GTMI, Congrats on becoming a G-Ma. I am so envious. I can't wait for those days.Oh... about church, just say No, it's ok to say it.,
Hefty, Sorry you are so sad and struggling. The empty shell thing: my thoughts... we may never be who we once were because we have left that empty crumbling shell behind and have a brand new "me", even better and stronger than the old one. Maybe spend time with your D and let your WS come to you when she is ready.
LostHeart, My WS knows what NC means and is doing it. Said in MC last week that the only reason he spoke to her last time was that she caught him off guard at work one day. She can be very manipulative, as I've learned. So WS soke to her and then did it again and then he was caught.... she threatened to call me and tell me. He was scared of the consequences. Eventually he couldn't stand it anymore, so he told her not to call him, it was over for good. So she followed thru and called me. I REALLY don't like her. She is much younger and has never been married, no kids, and lives at home with her Dad. Can we say "LOSER". IC is suppose to help him understand why he even let her back in and will hopefully help him say no the next time. And she will be back.... I have no doubts about that!!
I am also looking forward to getting to know you and everyone else. I am just a posistive person by nature, so I hope others understand.
UKGirl, Thanks for commenting on my attitude. Hopefully I can be of some help to you's. I agree that the LTA tribe sounds like it is full of strong, as well as wise BS'S.
Shirley, I definitely hear what your saying about staying. The grass isn't always greener on the other side cause everyone has brown patches!!!
Hope everyone enjoys their weekend. My WS had to work a couple of hours and when he comes home we are going to take a drive and just hang out together. Next W/E we are going camping in our 5th wheel for 4 days.... can't wait.
I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!
Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27
Lostsuol. Not long now? He’ll be home soon, won’t he?
Hefty You must be experiencing some of this weather in NY. Hope you are cuddling with DD if your W isn't co-operative.
GTMI Congrats on becoming a grandma! Shotgun wedding? didn't think that happened so much anymore. My 'kids' are DSs -31 & 29 and DD 27, and they have friends who are parents but not married. Some have weddings scheduled after the birth, but not all. Like Wimsey, I'm patiently <NOT> waiting here for grandma status. I'm going to see my sister's grandsons (3 yrs & 1 yr) on the W.coast next week while visiting my middle son & wife and can't wait... only 2 more sleeps <GriN> H will join me on the 17th for a week - a much needed time away for both of us.
Weepy I wish I had some wisdom for you. You amaze me all the time. Your H doesn't deserve you, IMO but only you know how much you can live with.
Church... When we attend, we go to m-i-l's Baptist church, very plain service compared to the Lutheran church I was brought up in and we married in... I usually find myself holding back tears. Like Weepy "I keep waiting for the Hand of God to come down and smite him." I'm having a hard time with my faith since Dday... currently ready Stormie Omartian's 'When a Woman Prays'. We attended Marriage Encounter wkend Feb '81 and I wish we'd kept up the dialogue habit. Some SI couples have had good experience with Retrouvaille but there are no wkends scheduled in our province.
Men: Putting illness or physical problems aside. How long can/do you actually go between sexual release of some sort?
He is a romantic. He lives inside his head. He should have been a writer of sorts, journalist, author, something. But it’s how he has wasted so much of my life. Five fucking years, the shit. He has spent so much time with her either literally or in his thoughts with texting, phoning. What on earth am I doing here? He says (a-fucking-gain) he didn’t see her that often. Oh yeh, and the 7-8mths I have evidence of when he was with her 40-odd occasions doesn’t correlate with the previous year(s)? Fuck off!!! Really, as if.
And the lies. The fucking lies. He says he doesn’t lie anymore! He said that a year ago!! What is there to believe in?
He asked for “the list of Q’s”. So I dragged it out of my pocket and, denim stained, gave it to him. Will I get the bookends to the A? Does any of it matter when what he has done is so seismic that the whole structure of my life has been destroyed? He says he sees my pain, but does he, even after reading the tsunami thing in the healing library? Does he have any idea of the ache, the bruising, the impact of this WHOLE THING, this fucking affair that I carry in my heart? He says “what do you want to do today?”. He says that often, almost every weekend. Know what I think? To die. Just expire. Isn’t that terrible? To deprive my boys of their mother? My parents, aged as they are, of their child? Even my dog would pine for me. But most days, I don’t want to wake up. Just not wake up.
He’ll give some inadequate answers and I know it wont be the truth. Even if it is. Kwim? He’s just a born fucking liar and I wish, how I wish, I’d had an A while he was conducting his. Some kind of unknown, unspecified, pre-empted revenge. Now, I just feel empty and so, so, so very sad.
Sorry. Nite. Love y’all anyways. Just me sad-venting away.
Everything we believed to be true, isn't, happily ever after is just a myth.
My h has a way of putting his foot in his mouth - he made a comment about a known cheater that he seen on tv, h actually said, oh, he didn't love his wife when he was allowing xxx to blow him. I looked at him and asked what about you? You scream at the top of your lungs on the highest mountain that you loved me and were in love with me even though you started fucking your ex wife again 6 weeks BEFORE we got married, on my birthday no fucking less!
They spew lies to suit their needs at the time. Flight or fight, most of the time they run like the cowards they are.
Mind you, when caught, they break out their trump card, they say the common line about knowing how much something/someone means to you once you almost lose it.
I hope you get what you need to move forward UK. My heart is with you and all of my tribal sisters & bro's
My WH had a 3 1/2-4 yr affair with OW who was 13 years his junior. Working in another town allowed him to lunch with her everyday, sex a few times a week (on the lunch hour) and he worked a couple of Saturdays a month. Other than that, he was home at night, weekends, etc. I had no clue about this affair up until about 6 months prior to d-day (which was 7/4/07 - talk about fireworks!).
I guess you could consider me one of the "lucky" BS's. My WH is remorseful, has bent over backwards (seemingly) for recovery/reconciliation and has maintained NC. However, he still doesn't and probably will never get the fact that since his affair was a long-term one, it was excrutiatingly devastating to me. Yes, he gets that it was devastating, but to him, the time involved shouldn't matter - DUHH!! I'm sure several of you could relate to this ridiculous reasoning!
We are working on recovery, and most days I'm committed to that. Other days I still have a bit of the "fog" as I've read the BS goes through.
Anyway, just sharing a little background. Seems like a great group here. I look forward to chatting with you all!
Should be an interesting road.........
I haven't been on the board for a while, and I will try to type up "the whole story" in my profile ASAP. I obviously have a lot of reading to do to catch up.
Anyway, my husband had a long term affair of six years, it started out as an emotional affair and ended, well you know...
D-day was in July of 2006, but of course it took a while for the contact between OW and husband to die off. I'm just trying to be strong and hang in there, but I truly feel like he is not "in love" with me anymore. I know he loves me...I know, that sounds crazy after what happened, but I will say that I had a part in the breakdown of our marriage too, I know I have to own up to my part, but that doesn't mean he was justified in his actions - he had other options besides the one he took.
I guess as long as he stays and is trying, then I need to give him the chance...right? Some days I feel like I have it all figured out, but on days like today I don't. I hate feeling so alone even though he is sitting right there beside me - it feels awful!!!
Thanks for listening.....
time is helping to heal the wounds and we are working hard to mend our relationship
I know! And the thing is, is that I can't imagine my life without him in it. I met him when I was 17...I am now 32, so I've known him almost half my life. He tells me that there is just something about me that he can't leave....it is all so confusing. I know it takes time, but geez....
Think part of these feelings have to do with the fear of being hurt again?
It's all fear and screwed up self-esteem issues at this point!
[This message edited by StrongSurvivor at 11:52 PM, March 8th (Saturday)]
But then again, he ruined the trust.
I just try to keep a radar out for those "signals" that I detected during the affair. All those little nagging feelings that I ignored and denied anything was going on. When I get something like that buzzing in my mind again I'll act instead of ignore it this time.
Hello to raincloud and strongsurvivor. SS, you will find the support of some wonderful people here.
they say the common line about knowing how much something/someone means to you once you almost lose it.
Relate to that. Within minutes of him pouring out his confession he said “I realised it’s YOU that I love”. He had to have an A to find out? Or was it the thought of the decision on our relationship was in MY hands and now completely out of his control?
And why am I still trying to understand him? How can I understand someone so f*cked up? What an idiot. And so am I for letting him have sex with me this morning. I wish I could get that f*cking woman out of my head. LostH, would the tapping technique work?
FWH has gone off to his golf match. I’m going to take myself off down the gym.
Thanks mig. >sigh<
Just to say he came back from the golf, we went out for a couple of lunchtime drinks and he took my hand across the table and said he needed to talk to me. And that was it. Another of those “Uh-ohh” moments. Came home, lunched with DS4+friend. Now he’s asleep in front of the football. So I guess I’ll do the ironing. I bet it’s about the list.
Trouble is, as time goes on, I’m thinking I’d be better off on my own.
Check in later.