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User Topic: Long Term Affaris - X
25wimsey
♀ Member
Member # 7816
Default  Posted: 3:43 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Everything you did was true. Bringing your children into the world, caring for them, for your H. You lived your life as it was handed to you and you did the best you could with the information you were given. You lived a true and open life, you loved your H, that's no crime.

Shirley, I can only reiterate what I pasted above--weepy's right, you are true and were true. But I know the hurt you're experiencing and can understand your feeling that so much was a lie--it was, but not on your part.

Hope you do stick around here--but we all support you whatever path you choose.


Posts: 695 | Registered: Aug 2005
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

((((ukg))))

I saw your thread re OW.
Hope you are doing ok, Ukg.
You know your love for H dying is not necessarily a bad thing. That love is the love for old H from the old M. When that is well and truly dead, maybe a new love can grow?

***
Weepy, a job with a PI!!
Wonderful!I cant wait to hear about Mr Weepy's reaction.

Re the work mobile...can he not ask them to forward his bills to him? He can come up with some excuse. But either way, you know that if he wanted to do anything dodgy, he would do it, whether you had access to his mobile or not.
Still, I would hate to lose a security blanket too.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Sorry again!
I seem to be really trigger happy tonight.

[This message edited by Lost Heart at 3:52 PM, March 31st (Monday)]


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 3:50 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I also wanted to agree to
what Weepy said to you. Irrespective of what a fake H was, remember YOU were real; every memory you created with your girls were real; YOU WERE REAL. And nothing and nobody can ever take that away from you.

Lost and Weepy - I know. My MC has been pounding me on this one. However, I have started looking at it from a different angle. That is the "real" life I led given that I was making decisions about my life under false pretenses. Had I known the truth, my life would have taken a dramatically different path. For example, I was on a very fast track on Wall Street, when my H and I were engaged. He was offered a temporary overseas post that we considered to be like a full year honeymoon. I quit my job and went with him. Needless to say that derailed the career slightly. I would have NEVER, EVER in a million years have made that choice if I had any idea that he was on the fence. I am super competetive, have always been top in my class at school, etc so it was a major leap of faith for me to quit this career track and follow him overseas.

This is just one in a long line of decisions that would have been made differently and hence, I would be living a completely different life. Who knows where I would be living, if I would be married and, if so, what would he be like, would I have children, would I care.....etc, etc, etc.

So, although my life may have been real, it is not the life and the outcome that is real. I am not "really" married - never have been. If not married, why is he in my life still if only to cause pain? Yes, he is the father of my children but co-parenting does not mean you must be together. This is the angle I am looking at my life.

He asks if there is any thread left, anything to cling onto and I haven't thought of a single one other than the assumption that I would always be with him which, obviously, was a poor assumption.

I should stop before my grammar and punctuation degrades completely. Thanks for your support but this is the place I am.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 3:56 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy - OMG that would be so perfect if you ended up as a PI. Can't you just imagine the look on Mr. Weepy's face when you describe all the methods you are learning to catch cheaters!!! Even if you don't get the job maybe you could just pretend you did to scare the shit out of him.

you know that if he wanted to do anything dodgy, he would do it, whether you had access to his mobile or not.

Lost is right. We hate to admit it but despite all of our monitoring, etc. we cannot control their actions. It is really hard to let it go but they will do what they will do. We must decide what the consequences will be if they violate our boundaries - period.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:59 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

I should stop before my grammar and punctuation degrades completely. Thanks for your support but this is the place I am.

Oh fuck grammar and punctuation already!

Shirley, you are where you need to be.
You have much grieving to do. Every other day will bring on a "OMG, what about...?", and then you will start again.
That is how it should be. Dont hide or minimise or go numb. Feel everything out fully. And NEVER apologise for your feelings.

You are right..co-parenting is an option. There are a few.

Just dont decide right now on any permanent ones.

Take care Shirley.

Goodnight all.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:03 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lost - just posted a reply to you in General...just an idea.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
mindisgone
♀ Member
Member # 17772
Default  Posted: 7:16 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage


I think about behaviors of his that I allowed, perhaps enabled, and, if I had known the truth - that he wasn't committed to me - I would never have allowed. I told him 8 months ago that I was finished as I felt like we had a marriage of convenience for him. After the confessions, I realize I was right. He had a very intelligent, successful, wife, mother, chef, laundress, tutor, lover, maid, etc. AND he got to do whatever he wanted on the side. I was his serf.

So, where does that leave us now? Unlike many of you, what I have come to realize is that this is not a rebuilding process as there was nothing there to begin with. I am not sure if I even belong in this forum . His was not an LTA, it was
not a marriage

Oh HS, I am so sorry you are feeling this way,I can so relate, it's unbearable to feel that your whole life within the marriage has been merely an exercise in futility. I'm there too, and wondering seriously about divorce.But, and a big BUT, divorce or not, Weepy and LH are speaking a truth that you and i need to hear also. Try and hold on to that. You are strong.((hugs)))

[This message edited by mindisgone at 7:25 PM, March 31st (Monday)]


too long a sacrifice can make a stone of the heart..

Posts: 678 | Registered: Jan 2008
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 7:58 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello LT Tribe,

The Desiderata poem, written by: Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truths quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real posession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and lonliness.

Beyond a wholesome disapline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you concieve Him to be, and whatever your labors and asperations, in the noisey confusion of life keep peace in your soul.
With all it's sham, drudgery, and


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 8:03 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hello LT Tribe,

The Desiderata poem, written by: Max Ehrmann

Go placidly amid the noise and haste, and remember what peace there may be in silence.

As far as possible, without surrender, be on good terms with all persons. Speak your truths quietly and clearly; and listen to others, even to the dull and the ignorant, they too have their story. Avoid loud and aggressive persons, they are vexations to the spirit.

If you compare yourself with others, you may become vain and bitter; for always there will be greater and lesser persons than yourself. Enjoy your achievements as well as your plans. Keep interested in your own career, however humble; it is a real posession in the changing fortunes of time.

Exercise caution in your business affairs, for the world is full of trickery. But let this not blind you to what virtue there is;many persons strive for high ideals, and everywhere life is full of heroism. Be yourself. Especially do not feign affection. Neither be cynical about love, for in the face of disenchantment it is perennial as the grass.

Take kindly to the counsel of the years, gracefully surrendering the things of youth. Nurture strength of spirit to shield you in sudden misfortune. But do not distress yourself with with imaginings. Many fears are born of fatigue and lonliness.

Beyond a wholesome disapline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars, you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.

Therefore be at peace with God, whatever you concieve Him to be, and whatever your labors and asperations, in the noisey confusion of life keep peace in your soul.

With all it's sham, drudgery, and broken dreams, it is still a beautiful world.

Be cheerful, and strive to be happy.
c. 1920


Long, but very relavent I think. It was popular when I was in my teens...... a very LONG time ago.
Sorry I sent it the first time on accident

Hope everyone has a great evening.



Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
up2me
♀ Member
Member # 10681
Default  Posted: 8:11 PM, March 31st (Monday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you lil. words to live by.

Posts: 690 | Registered: May 2006 | From: ny
alccecbjc
New Member
Member # 18887
Default  Posted: 6:19 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hi to all thanks for the welcome here is a brief story .

Here you go story in a small nut shell

my name is Lisa . I am looking for support and a hope of
encouragement . I have found no one to understand me yet here is a
brief story. I want so bad to hear that someone has had my experience
and survived. Its been a long term 5 year affair.
Name:Lisa
Age:41
Sex:female
Marital Status:married
Your story:I found out last December 2006 that my husband had been in a long
term affair. 5 years. I started suspecting before December that and
then confronted
him . he was a deacon in our church and we were currently without a
pastor and he had the church cell phone , i pay the bills and found a
woman number on it , by now we had a pastor but he still carried the
phone. anyways asked why he was talking to her and he said they were
just friends , didn't believe, she then quit coming to church .because later
found out he told her to tell me they were just friends. I wrote her
letters and confronted him. he denied even lied to the pastor when he asked after she confessed to him . he met
her 5 years prior at work and she came to out church and started
eventually to be involved even with my daughters youth group. anyways
the truth came out. she called me one day after i had a dream she
would. i had a vision the night before about them after a month of
questioning, I told god i cant take anymore please reveal. It was a hard
vision to swallow of them two together but then had a dream she would
call so i went to work at church and wrote a letter to my pastor
telling him about my dreams called home and daughter told me she
called and she was ready to talk , she told me first thing God told would be proof to me , he told
me would be proof a scar on his back. I was amazed at how fast he
revealed after dream. our pastors wife told him he had a chance to
tell me and he kept saying no so she said God will reveal if it is
true and he did. he would look at me and say no. the other woman
told me everything that i needed for proof. i called my pastor and
his wife met with us as well she is a marriage counselor. anyways we
decided to try and stay together. we have 3 kids 20, 16, 9. we even
renewed our vows but i am still having ahard time with the betrayal
and that's why here.

Forgot to tell you the day after found out he went into the hospital
with a blood clot on his lung . was there a week. been a long ride
for my whole family and church. he has had to step down and confess to
the whole church. she is currently under discipline and hasn't been
back, to confess or otherwise of course they all could put it together
when heard she was under discipline our pastor told about her after my
husband confessed. is there hope after such a long affair and all the
lies and betrayal. she has been in my bed my house and my church and
it is so hard . thank you for listening. I really want this to work i want to know is it possible to have a marriage .


Since I wrote that we have been in counseling twice once with my pastors wife and now with another Christain . My husband seems remorseful however it has been very hard for me to just let go. I do love him and did love him. we had gotten to point of not being intimate due to a few issues physical (ed) and lack of intimacy outside and everyday things . I had gone through a depression and sickness as well and we grew apart intimately. It is hard now to be with him because it feels like well now we can have intimacy , and it feels like well yes now we can she is out of the picture and i am left. Its a mess. I just want a loving and trusting relationship

I need to add Before we both started going to Church 17 years ago . we had been married for a few years and grew apart and he was gone all the time and i had had a short term affair and almost fell again later on,i had felt so alone, he was not there for me and i needed someone to be there for me, i came to him and told him about it and we never really talked again , he said i forgive you and that was it, we never worked on our marriage.I never try to justify my affair but have learned why i was open and how to keep from getting there again. We would have times that were good and times that were bad . I had never forgiven myself though and lived with the shame and guilt. Up untill days before his came out , i then heard a great radio show that then helped me to forgive and helped me to forgive him when his came out . I have not hid my affair when we talk to others , I hope i am still accepted here. i have found in some places I am not.

Grace wins
Grace is not getting what we deserve
Mercy is getting what we Don't deserve

"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of God will
not protect you."

[This message edited by alccecbjc at 7:00 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)]


Me: BS 44
Him: 50
Married: 24 yrs, 5 yrs LTA
D-day:12/29/06

Kids: 20, 16, 9
Grace wins
Grace is not getting what we deserve
Mercy is getting what we Don't deserve


"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of


Posts: 10 | Registered: Mar 2008
lovinlife
♀ Member
Member # 17863
Default  Posted: 6:33 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Lisa,

Welcome to the LTA tribe. I am fairly new here as well, but I'm sure others will be along shortly.
We all share the fact of infidelity and long-term R's.
Have you read in the healing library? Alot of info there.
There are a multitude of wise, strong, and wonderful women here, and they have a wealth of wisdom to share.
Take care of yourself and know we are here for you.


Together more than half our lives.

I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!

Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27


Posts: 1159 | Registered: Jan 2008 | From: Missouri
alccecbjc
New Member
Member # 18887
Default  Posted: 7:01 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Thank you for the welcome. I have updated my post .


Me: BS 44
Him: 50
Married: 24 yrs, 5 yrs LTA
D-day:12/29/06

Kids: 20, 16, 9
Grace wins
Grace is not getting what we deserve
Mercy is getting what we Don't deserve


"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of


Posts: 10 | Registered: Mar 2008
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 7:32 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

lisa, I think we've given up being judgemental about anyone. If we didn't, we would never be able to forgive ourselves for not seeing what was, had to be, right in our faces for so long. I mean how can we call anyone stupid or blind? How can we judge how someone handles the wounds of infidelity? All we ask for and seem to get here is the truth.

It's probably apparent to you now that your H never did process or accept your affair. He thought by forgiving you, he could just move on. But we all know that doesn't work. I thing going to counseling this time is an excellent start. Be prepared for all the old wounds of your affair to open as well as discussing his.

You might also find some support in the Wayward Forum. There are quite a few who wear dual hats BS/WS around here.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
up2me
♀ Member
Member # 10681
Default  Posted: 7:33 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

welcome.
i'm just going to offer you a hug. stick around SI you'll learn so much and know you aren't alone.
send good thoughts out to the whole tribe.

Posts: 690 | Registered: May 2006 | From: ny
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 8:54 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

alccecbjc - welcome to our sad forum - I hope you find the support and comfort you will need as you try to process your H's LTA. I wanted to add something to Weepy's post. I do agree that it is possible that your H never processed his feelings re: you STA and that he will probably need to do that in C'ing.
However, you said that yours was a STA at a time when your H was gone all the time and you were always alone. If your H was reacting solely in the revenge mode then why did he find it necessary to have a 5 year LTA? Why not just engage in a STA too? You see, I think the clue is that he was gone all the time - that there was this disconnect early on and that although your A was wrong, I believe that a LTA is highly significant of a M that suffers from emotional and physical depravation over a long period of time. And if it was him who left you alone in those early years and I'm guessing throughout your M, then it was him who needs to accept the responsibility for the disconnect.
Obviously I am saying this because I feel this way about my own M and my H's 8 year LTA. They leave the M long before they begin their A. Maybe in some they were never even invested at all. You see, I struggle every day - even 2 years after my d-day - asking how he could have done this to us so easily for such a long period of time. But the answer really is in the fact that they never valued the M in the first place, IMHO. There was always something else more important to them. They never made the connection to us in a way that was meaningful and real and now that we have learned about their LTA's we recognize that their disconnect was not just during those years of infidelity but probably always existed and we were so focused on trying to please them and work on the M that we failed to see their lack of commmitment and desire to have a healthy, satisfying relationship. We did 90% of the work for the M and accepted 10% or less from them. And the LTA is the result of this lack of mutual commitment.
I hope none of this sounds too discouraging but I think after years of living in a kind of fantasy of what my M was has made me realize the importance of honestly seeing it for what it really was. Then, hopefully, I can, we all can, begin the work of redefining the M and deciding what it is that we need to do to construct a more satisfying, loving relationship with our S's.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 8:58 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 9:46 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

But the answer really is in the fact that they never valued the M in the first place, IMHO. There was always something else more important to them. They never made the connection to us in a way that was meaningful and real and now that we have learned about their LTA's we recognize that their disconnect was not just during those years of infidelity but probably always existed and we were so focused on trying to please them and work on the M that we failed to see their lack of commmitment and desire to have a healthy, satisfying relationship. We did 90% of the work for the M and accepted 10% or less from them. And the LTA is the result of this lack of mutual commitment.

fnf - that is it exactly. That is what I was trying to say yesterday. My H was NEVER committed to this marriage until NOW. I always ALWAYS committed to this relationship UNTIL NOW. Could we fuck this relationship up any more if we tried?!!!

Eta: al/lisa - welcome - hope you find the comfort and support you need with us.

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 9:47 AM, April 1st (Tuesday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 10:00 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Could we fuck this relationship up any more if we tried?!!!

Sure, we could have an A. That would surely fuck up the dynamics.

Or in our case, we can try to talk to each other about something other than the weather. Oh, no wait, the weather is off limits too because we can't even agree on that.

I can't say that my H was NEVER committed to the M... he thought he was. We did well the first 10 years or so. But like lisa's H, he pulled away and concentrated on his business, leaving me (by agreement) to take care of the household and kids and the steady income. But that left him with nothing tying him to the M any more. He didn't even contribute to paying the bills, I had it all covered. His life became work, his friends were all coworkers or clients,he avoided family functions as much as possible (working). He ended his affairs when there became a "reason" for him to come back to the family... the new house. And even that took a year for him to realize since the house had to be in my name for the original mortgage because he had no income!

It was like he didn't even see us. He lived in his own world,had his own conversations, saw his view through affair blinders. I'm surprised frankly he remembered to even come home. Most of his "friends" lived at bars or slept in their trucks. The only thing that kept him coming home was his strong sense of self-preservation, which fostered his ability to deceive. He didn't want to sleep in his truck, or some seedy motel room, he was "better" than that. Some part of him still had an ego. Unbelievable!


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
alccecbjc
New Member
Member # 18887
Default  Posted: 10:13 AM, April 1st (Tuesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

thank you for your support. I to have thought over the years that he was not as committed to our Marriage. And yes the affair kind of proved that especially having it right under my nose and in my face. This woman was in my life nearly the whole time. He met her at work and she says he invited her to our church he says she asked about it and just came. He also has amnesia about how long before she came or what he thought when she just showed up. Our first go with counceling was with our pastors wife but she mainly just said if your to go on you need to forgive and go on. I guess i need more . we are again in counseling with someone new. I in the past had gone through deppresion and was in counceling and had a real hard time , we started to slip then more he never seemed to be there for me. I on the other hand always said to my counselor when asked about my marriage that it was fine. thats what i thought or how it should be , that you grow apart at times and grow back. I had ababdoment issues as well with my birth mom who left when i was young and i stayed and was adopted by my step dad. Juat recently found out who birth dad is . anyways . and hubby grew up disfuntional with a step dad who was into porn and alchol and he had no upbringing, then we had a child very early in our marriage and he then went out on the road. Its a mess but here we are now . he seems remourseful but at times i wonder is it because he got caught(he says no). I guess also the fact he didnt tell me and he lied even after she confessed to our pastor and he confronted him with it. until i had proof he lied and even tried to convince me he never did.

So has anyone here survived a LTA and moved on to a better marriage. We now talk and he listens but i still have that nagging , now he listens or now he talks why not before. sorry for the long rant .


Me: BS 44
Him: 50
Married: 24 yrs, 5 yrs LTA
D-day:12/29/06

Kids: 20, 16, 9
Grace wins
Grace is not getting what we deserve
Mercy is getting what we Don't deserve


"The will of God will never take you where the Grace of


Posts: 10 | Registered: Mar 2008
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