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User Topic: Long Term Affairs -IX
mumto3sat
♀ Member
Member # 14336
Default  Posted: 12:35 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

DS asked because he had a friend around to play today (UK school holidays) and he and his friend had decided they loved each other (much to DD amusement who of course at the grand age of 6 is a font of all knowledge on this and was the one who had smugly told them that boys couldn't get married!)

This is the same DS who this morning drew a big smiley face on my sitting room carpet and then proceeded to tell me that my other DS (14mths) had done it and when I told him that a 14mth old couldn't draw a face with a smile on it, proceeded to tell me that he could, he was trying to gaslight me at 4! Oh my goodness, how do we stop it? How do I try and make sure he doesn't turn into his father?

***

Lost by expecting H to ask you to lunch when you had been hurting for a week, you are still expecting him to be someone he isn't (at the moment). You still want him to think like you. You are focused on him. What a bugger, he could have asked you, of course he could, but if you wanted to go out to lunch why didn't you ask? I know it's probably because you feel you shouldn't have to, that you always have, but then you are setting yourself up for his failure, you are desperately hoping that one of these days he will come through for you. It's like waiting for a pan of milk to boil it doesn't until you turn your back.

From a lot I've read on SI it seems the WS doesn't start delivering on these kinds of actions until the BS lets go, I don't know whether that is scientific or not, it is almost as though they have to have been shown the way by their BS, or they have to feel more secure in the R even if it would help the situation enormously if they would do it in advance.

I realised last week that other than holidays H and I have been out on 3 proper dates since July and all of them were arranged by me. I asked him why he can't do more, I even pointed out that he could just suggest we go out and I would arrange everything so all he had to do was have the thought, no work involved! There is no answer, he just doesn't think that way, he's waiting for me (that is what lead us to our Saturday night conversation).

I again come to the conclusion that I just need to focus on me, I will be dead if I wait for him to arrange things for me.

I am continually disappointed by people not living up to my expectations, but by letting go of my expectations it seems that at least some of the time they are more than met.

A different approach next time might be for you to either ask in advance or if when he finally says to you, "I suppose it's too late now," for you to say, "well to be honest the shine is taken off a bit, but I just wanted to have lunch with you - lets go!" It would surprise the shit out of him and maybe he would think twice next time!
(By the way this is NOT meant as a critism of you, it is so easy for me sitting out here in hindsight to make a suggestion like this, I probably would have said exactly the same thing you did in this situation )

((Lost))


Me (BS): 38
Him (WS): 38
3 children, d 6 s 4 s 1yr
D day #1 03/16/07 8 mth ea
D day #2 07/13/07 turned into 7 year long term affair, pa/ea 08/18/07 Got final info - is that it?

Posts: 284 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: UK
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 12:41 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LAter on, he asked me if he tells me now to come for lunch, that he guesses it wouldnt make a diff, right? Right. Becasue I told him to. Becasue he didnt think of me first.

A long time ago on SI I posted in general asking whether people believed that an action or a thing was worth less if you had to ask for it, than if it was given without your having to ask.

I would say about 30 percent of people said it was not worth less, and the rest said it was. What was interesting to me was that the 30 percent who said it wasn't were among the people I most admired here. They were the ones I identified as strong, independent, smart and kind.

I then went to my IC and asked her. She was in the 30 percent group.

That kind of clinched it for me. I do ask for what I want now, rather than relying on others to guess. As for my husband, it took about a year of me asking for things, but he eventually actually learned what I liked. And he started giving it without having to be asked. But it took a while.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 1:09 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostH, Going on the same thread as mum, Iíd also suggest that WS donít come up with the goods (ideas and suggestions) b/c they are afraid of rejection. That has been put to me time and again in IC. They have been shown up for what they are (mirror and all that), donít like what they see, reckon you shouldnít like them either and they donít deserve us, so why should we be pleased theyíve asked us out to lunch. They may as well anticipate and think, ďI could ask but I wonít cos she/heíll probably say no and if they say yes itís only b/c they feel should and not b/c they want to be with me cos Iím just a pos so I wonít askĒ. In fact, if Iím LostHís H, Iím lower than that, so I wonít even think about it in the first place cos it might make her cry and I canít cope with that. Make any sense?


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 1:23 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT, going on your post, for me it goes back to him and his A. I ended up doing everything. Even booking and paying for his golf trip flights (if he went Ö..), I bought his luggage bag for his golf clubs, bought and collected his Euros, made sure he had sun cream and an Aussie hat. So where can he start if I have been running his life for him?

Of course I know now that I did way too much, but it came on so gradually Ė heíd ask and then say I was better at it than him, etc. I donít do it anymore, b/c I reckon I was just making his time away with her so much easier by folding his shirts and packing his bag.

Makes me sick when I think all the stuff I bought, washed, ironed, folded and packed ended up on her bedroom floor. So I wonít even go clothes shopping with him now. The last two big spends (weíre talking around £1,000 a time here) were just after he had spent time with her ÖÖ I did buy some stuff in the Next sale online, but only cos I was getting stuff for #1 sonís trip to Oz. Now his clothes can fall apart at the seams for all I care.

Sorry, off a bit at a tangent there! Better go, H is back.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 1:25 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Interesting thoughts. I have been asking more and will continue. It just to me seems so much better when they think of it. It shows forsight and caring more than asking. Look I am hurt can you just think of me and anything nice?

My WS espects ESP out of me and I do not have it. Maybe I am expecting it? We are BOTH wrong.

I hate asking for notes and I am sorrys though. That seems so fake. Planning the big stuff together I am OK with. We went to dinner for D-day and she choose the place. Almost did not happen because she was mad over something.

I say to hell with ESP. Ask for what you need.


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 1:46 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Nas, would H be open to a discussion?
He might, but who would?
We cant afford to see a MC now, with both of us in IC? And over here, the IC are not keen on mixing up MC with IC. Its either one or the other.Any ideas?

Lost,

Actually I was thinking of a discussion between just you two....sans an IC or MC..or kids.....off-site of your home. Homes can be ineffective places to talk. Too many distractions and convenient escape excuses.

Any chance of you two going for a long car ride ? I have found cars are a good place to talk. (works well with teenagers too)
Eye contact is not a requisite, which can make expressing thoughts easier... but being each others' captive audience is important.

You could calmly start out by telling him what you "think" are possibly his reasons for anger at you....then ask him if he agrees, and if not, what might his thoughts about his reasons be....?
And promise each other no interruptions or outbursts.

A good opening sentence is "How do you think "we" got to where we are now."

BT,
Asking for my needs, instead of waiting, is second nature now..and frankly, I value the results more, rather than less. There is honor for both of us to be upfront now.


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostH. I used to drag FWH off to a pub in a nearby village that we never have had reason to go to. It has a small beer garden by the river where I have let rip to the point of scaring the customers back inside!! But, it got us out of the house (my sanctuary) and to a place that meant nothing to either of us. No manís land. And I kept the car keys in my bag! I also found it helpful to write down what I wanted to say, what the purpose of the talk was. And stick to it. And not drink too much (but that doesnít apply to you!). And not come home till we were done.

Off now to get some dinner.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 2:33 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just have a second to jump on here but wanted to share a book I heard about today that I think may be helpful to many of you. It's called Case Against Divorce by Diane Medved. She is a psychologist who set out to write a book about when and why to cut bait and end a M but when she got into her research she found that there were some startling things to learn about it after interviewing over 200 people years after they had D'd. Just thought I would share it for some of you who are on the fence.


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 3:37 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just have a minute myself here. But I saw BT's post and the dilemna about our failings vs their failings.

I didn't do either of those. Instead, I internalized his subtle and not-so-subtle criticism. I believed it, and I built myself a wall of defense mechanisms to protect myself from him and from allowing anyone to see the pitiful, flawed being I believed myself to be.

This is me, me, me. There is so much wrong with me (in my mind) I felt to blame for the way he treated me.

Now that I KNOW there isn't so much wrong with me.. (yes, I have faults, many, but not the ones he attributed to me),...I am fighting mad and let him have it when he tries to demean me in any way.

All weekend we bickered about everything. Today he's home, we went out, I mentioned something about a sign being replaced (we had speculated why it might have been taken down a week ago). SO he tells me that there are TWO buildings on this property and one of them changed hands.

That prompted a drive BACK up the street, into the building parking lot with me offering to drag him into the building (ONE) and show him he was wrong.

Yeah, that was fun, but I'm tired, tired of being told things that ARE NOT TRUE. That are only true IN HIS MIND. He makes things up, out of the air and just expects me to swallow it. If I don't.... my MAJOR fault comes up... I like to argue. No, I just like to have the truth spoken.

Gotta run y'all. He'll be back in 2 minutes.

Talk tomorrow.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry to have bailed on you lot like that.Went on a little cleaning spree.

BT

In my case, and probably in yours too, many of my relationship faults were sparked by his passive/aggressive tactics and other issues (including the affairs and the gaslighting). My faults -- a hairtrigger temper chief among them -- were my conscious and subconscious choices for how to handle all his shit. Those were my choices because that is what I knew. I made those choices based on my experiences and understanding at that point. The combination of who I was and what he was doing caused me to react in a very unhealthy way

Yep, thats me too.
I realised that last October,(with all the Tribes help)and thats when I went off in search of my IC. I saw who I had become.And I saw here that I didnt have to stay like this. Looking at you BT and others like OTC, who have changed, who have become better people, made me see that it IS possible to survive this crap, and thrive. Thats what I want.
I am trying to address this in IC, BT. I really dont want to be this person.

So yes, there is truth in what he says. And it hurts when he says it.Because I know how damn hard I worked on being the good wife for him. And it was just so wasted. It didnt change one damn thing.

When you stop being reactive it is the most freeing thing that will ever happen to you

Thats what I am having difficulty with. Being reactive. I dont know how to be any different.The only times when I can be less reactive, is when I float, when I dont let him come too close, when I have my wall up.

As for asking for what I want: I do do that now. No more wishing and yearning.But sometimes, just sometimes, it will be so so so nice, if I didnt have to ask. It would be so so so nice that every now and then, that he would do something for me, just because he thought of me, that he knew I was down and thought of a way of making me feel better. It would be so so so nice if I didnt have to be a "good girl" to get a reward/treat, that I didnt even have to deserve it.

As for my husband, it took about a year of me asking for things, but he eventually actually learned what I liked. And he started giving it without having to be asked. But it took a while.

UK, H said that it didnt even cross his mind to do something for me. He said he has alot on his mind. Just not me, I guess.

Nas, my H and I cant speak to each other. We cant. We react to each other. We hear through all our filters, and we both put up with our defences and attack or defend.

The thing is, if I am honest to myself, whatever he answers to that question on why he is angry with me, I will not believe, because I dont think he himself knows. So I think that he will just tell me the same stuff he has told me through out the M (about me being controlling, about me making him feel bad).

I can accept being controlling BUT I will not accept making him feel bad. I cosseted him. I hurt to spare his feelings. I was so needy of his approval, that I tiptoed on eggshells around him. The reason I think he felt bad becasue deep down, he knew what he was doing to me. He knew, and hated me for it.



Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 5:05 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

WOW! Sure missed a lot since this morning.

First off:

Swore on the memory of her daughter she would never contact him again.

HBH, cheaters lie. Period. The fact that she swore on the memory of her dead child means nothing to me. Just as my H swearing on his LIVING child's life--when he was LYING--will forever mean nothing to me. In fact, I resent that he thought so little of her life that he would lie on it. I never in a BILLION years would think a parent would EVER do that--but sweetie, they do.

I know I should not believe anything she says, but I knew her before this all started and believe she could be a good person.

Well...you believed she could be a good person and you were wrong. Lesson learned. Do not make that mistake again.

I think she is telling me the truth.

Oh honey...it just hurts me that you can say this.

The fact is, there is still contact on both of their parts. How long are you going to "believe" them?

My hope is not to upset you, but DO NOT BE GASLIT BY LIARS.

Watch and verify and have..a...plan.

Take care of you, sister. YOU are the only one you should trust right now.

Has Mr Run made ANY progress at all since dday? Has he reached his ceiling and is saying that thats it, or is he stuck, or reached a plateau?

Has he made progress? Very little. Truthfully. He has done a superb job of taking care of me when I cannot. He tries his best to pull me out of the hole and prop me up. But HIS progress is very minimal if any.

Is his HT always going to be his HT, or is he attempting to make a new HT?

He wants a new truth. He SAYS he wants to be different. Because I've asked! I say, "Who am I to think I can tell you to be different? Why wouldn't you just want to be with someone who let you be who you are and me be with someone who gives me what I long for?"

He states that HE wants to be different. He wants to try. He wants to learn. But see, he is SOOOOOOOOO emotionally retarded (and I'm not being a bit sarcastic) that he has no idea where to begin. Someone would literally have to draw pictures of faces and give explanations of the emotions in the facial expressions for him to MAYBE recognize a feeling in himself. So he is not ABLE to share himself with me, and it's incredibly lonely. And I don't want to "tell" him or "show" him anymore. It's not authentic for either of us. And I'm tired! I don't have it in me. I've got too much of myself to "fix". That's where I want my energy to go.

Yes. He was this way when I married him. But, we were sooooo young. Were we right for each other? Should we have married? Mmmmmmmmm--I have my doubts. But as with UU, I lived under "if ONLY I can show him, help him, tell him--he'll be fixed". Then through the years, it got to where I let it go--"It's ok. It's not the end of the world. It's who he is and who I married. And look how great he is!" And then--KABOOOOOOOM!

So now...it's not ok. The rules have changed. If I'm going to stay--I'm going to fulfilled. I need to have a reason that's bigger than settling for this or it just isn't worth it. And who wants to live out their life like that?

There's just no depth to him. And he knows it. Is it choice or physical make-up? I'm not sure he's capable of going where I need him to go. I don't know if that's something you can learn or not. Does that make him bad? No--unless he just isn't doing it. But it's like shopping for a recliner and finding one that looks great on the outside and is really comfortable to sit in. It fits in well with your surroundings and does a great job of giving you a very decent place to sit down. But it doesn't recline--which is what you want. Oh and then...by the way...it's been "used".

I ramble.

But those are the hard truths. And I don't think we can go through this and not really examine them. Especially after 20 months of minimal (if any) progress.

And to top it off, every day...I slip further and further back into my controlling behavior because I want so much for him to "do" it.

I don't want to be that person again--which means I have to reconcile the fact that he may not be the one for me.

BT, I continue to sit in awe of you because what you described of your previous self is how I was. So HOW to get from there to where you are now is a TOTAL mystery to me. I've had progress--but not like that. And then add in your H's progress??? Where can I get some of your water?

I guess I'll be looking back into counseling.

[This message edited by runoverbytruck at 5:09 PM, February 18th (Monday)]


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 5:08 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The reason I think he felt bad becasue deep down, he knew what he was doing to me. He knew, and hated me for it.

Yes!! His, and my H's.


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 5:22 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Run,
H has a good IC who was recommended by my IC.He wasted many months on an IC who was too metaphysical for him. The one he has now is concrete, focused and practical, and he says he is making strides with her.
Do you think your H might respond to someone like that?
Would he be open to this?
How else can an "emotionally retarded" person change? Certainly not by themselves. We would read books, google terms, post on forums, work it over and over in our brains. But not them.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Likewise, Run my friend.

I think the two things that helped both my husband and I deal with our really unbalanced feeling quotients between us were Retrouvaille and Imago therapy. Both of them focus on feelings. Both provide very structured ways to communicate feelings to each other. Both force people to focus on identifying their own feelings and communicating them to their mate. And they force people to hear their mate's feelings and empathize with them.

It's really simple stuff, in some ways, but so profoundly affecting.

And Run, yes. My husband needed help identifying feelings, too. It's sad, really, if you think about it. Not to understand what is means to feel disappointed, or joyful, or anxious or excited.

You know? It's just sad.

I think if I were you I would look for a Retrouvaille weekend to go to. You guys haven't done that, have you?

If that won't work, then try to find an Imago weekend, or an Imago therapist for a MC. Ours really was amazing.

I suggested Retrouvaille first because it's cheaper, and you said you are under some financial stress right now.

***********

Lost, I have complete faith in you. You have come so far so fast. You will get to where you want to be, I know. Your IC sounds great. Trust her and trust yourself.

Learning not to be reactive is a skill in some ways. Some kids were lucky enough to learn that from their parents. I wasn't. I had to teach myself. If I can do it, you certainly can.

Again, I used the Four Agreements as a bit of a roadmap for how to live a non-reactive life.

There is also a man named William Glasser who has raised the whole non-reactive thing to an artform. He is an interesting character whose theory of counseling was one of the ones I studied last semester (it was originally called Reality Therapy, and I think he now calls it choice therapy). Glasser has written a bunch of books, and I know he is a favorite of Dessert Lotus.

I think that as you relax and start changing in ways you want to, it will give your H a push to change, too. I hope that's true, anyway. I hope that he can rise to the challenge as you are, for all of your sakes.


*************

UKgirl, I did the slavegirl routine with my husband, too. Both of us had a hand in that. Like you, that went right out the window on d-day, and it most definitely will never return. We try hard to find a happy medium now, which is as it should be.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
lovegonewrong
♀ Member
Member # 17440
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

gosh where do I start? I had that talk with WH last night, told him I was still struggling with his A so many parts of it still concern me. I told him that I was considering seperation/divorce, trial seperation, seeing other people, or coming up with new ways to deal with this.

He just looked at me and said he knew I was still in that place but he could not see why I wanted to stay in that place. He said he did not want to see other people it was either seperation/divorce or deal with this. There was no in between for him.

I told him it was ok for him to know what he wanted as he already did the date other people option, I had not. Maybe we had nothing left to give as in we had many attempts to fix our marriage and we did not.

He said that we had never worked on our marriage together, I told him that was not my fault that I had worked very hard going to IC and MC during the 2 years he had his A, and in fact he attended MC with me lied all the way through it. It was not my fault that he was not wanting to work on our marriage since he was getting it on the side. He said that he was too far gone (in a spiral) and that he is now doing what he can going to IC, MC, on meds staying and trying to work on us.

I told him that maybe it was all a little to late! That all I ever wanted was for him to love me for me. He said I never really gave all of me into the marriage so how could he love me. I told him I gave what I could at the time and that all he had to do was love me and fight for me. That is something he has never done. He never fought for me with her it was always her that one.

We discussed details of how we would handle things if we were to seperate. I feel like I have been backed into a corner.

Why can't I let go of the fact that his A was 2 years, why can't I let go and move forward?


Monty Python, "It isn't the despair. I can handle the despair. It's the hope that's killing me."


DDay #1: 04 March 07
DDay #2: 10 May 2007 revealed all (I hope)

profile has all the sordid details...


Posts: 124 | Registered: Dec 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 5:40 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So how many have you done the myers-briggs test?
And what was the results?

According to this test, which I just did because my kids are away and I have nothing else to do at 23:40, I am a ISFJ type. And I am a very judging type. Anybody else?


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
runoverbytruck
♀ Member
Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I think if I were you I would look for a Retrouvaille weekend to go to. You guys haven't done that, have you?

No, BT. We haven't. And I want to. The money is the only thing holding us back. We've been dealing with money issues since JUST before d-day--seriously like DAYS before, so a LOT at once. We talk about it (Retrouvaille) frequently, we just need to get more "comfortable" financially. I know it's on a "donation" basis, but seriously...things are REALLY tight right now. Even a small "donation" would be hard, especially since I know how much it "really" costs for you to be there. Gosh, if I'd saved my money on even half the books I bought...

But I do want to go to that.

And Run, yes. My husband needed help identifying feelings, too. It's sad, really, if you think about it. Not to understand what is means to feel disappointed, or joyful, or anxious or excited.

You know? It's just sad.

I totally agree. It's very sad. I can't even imagine not having the regular emotions of people. But it's also sad to love someone like that. It can just be incapacitatingly lonely.

So how many have you done the myers-briggs test?

What is this?

[This message edited by runoverbytruck at 6:37 PM, February 18th (Monday)]


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 6:43 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'm an INFJ Lost.
If any of you want to take a Meyers Briggs (kind of) assessment on line for free you can take it at http://www.humanmetrics.com/cgi-win/JTypes2.asp

I had the same results on this than I did on the real meyers briggs assessment.

Run - Meyers Briggs is a personality inventory assessment widely used in business settings.

OK, you guys have to slow down! I can't keep up at all and I'm missing a lot!!


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
hearbroken
Member
Member # 8317
Default  Posted: 6:46 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH,

Oh my, oh my...the Myers-Briggs test was one of those ah-hah moments for my H and I in counseling. Our C was SHOCKED when she saw our results... H and I are polar opposites in ALL FOUR categories.... Geez, you wonder why we can't see things the same?

Also, my H is an INTP.... only a small percentage of people are and the negatives in this personality type are sometimes hard to deal with.

I can't remember my type.... I'll have to go back and look. I'd love to know the personality types of my fellow sisters and also our respective Hs!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hugs,
HB


Dday1 8/05 (LTA)
Dday2 4/09 (online EA 2 weeks then confessed)
Dday 3 8/10 ("full disclosure" of more infidelity prior to 2009)

Posts: 869 | Registered: Sep 2005
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 6:51 PM, February 18th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Here's a little more on my MB type for you guys that I just found:

Your Type is
INFJ
Introverted 33%
Intuitive 25%
Feeling 62%
Judging 22%

I am a:
moderately expressed introvert

moderately expressed intuitive personality

distinctively expressed feeling personality

slightly expressed judging personality (except when it comes to OW )


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
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