Well, if that helmet is on his "larger head" it won't do him a lick of good because that won't be where I am aiming.
BUT don't miss ABC tonight - Primetime with Diane Sawyer. I promise you won't be sorry
Well, fnf beat me to it. But if you haven't seen his Last Lecture, google it and watch. I'm worried they won't show it all tonight because of time constraints.
And someone posted HIS webpage on the General thread about this. He's doing amazingly well considering.
I know for sure my H wouldn't be like this at all. He gets a diagnosis and goes into a funk. Me, I'm looking for cures, he just gives up.
One of my biggest fears... that H will start to lose his faculties, that he'll forget me, but because SHE was in his past, will remember her.
I remember screaming at him one day that it wasn't fair he'd get to spend enternity in hell with her too. That no matter what, she wins, she gets him because after what he did, he surely isn't going to heaven with me.
Of course he doesn't believe ( or says he doesn't ).
It's weird, he'll insist on grace, and even does the sign of the cross, yet disparages the Catholic Church with every other breath.
I asked him that after Dday too... why do we bother to say Grace in God's name, why does he insist since he obviously has no respect for a Creator.
And funny... today he told his boss that he was trying to quit smoking and his boss said he would pray for him... and started to, right there in the office, asking H to join hands with him, head down and all. I asked him how he felt about that. He said he wasn't sure. I asked if it helped him get through the afternoon. He said "maybe", we'll see.
[This message edited by weepy at 6:15 PM, April 9th (Wednesday)]
Try not. Do or do not, there is no try. -- Yoda
Fnf, I am still sicky.
Thanks for asking.
These tummy bugs are such a pain, and I am being crabby with the kids cos all i want to do is lie down (every time I stand up, I feel woozy), but the poor things are on midterm break, and so far, it has sucked!
Just told them if they let me rest and not fight between themselves for the am, will take them to the movies in the afternoon. Spiderwick Chronicles is on.
When we lived in AU, I really became attached to her.I took her on as my big sister.I listened to her moans almost every day about her M (the first one), and supported her the best I could. H and her just didnt get on.Sibling rivalry issues going back to childhood. It felt like she was more my sister than his.
Even when she told me that she was having an EA and a PA, I still supported her, trying not to make judgement calls, but to help her make more healthy choices, more for the kids sakes. I supported her through her D, and then her very quick 2nd M. Even when her own family (MIL and H)were not being supportive, I stood by her side, advocating for her, defending her.
So when things got really bad between H and me in 2005, when he said he wanted a D, I naturally turned to her, and asked her for help. She came down and did a complete 360 on me, called me a frumpy dumpy housewife, that I should get my life in order if I wanted to hold on to her brother.And she and H were thick as thieves thereon. I dont know what he told her, but there you go. She knew how hard I worked on the M.She saw the way he treated us. She herself told me that I spoilt him too much, and I should tell him to be a man etc.And then she turned on me like that.I felt so betrayed, and withdrew from her after that.
I called her after dday 1, and told her that the M break up in Au was due to himbeing in lurrve and fucking his M'd colleague. And what did she tell me, "This wouldnt have happened if you had kept him happy in bed!"
Till now I dont know what he has told her abot our M.Whatever it was, she has her mind convinced that that was how it was. After dday, she was trying to convince him to D, because he "obviously wasnt happy with me", and that he shouldnt suffer anymore. I think he got tired of that, and started cutting down contact with her.
She is a selfish, vain, insecure, hussy.
She remarried to a man older than her mother, who is rich and powerful. Like she said, she LOVED the attention and life in the high circles. So much that she ignored the fact the her kids hated this, that new H didnt treat them with any love and respect. She ignored the fact that her DD was selfmutilating, that her DS was dangerously resentful of their new life.All she cared about was that finally she was being recognised in society, that people who previously ignored her, were now admiring her beauty and cleverness.
She couldnt see that people saw her as a shameless gold-digger, and only coveted her attention because she married a powerful man (whose grown up children by the way resented her too). I wonder how those same people will treat her now.
We spent a few days with them before we left AU, and I could suss out how unhappy her children were by the end of the first day. There was just so much I could do, and H didnt want to get involved. Guess he had his own worries (leaving his dear OW behind ).
And now she is D.
She has been a W, mother, OW (about twice that I know off), W again, and now D'cee.
I feel sorry for her...still. More for the kiddos. I hope she has learned some lessons. I hope she wont hurt anymore people, to justify her quest for happiness. I hope that when she told me earlier on that she is happy, in fantastic shape, looking after herself, making herself No.1,, that she means it, not only in the physical material sense.
My worry now is that she might want to come here for a holiday to get over her D!
She has threatened this before, and H managed to hold her off. I know I wouldnt be able to cope with her.I get a sneaky feeling that she will be contemplating this. She mentioned it casually in the conversation that she hasnt seen my kids for years. Yeah, like she cares!
Sorry for being so long drawn out on this.
One thing I need to mention. The EA she was having was with my uncle. It was an on/off again LTA.
I wonder if many OW are like her.
I'm re-reading my Codependency book, now hoping to see ME in it instead of my H and what we've done to our kids. Hoping I can find what I need to do to strengthen me.
MC tomorrow night and I know H thinks everything is great.
But how do I bring up the fact that we argue about everything. That both of us still have to be "right" and because of that we either never discuss anything because it doesn't "go" anywhere or we bicker.
So we're either conflict or avoidance. He doesn't see it that way.
And the other thing are his "jokes". Making fun. He really thinks it's funny, but when I turn it on him, he doesn't. But doesn't see that he's doing the same damn thing.
Told me this morning... first words out of his mouth. "Oh you're such a morning person." Meaning of course that I'm not.
My worry now is that she might want to come here for a holiday to get over her D!
It's weird, he'll insist on grace, and even does the sign of the cross
If you really don't want her to come--you should say so. My mother announced she was visiting very shortly after d-day. There was NO way I would have been able to take that on. So we said so--using a different excuse.
It's taking care of you. You can only do what you can handle.
So, if your SIL's life was so grand...why was she having an LTA?
The last year before d-day my MIL was in a nursing home, dying and terrified most of the time. I became her primary caregiver, visiting at least 3 times a week, staying with her for hours, bringing home her laundry so that it didn't go in with all the other residents' soiled
laundry, bringing her home for visits on weekends and giving her family time here, taking care of all of her financial issues (even using our $ to pay for her expenses) and all the while my H was fucking another woman.
Ack. That's horrible. Some gratitude he showed you. Yeah, I would resent that.
During the A years, I would hear my H mumbling at night as we laid in bed. I would ask him what he was doing and he would tell me that he was saying his night prayers.
Yipes! I wonder what he was prayer for! Unless they are asking for help stopping their sin, I would assume these guys would stay far away from the large guy. I have to say...this surprises me.
It does sound like your mom was suffering from some disorder. Have you ever asked a family member if this was possible?
FNF, that is probably true. The only person I really ever talked with about her was the relative I lost. My dad knew...and when I visited, we had some conversations about her behavior. But all of these personality issues weren't talked about as much.
She had her own set of baggage in her life. She was abandoned and given to another family at 2-1/2 and I think there is a whole lotta' stuff that went with that. She was very angry--and I'm sure pushing everyone away to keep herself safe. She ended up having a hysterectomy, and things got a little better slowly, so I wonder if she was just all wacked out chemically. Of course, that was about the time I left home too--so that made things better as well.
If you think the grass is greener on the other side, it's because it's fertilized with bullshit.
The best protection a woman can have is courage.~Elizabeth Cady Stanton
FNF and Weepy - thanks for making me laugh with the prayer stories. It always amazes me when people treat belief like a buffet and only pick the parts they want and leave the inconvenient bits behind.
Well, ladies after listening to H tell me how I've been a drain on our funds since losing my job (Yeah, I know he's ) I went and signed up for personal training at the gym. A six month program. Costing a pretty penny let me tell you! Finally doing something JUST FOR ME.
Fortunately, my inlaws are very supportive of me. For a while there I thought if something happened between H and I, they would take ME in before him. I know if any of them knew, the only one who would blame me would be my MIL. Because H gets his arrogance from her. Her children are so much better than anyone elses' even if my H is her "troubled" child.
And I really hate when she does that.
Right now, she's sick with pneumonia. I sent flowers, brought over soup yesterday. He stopped by and there they were, sitting in the dark because my FIL had overloaded a circuit in the bedroom plugging in an old vaporizer. Who took care of it? Their "troubled" son. She seems to think all he's good for is manual labor though. She was actually shocked when he took his job purchasing for the supply house because he actually had to handle computers and talk to vendors and such. She's a real piece of work.
She had her own set of baggage in her life. She was abandoned and given to another family at 2-1/2 and I think there is a whole lotta' stuff that went with that.
run, my mother was given up by her parents around the same age. They'd had a second child and couldn't handle both I guess. Never got the whole story. My mother was raised by her grandparents and various aunts and uncles.
It's no wonder she never learned how to parent properly. She's the first person I have to learn to forgive.
I,ve been staying away from SI.... I just have a hard time reading, especially when a person thinks everything is going well, and finds out it's all been another lie.
I try to stay upbeat because that is who I am. I also have a hard time posting because I had a wonderful childhood, and my WS was never cruel or mean. He is and was always a caring and helpful person... before and after the A!
The issue of worrying about my daughter and son... I am there and I do worry. My daughter in particular has a hard time with it. She is insecure because of what my H did and says she doesn't know if she will ever forgive him. She wants me to be happy and she gets why I stayed, but it's still hard for her. Thank the Lord that I have a great relationship with both of my kids, and we can talk openly about things. WS is trying, and with IC I hope he will become a better communicater.
I will try to post more often, but life gets in the way, and WS and I try to spend alot of time together. We are also very busy helping our son work on his 1st home. About another couple of weeks and then he should be able to move in!! I am very proud of him.
Stay strong.... I am trying daily to do the same.
Life really is too short, as Iv'e been shown too often. Love while you can and let tomorrow take care if itself. Today is really all that matters.
I am woman, hear me ROAR!!
What you accept, you teach!
Me 53, WS 54
Reconciled for life!
DD 24, DS 27
First of the call last night with MIL who said I must please look after H and get him to quit smoking. Me? She would never come down on him EVER because she wont have to be the bad guy. Everytime she wanted H to do something diff, she would tell me to do it, and me, stupidass that i am, would do it and not tell him where it originated, and i would be the nagger. Her reaction after DDAY2 was to tell him, to please not do it again!!!
Then SIL this am. Grrrrrr.
Then kids and I go to the movies and whats the family's name...fucking OW2. Thats all i hear through the movie.
Then I notice H didnt call at lunch...he always calls, so i strt stressing.He finally does and when i ask about lunch, he tells me that he had eaten with the team. He's working away and knows I get sensitive whenever he does this.
Then in the movie, the mum is starting anew with 3 kids and the DS is so angry with mum, blaming her for making the dad go away. We then find out that the dad left them for OW.
And the mum was trying to protect them and their relationship with their dad by not telling them.
So I am pissed off with H (and I know the above is not his fault, but it is in a way)and when I question him about lunch, he waffles, then says he didnt think he HAD to call me when he eats in, only when he eats out. Bull fucking shit!
He has called me other times just to say that thye have ordered in. Said he did that just by the way, but thats not a rule.
God, I could give him a fucking mouthful about following RULES!
His whole fucking family needs to learnd RULES!
rules of proper beahviour, of morality, of being decent and kind, of not looking down on others.
MIL used to go on about other peoples misfortune (not to H of course as that will ruin her "goodness").
She thought I wasnt good enough for her family...got people to make up stories to H that I slept around (till now H will not accept that she was behind it but my mum found out) etc.
And look at her kids. All fucking cheaters. You all know H, the not 1, but 2 x LTA WS.And his sisters, both OW!!
and yes, I did work my ass off for this woman and her family, trying so hard to prove that i was worthy of them. And they never appreciated 1 thing. If I do get a thanks for something, it would be followed with a "but"...but its the wrong shade, wrong look,they dont eat that anymore, I am just wasting (their son's)money!
I hate these people. I hate that they made him like this. I hate that I cant watch a movie with my kids without triggering.
I hate that my one and only favourite hymm (?if that is what it is)(and I am not even Christian)is ruined forever.I hate that when I read Weepy's post above, that I flinched.
Her name is Grace. The fucking whore who fucked my H and my whole family up is Grace. I hate that name.
I LOVED Amazing Grace. I cant hum it anymore.
WTF was he thinking, that bastard.
I am sorry you are feeling crappy and having a bad day to boot. It just drives me crazy that we can't do the most basic things like take our kids to the movies or listen to a song with some part of the betrayal springing up like some nasty evil troll. It is so hard because each of these triggers is particular to your situation so no one else would have any idea what you might be reacting to.
His family sounds like a fully rounded group of fucktards. Can you write them a NC letter? (just kidding sort of). Seriously, what you describe is a group of people where every man is for himself and they all put their own priorities first. The best way to deal with them may be to play their game as they should understand it - put YOUR needs first just like they do. Act offended if they question it as if they have made some horrible faux pas.
Just some ideas when what you really need is (((())))) and venting.
I am here - vent away!
H is home and we are ignoring each other. He wouldnt even think to ask what is going on, whats troubling me. He will wait till i absolutely crash down, lying in pieces, then he will make a forward move.
Tomorrow am babysitting my sisters 2 kiddos.Its been yonks since I had a baby for the night. She and BIL really desp need some time away, so they booked an o/night in a spa hotel.
The timing sucks, but I wont let them down.
I just read bke's thread about after they told their DDs.How do these people can even look in their kids eyes again? How can H ever lecture the kids on lying and cheating? I told them today about SIL getting a D, and explained that sometimes M dont work out. DD asked just how many H's are we allowed to get? And how many dads do kids get ever?
There was a time when I would have readily answered 1! Only 1 H and 1 dad.
You are really very nice to help but how much more of a break do they need than YOU. Seems to me you should leave your kids AND their kids with H for the weekend and jump the pond to have a spa weekend with me.
jump the pond to have a spa weekend with me
One of my bday presents was a massage/facial..which I have to organise. I so remember telling H which salon and he saying to leave it to him, that he would sort it out, but somehow that got lost.
I stopped shaking.
Found an unknown no. on his cell. He said that it was his optometrist. Now one of the "rules" was that he not take withheld or unknown calls. So I said that was the 2nd rule you broke today, to which he replied, "So what?You are going to kick me out now?"
Before I would have flung the phone at him, yelled and screamed.Not today. I called the lady he said he had had lunch with (with another man). I was shaking and I must have come out all pyscho, but I gave a ****. I told her who I was and asked her some questions about lunch today. To her credit, she answered them all and seemed like a straightforward lady. Yes the same one who was sent him the emails about how much she has to learn from him, and she cant wait to pick his brains etc. She did ask what was going on, and I thanked her and said that H and I were having a misunderstanding.
H is furious. He had murder in his eyes. He said now I have caused it!
I said no, you caused it, and we are all living with the consequences of that.
this is going to be a long crappy weekend.
I popped 2 pills and I am going to sleep.
Thanks Shirley for listening.
Yes the same one who was sent him the emails about how much she has to learn from him, and she cant wait to pick his brains etc.
Lost - I am with you on this one. First, I don't like the fact that he had lunch with her there and didn't call you. I don't care if others were present; did he not call because he didn't want to look beholden to you in front of her? Also, I reeeaaalllly don't like her email. Looks innocent enough but that has a lot of sub-context. Learn exactly WHAT from him? Pick his brain about what? How much time does she want to spend alone with him picking his brain?
If this was my H, and I only know him (I think ), my radar would be screaming. Actually, my radar would be pinging and I would be screaming. You know your H better but please try to make it clear to him that ANY interactions with females in his life that he doesn't tell you about are outside your boundaries. And, YES you will "kick him out now" if he doesn't want to abide by that !!