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I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affaris - X
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 2:20 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I am all over this guy in General looking for "advice" about whether or not to cheat on his "frigid" wife.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 4:07 PM, March 22nd (Saturday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost, I'm holding you in my thoughts and prayers. I'm with Mum, though. Can't they move it up a little given your mother's bout with ovarian cancer?


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 12:58 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Happy Easter LTA tribe. I hope everyone is having a nice day.


***********


FSA, I've been thinking aobut you.


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:04 PM, March 23rd (Sunday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LostHeart - I wanted to send my hugs and prayers to you and hope we can support you while you wait for your tests to be done. You mentioned lumps - are you talking breast lumps? I had a grape-sized lump that turned out to be benign. Hopefully, you'll be getting good news too. Please keep reaching out here - you know we love you and want to help you through this.
My prayers and best wishes are with you.
(((LH)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 5:00 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

For our sister SoLost who's going in for back surgery today...

Everything is going to be fine. Please just worry about your own recovery and leave your H to worry about the rest.

We're all here in the waiting room watching out for you, ok?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 5:30 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you BT and Fnf and others who pm'ed.

I think I am ok. I had a little sobfest in the shower yesterday but I just want to block it out till the scan. You know what, its prob nothing serious.And I am just getting myself worked up for nothing.
But if it is something, then I am not ready to deal with it right now. So thats why I am ok with the 6 weeks. I reckon by then I would be 36 years old, and more equipped to handle it!LOL.

Fnf, the lumps are around my c/s scar area.

***
Thank you for telling us about SoLost, Weepy.

((((((SOLOST))))))

We will all be there with you, with tribal necklaces and bows on!!

***
How is everyone else doing??


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 5:56 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

How is everyone else doing??

Check up time.

Had a quiet weekend. Trying to face the fact that this will be with me the rest of my life in some capacity or another. Still find myself extremely sensitive to H's moods, still feel unheard about mine.

I have an MRI coming up Weds night to look into my back problems. And I've never been able to get through one yet in a closed MRI setting. He thinks my fears are irrational so he won't give me the support I need. Thinks that by downplaying or minimizing how I feel he can make me "grow up" about my attitude. So instead of "making" him help me, I'm working on relaxation techniques, etc. to get me through. I have to realize he just doesn't want to deal with the possibility that I have a real problem. I want to tell him to "grow up" too. The idea of surgery is triggering me because being incapacitated is what he feels "drove" him to the sexual affairs at first.

So this all has us bickering at each other again. Twice I had to walk away from pointing out where he was wrong about some subject. Fortunately my BIL stepped in and took over my "You're wrong" position and I didn't have to be the one to take that on.

DS leaves for school today and I will miss him.

Well, off to start my day.

LH, We can get through these scares together. Don't be afraid to tell him how you feel, just don't expect him to step up and do what you want him to do. Lean on yourself. You're the strongest person you know.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Happy  Posted: 6:33 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good Morning LTA Tribe,

{{{SoLost}}}
Waiting to hear how surgery went and sending prayers your way.

I am wearing my tribal necklace, but I just can't do bows....LOL

Lost Heart,
I am glad that you are feeling better. Sometimes a good cleansing cry is a necessary thing! And I agree that at the ripe-old age of 36, you'll definitely be better able to handle things.

Most lumps around c/s scar area are just enlarged scar tissue and build up. They can cause quit a problem, but can be dealt with.

The other thing that you should remember is that if your doctor thought it eas serious, they would have moved up the scan....so, we are praying that is true.

Weepy,
Do they have open-sided MRI's where you are at? That's what my Dad had to use; it's so much easier. Also, can't they give you something to relax you beforehand??

Sorry your H isn't being supportive.
I usually lean on my friends for support and myself. I have learnt that I have to take care of me because NO ONE else will!
That being said -- I have been blessed with some of the BEST friends ever and 2 wonderfully supportive adult children.


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 7:28 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Good morning all. Today is a great day for me. My DS and DIL are coming "home" for the week. I am ecstatic. He is the best company and she is an absolute sweetheart so although I'm sad that I won't have much time to check in with everyone, I can't wait to have an entire week with my firstborn and his wife.
LH - I hope you're feeling better now after your well-deserved cry. As LIL said, a good cry can do wonders. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
Weepy - I would definitely need major tranquilizers if I had to go through an MRI. I am totally claustrophobic and it is one of my fears. Thank heavens for drugs. I'll try to check in on you Wednesday night to see how you made out.
SoLost - just joined everyone in the waiting area. I'm wearing my Mother Goose bonnet - I don't do bows either. I hope you'll soon be able to let us know how the surgery went. We'll be here when you're well enough to check in.
(((SL))) (((LH))) (Weepy)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 7:29 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So instead of "making" him help me, I'm working on relaxation techniques, etc

Good for you Weepy!!

Lean on yourself. You're the strongest person you know.

So are you Weepy.

***

but I just can't do bows

Blasphemy lovin!!!
Not even bow on an alice band?

I am afraid I am not a girly girl either. My kids went into cardiac arrest a few months ago when I bought myself pink satin pjs! And then topped that with sequinned slippers.Thats my attempt with getting in touch with my feminine side.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 7:51 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Back from the gym folks so I can post again...

Open MRI is what I've used twice before. Some quality of the scan is apparently lost, and he wants the best picture he can get... I do too, if they're going to mess about with my spine!

I have 3 valium here. One I'm supposed to take before I leave the house, one at the MRI center and then the extra is "just in case". H is going with me, I know he's just freaked out and that's how he's handling it. No, it doesn't help, it also doesn't help to tell him it doesn't help.

fnf: I expect to be catatonic after 3 valium. I might not make it back until Thursday night! As it is I'll be off tomorrow afternoon because the second eye is getting lasered at noon.

You know my mother fell apart when she stopped working too, but she sat there all paranoid, afraid to leave the house, climb stairs, etc. I hope I'm dealing better than her.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 7:58 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I hope I'm dealing better than her

You are!!
But if you slack off, we'll kick your butt (or hold you hand) till you do.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 8:09 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Call out to FSA!!!!

Please let us know how you are doing.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
BorrowTrouble
♀ Member
Member # 2435
Default  Posted: 11:32 AM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

SoLost,

Hoping everything goes perfectly.

BT


D-day 7/29/04.

Posts: 5711 | Registered: Oct 2003
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 5:59 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

So I tell H how I have been feeling about the lumps.
How I know that everything happens for a reason etc; how that we moved over here and we are just settling in and mum gets sick and then I am just getting to accept that and then dday 1, and then I am just coming out of the abyss, then dday 2, and that the past year has been a madhouse (no pun)and I am just getting back on track, and now this.

I told him that I have cried every day since Thursday, that I am so scared of what this could mean.That if its nothing, then well and good, but if it is something, that I will give up.

He asks me what that means and I say that I will give up with The Man Upstairs; that He has given me too much to bear, and I choke up and start tearing.

And guess what my H does then?
He starts snoring. He fell asleep. I am pouring out my heart, my deepest fears which I have told you guys, strangers, who I have never met, and I tell him days later, and he falls asleep.

Granted he does have a cold and must be tired.Still.

Theres a lesson in here somewhere.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
numb and scared
♀ Member
Member # 9908
Default  Posted: 6:09 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"Granted he does have a cold and must be tired. Still.

Theres a lesson in here somewhere."

Yes, there is a lesson. Actually, 2 lessons.

They had LTA's because they lack compassion and "connectedness".....and they will be that way until, and if, they "get it."

Lesson #2 is that we are, and always were, are own best advocates.
But the "sub-lesson" in it is that it is important to reach out when we feel frightened and weak.

Since lesson #1 proves it canot be them....until they are "aware"...we count on others to care.

And I (we) do care, Lost.

Hugs

[This message edited by numb and scared at 10:31 PM, March 24th (Monday)]


BS
LTA
"Lying is the strongest acknowledgement of the force of truth."
- William Hazlitt
"Let us move on, and step out boldly, though it be into the night, and we can scarcely see the way."
-Charles B. Newcomb



Posts: 3958 | Registered: Feb 2006 | From:
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 6:14 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

LH - what can I say? These men are so oblivious to our pain - they are so out of touch. It is so painful and utterly frustrating.
The more I hear about these men (not our guys here of course) but our FWH's, the more convinced I am of what my MC told me - he said that if I choose to stay it may mean that I will have to learn how to manage my M. That emotionally challenged men will often let us down when we need them the most. It sucks, it really does. But I believe there is a world of truth in this idea.
(((LH)))


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 6:19 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


You guys are right. I know better. I should have just shut up.

Dont worry. I'l be ok.Thanks. Just needed to get this out.

f**k it hurts though.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 6:27 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((Lost))))

Do not shut up. Do not stop sharing. We are here for you. I am so sorry he did this. Yes, he may be sick but you are talking about a health situation that is scaring you to death. Of course, it hurts.

SoLost - sorry I missed the chance to wish you well earlier. I hope everything went okay.

Hefty - Are you famous or infamous? (LTA - see thread in general. Hefty was quoted in an article on infidelity!)

To all that are responding to my H in Wayward, thank you. We are going through a particularly rocky period mostly around my feeling of having nothing left - no past and no future. And, feelings that he has done too much. That I will never recover from this much damage. Don't want to bring down the tribe; just want to say thanks.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 6:28 PM, March 24th (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost - is it possible to get a new appointment so that you don't have to go through this wait? Couldn't you ask them to let you know if an earlier appointment opens up. I hate to see you worrying like this and maybe if you let them know how much stress you're experiencing they could find a better time for you.
(((LH)))
BTW, has anyone heard from FSA? I wonder if she is keeping in touch with anyone through PM'ing. It would be nice to hear she is doing better. I sure hope she is ok.


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
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