Interesting, if only to have your awareness about his personality defects confirmed
Yep, because he's the only one who can do anything about it. Funny though, if he worked on those areas, we wouldn't have issues like we did last night.
I'm off to run errands all day today so I'll catch up later.
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
I am always a day late....
HAPPY BELATED BIRTHDAY BT
Hope it was happy, and I too say welcome to the "50" club.It is FABULOUS!!
It really is only a number and I feel like I am younger and healthier than I've ever been.
Glad to hear that your H had an explanation for you.
Take care of yourself and let the healing happen.
Missed you, and hope you are enjoying your company.
Well, as for myself and my H, we are doing great. So glad it's Friday and we can relax this weekend. Nothing we have to do and nowhere we have to go. WS is looking forward to a cozy evening at home and quite ALOT of physical activity!!
I suppose come Sat. morning we will have to help our son work on his house. It is coming along... he is fortunate to have so many talented and good friends. They have been doing an awesome job! I am so PROUD of all of my "boys".
My H had his 1st IC and I hope it helps him find his self and to understand why. Not just the why of the A, but the why of "him". H really is a good guy... more good qualities than bad. He said it was weird me not being there. I asked how it went and he thought it was going to be helful.
H had a work function last night and there was a speaker there that really touched his heart. When he came home and was talking to me about it, I could actually hear him choking up. Maybe he really is changing...
Not too much else going on. Had a rough week at work. Did something I said I would never do.... stepping between 2 teens that were going to fight and DID!! Got a little banged and bruised, but my co-worker jumped in to help. Sad because the 2 fighting won't gradute now, and it was all so unnecessary, and over some STUPID boy.
Yep... I work in a highschool,but I really love the kids and they keep me young.... if they don't fight anymore.
Hope everyone has a great weekend, filled with love and hope.
Praying for you......
I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!
Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27
You deserve a break.
It feels good to be 50. Life is good and I am happy.
My life has been busy here lately. I don't quite know why, the house is still a wreck. But for some reason I've been having a hard time finding any extra time. Work is still busy, and we're still not in our new offices yet.
Still riding the roller coaster but the ups and downs seem to be a little less of a plunge. Maybe the ride is slowing down. I think I could live the rest of my life without ever having to look at another coaster, and I used to love to ride on them. Not anymore though.
I'm trying to put some of this behind me. Note the key word here...."trying". I'm doing fairly well. Still have the thoughts of...."he did this and I'm going to bring him down in this pit of crap with me". "how dare he". "I know he couldn't have loved me and done this too". And I also still struggle with what bitch snaggletooth was thinking about me during the LTA. I know she is the last person in the world that I should care what she thought. But it bothers me that she knew that they were getting one over on me. That one still haunts me pretty bad. I wish I could find a place where she is totally out of my mind and all that matters is mine and H's R. Oh well, hopefully one day soon. I also have quite a bit of work yet to go with forgiveness. How do you get to the point that you can look at H and not feel resentment, anger, frustration toward what he has caused in my life.
Oh well, that's enough before I talk myself angry.
Hope all have a great weekend.
If a man says something in the woods and there's not a woman there to hear it, is he still wrong?
Still have the thoughts of...."he did this and I'm going to bring him down in this pit of crap with me". "how dare he". "I know he couldn't have loved me and done this too"
This space isn't called "I Can Relate" for nothing--I still have these thoughts sometime and I'm way out from d-day--mostly when the OC issues come up, or if I'm feeling neglected in some way--but still trying and pretty successfully most of the time.
I think those thoughts are part of me now--partly cuz I'll NEVER understand how he could have done this and still felt that he wanted to be in our marriage. Still think his definition of love has got to be different from mine. Or at least a committed R, or loyalty or something...
Too old for all this--
Have a nice weekend everyone.
Kids: 20, 16, 9
Grace is not getting what we deserve
Mercy is getting what we Don't deserve
"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of
Well, I was going to leave it with the MC as we left for her to review, but the "you're not hearing what I'm saying" complications started about mid way through our session.
I've been nothing but supportive of him this week and his tough schedule, the change in job, doing favors for him because he didn't have time. He's been appreciative and we've even had a couple fights that ended well.
So I mention Retrouvaille adn I mention I'm looking for a PT job doing something different. He says I need to look for something I know, something I've done for years, it doesn't make sense to him to apply for jobs I probably won't get because I don't have the experience.
I tell him I'm smart and a quick learner and if it's something I'm interested in, it'll be even more incentive to learn. He says my idea is stupid. I tell him it's no differen than him trying something new with the sales job he took. Well, he heard that he's incompetent and doesn't know a thing about sales even though he had his own company for 11 years. I never said the word "incompetent" I never said he doesn't know what he's doing, all I said was it was different and why shouldn't I get the same opportunity.
It was a mess. I stormed out of the office without even saying goodbye to the therapist. He went to bed at 8 pm. I'm thinking of sleeping in our son's room.
Fuck I hate this.
[This message edited by UKgirl at 6:13 AM, March 29th (Saturday)]
Well,it seems to have quieted down a little in here. I was able to catch up without it taking an entire morning!
alccecbjc - Welcome. You've come to the right place for support and hope. This is a wonderful and supportive group and there's a ton of wisdom on these pages. I can give you hope and tell you that you will make it through this. The best way to do so, as you'll hear over and over again in here, is to focus on and take care of you. It's a natural tendency for so many of us to want to nurture the situation and marriage but it's time for your H to step up and take control of his life and his M. You cannot do this for him. All you can do is get your self back from all this and build your inner strength and resiliency. This is an opportunity to find YOU and get to know yourself. The idea is to build a relationship with yourself that is strong and healthy so that no matter what your H chooses to do or not do in the future, it will not determine how you see and feel about yourself. Hope this helps a little. Hang in there. You're in early days and it may be a rough ride for awhile. Let this group support you through it.
[This message edited by OneToughCowgirl at 9:01 AM, March 29th (Saturday)]
Just thinking of those early months makes me cringe inside. Its hard time al, and trust me, it WILL get better. You must be feeling like you walked through the looking glass and everything as you know it, has gone bonkers!
Post as ofetn as you like, when you like, about what you like. I know my thoughts were all over the place then, and just getting to voice them somewhere made such a difference, even it was sometimes just to know that all this was real, and I was not crazy.
Lovinlife, sounds like your H is ready to break down some of his walls. Be aware that this might trigger some depression in him, so try not to take his moods to heart.
High school kids??!! Yikes, you are brave. HS kids scare the c**p out of me.
Weepy, sounds like your H went on the defensive in trying to shut your idea down. Do you think it was his "punishment" for you bringing up the Retro idea, without consulting with him first?
You KNOW you can do what ever you want, right? You KNOW that you are very CAPABLE of any job you aspire to.Ukg has some good advice...you KNOW you, so just smile and leave alone. Dont let him engage you in his tantrum.
How do you get to the point that you can look at H and not feel resentment, anger, frustration toward what he has caused in my life.
Thats a toughie FSA.
I think, or at least what I am hoping, is that those moments will get further and further apart, and that I will be able to concentrate on what is happening now.
And I am hoping that oneday, when I do have that moment thinking of all those years I lost, I will be able to say to myself, "I am where I want to be. I want this life. I am happy."And those thoughts wont hurt so much, KWIM?
Ukg, alone at last!
Hope you are spoiling yourself this weekend.
I had a particularly tough session in IC last night. Broke down crying, something I havent done before.
Its frightening the amount of work that I need to do on myself.
But if it means I get to say on my 50th bday, "I am happy.", then I guess it will be worth it.
Spoke to H again, on advice of IC, about my fears re the lumps in my tummy. He was more supportive and caring this time around. In fact, he has been so since yesterday. I so wish I could keep him in this Good H mode all the time.
Even when we got home... he saw my Chromium tablets in teh cabinet and asked what they were, i told him supplements to control blood sugar and his reaction was "So, now you're taking blood sugar medication and I'm not told about that either."
Blindsiding is one thing, but my intention was NOT to talk about it last night. I sensed we were near the end of the session and just asked her too look at the material. And you know what? SHE was the one who brought up me working for an attorney, not me. I know I only have minimal experience at it and I didn't particularly like it then either.
I've been leaving him alone all day. HE's up in bed, supposedly sick. We were supposed to go out tonight, but I think I'm going alone, well, with my SIL. I haven't said one word to him all day.
I know it wasnt your intention to, and it looks like your MC just got carried away with it, so that didnt help either.
How can this be fixed?
7th Heaven Ultimate Stress Buster
This is a two hour head to toe treatment finishing with the Exotic Coconut & Milk Ritual Wrap and left to “cook”. Then you can join the rest of us in the man/pedicure lounge for a martini special. Dinner tonight is salmon timbale followed by sea bass on a bed of julienne vegetables and a piquant sauce finishing with an exquisite crème brulee. Wine will be on the table. Afterwards, we are retiring to the bar where the piano man is playing requests and some of us will be singing along.
Leave him to be sick.
The menu sounds yummy. But why settle for creme caramel only...bring the whole dessert cart!
Yesterday the Lollipop Man told me that I had put on weight, that my back looked really big. I could have so smacked him hard. How rude!
I wish I was a quick thinker at those times. I just freeze with politeness.