Hard to read all this when the H is not at work!
time is helping to heal the wounds and we are working hard to mend our relationship
I thought you may have been getting to this point from the posts I have seen everywhere. My heart goes out to you.
You are at a very fragile point. I think you need to detach very hard and just focus on you and accept the fact that you may just have to end it. Stop doing ANYTHING for him.
I know it is terrible. You are nowhere near happy and struggling mighty hard just to make it through the day. That is not the way to live. To confront the loss of the dream of your M and your life is devestating.
The thing is you are a great vibrant person who deserves the best in life. Do not let your husband rob one more moment of happiness from you. You have a lot of life left and will be truly happy again someday. If you husband does not want to help you get their so be it. You will be happy in the end.
We are all here for you no matter what you decide.
I don't know maybe getting to this depth is what I need to kick start my own life.
I even managed to go on a health website for diet info. It's kind of a support group deal staffed by nutritionists and they make you walk through steps (like eating the elephant one bite at a time). You know, what can you do TODAY to break part of the cycle.
SO there's a big sign on my fridge saying "CHOOSE WISELY". Could be a credo for all of us.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
I don't know maybe getting to this depth is what I need to kick start my own life
Thats it Weepy!
Start focusing on you.Attagirl!
I am with FNF on the IRL weight watchers group. Firstly, I think you need that contact IRL.You might make some new friends. Secondly, it will give you an excuse to get out and about. And thirdly, there is nothing more motivating then knowing that come meeting day, you have to weigh in with the group.
How is everyone else doing?
Since Dday, I find myself saying things to H that I would've just thought to myself prior. Just this past weekend, H and I were cleaning out a closet, and there was an old coat that he had given me some time ago that I don't plan on wearing any longer. So I put it in a pile to give away. H asked was I sure I wanted to get rid of it, and I responded yes. He said I bet it's probably too small now. H is in pretty good shape. He goes to the gym and does look years younger than his actual age, but his waistline is not the same as when we first met. Neither is mine. I'm just shy of 5'9" and weighed about 120 lbs. when we got together. I'm much healthier now. I said the coat might not fit now, but I've had three children. What's your excuse!?! Why don't we go find some of your clothes from nearly two decades ago, and see if you can fit in them.
Glad you decided to not contact OW, Shirley. Can't add anything other than what was said, and certainly not worth the aggravation as to why someone would allow themselves to be treated like the equivalent of a sexual fast food dive.
((weepy)), there isn't a jury that would convict you.
Even my IC says "so what, it was just a fuck".
Iím sorry weepy, I think if your IC spouts stuff like that, they shouldnít be practicing. Like, itís not okay to beat your wife up, but one hard slap that knocks her to the floor is okay? Címon weepy. Find some one else.
Iím so sorry. I donít know what to say. Itís not as if you havenít given it your best, but it seem no way to get through to Mr Weepy. The good words and actions are few when compared to the many hurtful ones. Itís your right to walk. No one would blame you.
I think you need to tell him how serious the situation is, Weepy. If you are going for S, you and he need a sit down talk.
Big hugs (((((weepy)))))
After the surprise of FWH getting OW text this morning, I was wary about turning my phone on. Nothing. Zilch. Seems OWíH has read ďsev yrs of emailsĒ (several, I think). Well, if she was stupid enough to keep them, thatís her fault. FWH thinks she had them password protected and it may have take this long to work out all her passwords. FWH thinks the last email he sent her was over 4yrs ago. She thought I might like copies. Donít think there would be anything worse than the f*cking poetry!! She had also kept every card my H sent her from when they were 15/16. Sad bitch.
Sorry. I didn't see that you got to pg 22 I've come in late! Think I was in a bit of a rush to write to weepy. Etd again - b/c I'm useless!!
[This message edited by UKgirl at 12:52 PM, March 14th (Friday)]
I can't believe anyone wouldn't think the pro's add a whole separate layer of hurt for you. How could they not? No one here doubts your suffering, just as I'm sure you don't doubt any of the rest of ours. We get it, Weepy, and if you are truly done, then we'll support you in leaving the marriage.
You know I am not a fan of your husband's. He's passive-aggressive and he's also outright aggressive when he wants to be. It's like the worst of all worlds.
I just wish you would stop measuring yourself by his actions or lack of actions. What he does or doesn't do affects you, of course, but it does not define you. Except in your mind. If you could finally realize that his opinions of you don't change who you are it would be a huge breakthrough. You would have so many more options, Weepy.
And I completely agree with UK that you need to sit down and tell him honestly and simply that you are going to leave him and why. A straight recitation of facts. I think you owe your family that kind of forthrightness.
Lost,FNF,UTC, thank you for your words. It's funny how some hurts seem to stay with you for life.
I was wondering whatever happened with that letter. So is her H leaving her? Did your H respond to her? Do the two of them understand the concept of NC?Do you feel like calling the OWH and see if he will forward you the emails. If you have lingering questions, perhaps those will answer them.
She seemed to be blaming ME for her sitch now!!! Of course, she hadnít the courage to tackle me directly, just a whiny text to her xOM. Weird though, eh?
Iíve seen more than enough of his over emotional scribblings to last the rest of my life
Hear hear Ukg!!!
Just had a thought...Shirley, the OW you were thinking of contacting...does her H know?
why someone would allow themselves to be treated like the equivalent of a sexual fast food dive.
oooohhhh, that is good. I am going to use that with my H!
I'm just shy of 5'9" and weighed about 120 lbs. when we got together. I'm much healthier now. I said the coat might not fit now, but I've had three children. What's your excuse!?!
Steelergal - were we separated at birth?
At 18, I was 5' 9" and 120 AND less than 10% body fat (our varsity team in college was part of an experiment on body weight, fat % and menstruation). Now I probably weigh 145 (don't have a scale). But, I have three beautiful kids and my boobs are MUCH bigger!
She had also kept every card my H sent her from when they were 15/16. Sad bitch.
Ukg - how fucking pathetic is that. God what an immature twat!
Shirley, the OW you were thinking of contacting...does her H know?
I don't think so. When we contacted her in August to get the answers to some questions (H had her on bluetooth in his car and I was listening in w/o her knowing) she said that he did not know and begged my H not to tell. Who knows if she has confessed since then? I doubt it.
ETA: btw, the answers that he asked that I wanted to know were "when did they start having sex ,1994 and when was the last time, 2001. My H didn't remember! Musta been pretty special.
[This message edited by hurtshirley at 2:30 PM, March 14th (Friday)]
The other side was "you always tell". I haven't made my final decision yet. Given that they are NC and it has been so long, I don't see the harm in me waiting to decide.
I have told my H that if we D, all parties involved getting notified letters AND they all find out that he was using them all. (Can you imagine your little fantasy world shattering around your feet to find out you were one of 15 different women, pros etc - no a special luuuuuvvv! ).
I am betting he will find out anyway as we are getting ready to tell some people that know her (a couple that we are close to and the man used to work at the same firm as my H and two of the OW).
I will open this up here - what does everyone think?
am betting he will find out anyway as we are getting ready to tell some people that know her (a couple that we are close to and the man used to work at the same firm as my H and two of the OW
Ok, now I am just being a noseybuddy.
Why are you telling these people?