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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affaris - X
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, went into his email, which I haven't done in quite a while.

There was a "gee wish I was married to a gymnast" email from his pig buddy, so I opened it. The attachment is a naked woman bending every which way, but the email said

"make sure you don't break your weenie whacking off to this Mr. Weepy. Wouldn't want Weepy mad at me too."

So I deleted it. Boy do I want to respond, but I won't because this guy will make sure my H KNOWS everything I said to him and there's no reasoning with a pig. No brain, you know.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 11:56 AM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Bet you $100 he's WS himself

I agree.

((weepy)) I hope this doesn't bring you down. You have been sounding so strong. And, about the email, can you forward to the pig friends wife/SO with a note "just so you know what he is forwarding around". If you out this behavior to someone the friend cares about, will it stop?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:03 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

nope, his wife laughs this stuff off. And if she said anything to him, it would still come back to my H, then to me.

As my H so nicely reminded me when he made the first obnoxious remark, this is how this guy is, he's always been juvenile and everybody just accepts that because it's who he is.

This guy has no self-control, period.

What pisses me off is that he's apparently told this guy I'm giving him trouble. Bitching about the wife... well, at least it's to a GUY this time.

Don't worry about me. With every minute that goes by without a word from him, the icier I get. Guess DS is going to have company sleeping on the couch tonight.

How about this for a message:

"Yeah, the way to deal with your wife's triggers is to totally ignore her.... NOT" Asshat!

[This message edited by weepy at 12:05 PM, March 11th (Tuesday)]


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 12:21 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"If men never succumbed to the attractions of women, then the human species would have died out a long time ago"

Words fail me. They really do. A doctor and he says that? I hope he gets hauled up before a committee, has his licence to practice revoked and gets kicked out of the medical profession. Fucking asshole.

As to Gov Spizter. Well. He’s just a pos who’s allowed power to corrupt him and he’s obviously NOT a man of integrity. Maybe, like all the others, he thought he wouldn’t get caught. Dickhead. But his poor wife. My heart goes out to her. Can’t bear to read about it. That’s my 2p worth.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 12:48 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

7 hours since I sent the texts and still not one call.

fnf: NOT ONE CALL.

by the minute.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 1:17 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

(((weepy)))

Any chance he doesn't have his phone with him? Maybe the battery is dead?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 1:41 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

He just called. He was "busy". Asked me if I was all "over your little fit." Told me we just can't watch TV anymore or listen to the news... yeah, that's the problem.

Swears he hasn't been privately relieving himself. I told him that was bullshit. He said he can't remember the last time he did. That too much on his mind, he's concentrating on the new job, finishing up this one. I called bullshit again. That hasn't been going on for 5 weeks.

Told him he managed to put aside his wife, his children, his business, his self respect, everything to get his jollies with the other women, but he can't put that aside with me.

He thinks it's stupid and juvenile. There's no talking to him.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fnf, baby gosling reporting in.
Yes, the cold bug is doing its rounds again here.And this crappy weather isnt helping, I'm sure.

According to the sites I read, there really isnt a cure for the cold. Its going to last about 14 days, no matter what.All you can do is manage the symptoms, and an all-in-one is recommended like Lemsip or Day/Night Nurse.
But I am not too bad though, thanks Shirley. The day is too full to think about it.

However I am so tired. H works from home sometimes, and you would think that he would sort out supper etc.
He had to look after DD as she has a bad cold whilst he worked, and I think he thinks thats it for him. I looked after sick kids whilst doing housework and cooking and school runs and being sick too all these years.
Look I am glad that he could work from home as I was loath to take off so soon after starting. BUT I supported his career for years too.
He never had to come home from a new job, tired and stressed and put in a load of washing and start supper whilst listening to everyone at the same time.
Sigh.
Yes, I am feeling sorry for myself. Will stop just now.

***
Ukg,so you guys didnt have the talk because you couldnt agree on venue, or did I misunderstand?

Sometimes its refreshing to have a talk away from homeground. Isnt there anywhere else where you can go where its peaceful?
Sometimes just walking aimlessly helps talking too.

Anyhow, you are sounding loads better today.

***
Weepy, do you know for a fact that H isnt mb'ing? Is there a chance he might be telling the truth?
I know how infuriating it is when they dont respond soon.They think that they are giving us time to cool off, in the meantime having the totally opposite effect.
Or maybe they do know and just try to avoid confrontation as long as possible.

Can you not block his friend's emails?


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 2:13 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Never thought of this... but H would know wouldn't he? Would the "blockee" get a message saying his emails were refused?

Judging by his attitude, it was a "I don't want to get into this one more time" situation. As soon as I said "remember I told you I felt old and unattractive and you said I was being stupid and "oooh cake". He said "So I guess I don't feel old and unattractive too." And when I said about initiating sex, his answer was "so, you're saying I NEVER initiate sex."

I swear, no talking to him. And with company around this week, we're not going to talk until MC on Friday. Another one of his "hates."


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Just read up on the Governor Spitzer. His poor poor wife and daughters.
One of qualities he appears to have in common with some of our WS, def mine, is the practice of such double standards.

Why do supposedly such smart men do such stupid things?


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
heftysmurf
♂ Member
Member # 17080
Default  Posted: 2:18 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Seems like everybody is struggling (((LTA Tribe)))

Two fodder questions maybe helpful maybe hurtful:

Anybody feel really stuck in a pain phase at any point? I am their now and painting on a fake smile as much as I can.

Is ANYBODY doing good in our group and feeling the M getting really better?

I wish you all well and some more hugs (((hugs)))


BH-Me- 34 WW-Her- 29
D-Day- 11-04-07
M 6 years Together 12 years
2 YR DD WOW I love her!
LTA 6 YEARS - stolen time
Limbo. Praying for DD and our M.
In ridiculous pain. Amazed I can stand.

Posts: 471 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: New York
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 2:49 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostH. I hope it’s not going to last 14 days!! A cold lasts 7 days if left alone, if you treat it, it lasts a week. And don’t be so hard on your H (note the sarcasm). Men have flu, kids get colds, women get on with it. >>sigh<<

I went out and bought myself a new laptop. The one next to me seems to be dying. Nice new Sony to get up and running.

He just called. He was "busy". Asked me if I was all "over your little fit." ……
He thinks it's stupid and juvenile

Oh dear, oh dear. Not very good in the tactics dept is he? I wish someone would give him some proper advice, not like some coming from those idiots he hangs around with who really are stupid and juvenile. Hugs to you (((((weepy))))

FNF, the botanical gardens are lovely. Set up in the Victorian times, so some trees are really old. The glass houses have been restored, there’s a lovely tearoom overlooking the properly tended gardens. We went there some months ago and I said it would be nice to see it in the spring. Hence his suggestion. But …. That was before I knew about the walks in the country park with her. Seems he did most things with her. All part of his “romantic” nature. Mr LaLaLand. Well, reality is hitting him between the eyes. Tonight I told him I hated him. I’ve never said that before.

Last night he took hold of something I said to 4xM friend in March 2006. I phoned her, asked if I could stay, she said when, I said tomorrow? She said okay. I phone WH and told him he would be home the next night cos I was going away for a few days. That evening she said to forget about any probs with the boys, what about H, did I love him. I thought about it and replied “I don’t know”. Well, he took that as me saying I didn’t love him anymore. Of course he was conveniently forgetting he had just has his little sojourn at her house for several days, calling it “work” and “golf”. WTF did he expect after the way he was behaving, the effect his A was having on me, the boys, us? All the picking fights. He’d come home and the boys would vacate the room. No kidding. Excuse me, but I’m not taking the tiniest bit of responsibility for his fucking affair. He saw her name, and he was GONE. Pfft. I was left in the dusty wake of his steed galloping off into the fucking sunset.

Venty, venty, vent! Fuckwit.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 3:00 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Would the "blockee" get a message saying his emails were refused?

I’m not sure, but I would think it would be bounced back as undeliverable. How about sending them straight to the trash can, or some other folder?

Is ANYBODY doing good in our group and feeling the M getting really better?

Yes, but they’re probably too busy shagging!! Hang in there Hefty. You’re doing just fine. I’m just moving swiftly from the plain of lethal flatness to pure unadulterated rage that leaves me anaesthetized and exhausted. The fixed smile enables you to carry on with your day. Take it off when your face aches too much, but don’t lose it. One day the smile will be for real.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 3:09 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Venty, venty, vent! Fuckwit.

Sorry to make light of your vent but I thought you were conjugating in latin!


UKgirl - I think we are in the same place. I told you all the other day that I told my H that I hated him. I had never said that to him before. I felt anger, rage and hate. No love, nothing. No attraction (and he is very handsome), nothing. Then today after his IC appt he said something. Maybe this is what all of our Hs are trying to say. I will put it out there for you all and you can see if that is what your H was struggling to put in to words.

Basically, he has gigantic FOO issues, had a horrible childhood and his mom is still the one of the most narcissitic bitches to ever walk the planet. Just a bad scene. I can understand at a rational level how that kind of background can lead to the wrong kind of behavior, the wrong choices, etc. What I never understood is where did I fit in? I mean, if he loved me why did he do what he did? If he didn't love me, why am I here? Why did he stay with me? Why did we even get married? His answer: he loved me as best as he knew how. He never experienced love in his life before. All he knew was to make sure you weren't vulnerable to anyone else as you would get hurt. The lesson he learned growing up was hurt first and hurt those you love. That is what he did. That was what he learned love was. He DID love me, he DID want to love me but, in his world, love meant something very, very wrong. He says he now feels what love is. He feels completely vulnerable to me. He says it hurts , physically hurts, to think of not being with me. He never felt that before.

I think this sounds a lot like what the other Hs are trying to say. Do you agree?


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 4:12 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The lesson he learned growing up was hurt first

Absolutely. Because if you launch the first attack and they're unprepared, you're "safe". My H was NEVER the dumpee, always the dumper.

I've been thinking about some thing and it's eating away at me. Could I hire someone to "tempt" H? See if he's really asexual like he claims now?

Isn't that a problem BTW? Can't that signal depression or or something worse?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:31 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H was NEVER the dumpee, always the dumper.

My H was just a coward, I think. Just sat back and waited for the GF to “get it”. Maybe that’s why the A was “unfinished dialogue”. Maybe that’s why he’s still here. It’s by default, not by him making a proper f*cking DECISION!!!! I made it for him. Yet he can attend tribunals, dish out dismissals, negotiate £m deals, but can’t end a relationship. Geez.

And why, weepy, would you want to put out a honey trap? Walk away tactic? Proof that he is as weak as you think? Entrapment is a very sticky wicket to be on. My thought at one time (before OW got NC legal letter) was to chuck FWH out to see if he went to her. This is when we want out sliding doors life, the what-if’s. But it’s dangerous weepy and could backfire in unexpected ways. If he was an alcoholic, would you leave out a bottle of whiskey? Don’t go there. Don’t jeopardise your recovery so far.

And is this about you being depressed or him? If it’s you, you’re just low. If him? I’m not with you. And won’t be now til morning. I’m beat. Sleep tight.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 4:36 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Yes, but they’re probably too busy shagging!!

Ukg, you hang to your humour Friend! It will see you (and us) through many a dark night.

Can I join the venty vent vent thingy?

I think I know whats really bothering me tonight (apart from the other stuff). We have a childminder come in to look after the girls. She is young (20's), M and no kids. Friendly and easygoing. One of the things I like about her for the kids. Now she and H have met before briefly at my mums. I know they have been at home together as H works from home often these days, but when I observed them last week (yes I still watch him), there was this formality between them which comforted me. Yesterday he told me that she came home 15 min early and they were alone in the house. She usually goes straight to school but was running early. He said they just avoided each other. Today I come home, and I immed sense this familiarity betw them. Before he even greets me, he says to her, "X, tell LH what happened today". I thought it was something serious at school so say to her to tell me in the car when I drop her off (sorry this is so long but I am writing it out more for myself I think). So she tells me of an incident with one of the girls at home and how she and H dealt with it. OK. Why the heck didnt he tell me? Why ask her to tell me? I dont think that anything is going on, but I know I smell something slippery.
I just told him that I think that they are getting too familiar with each other and for him to back off. He of course wanted more clarity then I could give him. How do you put that uneasy feeling in words? So I told him I just feel it and that good child care help is very expensive and she is all we can afford right now and it works well for us, so he had better not fuck it up for the family. He got angry, said he had enough, threw a hangar at me, and upended the duvet on me.
Temper temper temper.Tsk tsk.

I will not back down on this. I did that 13 years ago to my whole family's detriment. Never again.

However I am done talking with him for to night. I will not engage when he is like this.

When I think of the days of how scared I was to see that angry look, and how quickly I would try to make it better, all the time hating myself inside.

Ah well, that was then, and this is now.

***
Shirley, your H sounds light years ahead of mine re self knowledge.
My h did echo some of those sentiments but he will not ascribe it to FOO, and he will NOT speak bad of any of his family, esp his mum.So kudos to your H!

***
Weepy

Can't that signal depression or or something worse?

Thats it!
Treat this as an "our" problem, not a "your" problem.
It could be depression or any of the illnesses like diabetes. Worth considering if your H wants to explore that avenue.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:43 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

so he had better not fuck it up for the family. He got angry, said he had enough, threw a hangar at me, and upended the duvet on me.
Temper temper temper.Tsk tsk.

LostH - doesn't this smell of gaslighting? He senses that you have gotten inside his head and he is angry that you might have seen a secret thought he had. Has he read "Steering Clear"? If not, now might be the perfect time. I know you may not want to hear this but my radar would be pinging loud and clear on this interaction.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
UKgirl
♀ Member
Member # 17062
Default  Posted: 4:47 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostH, just before I turn in. How about you mention your H’s propensity to “come on”. You’re sure she wont be offended by your mentioning it b/c you wouldn’t like her to be offended by his behaviour. He can be “over familiar” and act “inappropriately”. But you do value her help with the kids. Other than that, your H has a track record with flirting, so he has no right to get uppity with you on this one. He’s the one with the where to draw the line problem.

Ah well, that was then, and this is now.

And I’m still throwing at FWH “then” was “now” once, so what’s so diff about now “now”? Shows I’m still f*cked up, I guess.


D-Day: 30 July 2006 LTA: 5yrs
Me, BS, 56 y/o Him, WS, 57 y/o
MOW, pathetic ex-fiancee.
3 grown boys and one 18 y/o
I don't consider myself married anymore.
There are some words once spoken split the world in two. Before you say them and after.

Posts: 3328 | Registered: Nov 2007 | From: UK
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 5:00 PM, March 11th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shirley, the bells are pinging but I am exhausted. But I am on alert, and I will be interested to see how he reacts hereon. And yes, gaslighting did smell familiar. However before he would just laugh it off or say something like, "I will NEVER cheat. I am NOT like that. I would leave you first before I do that, because I RESPECT myself too much!"
Fuckwit indeed!

Ukg, I dont want to scare her off to be honest. I know this sounds so selfish but this is a good setup for me. She is cheap and reliable. And my mother knows her H!

And the difference between now and then, is ME.

I am whats different.

***
Goodnight all.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
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