The days I believe he's actually telling the truth and there was no sex are bad in their own ways, because as long as there wasn't sex, he continues to minimize it. So it feels like this will never be resolved.
His attitude is, "I said I'm sorry, I quit doing it, what else do you want!" I tell him if I stab him a dozen times, maybe hit an artery or two, is it good enough for me to just quit doing it and say I'm sorry and then we're fine again? Or might he want me to call 911?? Maybe expect a heartfelt apology, maybe even need to hear the words multiple times, maybe need to see the grief on my face, maybe need me to visit him in the hospital and ask, "What can I do?" Somehow, yelling I SAID I'M SORRY AND I QUIT just wouldn't do it for him.
He just doesn't answer that.
Married 18 yrs
two yr EA (maybe longer, maybe w/ more than one)
4 Kids 15,13,8,8
I was given a variation on not allowing him to have friends; I was told that poor him, he's afraid to even say hello to women he works with. Apparently, then, he's stupid, if he can't differentiate between saying hi to a co-worker in the hall, and exchanging secret e-mails with a friend, lying to me about her, plotting with her how to trick and deceive me, and telling her all his complaints about me and our marriage. Yeah, not much difference between the two, is it? Pardon me, is my sarcasm showing?
[This message edited by 2yrsinthedark at 9:42 AM, May 4th (Sunday)]
I know in our case, Boundaries were a BIG issue. He is a people person,so modifying boundaries was HARD for him. I made it clear that if this was not done, I would be gone! I am not spending the reast of my life worrying about whether some "young thing" has a crush on my 59 yr old H.
I am a working, fit attractive 58 yr old woman who would do just fine without that drama in my life!
The EA is over, and I think they truly are "just friends' now. We had a NC, but it's reopened so I get to see and read EVERYTHING that happens between them. Am I the best BH or the dumbest BH on the planet?
That's one of the worst part of this infidelity crap...EA, PA, ONS...it doesn't matter...it's ALL dishonest, hurtful, ugly and has no place in any marriage...good, bad or indifferent.
Just don't be naive- keep your eyes and ears open...
You're whole story makes me trigger big time of my own experiences with my WW. Until she admits there's an issue, you'll always have to worry!
Venting a bit...
This sucks. So much for seeing EVERYTHING. Just found email to the OM asking for advice. I wasn't cc'ed or told about it like our agreement. Back to looking for the rest of the f*cking iceberg.
I agreed to pull back the NC for several reasons (all of which made sense at the time, all are crap now), but one reason was because I wanted to give WW opportunities to earn my trust back. I can't give it blindly (and will never be able to again), but wanted to give her opportunities...
Still waiting to see if she tells me about it, though I doubt it since she has deleted it. dejavu all over again. I've tried to be nicve and understanding through this whole ordeal, but I'm not a doormat and refuse to be walked on any longer....
I don't feel like I have anything in common with my WW anymore. The one thing I thought we had she destroyed. She says she loves me, but I hear an unspoken "...but..." everytime she says it. I don't even know if I believe it when I say it anywmore...
The more bullsh*t WW keeps pulling makes me so pissed. I'm tired of it. I feel like I'm the only one that has compromised anything in accepting back such a broken and confused WW. I deserve better than this.
We all deserve better....
Thanks for letting me vent.