Cheating Hurt by Infidelity
Betrayal Wayward Donations lying
Welcome

Forums

Guidelines

Find a Local Counselor

The Healing Library

Media

Contact Us
lies
cover
In Association with Amazon.com
Support
Infidelity -
-
Find a Local Couselor
You are not logged in. Login here or register.
[Register]
Newest Member: Depressed4ever (43230)

I Can Relate     Print Topic    
User Topic: Long Term Affaris - X
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 9:08 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Speaking of horror stories, I just remembered one my mum used to do to my sister. I seldom got in trouble when I was little, as I was Miss Goodyshoes, ever on the alert. But my youngest sister challenged everything and everyone. My mum used to pretend to call the orphanage and tell them that there was a naughty girl ready to be picked up. I used to stand there willing my sister to just shut up and behave.That "call" always worked.

Oh (((lost))) that is just horrible. How could a mother do something like that. BT- could you add her to your bitch-slap list?

I am sorry you are not feeling well. I am hoping it is just enough to keep you home relaxing and posting with us.

I guess I am lucky because when I vent to him he bears it. He admits to the pain he has caused me and what an awful person he was to do that. Sometimes I feel close to feeling sorry for him and then I think of what he has done to me and .

Trouble is, you can only get away with it once.

hmmmmmm, Okay (she says brightly) then I must sleep with a cast iron skillet by the bed at all times so that when my opportunity comes I can employ both FNF's AND BTs suggestion!

But really, wouldn't it be easier to to quit this? Yes, it would have it's own set of different struggles, but you wouldn't have to try to interweave what he's done with staying married to him--accept the unacceptable. This is hard fucking work and not a bit for the weak.

Amen, sister. I share your thoughts about your daughter. My two oldest KNOW what he did (let's just say dday#1 was not right out of the Dr Spock manual) and I fear what lesson they will get out of this. Is it okay to let a guy completely fuck you over? Sure let him cheat and lie to you, women are doormats? I know we all work very hard to send the right messages to our kids, what is the message in letting him stay?

Oh, I had my dreams, good ones, but the most we ever did was kiss each other hello or goodbye as I did with other family members. So that is my story of how pride presented many problems in my M over the years.

fnf - I don't think that is pride at all. I think that was a cry for help to your H. You were screaming at him (in a subtle way) "please tell me you think I am beautiful". In fact, I think he knew this
and for some reason couldn't or didn't want to. If you think of it in this context then his brutal response makes sense. He was denying you any gratification in an area that you were looking for it from him. I know I am rambling but does that make any sense?

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 9:10 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 10:19 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

This is my biggest fear with my girls. I don't want them to feel this way when they are older. I don't want them to be rolling their eyes at me and disrespecting me for staying. Crap!

Shirley, I knew there was something I had to tell you.

I (and my sisters) dont disrespect my mother.If anything we have the untmost respect for her, for we have seen the battles she has fought, some lost, some won. We saw as she tried valiantly to give us a good family, sometimes literally putting herself in front of the firing squad. We KNOW without a shadow of doubt, that all she ever wanted was for us to be safe, happy, finacially secure, educated, and married to men diff from our dad.

Who we 3 have complete disrespect and utter contempt for, is my dad. In our eyes, he can be no lower. And he knows it. HE told my mum that when she dies, he knows that we would turn our back on him, so she must ensure that all her money comes to him, and not leave anything for us, as we all had good H's who would look after us, whilst he, poor thing, was all alone.
This was when she was given a few weeks left to live in 06.

I dont disrespect my mum.I get angry with her, I feel so very sorry for her, I wish she had made better choices, I wish she thought more of herself and knew how worthy she is, that she has more than paid her dues to society and her family, that she need never prove anything more again, because she is such an amazing accomplished woman.
I used to daydream when I was a teen, that she would chuck my dad out, and marry a wonderful man,who would treat her like a queen.And us like princesses.

And regarding your DDs..they know you for what and who you are.And unless you go through a massive personality lobotomy, thats not going to change.

But whatever you do, dont EVER tell them that you stayed for them. My mum did that to my sisters for when we moved out, they cried so much to be home again, she said that that was one of her main reasons for returning.They carried the guilt of that, and to my shame, I used that whenever we had to hear my folks fighting after that.
ME? I forged my dad's signature and enrolled the sisters into a new high school,and I went apartment hunting with my uncle.I was 17.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 10:43 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Fnf, that was a mean mean thing for your H to say.
Does your heart burn when you remember his cruelties, or do you just feel very sad?

You know my H was the same..he would compliment other women but in a safe way, so I couldnt really accuse him of anything.So he would comment on how delicious their food was (and for me to get the recipe) or how lovely their home is, etc. I didnt get compliments...on anything, which masochist that I am, led me to try harder.

Other people would compliment me and although that was nice, it didnt mean that much. I needed him to acknowledge me, you know. The closest I would get, would be after one of our do's, friends would compliment him, and he would say, that he didnt do anything, it was all me. Of course they thought it was a joke/modesty, but it was true.

Now he compliments me often! In fact alot of the time. Its one of the things that he got right quick.

ETA: However I need to start believing him to make that component work. Thats my task.

Fnf, how is your H now? Has he changed in this regard after dday?

[This message edited by Lost Heart at 10:45 AM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 10:57 AM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Well, since you all know that most likely it will be my DD that is the WS in her relationships... oh wait, she has been with ZERO consequences since her BF never did find out.... it's my DS that I'm hoping this doesn't happen to.

I'm not above punishing someone for an infraction of the rules... but always tried to be fair... what's fair here? When my IC asked if I wanted to punish him, especially when I did the "well, what did HE lose?" stance, I'd answer yes, yes I do.

But there really isn't a fair punishment nad if they never get "off" punishment, they can't prove to us the punishment was sufficient to cause them to never do that infraction again.

Like the little sister, apparently the threat of the orphanage wasn't enough to counter her desire to do whatever it was to cause that statement. (Which somehow just makes me remember how dysfunctional my mother was too. She'd constantly pit the twins against each other with the "winner" being her favorite.) There was always a good twin and a bad twin.

And the only compliments I get from H are for my cooking. Even if it's hot dogs, he'll say "very good dear". He did compliment me when I'd lost all that weight before Dday.... until others started doing it and he would go the opposite direction since it made him jealous/insecure?


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Steelergal
♀ Member
Member # 13113
Default  Posted: 1:22 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

What message am I sending my daughter?

I worry about this all the time - I think most of us do. We certainly don't want this to happen to our D's and yet, if they interpret this as acceptance on our part, could this be possible? I talk to my girls a lot about this. I try to explain my reasons for staying but sometimes I think they come out sounding like justifications or excuses because I'm still struggling to understand why I'm still here.

I fret about this constantly. I know my D was very angry at me for even contemplating staying, but then she said I just want for you to be happy. I'm going to miss her so much when she leaves for college in the fall. This is one aspect of the A I will never be to forgive that he put her (and our DSs) through this. She was the one that discovered the text and then dealt with the brunt of the fallout though. I also feel that he has really undermined core values I thought we both were trying to instill in our children.

Big hugs to all of you dealing with abandonment issues. Your stories made me . I have no abandonment issues. I'm the youngest of six...four boys and two girls. I'm a good bit younger than my sibs. The closest in age to me is a brother eight years older. They all pretty much spoiled me rotten. My Mom had some pretty antiquated ideas of the roles of men and women. She was pretty rough on my sister in some respects on what she considered proper, lady-like behavior, but by the time I came along, she was pretty worn out. She definitely ruled the roost though. My Dad was pretty mild-mannered and quiet. He had some alcohol issues off and on due to not being able to deal with some abandonment issues with his family and mostly from serving in combat during WWII.


Posts: 701 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: No Cal
Steelergal
♀ Member
Member # 13113
Default  Posted: 1:34 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BT, that was a very hopeful and inspiring post a page or two back. I hope I can reach that moment of zen.

Especially at the beginning to watch someone's life force slipping away. It just doesn't seem like it is real - like it can be happening. I hope you are getting her into a home situation with lots of help. In our family's case, my mom tried to care for my dad for too long as he was going downhill and it almost killer her.

We are more than 10 years down the road now. My dad is in a home and doesn't who or where he is most of the time. I know this sounds a little sick but sometimes my mom and I can actually laugh when he asks "when the train is leaving" or "did he remember to pay the tuition" (no kids in school we are all VERY grown and gone)!

I hope you find a way to make her comfortable and safe.

Thanks, Shirley. She is still early in the early stages. Primarily, short-term memory issues, but aware of her surroundings and who is who. We are trying to get her settled into an assisted living facility that can deal with the dementia as it progresses. It is sad to watch her go through this, but she is 92.

I, unfortunately, can't help but watch this and wonder if I will be dealing with this with H in 20 or 30 years. I still resent the Hell out of having to tend to him after shoulder surgery that he had during the A period, and then reading the e-mails to OW that were sent less than a month later telling her how amazing she is and blah f'n blah. He should be glad I didn't have Dday then, because you can best be sure I would've done my best Kathy Bates in MISERY impersonation or most likely dumped him and his that damn pressurized ice pack machine that needed refilled every 2-4 hours 24 hours a day on her damn doorstep.


Posts: 701 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: No Cal
Steelergal
♀ Member
Member # 13113
Default  Posted: 1:45 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

BTW, weepy, "Time for Me to Fly" was one the songs I used to blast in car after Dday, when I did my vent drives. It's in a file on my IPod called Hell hath no fury like a scorned Lori. Also, I used to pay room and board to my folks. I think it is a good idea, but I think $800 sounds a bit steep too especially if you want her to be able to get into a position to move on her own at some point.


Posts: 701 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: No Cal
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 1:51 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Hey Steelergal!

I also wonder what it will be like if H has to be stricken with some illness now or 10 years from now, or even then after dday 1.

Prior, I know I would have beaten every bush trying to help him. Now I tend to be more laid back with him. He smokes a pack a day..has done since forever. His dad death was smoking-related, and even though he did eventually give up (a year before he passed away)it was too late. He told H this, who still hasnt stopped. Even the kids coming home and crying that they didnt want dad to die, didnt make him stop (yeah, they are quite good with their anti-smoking campaign in schools here). They were at him for months. Just a few weeks ago, I found youngest DD in the kitchen with tears in her eyes, watching H smoke outside. She wanted to know why H just wont stop...doesnt he know he can die??

He promised them a few months ago that he will stop on the eve of his bday (Aug). I dont think they believe him, because he has broken this promise a few times. I know this is so selfish and mean, but I wonder if in a few years we will be looking after him, if he gets ill from this. I would hate for the kids to spend their young lives like that. And me.

***
just got off the phone with MIL. We both keep our contact to the min after dday.
Why does she make her life out to be so fucking miserable to me and H, esp H?
I KNOW that she is invited places, that she does have friends, and does go away for weekends, and such. Not everyday mind, but she does. BUT she will never tell H this. She makes out like she just sits in her flat all alone, nowhere to go, nobody to care for her.He makes him helluva depressed and that pisses me off. Cant she see what she does to him?
Honestly!
Oh, and how I know...cos our extended families run in the same circles, so... I know.


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Steelergal
♀ Member
Member # 13113
Default  Posted: 1:56 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Once I woke from one of these dreams and was so frustrated because I couldn't hit him in the dream so while he was still sleeping and I was still frustrated I smacked him upside the head. He woke up startled and said, What did you do that for? I was so innocent and said, Oh, I'm so sorry, I must have been dreaming! Sometimes I can be such a bitch.

It is so frustrating to be jarred awake like that or not be able to get to sleep, and there they are sleeping like babies. I have such a hard time sleeping next to H now. To me, that seems almost more intimate than sex.

At one of the first Al-Anon meetings I went to years and years ago was a lady who talked about standing over her H as he slept wielding a cast iron skillet and wondering just where and how hard she should hit it. The lady was a scream, and I came home still chuckling and told my H that story.


Posts: 701 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: No Cal
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 1:58 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Weepy
Well, since you all know that most likely it will be my DD that is the WS in her relationships...

This has been playing on my mind since I read it earlier.
Especially since we have been talking about our relationships with our mothers.(eta)

Weepy, I know your DD is errr..challenging, but please dont be so quick to cross her out.Please.

If you believed initially in redemption for your H, then hold onto some for your DD. She is your daughter. She is yours. You can still make a diff to her.

Weepy, you know I say this out of love, right?

My IC reminds me when I go off on men, that my son is a man. That I can still make a difference in him. That I am making a difference in him even now, with every slight or encouragement, every grimace or smile. OTT but you get my drift.

[This message edited by Lost Heart at 2:36 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
Steelergal
♀ Member
Member # 13113
Default  Posted: 2:04 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

That's it, LH, prior to Dday, I would've dutifuly and lovingly taken care of him. Now, I just wonder if it comes to that, will I just be bitter and resentful every moment, and that is what my life will be reduced to late in life. I'm 15 years younger than H, but he takes pretty good care of himself. Doesn't smoke, eats pretty healthy, drinks only on occasion, works out faithfully (one of the few things he did faithfully).

Posts: 701 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: No Cal
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 2:50 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Steelergal, i am reminded of one of the arguments H and I had after dday. It got so ugly (it was around the time of the STD testing and I was petrified that I was going to catch something, esp since the dr made him realise and admit that they hadnt engaged in safe sex, as he had originally adamantly maintained), so I said something to the effect like, "When you catch your disease (and you will with your screwing and smoking and shitty habits!)dont even THINK that we will look after you! You will be out all alone, and lets see how fast OW will be chasing you then! And when my new H and I drive by with the kids, we wont even wave at you!"

I can get ugly, believe it or not.

It will severely annoy me if he gets ill after wasting his good years on trash, and then living a lifestyle (junk food, late nights playing pc games and downloading, caffeine and nicotine addiction, no excercise)that brought it on, and then I will be left with that!

Get the feeling that I feel quite passionately about this?


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:52 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Shirley, I knew there was something I had to tell you.

I (and my sisters) dont disrespect my mother.If anything we have the untmost respect for her, for we have seen the battles she has fought, some lost, some won. We saw as she tried valiantly to give us a good family, sometimes literally putting herself in front of the firing squad. We KNOW without a shadow of doubt, that all she ever wanted was for us to be safe, happy, finacially secure, educated,

Lost - thank you for this. I do worry constantly about what this is teaching them, what signals I am sending them. I want them to be strong, confident women not doormats. Right now I feel like a threadbare doormat. But they do seem to be doing well. I know they see their dad working like crazy. Obviously, him not living in the house is a big signal. Even more important, they had to show him how to use the washer/dryer so he could do his own laundry! Let THEIR husbands try to leave the dirty socks on the floor!!

I also feel that he has really undermined core values I thought we both were trying to instill in our children.

Yep, I was feeling this too. But to take Lost's spin on it, maybe the kids learned how important these values really are and will look even harder for them in a mate. (she says very hopefully).

I also wonder what it will be like if H has to be stricken with some illness now or 10 years from now, or even then after dday 1.

I,too, nursed H through major neurosurgery 10 years ago which would put it smack dab in the middle of LTA#2. He was out of work for months. I took weeks of vacation to help him. Lotta good it did me. If we stay together and he gets sick, fuck him - I'll hire a nurse and go mountain climbing. I have paid the price. He NEVER stayed home and helped me - even after the children were born. Ummm..getting ventish..better stop...

Yea, to me! More time off the couch today. Hopefully, I am on my way to being 100%.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 2:55 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

"When you catch your disease (and you will with your screwing and smoking and shitty habits!)dont even THINK that we will look after you! You will be out all alone, and lets see how fast OW will be chasing you then! And when my new H and I drive by with the kids, we wont even wave at you!"



"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Steelergal
♀ Member
Member # 13113
Default  Posted: 3:08 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

You will be out all alone, and lets see how fast OW will be chasing you then! And when my new H and I drive by with the kids, we wont even wave at you!

If we stay together and he gets sick, fuck him - I'll hire a nurse and go mountain climbing. I have paid the price.

I love it! Good stuff. Maybe that's the attitude I need to adopt.

He NEVER stayed home and helped me - even after the children were born.

Mine either.

Does anybody's H get absolutely spazzy if you say the words, "we need to talk", now? Mine gets all beside himself now like he's just waiting for me to say, "I'm done". I'm not gonna lie. I'm enjoying the power shift...


Posts: 701 | Registered: Jan 2007 | From: No Cal
weepy
♀ Member
Member # 8790
Default  Posted: 3:34 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

OK, cause I'm smokeless for the last 3 hours and dying over here...

Yes, lost, I know you speak from your heart. I just see so much of her father in her. Attitude, ideals, goal setting (NOT), thinking past the next 24 hours, threatening to leave if things get too tough. Thinking she knows what's best always. She doesn't like what she hears, she runs away. Doesn't do what you ask her to do except on HER schedule, IF she feels like it.

I haven't "given up" on her, yet. But we'll see how tonight goes. She's supposed to do her loan consolidation tonight with me. It's HER issue, I"m only there to advise. We'll see if she even brings it up... because it's not something she WANTS to do or something that she feels she SHOULD have to do... you know WE were supposed to pay for her college like all the rich kids she went to school with.

H just called and is on his way home so I have to go throw something together for dinner.

I'll check back in if I can.

BUT don't miss ABC tonight - Primetime with Diane Sawyer. I promise you won't be sorry.


Dday: 9/12/05
M: 29 yrs( me anyway )
BS(me): 55 And I'm ok with that
FWS: 57- Multiple PAs, LTA 7? yrs.

Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda


Posts: 9340 | Registered: Nov 2005 | From: SE PA
Lost Heart
♀ Member
Member # 11515
Default  Posted: 3:48 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Does anybody's H get absolutely spazzy if you say the words, "we need to talk", now?

What do you mean "now" Steeler??

***
Weepy, stay away from that handheld suicide stick! Or I'll put my DDs on ye! The almost 8 year old will lecture you on the ills of smoking, and the 6 year old will look at you with tear filled big eyes and ask you, "Dont you love your children?". And then 5 minutes later, they will be talking about Hannah Montana!These kids know their stuff!


Everyday is a winding road
I get a little bit closer
Everyday is a faded sign
I get a little bit closer to feeling fine

Posts: 2471 | Registered: Aug 2006 | From: London
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 3:54 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Doesn't do what you ask her to do except on HER schedule, IF she feels like it.

Weepy - I have absolutely no experience with this so take everything that follows with a HUGE grain of salt!! If you feel truly that this is the way she is, then I do think she should pay rent and should follow the rules of the house. I never lived at home but did move to NYC right out of college and had to fid an apt. on my own (no help from parents, etc) and that was an eye-opening experience. Try to treat her like she IS in the real world. She pays rent, buys her own groceries, tell her you won't even charge her to use your fridge! If she balks, tell her she needs to find her own place. Don't enable the kind of behavior you don't want to see.

Okay, in ten years you can laugh at me when I am in your sitch!

ETA: "BUT don't miss ABC tonight - Primetime with Diane Sawyer. I promise you won't be sorry." Waaaiiiitt - come back. You can't do that it's not fair. What is it about?

[This message edited by hurtshirley at 3:56 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
forgivenotforget
♀ Member
Member # 11053
Default  Posted: 4:19 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

Can't stay on too long my H is home and peeking in every now and then to see what I'm doing.
LH - how are you feeling now? I saw that you were sick and stayed home from work. Feeling better I hope.
BTW, talking about sounding sweet on the phone - it's nice to have company.

When you catch your disease (and you will with your screwing and smoking and shitty habits!)dont even THINK that we will look after you! You will be out all alone, and lets see how fast OW will be chasing you then! And when my new H and I drive by with the kids, we wont even wave at you!"
I can get ugly, believe it or not.


Yep, I'd say I'm in very good company!
So, is my H still like this?
Sometimes but not as bad as it used to be. But when he gets mean, I swear it takes all my self control not to lose it. It doesn't make me sad, it makes me furious. Especially now. I start screaming some pretty nasty stuff and remind him that he still has no guarantee from me that I'm in this for the long haul.
I also worry about me having to take care of my H some day in the future. He's older than me too and has already had prostate CA so you just never know. I do think though that if he was seriously ill and weak my maternal instincts and love for him would take over. Hopefully none of us will ever have to be tested on this one.
Shirley - do you think your H is in Houston reading these posts? If so, you do know he'll be going to bed with a helmet on if he ever makes it back to your bed.
He was denying you any gratification in an area that you were looking for it from him.

I know this to be absolutely true. I don't know what his problem is/was but it just kills him to give me a compliment. Last night we met friends for dinner and so I went out in the afternoon and got my hair cut and colored and she did a great job. I got dressed for dinner, put on makeup and felt really good about the finished look. He never said a word. Finally I said, So do you like my new cut? He made some lame remark about "getting them all cut" his corny response to anyone who gets a haircut. So when we went out to dinner the waiter came to our table and the entire time he was telling the 4 of us about the specials, he was looking only at me. I wanted to turn to my H and give him the finger but I was enjoying myself too much to get angry.

[This message edited by forgivenotforget at 4:23 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]


D-day - 12/23/05 LTA - 8 years.
"Love's a matter of trust and I just want to believe in us." M McBride

Posts: 1901 | Registered: Jun 2006 | From: A tunnel where I'm beginning to see the light
hurtshirley
Member
Member # 16197
Default  Posted: 4:33 PM, April 9th (Wednesday), 2008View ProfileEdit MessagePrivate MessageHomepage

it just kills him to give me a compliment

just a guess but I bet he feels "inferior" to you in some way....he does not want to build you up in any way just tear you down.

"how do you know?" you ask....BTDT w/ my H. He admits it now.

Shirley - do you think your H is in Houston reading these posts? If so, you do know he'll be going to bed with a helmet on if he ever makes it back to your bed.

Well, if that helmet is on his "larger head" it won't do him a lick of good because that won't be where I am aiming.


"Forgiveness is the grace by which you enable the other person to get up, and get up with dignity, to begin anew" Desmond Tutu

Posts: 2170 | Registered: Sep 2007
Topic Posts: 1000
Pages: 1 · 2 · 3 · 4 · 5 · 6 · 7 · 8 · 9 · 10 · 11 · 12 · 13 · 14 · 15 · 16 · 17 · 18 · 19 · 20 · 21 · 22 · 23 · 24 · 25 · 26 · 27 · 28 · 29 · 30 · 31 · 32 · 33 · 34 · 35 · 36 · 37 · 38 · 39 · 40 · 41 · 42 · 43 · 44 · 45 · 46 · 47 · 48 · 49 · 50

Return to Forum: I Can Relate This Topic is Full
adultry
Go to :
madness  
© 2002 - 2014 SurvivingInfidelity.com. All Rights Reserved.