and Kids was one.. the one where he sees a therapist because he doesn't feel attracted to his wife anymore since she put on a lot of weight. We've seen it before a dozen times, H turned it off right at the point where she was questioning why he didn't want to make love to her any more. And this morning the new study that artificial sweeteners actually MAKE you fat... H says "there you go, there's your problem. Time to switch back to sugar."

Doesn't he see I'm trying?

Hey to all. And hefty... the gym is a tonic for me too. I do remember several times I had to leave because a stupid song came on during my workout, but it's something for us, only us.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:21 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

And then we go and have a good day and it changes again...
Sheesh.

LostH - same here. We had a really nice weekend, spent hours in bed yesterday talking and well, you know, and I thought, geez - we just might make it. I might even give him the Valentine's Day card I bought for him - we'll just have to wait and see if he continues to behave.
As far as posting something good (other than my weekend), does the fact that my son and DIL are coming home for an Easter visit count? I am so excited! Hey, Lost, want to join them? I have an extra room here. I miss them so much and can't wait to see them again. That's my happy news right now.
Mum - I loved your post - that is so beautiful. What an incredible gift!!! Can you tell us how the procedure works? How long does this process generally take? So wonderful what they can do today for infertile couples.
Weepy - Hooray for Mr. W. Looks like we both got lucky this weekend.
Are you all set for tomorrow? I am really looking forward to meeting everyone. This weather better hold up for us. I'll have my H's car so even if it snows I'm planning on coming down.
Run - how are you this morning? So sorry that you've been struggling. Hopefully you'll find yourself on the upswing of the roller coaster. Just know that we're here for you.
(((Run)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
up2me
♀ Member
Member # 10681
Default  Posted: 8:35 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

bt i'm so happy for you finishing your grad school applications...i'm totally paralyzed trying to move forward.

i can keep everyone else in my life on track but me.
however i am leaving for the gym in a few minutes....so good for me!

weepy and fnf,


Posts: 690 | Registered: May 2006 | From: ny
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:58 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fnf, nas, nms, NOTHING is going to keep me from this lunch tomorrow. The bad weather is not supposed to hit until late in the afternoon, they said rush hour.

So we all look for the women carrying the boxes of tissues?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:06 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So we all look for the women carrying the boxes of tissues?

That would be me, I'm assuming! Oh, and NoMor said she's wearing a red bow in her hair so look for her in case she arrives before me.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 9:08 AM, February 11th (Monday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 9:17 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((((((((run))))))))))

You are so much stronger than you realize, hon. Let me know if want to talk, okay?

mum- you are a beautiful person! That is such an amazing thing you are doing for your sister.

BT- you should be proud of what you are doing. Graduate School? You are an inspiration for those of us who would like to move outside our boxes but have our feet stuck in concrete.

FSA- I'm so proud of you for getting out into the world this weekend. It is a huge step to leave your comfort zone and reconnect with the world around you- even if it's just for a moment.

Weepy and FNF- congrats on getting lucky!

FNF, Weepy, NMS, and nas- let us know how tomorrow goes, ladies. A chance to be "real" with someone who completely understands would be priceless.

up2me-

i'm totally paralyzed trying to move forward

i can keep everyone else in my life on track but me

I know what you mean, hon. So how can we fix this? Putting your self first is a great start, along with taking care of your body and spirit. Good for you for getting out to the gym! Can you motivate me now?

LH- your growth truly is inspiring.

This is going to be a tough week for many of us, so our challenge (and this includes newbies and lurkers!) is to post just ONE thing that is right or good in YOUR life at this time.

I'm trying to step outside my box. Over the weekend I changed the oil in my car myself, and I assembled a welder. And it was fun!

eta- welcome to the newbies. I'm so sorry you are here, but this is a great place to get support. Go back and read some of the older threads- you'll find some amazing resources there.

hefty- sorry your weekend was bad. Keep working on yourself- you are doing well there.

[This message edited by unabletocope at 9:19 AM, February 11th (Monday)]


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
hurtbuthappy
♀ Member
Member # 14539
Default  Posted: 9:33 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

post just ONE thing that is right or good in YOUR life at this time

ok, I'm trying hard to think of this. I am nursing a case of the crud and thinking positive is very hard right now.

BUT, in spite of my health, I got our vacation all booked for the end of March. Looking forward to a little sun and alot of beachtime!!

FSA, I also have decided to take this time off from LTA. Want a week of fun and relaxation, and lots of sleep. Right now that sounds like the best medicine for me.

Mum-What you are doing for your sister is wonderful. I have a sister with many fertility problems and I would have been so happy to have been able to help her. Good Luck to you both!!

Weepy and FNF - Bet I can guess what your one good thing is.?. Glad you both had a good weekend.

Hefty - You sound great. Glad you are taking care of you. Just remember there will be downs to go with the ups. The LTA roller coaster sucks, but Lost had a great idea to look at the ups and enjoy them now!

Thanks Lost!!

[This message edited by hurtbuthappy at 9:34 AM, February 11th (Monday)]


M-25 years
2 kids

Posts: 131 | Registered: May 2007
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT,
Congrats !!! I am a math-o-phobe too, so I am in awe of what you are taking on.

Can we all come on graduation day?

Mum,
What an incredible example of "sisterly" love. You are a wonderful soul.

fnf,
About no mor's red bow....
She wore that the first time we met last year too. We met in the gift shop of the Museum....a big place but there she was, easy to spot.

Shirley,
I meant to thank you for sending that piece from DL a few pages back.....it is so useful for LTA's.

(((run))))....thinking of you.

I am trying REALLY hard to ignore V-Day...like trying to ignore a hemorrhoid...


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 11:25 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((Hugs))) Hugs to all. It seems like many of us are in a bad spot right now.

I hate this rollercoaster. I am hitting the plane of lethal sadness. I am starting to get back some of my PTSD that I had the first two weeks of after d-day.

So many of my "good" memmories are corrupted. I am oh so struggling right now with the so-called good momments. Last V-day we spent a nght at a romance hotel. What was she thinking? We went to a park over the summer. What was she planning in her head for the week? I now have no clue what my wife was thinking and why she sometimes treated me so poorly. Was she missing him? Could she not wait to get back to see him? Did she like seeing me sad?

The fact that my so called friend and wife could do this to me right under my nose even while I slept is killing me. I need an outlet of some sort. I have been posting like crazy but it only helps a bit.

I am sorry to dump on the LTA tribe today. I just feel like I am losing it. Maybe some 2x4's will help me?


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 11:30 AM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks for playing everyone.
Each of you, in her/his own way, is simply awe-inspiring.
What a bunch we are!

Newbies and lurkers too shy to post...come on!
Someone told me recently that she is too nervous to post because its a bit intimidating getting into the groove here.
Please lurkers, reach out. Theres a whole Tribe of wonderful caring souls here who have BTDT!
And if you dont catch out attention today, yell alittle louder tomorrow. Its not that we dont care or dont want to help.Its just that we are fighting the same battle and might be going through a rough patch ourselves. But please, jump in anytime.

***
So are red bows sort of like our emblem? Seeing as it is that most of us like red!

Appearing at your local mall:
A group of fiesty kickass women (and men) wearing red bows and carrying boxes of tissues and Hospray!!!

***
ETA:
Now A-related query.
H talks to himself.ANd he refers to himself in the third person. He has always done this, but I put it down to one of his charming quirks.He says things like, "Good going X" "Excellent X!" "No! Thats not what you do X", you get the drift. Today listening to him, its just sounds...weird.
Or is it just me?

[This message edited by Lost Heart at 11:56 AM, February 11th (Monday)]


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 12:01 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Appearing at your local mall:
A group of fiesty kickass women (and men) wearing red bows and carrying boxes of tissues and Hospray!!!

I'm thinking....what figure/picture should be on the label of the Ho-spray can......hmm....???
..a she-rat, ugly, mottled skin and hair, complete with yellow teeth and vacant beady eyes, gulping and gorging at the dumpster of life....?

hefty,
Know exactly what you mean about all the "nice" memories you had of vacations and special times together.
Look at it this way....addicts probably do/did think about their drugs even when they aren't using them in the moment.

We can't change that.....all "we" can do is stay rooted in "now."


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 12:02 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Me again!

Calling bookworms!
Bookmaven posted about this site http://www.shelfari.com/.

Seems interesting!


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

A group of fiesty kickass women (and men) wearing red bows and carrying boxes of tissues and Hospray!!!

Thanks for the laugh LH. And I guess I'm going to have to go look for some red ribbon to bring tomorrow. I have no hair to put it in, so maybe I'll tie it around my tissues.

And my H doesn't do the third person thing. He's got enoug quirks.

BT - you go girl! I just found my transcript from college. 6 years at night and all I managed was 33 credits. But I did have a 4.0!


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:04 PM, February 11th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Crap, it's like 5 degrees here today and H is calling it a day and headed home.

Guess I'll be back tomorrow or very late tonight.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
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