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User Topic: Long Term Affaris - X
mumto3sat
♀ Member
Member # 14336
Default  Posted: 7:59 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

P.S. Weepy, I think H's card was lovely, I realise all these things come across as too little too late, when we get them but it's great that he did this. Maybe things are moving forward Weepy, even a little bit? It's just so hard to see when we're in the middle of it.

It certainly sounds like the sort of behaviour that should be encouraged and recognised. If my H is anything to go by it takes ages between the thought starting in his head and then actually doing anything about it, in terms of his actions. At least the recognition is there, maybe he will be able to take the next step? Isn't that why we all are still here because somewhere deep down we are hoping that this change will come?

(I know I know we should be thinking of ourselves and concentrating on our own lives, but surely we are allowed to have hope about what they do as well?)


Me (BS): 38
Him (WS): 38
3 children, d 6 s 4 s 1yr
D day #1 03/16/07 8 mth ea
D day #2 07/13/07 turned into 7 year long term affair, pa/ea 08/18/07 Got final info - is that it?

Posts: 284 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: UK
weepy
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Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:20 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Take this note for what it is, an attempt on Mr. Weepy's part to be open and show you that he just might be able to change with your help and patience.

Which is what I struggle with and why I never end up talking to him about how I feel. I don't think it matters how I present the "talk" in his mind. If I don't just accept that's what he means and move on, then I'm questionning.

But what I really want is to let him know that want to see his flaws, that's the only way I'll ever feel safe with him. I really feel he does need my help in slaying them, but he has to go get them and bring them out to the light.

What I hear in this card is that there is much more darkness in him. That there are things I don't know about the As, about other things he's probably done and regretted and stored away. That he has the "straw" that will send me running. Is that fair to me? Shouldn't I be permitted to know the man I'm living with? To make my own decision based on facts? Or is my decision going to be to stay with this messed up guy the way he is or not?

We all discuss this at the beginning. That's why we ask for all the details. I never got what I asked for in that arena. And it all comes down to I didn't hear them because he didn't want to lose me. That he kept his needs, his life, his desires secret from me because he didn't want to lose me, he didn't confess because he didn't want to lose me, he was very careful, very discreet, very good a lying, because he didn't want to lose me... isn't that kind of selfish?

But I guess I do need to acknowledge it somehow, after all it was a real Hallmark card instead of the Dollar store kind.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 8:32 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((FSA)))) Somethings got to give for you hon. I'm with BT - look into PTSD treatment. I have the DVDs from Gary Craig who was the developer of EFT (tapping in various places around your body to release stored emotions) if you want me to send them down to you on loan. I was also thinking that there are EFT practitioners who will walk you through the process over the phone too. But hon, something has to give for you. Some of the answers you're getting from your IC concern me. Your faith is a foundational belief system you have that is the underpinning for the rest of your life. It's not a default button to explain away very human emotions and behaviors. I agree with FNF and the rest. You need to be fully heard and understood. But I also believe you need to stop trying to manage how your IC perceives and sees you. Listen, some of the things I said in my IC/MC in the first year SHOULD have gotten me locked up. I was a hair away from homicidal and if that fucking bitch would have walked in front of my car at a red light? Well, there's no telling where I'd be writing this post from right now. Anyhow, hang in there girlfriend. You're going to make it. You're WAY too resilient to let this keep you down. It's really a matter of you being fully heard and then finding some tools to pull yourself out of the muck when you get stuck I think. We all love you here and you're always safe to let your hair down here hon.

Maybe it's time to try the positive psychology I've read about--anyone heard of that?
Wimsey, I know a thing or two about positive psychology. Have been interested in the movement since it first came about. Have met some of the key thinkers in this area too. Martin Seligman is kind of the grand daddy of it all. You can visit his website for loads of info and assessments at www.authentichappiness.com . I do think a blend of traditional psychotherapy and positive psychology is the way to go. Positive psychology keeps one in motion and moving towards strengths and goals but deeper pathology and patterns will create roadblocks along the way that require a more traditional approach to psychotherapy to move past them. Anyhow, if you want to know more feel free to PM me.

OK, putting the cucumbers back on my eyes now.


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 8:38 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Now he wants to buy me a new car! OK, it's about the gas thing, but I'll take it!


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:47 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What I hear in this card is that there is much more darkness in him. That there are things I don't know about the As, about other things he's probably done and regretted and stored away. That he has the "straw" that will send me running. Is that fair to me? Shouldn't I be permitted to know the man I'm living with? To make my own decision based on facts? Or is my decision going to be to stay with this messed up guy the way he is or not?

Now Weepy, I'm going to tell you what my C would tell me if I said something similar.
You're making assumptions here. It's your own fear that is causing you to think this way. It is causing you to keep up your wall. I know what you're feeling, honestly I do. I don't believe I've heard all the terrible details of my H's LTA either. But you know what, I've heard enough to know that that period in his life was the worst he's ever been and I have to believe that now that that period is over, IT IS OVER! I know I'm in the minority here, but what good would hearing more awful details do? How beneficial to my healing would that be? What I have learned, what you have learned, about that period in our H's lives has been dreadful. We've learned awful things about our H's, about how depraved they have been, how deceitful, how unloving, how self-absorbed. We've also learned how much self-hatred they feel, how low their self-esteem is, how utterly messed up they were and we know that in order for them to help us to R they have to do some intense soul-searching and C'ing to get there.
So my point, what difference do a few more ugly facts have to do with where they are NOW? Again, I know I'm in a minority here, but I honest and truly feel this way and I think to continually linger in this mindset, you are blocking the road to your recovery. I hope this didn't come out too strongly, but I worry about your difficulty with letting this go. Maybe for both of us, there is nothing more or nothing so significant that we would learn if they were an open book. Or maybe there is something so awful that they are keeping from us, in my case I worry that it was more than the 8 years he admits to, but I have chosen to let that fear go because I want to move on. If my H was not where I needed him to be at this time, possibly I wouldn't feel that way. But I have been happy with the progress he is making and so that helps me to be more hopeful about our future and, more importantly, to want to put the past where it belongs - IN THE PAST. I wish this for you too Weepy and I believe you want to believe in your future too. I loved the bank analogy (I forget who posted this). It makes so much sense to me. Make deposits in the future account. This card to me was a beautiful "deposit."


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 8:59 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

fsa,

You can go to the EFT website and download manuals for free.
http://www.emofree.com

I use EFT....it is a very effective tool for those emergency moments when you just have to get out of "that" space.

Hugs (fsa))))


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
runoverbytruck
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Member # 11752
Default  Posted: 9:04 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So my point, what difference do a few more ugly facts have to do with where they are NOW? Again, I know I'm in a minority here, but I honest and truly feel this way and I think to continually linger in this mindset, you are blocking the road to your recovery.

I agree with you, fnf. However, my H is the reigning king of "I don't remember". This far out, do the answers really matter? Hm...not so much I guess. It's just a matter of security. I just want to know that IF I ask a question he WILL give me an answer (and not "I don't remember" or "I don't know").

And I haven't gotten that.

I just want to have a sense that there is nothing he won't share with me about the A--if I want him to. It's the "walls and windows" theory. He and the OW are still inside that room with no windows. There's still all this "secret" stuff.

Am I making sense? "I don't remember" still makes it feel like there's stuff he's keeping for himself.


LTA BS

If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.

The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton


Posts: 6814 | Registered: Aug 2006
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 9:29 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

popping in to wish BT good luck....will be back later to read and catch up.

GOOD LUCK BT!!!


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 9:31 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

It's the "walls and windows" theory. He and the OW are still inside that room with no windows.

Run, I've read that whole topic in Not Just Friends and I understand the logic of it all. But I have to tell you, when I did look inside those windows and when I peeked behind those walls, it made me physically ill. I had seen enough to know how evil and depraved they both were. I keep wanting to come up with an analogy that makes sense. Perhaps if you think about entering a home that is so filthy, so disgustingly dirty, with grime on the walls, rats running amok, rotting food and feces on floors and behind furniture, do you really need to start looking in every nook and cranny to find every last scrap of dirt and filth. No thank you. I have entered their dirty commune and I am happy and relieved to slam that door behind me and move forward. I don't doubt for one minute that I don't have all the dirty details. But I have enough to know that my H was in a very dark place and I also had enough to make my decision about whether I wanted to stay or go. My H admitted to cheating on me for 1/4 of our M, with a woman he continually brought into my life. He took her on several "business" trips, he had me buy gifts for her, he made me believe she was my friend. These factsare so very hurtful. So maybe it was 10 not 8 years, maybe they fucked in one room when I was in another. He did that to his first wife. He admitted that he told her he loved her but says of course he didn't. Who the hell knows? I don't think even he does. He was so fucked up. The point for me is that once I decided to stay and try to R, I saw that moment as the starting point and I had to decide what I needed to do to move forward in that direction. Closing the door of their A, not wanting to peek and prod into windows and behind doors was my choice - it was right for me. It is not right for everyone.
I do believe that our H's are trying to protect us (and themselves) from some of the facts - they are awful and we have demonstrated pain so intense that they feared what more truth would do to us. I believe this. I never doubted this. Yes, they are protecting themselves too. But it is unfair to think it was only themselves they were protecting. I asked, sometimes, begged my H to shield me from more of their ugly truths. Maybe when I'm stronger, when we're stronger, I'll ask for more, but right now, I have enough information.
As to whether they remember, who's to know? My H has an awful memory about everything. Ask him about a discussion he had with me or one of our children and he forgets details. It's frustrating. So, could he forget details about the A, possibly. It's not entirely unthinkable. I know I don't have the greatest memory. I think too that when we put them on the defensive, their focus is on defending themselves and this interferes with memory. There was a great program on about the brain and memory function and one thing they stressed was that stress and outside distractions negatively affect our memory. Well let's be honest, they are under a lot of stress when we are in attack mode. I know I'm defending them a lot here and maybe some of you are getting frustrated with that,
but I believe it is possible.
So there's my two cents worth. It has been working for me. If it changes, you'll hear it first from me.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 9:36 AM, March 4th (Tuesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 9:37 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

in my case I worry that it was more than the 8 years he admits to,

Me too. And of course whether it's actually been 7 yeras since his last act of sexual intercourse infidelity or whether he did something in Ac in 2005.

I need to know where i'm starting from here.... 2 years or 7.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
lostsuol
♀ Member
Member # 13706
Default  Posted: 9:59 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

My H just doesn't initiate any conversations about the infidelity--N/A And it's hard to know when is a good time to bring things up myself--N/A--I still think and obsess about stuff a fair amount and could use more talking, but don't like to spoil weekends, and don't want to stay up all hours N/A, don't want to give up regular stuff like watching a DVD or taking a walk or something to go over the same old stuff, in a different form. Or asking for reassurance if I'm down. There isn't time to do everything.
Wimsey - This is my dilemma too! Plus putting 'us' on the back burner while supporting my widowed s-i-l... time, that godawful word.

Good luck, BT! you are a shoo-in (sp). Knock em dead and know the LTA tribe is behind you.


Posts: 808 | Registered: Feb 2007 | From: Canada
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 10:03 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I loved the bank analogy (I forget who posted this). It makes so much sense to me.

fnf,
I posted that and it was part of something I posted in General a few days back in response to a BS who was speaking about the BS's Obligation to Recover and the marriage contract being null and void post D-day. It got me thinking.....and I posted it really for myself and FWS to mull over.
I probably should have posted it just here, since it seems to apply to the LTA/PTSD issue and recovery.
~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~
Marriage is like a joint bank account...an emotional and philosophical account.

It is sustained with regular deposits made by both spouses...deposits of love, trust, loyalty, cooperation and mutual goals. It is what both partners "bank" on as their security of life as joint owners of the union. They build together a life-account of mutual values and commitment.

When one partner makes withdrawals from that account without the other's knowledge...makes withdrawals covertly, on a regular and, in some cases, a prolonged basis, it depletes the account....depletes the marriage.
Then when the secret pilfering is discovered, the deceived partner is rightfully shocked, dismayed and brutally hurt by the betrayal and theft, but they also must face that the marriage "account" may be seriously in jeopardy or even wiped out. The balance is hopelessly low, or even at zero emotional assets.

For Recovery/Reconciliation to happen, the BS must accept that all their deposits they have sincerely and diligently made through the years have been taken and misused....withdrawn, and, more insultingly, given to someone else.
And while the theft was going on, the WS was also not making any deposits to fund the balance either.
The BS has to face the reality that the marriage account has sadly been a one-sided venture and asset.

When the WS wants to then re-claim their joint ownership of the union, "the account," and enter R, it is very difficult for the BS to see the existing marriage account as viable or balanced as a starting point.
The original "account" is null and void.

For Recon to ever be successful, a brand new account must be established and signed onto.
For the BS to enter into such a new contract, they must require certain safeguards to insure that they will not be deceived again as a partner in the account.

And equally important is that future joint deposits will be just that....consistently "equal."

Also that this symbolic marriage "account" is valued and wisely invested for maximum use by both owners.
That's where skilled IC//MC therapists can be helpful as investment counselors....to help a couple create or re-create an appropriate plan to manage their 'marriage account."


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
unabletocope
♀ Member
Member # 11730
Default  Posted: 10:05 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good luck, BT!!!!!


me-LTA BW


Posts: 2598 | Registered: Aug 2006
OneToughCowgirl
♀ Member
Member # 14817
Default  Posted: 10:08 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

The force is with you BT!!!


M 20 years / together 25 yrs
6 yr LTA
Me 47
FWH 48
D-Day Jan. 2006
We're good and getting better every day!

Posts: 607 | Registered: May 2007 | From: Chicago
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 11:50 AM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I just want to know that IF I ask a question he WILL give me an answer (and not "I don't remember" or "I don't know").

And I haven't gotten that.

I just want to have a sense that there is nothing he won't share with me about the A--if I want him to. It's the "walls and windows" theory. He and the OW are still inside that room with no windows. There's still all this "secret" stuff.

Run, that's it exactly! "I don't remember" either means
a)"I don't want to remember" or
b)"I'm not telling you".

I understand 'a' and 'b' is totally unacceptable. And just because I understand 'a' it doesn't mean it's going to fly. I didn't WANT the mind movies, but I got 'em. I didn't WANT to find out my "marriage account" had been embezzeled by the person I trusted and given to a bunch of whores, but I did. I say TOUGH on the "I DON'T WANT TO".

And my H, in an effort to get me to stop asking questions actually told me that he wasn't thinking about them, but if I brought them up, well, then he could think about them all the time, even while we were having sex or he was MB, now how would I like that?

Thanks to last week's IC appt I now see that as his defense mechanism. He wouldn't really be doing that, but he knew I was so jealous and insecure about them, that it would shut me up. The same way he claimed sex with OW was the greatest. He knew I'd stop asking for details. He could hurt me and I'd shut up.

That stuff is hard to swallow, even knowing that it was his "mask" talking and behind it he's running around going "OMG, what did I do, I can't tell her this, I am one f'd up guy, I'm a POS, run Forest run!"

When he gets to the point that I can ask something, his opinion, what he really was thinking, how he views certain aspects of our life or his personality without him shooting arrows through my heart, then I'll know he's moving toward fighting those demons.

All the flowery words in the world, all the I love you's mean nothing if he won't let me in.

PS: Love the "bank" analogy. I used it slightly differently saying that he'd come into our relationship with a million bucks in his trust account and on dday he emptied it. But I like this much better.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
mumto3sat
♀ Member
Member # 14336
Default  Posted: 1:12 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I talked about "I don't remember" in IC today because I was brought up short by H at the weekend. I swore blind that he had not told me something. I totally 110% believed I was right and we got into a bit of a spat about it. About 5 minutes later he came back and said "we did talk about it, don't you remember x, y and z" and I had to confess he was right! We had talked about it and I had forgotten. Forgotten something that happened a week ago, and I mean really totally forgotten.

I realised then that if he were to ask me about any random event in the last 8 years I would not necessarily remember it, I'd remember big things yes, but not all the day-to-day stuff and that's not even because I was busy trying to forget it because my sub-conscious knew I was being bad (like he was).

I have to admit I finally realise that he is probably telling the truth. He doesn't remember. For me there is a c after the a and b. He also doesn't remember some of the stuff that happened over the last year since dday because he doesn't want to remember how he was, the person he had become. I can't blame him. He tries to answer my questions and he will answer anything I ask about how he feels about stuff now I must admit. But a good 75% of the time he says he can't remember if it's something about what he was doing at a given point in time or if it's a question about what he talked about with ow. It is so frustrating because then he will say something like "No, I never stayed in that hotel with ow" and I'll immediately ask how come he remembers that when he forgets everything else? I don't know what the answer is, but I guess I'm with FNF that I have to give up on it, because as time goes on it's not going to get any better. His memory is going as he packs away the last 8 years and I don't think it will be long before it's gone completely - maybe the downside of him coming out of his fog?

I feel for you Weepy and others who don't feel they've got the full story about the general time scale of the affair. That must be incredibly hard to live with. Because you don't know whether some memories are tainted or not and what a shame if you're thinking something was going on and that memory is ruined when in fact it wasn't. It's such a waste.

I'm sorry about my post earlier. Could you tell I was in a bit of a funk? I meant what I said but I should have worded it better.

FSA I hope things improve for you soon. Over the time I've been on here I have seen the strength you have. Hold on to that strength now.

BT good luck I'm sure you'll succeed and by the way thanks very much for the post the other day, I'm trying to absorb it.



Me (BS): 38
Him (WS): 38
3 children, d 6 s 4 s 1yr
D day #1 03/16/07 8 mth ea
D day #2 07/13/07 turned into 7 year long term affair, pa/ea 08/18/07 Got final info - is that it?

Posts: 284 | Registered: Apr 2007 | From: UK
BorrowTrouble
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Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 1:52 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi guys. Back from interview. I guess it went OK, although I've always found academics among the hardest people to read. Thank you all for the good wishes. I'll hear in May, but they did tell me today that they got an unusually high number of applicants this year (wouldn't you know it), so more than the usual 50 percent of applicants will be rejected. Isn't that special.

Weepy, girl, that was a nice card from your husband. How about trying, just for today, to see the good in it only. You can think about the bad tomorrow. Just for today, enjoy the good.

FSA, I'm looking at my calendar. I'll send you a PM. I would like to encourage you to take OTC up on her offer for the loan of the EFT tapes. My IC taught me EFT really early on in therapy and it helped immensely. And I get Gary Craig's newsletter, which has lots of helpful suggestions. I also use EFT on my sons, as kind of a soothing/bonding thing. They actually ask for it now.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
marigold
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Member # 6707
Default  Posted: 2:14 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

In three weeks I am going to be 50 years old

Me too, BT.


Posts: 960 | Registered: Mar 2005
weepy
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Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 2:22 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Because you don't know whether some memories are tainted or not

and that's one of the sticky points to why he stopped answering questions.

We moved into our house in June 2001. His OW was arrested for drug dealing in April 2001.

He swore to me that he hadn't been with anyone after we moved. He said it was his new start. And that he struggled and we fought and he MB, but there were no other women after we moved.

He also swore that his A with the OW was 4 no more than 5 years tops. And that before and after her were the years of the prostitutes. By my count he's missing a year, at least.

When I would hit on something that was true and he didn't want to come out and admit it and couldn't get out of it by attacking me, he'd shut up. Just zip his lips and either walk away or turn away.

I asked him if he was still seeing her when she was arrested for dealing. His answer "It was my understanding that it was only a misdemeanor possession charge." I asked him where he got that information, did she tell him that? and he shut up.

He doesn't have to remember dates, years, but he knows that and refused to tell me... why? because he couldn't remember if it happened after we moved. Then he would have been caught in a huge timeline lie.

What's the saying "To tell the truth you need a good memory, to tell a lie, you better have a VERY good memory."

BT: I'd love to bask in the glow of that card and last night I did. This morning we were right back to Nega-land... his back hurt, we talked about the news and those houses torched in Seattle by the eco-group? Well, that was just the builder getting out from under his mortgages (because the housing market is down) and he hadn't even seen the report! Then he called and asked me if he'd left his work truck keys on the bureau. I checked and there's a set there I didn't recognize, so I described that set to him. He responded by saying "yes, weepy, they are my work keys,, they aren't the house keys or the car keys or my SUV keys, gee, they must be my work keys, sheesh" SO, in the card where he says "he pushes me to the point where I just can't win"... I'm getting a little tired of it.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
marigold
♀ Member
Member # 6707
Default  Posted: 2:23 PM, March 4th (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I'n too ashamed to go to counseling. haven't been to IC for a year, don't want to go back and tell her that I'm still struggling. Don't know if she was ever helpful anyway. Don't want to call a new one and have to tell horrible story over.

I feel like everyone has contempt for me. H for still being bothered. Others if they know the truth either for staying with H or for being so stupid as to not know about the A or for being so inadequate as to cause the A.. Basically I feel like I have thrown my whole life away. Maybe I was an OK parent, but there are things I could have done better there too.


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