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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affairs -IX
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 12:13 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Oh MIG. I'm sure he has no idea how cruel it was to do that. He should, but I would bet he doesn't.

I would be going crazy, too. In hindsight, though, it's probably better to use some of that nervous energy to try to prepare yourself.

If it were me, I would assume that what he was going to tell me was whatever I feared the most and try to prepare myself for that.

I would also try to exercise hard and then meditate and pray for 15 minutes or so before he got home. And if that didn't calm me down enough, I would probably have a drink or a xanax just before he got home.

When you talk to him, know that all of us are standing with you in spirit, like Lost said. Our thoughts/prayers/strength are with you.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:38 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mig, hang in there honey. Just remember he is going to try and tell you some truth. That he went to see his IC first can be good or bad... do you trust his IC is doing him some good?

That he left you hanging like that is awful. I know for myself the anticipation is usually the worst part. I like BT idea of meditating or something calming before he comes home.

If you think you can't stand to hear the words out of his mouth, would writing them be ok? Then you could read it when you felt a little stronger, less strung out? Tell him you appreciate his efforts but you just don't feel strong enough to deal with it now?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 12:44 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thanks all i'm holding, but i think i will have that drink BT, and no you're right he has no clue he is was being so cruel to leave me dangling. He was trembling with fear. If i hadn't thought that his IC might help him get this over with i wouldn't have let him go. I just want all of this part over with so we can get on with the business of healing however it works out for us in the end.

I'm just so damn tired and i can't go on living this way much longer anyway.
The words of support mean so much. (made me cry)(more)
As for exercise, i've already washed over 1500sq ft of flooring, add that drink and hopefully i'll pass out till he gets back.


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 1:06 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

MIG, you can come to my house if you need a little more exercise. I've got lots of dirty floors.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi MIG

Just wondering..is it possible for you to schedule an emergency IC session for you tomorrow?

If he was shaking, I am going to assume thats its something a bit heavy. As much as we can be here for you, nothing can replace that support IRL. Please see if you can book one in.

Dont pass out. You need to stay clear and focused, so you hear what he is saying. One tip? Let him get it all out. Dont interupt him with questions.Those can wait.

This can mark an impt turning point in your R MIG, and that is NOT a bad thing.
It was only after dday#2 that H started looking at himself, instead of laying the blame at my feet.
And it was also only then, that I started doing the same (looking at him instead of just me, I meant ).

What I am trying to say MIG, is that, in the long run, this might end up being a "good" thing, KWIM?

We are with you.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
zanny
♀ Member
Member # 13183
Default  Posted: 1:18 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((mig))))

Just remember the truth is easier than the lies. When he talks to you, stay low and quiet and listen. Just listen as if your life depended on it. If you overreact (hrumph, not like I didn't overreact), to a guy who is a trickler, you won't get he info you need. Stay as calm and as neutral as long as you can. Try to hear it, as painful as it is, just try to hear it.

As hard as it is, you will not just endure and survive, you will thrive. You can't do that unless you know what you are up against.

Buckets and buckets MIG....


BS-Me
WS-Him
D-day #1 LTA
False Reconciliation then
D-day #2
In reconciliation


"Just when the caterpillar thought it was over, she became a butterfly."


Posts: 573 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: The Middle of Somewhere
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((((mig)))))

I'm so sorry it's going to be another d-day for you.

We are here behind you, and LH had a great idea about getting scheduled an emergency IC appt for tomorrow. Stay calm like Zanny said- it's tough, but we do have to create an environment conducive to the WS feeling safe to tell the truth. You can rant and curse to us.

Take care of yourself, hon.

LH- we did set the Skype up, and I actually feel so much better. WH was so excited last night to get the cameras set up so he could "see" me when he calls and see the kids. It's really helped reduce some of the anxiety.

BT- love the pendants.

I won't be on for the toast because my DS is having an evaluation in regard to his ADHD meds. But I'll be thinking of you all.

[This message edited by unabletocope at 1:41 PM, February 14th (Thursday)]


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mig, one thing I wish I had done and I'm going to suggest to you, especially if you think this is vital information, do you have a voice activated recorder?

I know I wish I had set one up for all our sessions,it would have avoided many of the repeat questions, and arguments later about what he said and what he THOUGHT he said. Just a suggestion.

And yeah, IC for you asap. This sucks that it's going to be today.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:07 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

mig - if you don't have a recorder maybe you could take some notes. I found as I wrote while my H went through "the rest" on dday#2 that it was almost like I was a casual observer and that this wasn't really happening to me.

We are all here for you.

(((mig)))


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 2:59 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ugh! I won't be on line for our group toast at 5. H is on his way home!

I promise I will be here in spirit and I'll toast with him at 5, but he won't know why.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 3:58 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello Tribe:

On the wall of her office, my IC has a poster with a quote from Toni Morrison's novel Beloved. It reminds me of all of you.

She is a friend of mind. She gather me, man. The pieces I am, she gather them and give them back to me in all the right order. It's good, you know, when you got a woman who is a friend of your mind. --Toni Morrison


I've got friends of the heart IRL and on the net. Here, in this place is the first time I've found friends of the mind.

So, I hope you'll raise a glass with me and drink to our tribal sisters and brothers. I know this is a hard day for many. The romantic love that Valentine's Day celebrates didn't exactly turn out as we'd planned. But I'm here to tell you that no matter where you are in this very difficult and challenging journey, you have proved your strength by the mere fact that you're still standing.

So, celebrate yourself. You deserve it.

Slainte.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:00 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Ok I am here with my mango banana yoghurt smoothie!

Thank you each and every one of you for being with me on this journey. I couldnt do it without you.
(happy)

And the pendant is beautiful BT.Thanks.

Heres to the Tribe!


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi Lost, thanks for staying up. My vegan son is a smoothie freak. He'd love that one.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

friends of the mind.

Thats beautiful BT.

You made me tear up again.

goodnight all.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 4:04 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello... Hello....

Is there an echo in here?


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 4:06 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

oops... should have refreshed the page!

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope you're thirsty, LostS. Looks like you and I have a whole bottle of Cristal to drink.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm here with a light wine cooler - Wild Harvest Berry. I'm taking the day off my weight reduction menu plan.

I've found friends of the mind.

Thanks BT... that's a great way to describe us. Crappy way to make friends but I treasure each one who posts or lurks here.

Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
mumto3sat
♀ Member
Member # 14336
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello I'm here too. Happy V Day to everyone. Such as it is. Lovely pendant BT, Lost what are you doing drinking this late! Ha Ha.

Going to hospital for the egg collection tomorrow so will have general an. first thing in the morning. got to be there at 7am which if you knew me is not a good time. Very nervous about it actually. I just hope and hope that this will work for my sister.

Can I have some of the champagne - I can drink until midnight!


Me (BS): 38
Him (WS): 38
3 children, d 6 s 4 s 1yr
D day #1 03/16/07 8 mth ea
D day #2 07/13/07 turned into 7 year long term affair, pa/ea 08/18/07 Got final info - is that it?

Posts: 284 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: UK
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 4:14 PM, February 14th (Thursday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Absolutely, Mum.

It's a wonderful and brave thing you are doing for your sister.

I'm sure it will all go just fine, but I'd be scared, too.

How long can they store the eggs for your sister? You said she wasn't ready to use them, right?


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
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